After The Fall

by Mrs. Brownloe

After Edward leaves, Bella thinks that her world has come to an end. Much to her surprise, however, it doesn't. In fact, she thrives. Years later, can she help Edward do the same?

2. Chapter 2 Chapter 6-10

Chapter 6: Chapter 6 The Letter

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AN: Thank you all of you who have read this and have put it on story alert. That really makes me happy.

Disclaimer: The characters and premise and The Twilight Saga is the intellectual property of Stephenie Meyer. I just borrowed her characters for a bit.

Chapter Six: The Letter

BPOV

Eight days. I had been home from Denali eight days and, thankfully, my every waking moment was spent immersed in my teaching career. School had begun and I was extremely busy planning, teaching, and working with my students. The Book Club had its first meeting and I was thrilled with the turn out. I loved what I was doing. It left me happy and satisfied.

But when I had a moment to myself, my mind always went back to the same thing: What will Edward do?

Seeing him again resurrected the feelings I had for him, feelings I had buried away years ago out of a sense of self-preservation. I suppose that is how I had coped. I figuratively boxed up and packed away the "Edward Stuff", and shoved it aside and proceeded to get on with the rest of my life. I am not saying that the rest of my life was diminished in anyway by this, it's just that it was one part of me I hadn't wanted to deal with so I just ignored it. Was I brave enough to examine it, now? I had no choice. At least now I knew how to cope if things still turned out crappy.

I had expected to hear from Edward long before now, though. In the old days, he couldn't stay away from me; an hour's separation was too long. Maybe the fact that he wasn't acting as if it was the old days was a good sign. Or it could be a terrible sign. I just didn't know. My heart and my mind kept going back and forth between the two outcomes and the suspense was killing me. I hoped he didn't take forever to communicate with me. I'd settle for a simple phone call. One way or the other, I needed to know.

I came home on the eighth day, after working for half a day in my classroom, to find an envelope in my mail box. It wasn't sent in the mail because there was no stamp or post mark and no address. Besides, it was Sunday – no mail delivery anyway. On the outside was simply written "Miss Isabella M. Swan." I recognized Edward's beautiful penmanship.

I rushed into my home throwing my school bag down on the floor as I clutched the letter to my heart. I was distinctly fearful. Edward could be writing me to tell me he wasn't coming back. Or that he was. I just simply didn't know what was on his mind.

There was only one way to find out: get out the bottle of merlot, a box of tissues and open the letter. I sat down in the hand-me-down rocker Renee had given me that I put in pride of place next to the hearth in the living room. I put the wine and tissues within easy reach. On second thought, I took a gulp of the wine to fortify myself from whatever was in that letter. I slowly slit open the envelope to find several closely written sheets from Edward within. Taking a deep breath, I read.

Dear Bella,

Forgive me for taking so long to communicate with you after your brave journey to see me last week. I know you are thinking that I am exaggerating; that you were not brave, but I must disagree. You showed much courage in facing past heart-ache and an uncertain and possibly hostile welcome in order to save me.

Yes, you saved me. I never realized how lost I was until that day. I will treasure every word you said because each one beat against the wall of misery I had erected around myself until it crumbled and I saw myself honestly, for the first time in my existence.

My entire vampiric life has been spent, as you said, as a "lonely boy trapped in a reality that I did not choose and bound by guilt that I did not know how to expiate." You were more right than you realized. Even after I met you, I still suffered with guilt; its burden colored my every thought, my every deed. I did not realize I was taking entirely too much blame upon myself. I thought that if I could control every aspect of our relationship, I could protect you from the harm I feared I would inflict upon you. I felt so undeserving of you; you an angel, and me the vilest demon. The pall of my self-abhorrence contaminated our relationship, hardly fostering the environment that we needed for a healthy, loving bond.

You need to understand why I did this to myself.

Soon after I was changed, I realized that the superhuman power that comes with being a vampire is a great cross to bear. Its power can quickly go to one's head. I found myself with the ability to play God, deciding who deserved to live and die. In my self-righteous and self-indulgent vampiric youth, I justified murder by only culling the evildoers from the human population. It was many years later I realized this was an excuse to indulge my bloodlust more than it was a thirst for justice.

By taking the lives of these people, I was denying them the possibility of finding their own redemption. I sentenced them to hell before they had truly reached their personal judgment day, and I realized that was the ultimate evil.

For the 80 years since, I have not taken a human life but the guilt from when I did tainted my every action. Your forthright speech snapped me out of my self-crucifixion and allowed me to objectively examine myself for the first time in decades. I realized in that moment, that wallowing in self-hatred became as evil as my original misdeeds. I was compounding my sin by wasting my existence.

I will always regret the lives I took but now it is time to move on from that, let go of the guilt, and start doing something positive with my time by creating an honorable life.

After that realization, it was if a million pounds were lifted from my shoulders and I felt freer than I'd ever felt in my existence. I owe this all to you. Thank you. If, as time reveals, you are destined only to be from my past rather than also from my future, I will still thank you. You reminded me to live instead of exist.

Bella, after all my ruminations and revelations over the past two weeks, there are two things I am absolutely positive about: I deserve an honorable existence and I will always love you.

Edward

Now, it was two weeks since I made the trip to Denali to wake Edward up from his self imposed nightmare. It had been five days since I received his letter; its impact still had me gasping. It was more than I'd ever hoped for in terms of Edward's well being. It seemed to me that he finally was seeing his life for what it truly was and not the biased, self-loathing one he'd devised for himself. If nothing further ever came from my intrepid visit to Alaska, this was enough. Edward was healing. He had finally freed himself of his self-condemnation and grief.

I hadn't heard anything more from him and I was worried but this time I was worried for myself. His letter never indicated where he would settle or what he would do. I saw Alice everyday in my classroom but we were strictly abiding by an agreement we made the day before school started. Alice and I were going to have a strict teacher/student relationship in public. That carried through to my own personal concerns about Edward and his where abouts. The letter had been hand delivered but that meant nothing. He could have come to deliver the letter and, having said what he needed to say, left again.

If he had returned to his family, he hadn't enrolled in school. I was thankful for that. I didn't know how I'd react seeing him on campus. And certainly if everything went well I couldn't "take up" with a student at my high school. That was completely wrong. Maybe he decided I wasn't worth the effort and he wouldn't come back or if he did, he wouldn't want me. Those thoughts hurt.

His letter told me that he had finally broken free of his prison. Now, what was he going to do with his liberty?

I sat at my kitchen table grading papers. I was truly enjoying my job. The students were fun and eager and I was in heaven working with them. My teaching methods seemed to be going over well. I strove to weave current events into the history that I was teaching. I believed it made what happened in the past more relevant and I was pleased that my students were able to make those connections. I had given a test that day and was pleased with the scores.

I asked a bonus question at the end of the assessment: "What do you consider the most significant current event that happened this week and why?" It was fun to read what my students thought was of critical importance to their world. Did J.R. Campbell really believe that Dale Earnhardt, Jr.'s defection from his NASCAR sponsor would impact the world? Chuckling, I put his paper aside and turned to the last one. Alice Cullen. I knew that she would have the most unique opinions about everything. Instead, her bonus question answer was only five words long, "Edward came home to stay."

My physical response to that simple sentence was amazing. My heart sped up. A sweat broke out. My face flushed and I even felt tickles down there. Holy mackerel. I was still crazy about the guy. My rational side was pretty pissed at this reaction and that side was giving my visceral side a stern lecture about how I can't let a pretty face talk me into a situation that I knew was bad for me. At least it would be bad for me if Edward's letter didn't reflect the growth I needed him to have before we picked up the pieces of our former relationship.

