YAY, I got a Nintendo Wii for my 16th birthday yesterday. Along with a copy of Red Steel. And now begins the three month long wait for Super Smash Brothers Brawl. Well, at least I'll have Metroid Prime 3 and Halo 3 to keep me occupied until then. Then after Brawl I have to wait for World of Warcraft: Wrath of the Lich King to come out. There's always something to wait for in the video game world. Enough of my rambling, on to the disclaimer.
Meatwad: Vaati's Apprentice does not own Super Smash Brothers or Aqua Teen Hunger Force. And neather do I. Because those things cost money, and I prefer to use the unlimited power of my imagination. Plus I aint got no damn money.
CHAPTER 2: THE INSANE-O-FLEX
-laboratory of Dr. Ganondorf Dragmire, south Hyrule shore-
"My father built this castle. He said that Dragmires would live here for a thousand years. And now it's all being turned into (BLEEP)ing lofts!" Ganondorf yelled in rage.
"Well, you can still buy a unit." Pit, the salesman, said.
"These look pretty good." Ike, Ganondorf's assistant, said while looking at a brochure.
"Look at this unit!" Ganondorf said as he tore his lab coat off and cackled evily.
"Uuh, could you help him move out?" Pit asked Ike.
"Inside out?" Ganondorf asked before somehow turning his own skin inside out.
"Uuh, you know what? I'm going to let you have this one. You can have it... for free." Pit said, now officially creeped out.
"But we wanna pay!" Ganondorf said before plunging his hand into his chest and tearing his own heart out while laughing evily again.
-home of the Super Smash Force, Nintendo City-
The Smash Brothers had set up a crude wooden stage. Kirby was sitting on a stool in front of the mike, holding a toy guitar. "Check check. Checking the mike, checking the mike. Mike check. Checking the mike." Kirby said into the mike while strumming his guitar.
"It's checked already! It's checked, it's checked, it's checked!" Mewtwo yelled.
"Are these in tune? Tell me these are in tune." Kirby said, pointing at his collection of home made dolls.
"Sure they are, they're dolls!" Mewtwo yelled, becoming more enraged.
"Shoot, are they in tune?" Kirby asked.
"Hey, what's going on out here?" Marth asked, coming outside.
"This is Kirby's concert tour. Girl Quest, 2007." Mewtwo said.
"There's going to be girls here?" Marth asked.
"Sure, I advertised." Kirby said, holding up a flier.
Meanwhile, their neighbor, Captain Falcon, was trying to get out of his house. But he couldn't due to the fact that his entire house, including his front door, had been plastered with fliers.
"You see, girls love kitty-cats. So we're gonna fire 'em out of these high powered plasma cannons." Kirby said, point to a cannon with a kitten in it.
"Just start Kirby. The sooner you start, the sooner everyone can go home." Mewtwo said.
"Good evening Nintendo City, how's the air conditioning out there!? Well, let's see if we can turn the heat up! What the hell!" Kirby yelled as a potato flew through the air and hit him. "Who's throwing potatos out here? I'll shut this show down." Kirby said.
Unbeknownst to them, they were being watched by a small Japanese man. He watched a screen wich was filming what they where doing and laughing. Just then, Fox started doing a long drum solo on the enormouse drum set he was sitting at. "FOX, CUT IT OUT!!!" the man yelled.
"Sorry, Shigeru." Fox said.
"That's Mr. Miyamoto to you. You... FOOL!!!" Shigeru yelled.
"(BLEEP) it, I can't work under these conditions. I want a diet water and I want my mommy right now." Kirby demanded.
"Kirby, women don't need to be wooed by a guitar played by a puff-ball. What they want are these guns." Marth said, flexing his muscles. "Go ahead, touch it... quik." Marth said, struggling to keep his pose.
"Not all women are in to muscles, Marth." Mewtwo said.
"Well the beatiful ones are. The ones in Hyrule." Marth said.
"All women are beatiful, on the inside." Mewtwo said.
"Yeah, I know. I've been inside them. You know... inside their houses. That's where I go to meet them when they go to work. I get to know them a little, then I wait outside behind a bush. That's what gets me off." Marth said.
