Jane found herself wondering through the city streets. It was middle of the night but the streets were far from empty. At least this was New York so she kind of blended in and all the people she was meeting seemed to be ignoring her – and her inner torment.

She couldn't believe how things went from fairly good to absolutely screwed up. But she could only blame herself. Again. Her choices put her into this position and she had to face it.

After few hours of mindless walking she took her way to one particular spot. Patterson had showed it to her soon after she joined the team. It was her hiding spot, the secret place where she could sit and think and just be herself with no pressure added from people around her. And she shared it with Jane once – to show her the world outside the FBI office. It took them a lot of time but they became friends. The friendship was unique but all the more precious to her.

Jane sat down onto the steps by the fountain and watching the stars she let herself cry.

Last time she didn't get the chance to face the consequences of her decisions here under the open sky. Back then she was in a holding cell and then in deep hole.

Last time she believed she had deserved everything that came her way – the beatings, waterboarding, electrocuting, all the shattered and broken bones, all the burns all over her body. Keaton made sure that at some private places on her body she would have the reminders for the rest of her life – but other than that he was very careful not to leave any visible marks. Some of her tattoos were destroyed by his ministrations but he left some out – and only he knew why.

She truly thought that she had deserved it all. It was her price to be paid for her crimes. The worst of it was the fact that it was Weller who had sent her there. She loved him, she knew that and if his surprising kiss was any indication he loved her back. She loved him and wanted to protect him – instead innocent person died and she lost everything. Could she really blame him for letting the CIA take her? No. Although... yeah, a bit she could. She blamed herself more though.

Weller was her starting point. He was her... well everything. And she pushed him away. And thought he would never set his eyes on her. At first she wished she could have explained to him but later on she dismissed that thought.

This time however it was different.

This time she wanted to tell him everything – and she did. She wanted to be honest – and she was. She wanted to protect him – but instead she hurt him. This time it hurt much more. Both of them.

After all those months... she couldn't believe it. Few days ago she was in a bar and it seemed there was something resembling happiness ahead of her. Few days ago she was about to kiss him and let him know how much he meant to her and always would.

And tonight she was sitting there alone, crying, feeling her heart break into million small pieces. How did this happen?

She wanted to protect her brother, she wanted to protect the man she loved, she wanted to find the perfect time to tell Kurt the truth and she failed miserably in all. And now Kurt hated her for keeping the truth from him. And anything that might have happened between them was inevitably lost.

Yes, he did open up to her in the car, he let her see his raw emotions on his face, in his eyes – he was right when he said she had slipped through his walls – he wasn't trying to hide anything from her. And so she saw his pain, determination, she saw it all there and so she had no doubts.

When she got home she hugged her brother not saying a word and he hugged her back, not asking any questions. Jane suspected Roman knew how she felt about Weller. So he was the brother she needed him to be. She calmed down and they talked and ordered pizza...

And thinking the day couldn't go any more wrong? That was very naive. She should have known better.

She could still see the pain and betrayal in his eyes when he remembered the moment she had erased his memory. She hoped that should this moment come she would get the chance to tell him herself and to explain everything to him. She wanted to tell him – as much as she wanted to tell Weller.

When Roman took the knife she stood frozen in her kitchen and closed her eyes. She was sure he would kill her and for some reason she couldn't fight back. It was all too much.

Roman swung the knife past her face and hit the kitchen counter by her side instead, breathing heavily, he was scary. She tried talking to him, she tried touching him, she tried to explain but he just told her to leave him alone. She left the house because he couldn't and she wanted to give him the space he needed.

It was like a déjà-vu with Weller – she so desperately wanted to explain and didn't get the chance. Did she even deserve it?

In one day she lost them both – and it was her own fault. She lied to them and had to pay the price. It was something neither could forget or forgive. Not anymore. No matter her intentions she made the same mistake again and this time the price was much higher than the first time.

Jane couldn't help the sobs escaping her, she couldn't stop the tremble in her shoulders, she couldn't stop the tears falling down her cheeks. She felt broken – in more devastating way than at the black site.

Sure, Weller talked to her and she hoped he would come around. They could perhaps save their friendship – in time. They could probably rebuild their trust – in time. But the hope for anything more had died. She saw it in his eyes. He had loved her and she killed that feeling in him by keeping a secret from him.

She wanted to call him, she wanted to show up at his door and ask him to hold her as she was hurting by the incident with her brother. And he was the only person that was out of reach.

She felt her world fall apart like a house of cards.

She had lost everything. And this time there was no hope.

Jane was so distressed that she completely failed to notice the person watching her from the shadows.