I packed up my school papers, glad to be finished with it early in the weekend. I had a burst of energy and I had to get moving. Thinking about Edward just wound me up. I spent the next hour and a half scrubbing, polishing and vacuuming my modest little home. Looking around, I was pleased with how cozy it was with a few hand me downs from Mom and some lucky garage sale finds. It was my first home on my own and I felt pretty damn proud of it.

I decided it was time for a relaxing bath and so I went upstairs, plugged my iPod into its dock and dialed up "moody girl music" on my play list. I lit the candles in my old fashioned bathroom, ran the water in the claw-footed tub and added some bubble bath. Stripping off my clothes, I pinned my hair up on my head, grabbed my cell phone (I hated to get out of the bath to answer a call), and got my latest bit of paperback literary fluff and settled down for a long soak in the most wonderful bathtub I'd ever used. I sighed. Sheer bliss.

I wasn't in the tub for two minutes when my cell rang. I looked at the unfamiliar number, shrugged and answered it, "Hello?"

There was a pause and then, "Bella?"

Oh, that velvet voice. My body was instantly aquiver.

"Edward," I breathed.

"I want to take you up on your offer."

My heart was pounding, "And that was…?" I wanted to hear him tell me in his own words.

"I want you to help me to become the man I should be."

It was exactly what I wanted to hear on so many levels. I grasped the phone tightly and choked up a bit, "Edward, I'll do whatever I can to help you."

"Just hearing your voice helps me, Bella. But I would love to see you, too. I was wondering if I could ask you on a date?"

I was sure my grin would split my face in two, "I would be delighted to go out on a date with you, Mr. Cullen. What did you have in mind?"

"Whatever you would like to do, Bella. Dinner? Dancing? A movie? I just want to spend time with you."

I chuckled, "It would be a weird sort of dinner date, with only me eating and all the wait staff hitting on you. We've done that before. No, thank you. And Dancing? Surely you haven't forgotten that dancing and I don't mix? A movie might be nice. But what would you say to just coming over here for a quiet evening of conversation? "

"Or I could teach you how to dance?" he offered.

I thought of what it would feel like wrapped in his arms as we swayed to music and my heart sped up a bit. "Perhaps, if you're willing to put your toes in mortal danger, you could teach me to dance. When would you like to have this date?"

"Soon. When can I come, Bella?"

Suddenly, I knew I couldn't wait any longer. I wanted to see him now. "If we're just staying in, why don't you come over this evening?"

"I'd like that, Bella."

"Then, come! We don't have to worry about Charlie any longer. You can come through the front door like a normal person."

He laughed, "I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

AN: Please, please, please review and let me know what your opinion is of this piece. It really encourages me to keep going. Thank you very much in advance.

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Chapter 7: Chapter 7 The Date

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Chapter Seven: The Date

***BPOV

"I'll be there in fifteen minutes."

My eyes grew wide, I was still in the tub, "Give me thirty minutes to get ready and I'll see you then." I washed quickly, then jumped out of the tub and toweled myself dry. I was running over what I had in my closet, trying to think of something to wear that would be alluring but not too obvious. I had a nice pair of jeans and perhaps I could match it with my midnight blue long sleeved shirt. It had a v-neck and showed off something that had changed about me since Edward left five years ago. I smiled to see how my curves were accentuated by the modestly clinging sweater – alluring, yes. It accentuated the fact that I was now a woman and not the girl he remembered. I brushed out my hair and put on just a dusting of makeup, ending with strawberry lip-gloss. I knew that Edward seemed to like the smell of strawberries. I wonder if he'd like the taste? Oh. I actually had goose bumps from thinking that.

It was right on the half-hour mark when my door bell rang. A few butterflies started fluttering around in my stomach and it took every ounce of my self-control not to run down the stairs and throw open the door and fling myself into his arms. I was so glad to be seeing him again.

I took a deep breath before opening the door, and then swung it open to the most gorgeous sight I'd seen in a while. Edward stood there, much less haggard looking than he had been in Denali, wearing black jeans and a charcoal grey button down shirt with the sleeves half way rolled up his arms. He was holding a small bouquet of roses in his hand and there was a happy smile on his lips and in his golden eyes as he handed them to me. "These are for you, Bella."

Flowers? Really? I was truly touched. They were beautiful and fragrant and I was thrilled at his small token of … love? "Thank you, Edward. They are lovely and smell divine."

"They aren't half as lovely as you. Esme allowed me cut them from her garden for you."

The butterflies had multiplied by hundreds. Blushing deeply I said, "Please come in. I'll put these in water." He followed me through the living room into my kitchen and I found a small glass pitcher that would work as a vase. As I arranged the flowers, I noticed that each thorn had been carefully removed. Could butterflies stampede? I was overwhelmed with his consideration. Or, maybe he remembered how prone I was to accidental self-injury so was removing any chance for a finger prick which could lead to blood, which would lead to a disappearing vampire - or worse. Much worse.

"Your home is very nice, Bella." He stood looking around my hodge-podge, mix and match main room, his hands in his pockets, looking curiously at my very amateur attempts at interior design.

I laughed and tried hard not to roll my eyes. Edward had always lived in houses that were outfitted The Esme way - ala Better Homes and Gardens and here he was complimenting me on my ticky-tacky tastes. "Thank you, Edward. I've had a lot of fun decorating it." I put the roses on the mantel. I turned to him, intending on suggesting that he sit down but the look in his eyes made any cogent thought fly right out of my head. He was looking at me with the most intensely loving expression; he couldn't have shouted his feelings any louder. My heart fluttered with joy and I am sure I stared dazedly right back at him. Gradually, he stuffed his hands back into his pockets and smiled at me. "Did I just dazzle you, Bella?"

I sat – collapsed, rather – on my sofa and gasped out, "Uhm. I … er… yes. Did you mean to?"

He joined me, sitting at the other end, "No, not really. I was just thinking about how much I lo … well…. It's probably not the time to talk about that right now." He purposely changed the subject, "How are classes going for you?"

We spent the next half an hour talking about school and how much I was enjoying it. I told him I was surprised at how quiet and relaxed Alice was in class.

"What did you expect?"

"A dynamo. Someone who couldn't sit still and wouldn't shut up! She's actually quite the opposite."

Edward looked amused, "Alice can be the model student, if she chooses to be. I am sure she really doesn't have anyone to talk to in your class and I am betting she wants to impress you."

"Impress me? Why on earth would she want to do that?"

"She wants you to be proud of her. You know, history is her worst subject relatively speaking."

"She has done very well so far."

"I heard Jasper quizzing her last night. She was actually studying for your test."

"Wow. Do you think I could teach her something? Isn't this about the twentieth time she's had to take this class?"

"About that many, I suppose. Don't worry about Alice. She's happy being with you, even if it is just as your student."

"She got a perfect score on the test. I don't know why she was worried. I even gave her five bonus points on the extra credit question."

"Oh, really? What was the question?"

"It was a short answer question. 'What do you consider the most significant current event that happened this week?' "

"How did she respond?"

"She wrote, 'Edward came home to stay.' " I smiled.

"And that earned her five extra points?"

"If I could have given her a hundred extra points, I would have. She made me very happy."

Edward moved a little closer to me and put his arm along the back of the sofa, "Are you happy that I've come home to stay?"

I didn't answer him with words. His nearness was messing with my coherency. I simply gaped at him and nodded. The rational side of me was getting a little peeved at my apparent lunacy. He smiled my favorite crooked smile. I continued to stare. He picked up a tress of my hair that was hanging down on my shoulder and idly started playing with it. I was still enmeshed in his gaze and thinking impure thoughts about him.

"I am glad I came home to stay, too. I've missed you." I put my hand on his fore arm as he spoke. He leaned closer but as his lips neared mine, my stomach decided to let him and anyone else within a five mile radius know that I hadn't had dinner, yet. Crap!

