"You ready for school sport?" Hotch called through the apartment as he waited by the front door, trying not to act impatient as he waited for his 7 year old son. Jack had insisted that he could get ready by himself and Hotch was trying to let his son have this stroke of independence even as he watched the minute hand on the clock and realized he was going to be late to work. Taking measured breaths he told himself that being 15 minutes late to work would not be a problem and reminded himself of his priorities. This self-talk helped calm the pressure he could feel starting to build within and just as he felt it rising again his son appeared, backpack in hand and a wide grin on his face that made the wait worth it.
"I got ready for my last day of school this year all by myself Daddy." Jack beamed up at his father, his pride in himself evident.
"Yes you did, you're growing into such a big boy." Hotch praised his son, hoping that he would do a good job of raising a self-confident and successful young man as he knew Jack would grow much faster than it was possible to imagine. Once in the car Hotch waited only long enough to be sure Jack had successfully buckled himself in before he pulled out of the driveway to take Jack to his last day of school before winter break began.
As Hotch drove the familiar route he let his mind wander as his son was apparently focused on a book the school had sent home with him to read and report back to class on. Hotch frowned as he thought about all the work waiting for him as soon as he arrived at the office, it was time for employee evaluations again and with 2011 coming to a close there were numerous year end reports that had to be completed and turned in for the first of the year. Hotch tried not to let his mind wander to the thoughts of what further budget cuts would mean if his reports did not support the amount they were given. The BAU was already operating on a skeleton budget, if there was another significant cut it would mean losing an agent and he did not want to have to make the decision on who that would have to be as each member was indispensable to the team they had formed.
"Daddy, we're here," Jack's young voice jarred Hotch from his thoughts as he realized they were indeed pulling up into the stream of cars in front of Jack's school.
"Thanks," Hotch responded turning his focus back to his son. "So what are you doing in school today?" He asked, knowing he would rather think about his son's day than his own.
"We're talking about our New Year Resolutions today." Jack answered excitedly, stumbling slightly over the phrase as he shared it with his father. "It's something we plan to do for the next year, mine is that I'll keep my room cleaner." Jack shared seriously, then paused as if to think a minute. "What's yours Daddy? Our teacher said everyone should make one."
Hotch paused, the question making him think, he couldn't remember the last time he had made a resolution for a new year. He had a vague memory of making one to spend more time at home in the early days of his marriage to Haley while he was trying to balance his marriage with his FBI career and knew he obviously hadn't done very well with that one. Jack was still looking at him expectantly so he took an easier route. "What do you think it should be?" He asked lightly, interested to hear what his son might identify as something he thought his father should change, expecting something that would benefit his son, such as bringing home more ice cream, or letting Jack have more sleepovers.
Jack took the question seriously, his dark brows pulling together in almost a mirror image of his fathers as he considered a response. Hotch was surprised when his son looked at him seriously and shared his suggestion. "I think you should try to smile more next year." Jack said with a confident tone as he watched his father's reaction of obvious surprise.
"Smile more?" Hotch finally repeated as he studied his son. "But I smile." He said in a vain attempt to defend himself even though he knew that getting defensive against a 7 year old was an overreaction.
"Sometimes you do," Jack acknowledged, "but you look sad a lot too," he spoke sagely as if this was a well-known fact, "I want you to be happier and smile more like other daddies do."
Hotch was at a loss as to how to respond to his child, finally saying the only thing he could as they pulled up to their turn at the school doors. "OK son, I will make it my New Years Resolution to smile more." Hotch agreed, rewarded by a happy parting smile from Jack who then bounded out of the car and ran into the school clutching his book.
Hotch found himself seriously considering what Jack had suggested as he drove to work, taking a moment of introspection to consider the truth that might lie in Jack's observation.