"Off what?" Kirby asked.
"Off of... the chain, off the chain. Follow me and learn. Sex ed has begun." Marth said, going inside. Marth stood in front of a chalk board with a piece of chalk in his hand. "All right, now this squar represents the man. And this circle, that's the uterus." Marth said, drawing a squar and a circle on the board.
"And that there is what it looks like?" Kirby asked.
"Yes, this is life-like drawing of the uterus. You see the man takes his car from his job, to pick up the uterus at her house. Because she doesn't work unless she's sweeping up something." Marth said.
"And where do they go?" Kirby asked.
"All the way... to a hotel. Wich definatley has cable. And that's where this trapezoid becomes, shall we say, entangled. With the exposed and airated crotches." Marth said.
"And that there is the exposed crotches?" Kirby asked.
"I told you, that's the chair and the spachula. Kirby congratulate yourself, you have just been laid." Marth said.
"Aah, that feels good." Kirby said.
"Yup, I never tire of it." Marth said.
"Do you think that women are attracted to me?" Kirby asked.
"Well I think they pitty you, because you're overweight. You see, alot of it has to do with having a good body." Marth said.
"Well you aint got no good body." Kirby said.
"I have a great body, and I get it by doing reps." Marth said.
"No way, you got a machine?" Kirby asked.
"No, I have THE machine. Behold, the Insane-o-flex!" Marth proclaimed, motioning to a large heap of machinery. "Legend has it that it was brought back here from a more advanced time. The time, of course, of Time Cop. To train my buns!" Marth said.
"Show me how to get some pythons like chief Wahoo McDaniel." Kirby said, hopping onto the seat.
"Wo, you can't just hop into this. Now let's start by dragging it in front of the TV." Marth said. Marth and Kirby attempted to push the junk heap down the hall, but it wouldn't budge.
"Isn't that why you work out in the first place, so that you COULD move something like this?" Mewtwo asked, coming out of his room.
"No, that is not the reason." Marth said, stoping for a second.
"Well then what is it?" Mewtwo asked.
"Puntang, puntang is the ugly little middle man that you must go through to get the girl." Marth said.
"This isn't even assembled right. Do you know how to put this together?" Mewtwo asked.
"You know, the internet is a popular source of information. And it is also a way to play some of my favorite games. Like; Crystal Meth, Nightmare Killing Spree, and Clam Digger: Head to Head." Kirby said, entering Mewtwo's room.
"Hey, don't you touch my computer!" Mewtwo yelled.
"Oh man, there must be fifty bras on this page. Someone's bra shopping in here." Kirby said, seeing the page that was on Mewtwo's screen while Mewtwo threw him out of the way.
"Wait, let me see that! You WILL bookmark that." Marth said as Mewtwo threw him out of the way too.
"Oh what, you've never seen a bra before?" Mewtwo said.
"Not with the boob meat in it." Marth said.
"OK, search for Insane-o-flex." Mewtwo said to himself while typing into the search engine. The computer turned off by itself. Suddenly, it burst back on and began surging with electricity. The trio backed away from the demonic machinery. After a brief moment, the computer calmed down and strange markings appeared on the screen. "Oh my god. It appears to be some sort of robot dialect." Mewtwo said.
"Well I speak robot." Kirby said.
"It's as if someone didn't want us to assemble this." Mewtwo said.
"And yet they sold it to us." Marth said.
"I speak robot." Kirby said.
"I heard you. Please, Mewtwo, translate." Marth said.
"I speak Robotanese." Kirby said.
Words appeared on the screen and Mewtwo read them out loud. "Danger, deadly death danger. You must never ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever ever assemble the Insane-o-flex. Need help assembling, because we told you not to?" Mewtwo read.
"Well is there a number you can translate? Could you at least do that?" Marth asked.
"Yeah, there is. 4177-3235-468-92643-8321." Mewtwo said, punching the numbers into his phone. "Don't do it. Enjoy." Mewtwo read off the screen.
END OF CHAPTER: 2
There is the second chapter. I don't much to say, just the usual "leave a review". Now if you'll excuse me, I must go play more Red Steel.