"I've made you miss your dinner, haven't I?" Edward asked. He didn't wait for an answer. He stood up, grabbed my hand and led me to my kitchen. "You need to eat."

I realized there was no point in arguing with him. I remembered how stubborn he was about insuring I got my meals and my rest in a timely manner. I am sure that hadn't changed about him. I sighed loudly and decided on something quick and easy. Then maybe we could get back to where we'd left off.

I fixed myself a bowl of cereal and poured a glass of milk. I set them down on my small kitchen table and Edward sat across from me.

"I always feel badly eating and drinking in front of you. My mother taught me it was rude to eat in front of others. It is ingrained from my childhood."

"I guess I could always bring something for myself," Edward said with a completely straight face.

I looked at him not sure if he was kidding, trying to imagine him bringing a deer or bear over for a snack. The twinkle in his eyes gave him away.

I shook my head, smiling and turned back to my dinner, "For a second there, I thought you were serious."

I went on, "It's sad in a way. People have always expressed they cared for others by feeding them. I can't do that for you and I particularly like to cook."

Edward looked at me thoughtfully then reached over and took a spoonful of my Cinnamon Toast Crunch.

"Edward! I know that you can't digest that. Why did you do that?" I looked at him in amazement.

He shrugged, "I don't want you to be sad. If you want to feed me, you can."

"Edward, that's just dumb. Don't eat things for me. That's bordering on crazy."

"Well, I have been known to do crazy things for you."

"You can't do that anymore, Edward. Crazy isn't a good basis for a relationship. As a matter of fact it is one of those rules of thumb: 'Don't date crazy people.'"

He laughed, "Okay. No crazy acting. Does this mean we are dating?"

I looked between us, "Isn't that what this is?"

His expression softened, "I hope so, Bella. I just am trying to figure out what you want our relationship to be."

I got up from the table and went to rinse my bowl and stack it in the dishwasher. I didn't really have an answer for him. Putting on the kettle, I went back and sat down at the table. "I don't really know how to define our relationship, Edward. I don't think there's an accurate definition right now. We are beyond dating and yet not exactly."

He leaned back in his chair and looked at me speculatively, "The vampire side of me considers you my eternal mate. There is no one else and can be no one else."

I lifted my chin and narrowed my eyes at him, a little smile playing at the corners of my lips, "To be honest, Edward, I am more interested in your human side. I think we've already proven that your vampire side just gets us in trouble."

He chuckled, "I never thought about it like that but you are right. It seems the human side of me is the more relevant to our relationship."

"Maybe that's because I am human. However, it seems to me that your family finds their relationships very human in nature, as well. The only time you are vampires together is when you hunt."

"So, you bring out the human in me. Tell me, please, how humans would handle our relationship."

I actually cackled at that, "Humans screw up relationships just as easily as vampires do, Edward, probably more so. Geez, just look at Charlie and Renee. They get along well enough now but that's only because there's an entire country separating them. Some humans would handle our relationship well and some would screw it up."

The kettle whistled so I got up to make my tea and I went on, "Be honest with me Edward. What do you want for us?"

Edward started to fidget. Since vampires don't fidget, I suppose I was really bringing out the human in him, "I know that this isn't want you want to hear but I want to be the one to share your life."

"Is that the truth?"

"It's the unvarnished truth. But I know I have to bring something more to the table than the promise that I won't kill you, accidently or otherwise. I have to decide what that's going to be before we can make that commitment, if you're willing to, that is."

I wasn't sure I could go that far right now, so I shrugged.

Edward ventured further, "What do you want, Bella?"

"I don't know. And that's my unvarnished truth. I do love you but …" I didn't know how to continue.

Edward sighed, a frown creasing his forehead, "I know. It's not enough. Let's start then with what we have. We love each other."

I nodded, "There's no denying that."

"We have an amazing physical connection."

I nodded again, "Definitely."

"But what else do we have?" he mused.

We paused a bit in contemplation.

Edward picked an apple from the fruit bowl on the table and was slowly twisting its stem. He set it down and looked at me, "You know, Bella, we are passionately in love with each other but we never had the time to be friends. We had nothing to base our relationship on except this undeniable and irresistible attraction."

"So what do we do about that?" I asked, intrigued with the thought.

"We become friends. Friends are people you respect and trust. People that you enjoy being with…"

I grinned and reached across the table to put my hand on his, "We are on the right path, I think. We need to remember to build our friendship slowly."

"Remember? You think we'd forget?"

"We wouldn't exactly forget." I said, "I just think that sometimes our physical attraction is so strong it overwhelms everything else. We have to make time for just being friends."

Edward smiled that crooked smile, "You're saying that all you want to do is to jump my bones."

I blushed, "Vampires aren't the only ones with distractible minds." I shot him a dark look. Surely I wasn't the only one that was sexually flustered here.

To hide my confusion, I took a sip of tea. "I suppose we need to establish some ground rules."

He leaned back in his chair and mused, "I have a thought. Why don't you make a list of what you think is important, and I will do the same. Afterwards we can compile them. That way we won't get distracted," he actually winked at me.

"Okay," I said as I got up to get some paper and pens. We sat there in companionable silence as we wrote. I was finished in a few minutes and looked up and saw Edward silently watching me. "Are you finished?"I asked.

He nodded, "Read yours first."

"Okay. Here goes...

The Ground Rules:

No sneaking through bedroom windows to watch unsuspecting sleepers.

In fact, no sneaking at all.

In other words, use the damn door.

Ring the doorbell first.

Always use open, honest communication. No more 'lying for the other's own good.'

No unilateral decisions that would impact both parties.

Respect each other's space.

Respect each other's decisions.

Possessiveness may be 9/10ths of the law, sort of, but too much of it doesn't work well in relationships.

Trust each other/be trustworthy.

Edward smirked, "So you didn't like me sneaking through your bedroom window in Forks?"

"Actually, I loved it. What I am trying to tell you here, though, is that it's not necessary." I smiled shyly at him hoping he would take my hint.

He just winked at me.

What did that mean? I huffed to myself. Then I thought about it. He probably didn't know exactly how to take me. One moment I am trying to slow things down the next, hurry them up. What was it that I wanted? I needed to think about this more.

Edward went on, "I have a question. What were your thoughts concerning your sixth rule? 'No unilateral decisions?' What do you mean?"

"I mean you can't decide on your own, without any input from me that this relationship is going to work or not going to work. You can't decide that we need to break up without some sort of honest discussion with me. You can't 'do things for my own good' if I don't think it is in my own good. Edward, I am an adult now and I have a right to make all my own choices. You can't decide what's 'best' for me without respecting what I think is best for me."

"I understand. Every time I did something like that before, it ended in disaster."

"But that also means I can't do that to you either."

"When have you ever forced a decision on me?" Edward looked puzzled.

"I tried to force you to change me into a vampire, Edward. I now realize that was wrong."

"You don't want that anymore?"

"I now see a value in my human life that I didn't before. I have work to do. I have a place. At this moment, I have no interest in changing my humanness for something else. I love my life, Edward."

"It is still my hope I can share your life with you."

My heart raced but I just nodded my head. I would like that as well but wasn't sure at this moment we could make it work.

"Let me see your list, Edward."

He handed it to me. There was only one thing on it.

To become the man I was meant to be.

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Chapter 8: Chapter 8 The Dance Lesson

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AN:

Disclaimer- I don't own Twilight, just the plot here.

Thanks to all of you who are reading. I thank you so very much.

Chapter 8: The Dance Lesson

To become the man I was meant to be.

That simple sentence, written in his impeccable penmanship, touched my heart. I pressed the paper against my chest and tears filled my eyes, "Edward, I think you are closer to that than you think." I leaned over and brushed his lips with mine. The familiar spark was there and as I pulled back we simply stared softly into each other's eyes, acknowledging our mutual hope.

I reached for Edward's hand and asked, "How much do you remember about yourself before you changed? What was the direction you were heading?"

"My memories of that time are very foggy but the Great War was waging in Europe and I was counting the days until I could enlist and fight. I remember it worried my mother terribly."

"So, all you dreamed about was becoming a soldier? Was that a true calling or just the excitement of the moment?"

"It was the result of the times. I don't think the service would have been a good fit for me. I was too much of a dreamer."

"What sort of man was your father?"

"I don't remember too much about him, unfortunately. I have some vague memory of a tall, suited, and stern man. I don't remember having much interaction with him. I think he worked in an office in Chicago but I don't know much more than that. I don't even know what industry he worked in.

"My memories of my mother are more clear. She was always interested in what I was doing. I remember eating fresh cookies and drinking cold milk while sitting at the kitchen table as we talked. After I was changed and I realized she was dead, it was a great grief to me."

"Carlisle told me about that time, once."

Edward looked at me in surprise. "What did he tell you?"

"Only that the three of you were admitted to the hospital he was working at with the Spanish influenza on the same day. Your father passed soon after but your mother spent her time, sick as she was, trying to care for you. In fact, I think Carlisle said that initially she was not as sick as you were. When she suddenly took a turn for the worst, she made him promise to keep you alive, no matter what it took. Carlisle took her at her word, even though his action probably wasn't at all what your mother anticipated, but he did keep his promise."

"I am surprised he told you all of this. When did he talk to you?"

I sighed and frowned, "The night of my 18th birthday. We had some time to ourselves for a bit."

His face darkened as he remembered what had happened that night. "And just three days later we were gone."

I nodded somberly, "Yes."

We were silent for a while thinking our own thoughts when Edward sat up and said, "You know, I think I want to learn more about who I was before I try to discover who I want to be."

"That's a great idea, Edward. How can you do that?"

"I'll start with Carlisle. He knew my parents in person. He may be able to tell me something more than I know."

"I bet he can," I agreed.

I shifted uncomfortably. The hard seat of my kitchen chair wasn't meant for long term sitting, so I stood up, walked back into the living room and sat down on the sofa. Lamps cast cozy shadows around the room and I smiled at how homey it looked. Edward followed but wandered past me to look at my modest (compared to his own) collection of CDs. He picked one out, turned to me and asked, "May I?" I nodded. He flipped the lid to my player, slid the CD inside and pressed play. Soon, we were listening to the mellow tones of the Righteous Brothers.

I laughed, "You like oldies but goodies?"

He only smiled, "Why not? I am one."

He held his hand out for me, "Time for your first dance lesson, Miss Swan."

Hesitantly, I rose and walked towards him with my hand outstretched to his. His touch was still electric and his smile was as dazzling as ever, but it was the look in his eyes that caused my heart to stutter then beat faster. He pulled me close and rested his left hand at my waist, while his right hand held my hand tightly in his own.

He lowered his voice, "Look into my eyes, Bella, and just follow me."

The soft, plaintive strains of "Ebb Tide" filled the room as Edward gently swayed to the music, guiding my body with his hands and my heart with his eyes.

"Edward," I whispered. It was not a question, not a plea, just a simple statement. "Edward."

He leaned down and placed a feather light kiss on my forehead, his arms pulling me infinitesimally closer as our feet floated across the wooden floor. Dancing with him was as easy as breathing, much easier than I remembered at that long ago senior prom. My leg had still been in a cast and my desperation to become immortal had over shadowed any potential enjoyment I might have had. I was such a silly little girl then.

Now, however, I was being swept away by the simple beauty and heavenly sensation of being held in Edward's arms, surrounded by his sweet scent, and his warm, golden-eyed gaze peering deep into my soul. As the CD advanced to the next song, Edward pulled me closer still until my head was nestled into his neck and his lips hovered over my ear.

Edward started singing the heart-breakingly yearning lyrics of "Unchained Melody" to me as we slowly swayed together.

"Oh, My Love, My Darling

I've hungered for your touch

A long, lonely time.

Time goes by so slowly

And time can do so much.

Are you still mine?

I need your love.

I need your love.

Godspeed your love to me."

He pulled back just then to look at my tear-filled eyes (I mean, really, wouldn't you have cried?) and said, "I love you, Bella." Then, he kissed me.

I melted into a big puddle of mush. It was a good thing he had a tight grip on me, else I'd have landed in a heap on the floor. We were near the sofa so it was an easy thing for Edward to sit down, pulling me onto his lap without allowing his lips to leave mine. I remembered Edward's kisses from before; hesitant, careful. This kiss wasn't anything close to resembling those. This one was passionate and fiery, thrilling my very soul.

I parted my lips, and let the tip of my tongue caress his bottom lip. I was surprised when I felt his lips part and his tongue enter my mouth to lovingly stroke my own. I squirmed around on his lap, pressing myself tightly to him. Edward moaned and suddenly I could feel something I'd never felt before – evidence that Edward more than loved me, he desired me as well. The kiss of all kisses was still ongoing, Edward was hard and moaning and I. wasn't. complaining. One. Bit.

The love and desire I felt for Edward was consuming me. I swung my leg around so that I was straddling his lap as I wrapped my arms around his neck. I may have moaned myself as I instinctively started to rock against him creating a delicious friction. Oh. My.

Edward's hands drifted down so that they cupped my bottom and firmly encouraged my movements. Oh. My. Oh. My. I could feel my personal happy meter getting close to the red zone. I needed to get us upstairs and SOON.

Then, Edward's hands stilled my movements and he leaned back to break our kiss. I must have looked pretty stupid straddling him with my eyes half-shut and my mouth hanging open. He stopped us. Just like old fucking times.

"Are we getting distracted, Bella?" he asked.

"Wha?" I could barely focus.

"We were getting distracted."

"Distracted?"

"From learning to become friends."

Oh. Yes. I could see now. Here I was preaching about how important it was for us to be friends and the next thing he knew I was encouraging him to stick his tongue down my throat as I was dry humping him. I was confusing us both.

I climbed off his lap and whined, "It's not all my fault. You're the one who laid a kiss of all kisses on me."

He looked rather pleased at that, "A kiss of all kisses? Wow. That good, huh?"

I scowled at him, "Yes. They are very potent. Very persuasive. Only to be used when absolutely necessary."

That adorable crooked smile appeared and he asked, "You like 'The Princess Bride,' Bella?"

I was surprised. A perverse quirk of mine was to sneak my favorite movie quotes into conversations I had but rarely would anyone catch me. 'A Kiss of All Kisses' was a quote directly from one of my favorite movies, 'The Princess Bride.' "I do. Do you?"

"Would you think less of me if I told you it was one of my favorite movies?"

"Not at all. I didn't realize we had that in common." I was delighted and we spent the next couple of hours talking about movies, music and things in general.

But as usual, my body had to make its demands known and I yawned.

Edward looked at me apologetically and said, "It's late. I'd better be going home."

"Oh, but I've had such a good time, Edward. It was a perfect date." I smiled happily but yawned again.

Edward rose and I followed him as he walked to the door, "When can I see you again, Bella?"

"I've nothing planned this weekend but, of course, I have work next week."

"Would you like to come to my house tomorrow? I am sure the family would like to see you."

"I'd like that, too. What time?"

"After lunch, perhaps? I'll come pick you up."

"Fine. I'll see you around one, then." I leaned up on my toes so that I could kiss his cheek.

He caught me around my waist and gave me a proper goodnight kiss. "I reserve the right to do that, even while we are learning to be friends."

"As you wish, Edward," I smiled again hoping he caught the Princess Bride reference.

His grin split his face, "As you wish, Bella. Always and Forever."

He stepped off the porch, waved and was gone.

I danced up the stairs, grabbed my iPod, put 'Unchained Melody' on repeat, and went to bed. Tomorrow afternoon couldn't come quickly enough.

AN:

Unchained Melody was first recorded by the Righteous Brothers in 1965. Some of that old stuff is perfect.

Please be kind and leave a review. After a computer disaster, (where in I lost five chapters of this) my reviews were the only thing that kept me going. Thank you kind readers.

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Chapter 9: Chapter 9 Release

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AN: This is a tale of emotional self-discovery. Although Bella feels she's got it "all together" she finds in this chapter she doesn't. Can Edward help her as much as she has helped him?

Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight. I just own my imagination.

Chapter 9: Release

***BPOV

The next morning, I jumped out of bed as soon as I awoke eager for the day to begin so I could see Edward again. I wondered what he was doing in the intervening hours since our date. Probably, he went hunting or maybe he spoke to Carlisle. He certainly didn't make an appearance in my bedroom last night. Or did he?

I went over to the casement windows in my bedroom and studied their latches intently. It would have been difficult to move the tightly fitting screen out of the way so Edward could squeeze through. I hope he didn't try to get in, though. I wasn't afraid that he'd hurt me but it was just plain creepy having him sneak around like he used to. I hope he took my list seriously. I truly meant what I wrote. If we couldn't follow those simple rules, we'd never make it as a couple. But hey, wasn't I already breaking one? The one about trusting him? I needed to show some faith that he would abide by our agreement. He won't come in unless I invite him. I needed to remember that. It was hard to regain trust when it had been violated in the past. Only time would tell, I supposed.

I quickly made my bed, and dashed down the stairs to eat some breakfast. Since I'd had only cereal the night before, I decided that I'd make a decent meal this morning. I decided on oatmeal and fruit. I quickly made a small pot of coffee and started preparing the oats. My grandmother used to fix me oatmeal when I'd stay at her house. It was my ultimate comfort food, especially topped with plenty of butter, sugar and cream.

As I was slicing some peaches into a bowl, I heard a knock at my front door. This surprised me because other than my landlord, I really hadn't had the time to make friends in my new home. Certainly, no one knew where I lived, except for... I opened my door and there stood Alice, hesitantly grinning at me from the front door mat.

I smiled, "Come in, Alice! It's good to see you. What brings you here?"

She smiled brightly and said, "Miss Swan, I was hoping I could visit you for a bit, if that's okay with you?"

"Miss Swan?! In school and around school yes, Alice, please call me that. But here and in your home, I am simply Bella. And you can visit me anytime, my friend. In fact, I've wanted to talk to you for a long while."

"I am sure you have, Bella. That's one reason I wanted to come over. Jasper and I have an appointment this afternoon so when I found out you were coming to visit, I knew we wouldn't be there for you. I decided to come over this morning, instead."

"Do you mind if I eat while we talk? I was just fixing my breakfast."

"Oh, no! Not at all." She followed me back to the kitchen and started setting my table. Alice could never stand to be still, especially while other people worked. I stirred the oatmeal a little and got out the cream and butter. I noticed the coffee was ready so I poured a cup.

"Well, Alice, what do you think about all of this?" I asked as I spooned the oatmeal into a bowl.

"I think all the planets and stars and everything are finally aligning where they should be. Alleluia!"

I laughed. "And by 'where they should be', where exactly do you mean?"

I sprinkled sugar over the top of my oatmeal and added a lump of butter and stirred them together as I sat down in front of Alice. I noticed she'd put the roses Edward had given me onto the table as a centerpiece. She always had flair.

"Well, the Cullens are back together and that includes YOU, my dear sister."

I snorted. "I am thankful that Edward came back to where he truly belongs. He deserves a lot more than he gives himself credit for but Edward and I aren't sure what our future holds together. I am not sure that becoming a Cullen is going to happen for me."

"No?" Alice looked at me curiously. "Well, I can help you with that!"

"I am sure you can but I am not sure I want your prescient visions to guide me in this. This feels like something Edward and I are going to need to feel our way through."

"I understand, Bella, and to be honest with you, your future isn't at all clear for me to see now anyway."

"I guess that's because we haven't made any decisions. We are dating, I guess you could call it, and I know how he feels about me and he knows how I feel about him, but we are both aware that loving isn't enough. There are so many things to figure out."

"Like?"

"For instance, I am not sure I want to become immortal. In fact, I am sort of leaning away from that. I guess one thing I've found at the age of 23 that I didn't know when I was 18, is that I have a job to do with my life, a purpose that I need to fulfill. I haven't figured out if I can do that as a vampire as well."

"I thought as much. That vision I used to have with you having been changed into a vampire? I have not seen that in a long time," she sighed.

"And I can't see a long term relationship with Edward unless I do change. The difference in our apparent ages would soon draw attention. Right now, Edward and I can pass for contemporaries but in a few years, it would start looking really weird. I haven't figured out what is the best thing to do."

"Bella, you know he doesn't really want you to change. I think he was just planning to be your companion as you lived out your life and then end his own. He can't live without knowing you do as well."

"I am hoping that he finds something bigger than himself to devote his time to rather than just our relationship. It's healthier."

Alice nodded, "That's true, Bella. It sure beats going to high school over and over again."

I laughed, "I love school, Alice, but I can't imagine repeating it forever. That must drive you crazy."

"You know, I am thinking that this might be our last time. Jasper and I may borrow a leaf from your book."

"What do you mean?"

"Maybe we need to find something to do with our existence, something worthwhile. Here Carlisle has been our sterling example all these years and we've never had the wits to follow him."

"Do you know what you'll do?"

"Not yet. We're just beginning to talk about it."

"So you two and Edward and I are in the same place regarding this, aren't we?"

"I guess so, Bella. We're sort of exploring our options. But for right now, it's okay, isn't it?"

I smiled goofily remembering last night, "Right now it's fantastic!"

Alice smiled, "Edward was on cloud nine when he got home last night. It's been a long time since I have seen him so happy, if ever. He was practically giddy."

"Giddy?" I snorted, trying to imagine that, "How so?"

"Oh, he came in the house last night with a big grin on his face, snuck up on Esme, then grabbed her in his arms and danced her around, all the time he was singing 'Unchained Melody.' "

"Hah! I bet she was surprised."

"She was ecstatic to see him so happy! Then Carlisle stopped him wondering why he was singing such a torch song to his wife. Edward answered, 'She's not the first one I've sung it to tonight.' And then he burst out laughing in sheer happiness."

I smiled as I collected my dishes and tidied up the kitchen. I guess it had been a long time since the Cullen's had experienced wholeness and happiness. It was such a long time for them to go without that. My expression turned somber and I faced Alice, "Why did you leave Forks, Alice?"

Alice's expression saddened and she sighed, "I first had to help Jasper. He was mortified at his behavior. He loves you as a sister, Bella, but fighting that primal blood lust is a continuous struggle for him. He simply couldn't help himself."

"Oh, I knew that. I understood and forgave him from the very first."

Alice patted my arm in gratitude, "It took Jasper much longer to forgive himself and by that time, the Cullens had already left Forks. Edward insisted it be a clean break and I wasn't around to argue him out of it. In fact, he wasn't around to be argued with anyway. It was a sad and lonely time for all of us."

"I was suffering, too, Alice."

"I know that now, Bella, but it seems that you did make the best of it, just like Edward said you would."

"I agree I made the best out of it but it did affect me in some ways. I never was interested in developing a relationship with another guy. In fact, I never went out on a date after Edward left."

"Really? I can't imagine it was because the guys weren't interested. What was up with that?"

"Oh, I some guys were interested but I wasn't. There were parts of me that just couldn't get over Edward. No one could take his place in my heart. Maybe I just needed more time or hadn't met the right person yet. Or, maybe I have just ignored the pain hoping it would go away."

"Hmmm. You do have a lot to figure out, Bella. But I know what I am hoping for." She impulsively reached to hug me and I realized at that moment how much I missed her over the years.

We spent the next few hours simply hanging out. I showed Alice around my little house and the yard outside. I talked Alice out of giving me a pedicure. And a manicure. And a make-over. I did let her pick out what I should wear on my second date with Edward, though. Somethings will never change.

Alice told me about the search for her past that she had done since she had left Forks. Discovering that her human life had been so tragic was rather sad. Her psychic abilities evidently had been apparent even then but instead of benefitting her, she was declared insane. I shuddered to think of what she had gone through. But Alice assured me, it was good to know what had happened rather than constantly living with questions.

It was nearing time for me to get ready and Alice left. I fixed myself a sandwich just to make sure my stomach didn't growl at an inconvenient time later and then took a hot shower. I chuckled to see what Alice had put together for me: a white low-cut tank top with a blue oxford shirt and a short denim skirt. I know she was dismayed not to find heels in my closet. I was perfectly satisfied with my sandals.

I was putting the finishing touches on my make up when I heard the door bell. Smiling, I rushed to the door, grinning from ear to ear. "Hello, Edward."

"Good afternoon, Bella." His breath caught as eyes swept over me from top to bottom. "You are beautiful." He leaned down and kissed me hello. I wrapped my arms around his waist and pressed closer to him. I felt so wonderful in his arms. I had to remind myself not to get distracted again. I could kiss him forever. I could also tell he was feeling the effects of our embrace. His breathing was ragged and his eyes had darkened.

"Are you ready to go?" He asked in a husky voice.

"Yes." I snuck one more kiss in before he ushered me outside to his waiting car. Soon, we were driving to the Cullen's house. Edward had a new car, a charcoal grey Volvo s80. It was lovely.

"You prefer Volvos, Edward?" I turned to look at him and caught him glancing at my cleavage. I am sure I smirked. Alice was genius.

All he said was, "Volvos are safe."

I laughed, "Since when does a vampire care about the safety record of a car?"

"Since I started carting around a fragile human in one." He looked over at me again and I caught him gawping at my legs, since my skirt had ridden up a bit when I sat.

"You had a Volvo before I met you," I claimed.

"True, but I figured that I should just keep with a good thing. My c60 is still in the garage in Forks."

"Really? Why did you keep it?"

"Because when I sit in it, I can still smell your scent." He shut his eyes and inhaled, "It was something I had that reminded me of you. When I got to missing you too much, I could simply go sit in the c60."

"You would jog on down to Forks from Alaska just to sit in the car?" I asked incredulously.

"From Alaska. From Brazil. From Texas. From wherever I found myself. It was like having something to go home to when the pain got too bad."

I shook my head and reached over to grasp his hand, "Oh, Edward. I am very glad that part of your life is behind you."

He smiled and nodded, "Me, too. No matter what happens, I am going forward."

"Besides, now you'll also have this car to sit in," I smirked.

He choked back a laugh, "I really hope that whatever our relationship will be in the future, Bella, we will remain friends. I won't have to moon around in a car somewhere to feel close to you." He continued to hold my hand as he drove down the roads to his house, his thumb stroking my knuckles sensuously, a soft smile on his lips.

We pulled into the Cullen driveway and through the gate, up the drive, finally circling around to the back where the garage was. The last roses of summer were in riotous bloom along the drive, trailers running along a trellis that led to the back of the house. Against the red brick, they were stunningly gorgeous.

"Esme out did herself this time, Edward."

"She certainly has a gift. I understand this place was derelict when they bought it."

We walked together, holding hands under the dangling flowers, their perfume sweetly engulfing us. Before reaching the house, Edward turned towards me and gently pulled me close, letting his hands drift down my back tracing every line, every curve. He slowly lifted his hand to my chin and turned my face up to his. His kiss made my toes curl and I lost myself in sensation; his touch, his taste, his scent, they all overwhelmed me. The moment was perfection and I sighed in complete contentment.

He gave me three or four more small kisses before stepping back and saying, "Let's go in and see Esme." We entered the house through the kitchen door. I was surprised to see Esme stirring a pot on the stove. She looked up as we entered with a brilliant smile on her face.

"Hello, you two. It is so good to see you." The unspoken words 'together again' were left unsaid but all of us understood exactly what she meant. Esme, in a word, was jubilant.

Edward walked over to Esme and gave her a hug, "Where's Carlisle?"

"He'll be home in an hour. He had an early shift today. Why don't you show Bella around while you wait for him?"

Edward looked over at me, grinned and swept his arm in the direction of the other parts of the house, "Shall we?"

I followed him. Again taking my hand, he walked through to the staircase, pointing out various rooms as we passed but didn't give me a chance to gape. I suppose he figured I'd have time enough to nose around later. He was intent upon getting me upstairs. At the end of the second floor hallway, he opened a door and ushered me inside, "This is my room."

I looked around and noticed the huge bed that took up a great portion of the space. "It's different than your room in Forks."

Edward nodded, watching my reaction and noticing I was skeptically regarding the bed, "Esme and Carlisle thought I may have need for a bed now."

I let out a gust of air, "Seems like your parents are intent on getting you in my pants."

Edward laughed, "I know what they are hoping. They want to see us together as a couple. They love you, Bella, and already consider you a part of our family. You are probably going to be bombarded with hints and innuendos around them. I hope it won't bother you."

I sat down on his bed and chuckled, "If it bothers me, I just won't come here. Where is the rest of your family?"

"The only one that is home now is Esme. Jasper and Alice had an appointment and I think Emmett and Rosalie are hunting."

"Hmmm," I said.

Edward came over and sat next to me, "Hmmmm," he said trailing his fingers down my back. I shivered. Fireworks.

I laughed, "This is all rather obvious don't you think, Edward?"

He moaned in frustration, "Bella, I can't take my eyes off of you. You're so enticing to me. That shirt looks especially fetching on you."

I looked down and saw my cleavage was particularly exposed, then looked up at him and said with a twinkle, "Some things about me have changed since Forks."

"You were always a beautiful girl to me, Bella, but now, you are a beautiful woman. I like it. Very much." He winked at me. There's nothing I'd rather do right now than…"

He stopped and cleared his voice, "Would you rather play cards?"

I laughed, "I think cards would be preferable right now to making out."

He looked disappointed, "Why?"

"Because I don't think we'd be able to stop at just a kiss and also because no matter how quiet we try to be, Esme can hear us."

Suddenly, a stereo was turned on down stairs playing big band music from the 1940s. I really laughed then, "See, she could hear every word we were saying."

"She can't now. Hence, the music," Edward leaned over as if to kiss me.

"So you really want to break in this bed, huh?"

"Don't you think we're good enough friends by now? I just can't get you out of my mind," his hands drifted down my sides.

"Hmmmm," I shut my eyes as he started to nuzzle my neck.

"That's where we started," Edward looked at me to try to figure out what I wanted.

"Yes. I know. I am not sure what I want right now. I don't want to be manipulated into something, though."

"You feel like you are being manipulated?"

"A little, to be honest. You know, I don't want to go back down stairs after everyone gets back to the house and have them know I've just been having sexy times with their son or brother, no matter how much they are rooting for it. I want that part of our relationship to be private right now. I am not willing to share it with anyone but you." I smiled and looked at him from through my eye lashes, "If we were at my house right now, I'd be all over you, mister."

Edward hummed, sat back up straight and ran his hands through his hair, "I never want you to feel manipulated or in any way uncomfortable."

He leaned over to his bedside table and opened a drawer, "I think I may have a pack of cards in here somewhere."

I stood up, "I have a better idea, Edward." I held out my hand.

He rose and took it, "What?"

"Will you play the piano for me?"

He shrugged, "I haven't played in a long time, Bella."

"I would really love to hear you play again, Edward, please?"

Smiling, he answered, "It is hard for me to deny you anything." He led me out of his room and down the stairs to a large parlor off of the foyer where his grand piano sat. We walked over to the bench and Edward pulled me down to sit next to him. He stretched his fingers as if he was trying to discern if the music was still in them, then opened the lid, placed his fingers gently on the keys and played the first notes of "Clair de Lune." It was lovely. The acoustics in the room made each note sound as if he were playing in a concert hall and I was again transported by the beauty of his music. "Clair de Lune" segued into Beethoven's "Moonlight Sonata," which led to Pachabel's "Cannon in D."

I know I was dreamily sighing, my hand curled on his thigh, and completely blissed out by this man and his music. He shyly looked at me from the corner of his eye and started playing what I recognized as "our song" - my lullaby. Our entire relationship was expressed in music by his talented fingers and beautiful heart: the sweetness of first love, the wonder we had in each other, the hope and happiness we shared for a time. Then his fingers trembled over a part I'd never heard before, a sad and tragic passage full of want and grief, longing and pain, guilt and loneliness. Tears started to fill my eyes and it was hard to swallow the lump in my throat. So much wasted time. So much sorrow.

I was trying very hard not to lose control as Edward played. I didn't want him to know how affected I was but a sob escaped as I remembered how we felt during those long years of separation. Edward immediately stopped playing and I suddenly was in his arms. He was comforting me, kissing away my tears, "Don't be sad, Bella. That is in the past now, what's coming will be happier." I buried my face in his neck and wrapped my arms around his waist and nodded. I couldn't say a word.

Edward held me tightly, not speaking, just kissing my hair and softly stroking my back. I cried in his arms for a while releasing the pain that I had buried deep within myself and ignored while I was "making my own damn life." It had always been there as I carefully avoided it over the years. That pain, though, was the real reason I'd never been interested in a romantic relationship after Edward left. I had been fearful of feeling it again, so I avoided any entanglements. I was able to make a good life, and even to find contentment and happiness but there was still the unresolved business of my heartbreak. Hearing Edward play our song brought me face to face with it and I could ignore it no longer. Crying it out in Edward's arms – the only place I could have found release - cleansed my soul.

Many minutes later, I found myself in Edward's lap, tissues clutched in my hand, enfolded in his arms, hiccoughing a little as my emotional tempest passed. I was shocked at my outburst. I had no idea all that was bound up within me. But after the fact, I realized I needed to rid myself of it and I was so thankful that Edward was there to help me get through it. I sat up and looked into his eyes, "I didn't realize how much I needed to vent that. Thank you, Edward. Thank you for comforting me and holding me while I cried."

He squeezed me tightly and said, "Bella, that's what friends are for."

AN: The pieces that Edward played for Bella are pretty wonderful. Beethoven's Moonlight Sonata is really gorgeous and pretty easy to play on the piano.

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Chapter 10: Chapter 10 What Carlisle Knows

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AN: Disclaimer: Stephenie Meyer owns Twilight and created its characters. I don't have any claim to her work, just this very minor plotline.

I put this chapter (and previous ones) up quickly because I will be going back to work next week and will then be publishing a chapter a week at that time.

Thank you very much for reading and reviewing. It keeps me enthused to write more.

Chapter 10: What Carlisle Knows

***EPOV

I was hesitant to play Bella's Lullaby for her, especially the second movement. I had never sat down at the piano to play it but it was the recurring theme during my purgatory; its notes and chords echoing throughout my long, desolate solitude. Music has always been the way I expressed my feelings, more perfectly than words and, even though painful, I wanted to play it for my Bella, to let her know that our suffering was shared but it was now over.

However, I was surprised at her reaction. It was as if a damn had burst to allow Bella's own suffering to pour out and mix with my own. Finally, there was complete revelation. Finally, there was resolution. Finally, there was healing. We could now move on from here.

I realized now that Alice foresaw this scene. There was a box of tissues left out on the piano and explained why my family hadn't stayed in to see Bella. Alice had warned them. I must remember to thank her later.

We sat at the piano in calm comfort, not saying a word until I heard Carlisle's car drive up. I looked down at the beautiful woman in my arms, extremely reluctant to disturb this moment and said, "Carlisle's home. Should we talk to him now?"

Bella slipped off my lap and said, "Let me wash my face and I'll be right there." I showed her to the bathroom just off of the foyer and stepped over to the doorway that led to the kitchen. Esme was finishing her cooking project - some sort of Italian dish- hoping to entice Bella to eat while she was here. Carlisle had just come into the kitchen and smiled at me as he wrapped his arms around Esme. "Edward, I thought Bella was with you?"

"She is. She's in the bathroom at the moment."

I hope it all went well. Carlisle's mind was remembering all the research we did concerning the physical aspects of a potential relationship with Bella. If I could have blushed, I know I'd be scarlet. As it was, I swallowed nervously, darted my eyes away from his and slightly nodded my head. The scientist in Carlisle could never be dissuaded. His assumption that Bella and I had already consummated our relationship wasn't surprising. He knew how I felt. I wasn't going to enlighten him otherwise.

Did the difference in your body temperatures cause a problem? Were there any unexpected side effects due to the changes in friction coefficients? Did you... Just about then, Carlisle noticed my acute embarrassment and his thoughts ground to a halt. I am sorry, Edward, it's just that I have never had the opportunity to study a couple like you and Bella. I find it fascinating. If you ever find it within yourself to discuss this with me I would appreciate it.

I was thinking that this would be the last thing I'd ever talk to Carlisle about again. Ever. It was easier when a sexual relationship with Bella had just been speculation but now that it was almost a real, shared, amazing reality, I simply couldn't bare my soul like that to him. I shuddered. "I thank you for your interest, Carlisle, but a gentleman never kisses and tells."

Esme could tell that we were having a half-thought conversation and she could also guess the subject matter, "Carlisle, leave Edward alone! Geesh."

Just then, Bella walked into the kitchen, her cheeks aflame, "Hello, Carlisle." She probably had heard some of what we were discussing. I walked to her side and reached for her hand. She had to know she never had to face anything alone again unless she wished and that included prying fathers. I squeezed her hand reassuringly.

Carlisle was cheerful, "Welcome, Bella."

"I've always felt very welcomed in your home, Carlisle. You are all very gracious."

"It's more than just graciousness on our part, Bella. You are a Cullen as far as we are concerned."

Bella just smiled back at him. I decided it was time to distract Carlisle, "Bella and I were talking about the future, Carlisle, and how I should apply myself. I decided that in order to get a clearer picture of where I want to go, I really need to know more about where I began. I'd like to examine your memories about me and Elizabeth and Edward Masen, if I could. I want to start there."

Carlisle looked thoughtful and pulled up a stool to sit at the kitchen counter. "Where do you want me to begin, Edward?"

"I want to hear the whole story again, even the things you think I already know."

I led Bella over to the counter and sat next to her opposite Carlisle. Esme quietly worked in the background, listening.

Carlisle started, "As you know Edward, you and your parents, Elizabeth and Edward Masen, were admitted to Mercy Hospital in Chicago on September 15, 1918 with severe cases of Spanish Influenza. It was an epidemic and cots with sick patients were lined up along corridor walls, in filled to overflowing wards, anywhere we could find space.

"We were so overwhelmed with the sick and dying; I didn't have to pretend to be weary because no one really noticed what I was doing or how long I was working during the emergency. We were able to find a small room for the three of you to share. It had been an office that we had cleared out and could fit three beds in. Your father was almost comatose and you weren't far behind him. Your mother, Elizabeth, was the only one of the three of you lucid enough to talk.

"In appearance, you have a similar build as your father; tall and lean with his same texture hair, but your eyes were your mother's – a deep green. It's a shame that the most striking feature you shared with your mother was lost during the change. Elizabeth was a stunningly beautiful woman. She had classical features and a regal grace, even in her sickness. In repose, she reminded me of Mary in Michelangelo's Pieta. During her hospitalization, she spent her time trying to care for both you and your father as sick as she was.

"I never got a grasp on the manner of man your father was as he never regained consciousness and died within hours of his admission. He must have been a special man, though, to have won the love of such a woman as Elizabeth. We stood together at his bedside as he faded. I had to hold her up, she was so weak. I tried to suggest she lie down but she wouldn't leave his side. I will never forget the look on her face when he died. It was if a light had been snuffed out.

"I was able then to get her into bed and I called for the orderlies to remove your father's body. It was the middle of the night and I stayed with you both. You were sleeping but Elizabeth was restless. She wanted to talk about your father, so I stayed and listened as she rambled, feverish and heartbroken.

"They were childhood sweethearts in a rural town in Illinois, living practically next door to each other. Edward went to the city to seek his fortune and became apprenticed to a lawyer as he, himself, studied for the bar. Elizabeth stayed behind helping her parents run the small general store they owned. Edward could get just one day off a month and he'd get up before sunrise to hitch a ride to his hometown and to Elizabeth. They'd spend the day together and then he'd have to leave the same way he came, by hitching a ride back to the city.

"Unfortunately, Elizabeth lost her parents in quick succession and Edward appeared at her side, whisking her away to the city as his wife. At first, they were poor but happy. Edward worked his way up the ladder the lawyer's office and gradually their lot in life improved. After many years of fruitlessness, Elizabeth was delighted to discover she was going to have a child. You were the answer to many prayers.

"Elizabeth was determined that you would have the best in life so she set about making your home an engaging one for a young mind. She taught you to read when you were just three, and it was her hand that first showed you how to coax a tune from a piano. She encouraged your mind, your talent, your heart, and your spirit to rise up and become the best that you could be.

"That was one of the reasons why she bemoaned the war. She saw so much potential in you, so much ability, she didn't want you to throw it away in a battle besides her own personal devastation. She was fiercely protective of you. And so when that great leveler, the Spanish Influenza, threatened to take all that she'd lived for she turned to me and begged me to do whatever I could to save you.

"What a temptation she presented to me! Because of my 'vegetarianism' none of my kind was interested in sharing my existence. My loneliness had become a burden and I had been contemplating taking a companion, someone I could bring up sharing my ideals. But I still struggled with taking a human's fate in my hands and forcing an existence upon them in which they had no choice. It had briefly crossed my mind to change both Elizabeth and you at the same time. But there were problems with that – beyond the ethical issue of changing a human in the first place. Could I handle two newborns on my own? Unlikely – not with a newborn's strength and hunger. And then there was the fact that Elizabeth was devastated by the loss of her husband. I was sure that that feeling would be hers eternally if I changed her and I couldn't doom her to that fate. When Elizabeth pleaded with me to save you no matter what, I made the choice. Whether I was right or wrong to do it, Edward, I still don't know.

"Elizabeth drifted off to sleep and you were stable for the moment, so I rushed to your home and gathered such things that I thought should be your inheritance – your mother's jewelry, some paperwork and photographs. When I arrived back at the hospital, to my surprise, Elizabeth had died and you were close to your last breath. I had to act quickly. It was early in the morning and so, I wrapped you up and spirited you out of the hospital to my house. I lived on the outskirts of the city and its location afforded us the privacy we needed. It was there I changed you from mortal to immortal, probably a half an hour before you would have died. Four days later, you were a vampire and here we are today. I still don't know that I made the right choice then or at any other time when I forced this life on others."

Carlisle's face was pensive as he finished. We were all thinking the same thing. Did Carlisle do the right thing changing the four of us? Honestly, I didn't know how to answer that, at least for myself. Esme walked over to Carlisle and put her arms around him, "I can't speak for anyone else, Carlisle, but I know that outside of holding my baby in my arms for a brief time, I never knew true happiness until the day I awoke in your arms."

I roused myself to speak, "The difference is, Esme, you've done something positive with your existence. You rehabilitate architectural treasures. You made many wonderful homes for the rest of us. I've never done anything like that - something selfless that helps others in this life or my in previous one. I need to find out what I can do about that."

Turning to Carlisle, I said, "Carlisle, what did you collect from our house?"

Carlisle stood and said, "I've shown you some of those items before but you didn't seem to be too interested at the time. Let me get them for you." He left the room and returned a few minutes later with a wooden box in his hand. He gave it to me and said, "I haven't looked in it in a very long time."

I took the box, set it on the counter and paused a moment before I opened it. I glanced at Bella who had been sitting quietly next to me throughout Carlisle's story. She smiled encouragingly, her beautiful brown eyes full of love for me. Feeling a jolt of desire, I smiled back, amused that even that small glimpse caused my body to respond, even at a time as serious as this one. The way she was dressed today was designed to grab my attention. I wonder if I have Alice to thank for that? Who would have guessed I had such a strong carnal side?

I lifted the box top off and reached inside to pull out the papers that were piled on top. The first paper was my birth certificate. I laughed, "I've seen many of my birth certificates over the years but never the real one. It's funny." I read the certificate and saw that I was born in the same hospital I, or rather the human me, had been dying in. It gave my mother's maiden name and the place where both my parents were born. That's information I needed.

Next, I found a velvet box and opened the lid. I remembered this jewelry box. I had given a few of my mother's pieces to Esme and Alice in years past. My first impulse was to give the rest of the lot to Bella but I knew she'd feel uncomfortable if I did and probably would refuse it. I'd have to be crafty to give her any of it in the future - probably have to knock her over the head first.

There was an aged envelope at the bottom of the box. I gingerly picked it up and read what was written in neat, copperplate handwriting, "The Masen Family." Inside were two photographs. The first was a picture of a young couple in a formal pose with the man seated and the woman standing beside him, her hand resting upon his shoulder. They were wearing clothes that were common in Edwardian times. The woman's hair was done up in Gibson girl fashion and she was every bit as beautiful as one of those famous models. She sported leg-of-mutton sleeves on her wasp-waisted dress. Her husband was wearing a three-piece suit and a high collared shirt with a bowler hat resting on the table next to him. They looked placidly into the camera.

I squinted at their faces, trying to resurrect a memory of them. It was all foggy but glimpses of those times flashed through my mind. I stared into my mother's eyes and could vaguely remember their smile and comfort. Memories of my father were even more dim. Maybe as I researched, more would come back to me.

I handed the picture to Bella and then looked at the next one. It was of me. The sepia tones of the photograph dulled the colors so I couldn't see how my skin tone was ruddier than it is now or that my eyes were green rather than amber but everything else was the same. Perhaps the eyes were less jaded, less cynical but there I was in all my humanness. I would guess that the picture was taken the summer before I had contracted the influenza, perhaps in commemoration of my seventeenth birthday. Looking at the human me stirred all sorts of feelings that I couldn't name. I was unsettled.

I handed that photo to Bella, too, but this time I watched the play of emotions across her countenance as she looked at the human me that was. I was surprised when tears welled in her eyes and she let out a shuddering breath. I am sure she would have preferred the human Edward to the vampire one had she been given the choice. It was my eternal sadness that I couldn't ever be that Edward again but this time I was sad not for myself but for Bella.

***BPOV

Talk about conflicted? That was me to a "T."

Seeing the evidence of Edward's humanness put right in front of me brought up all sorts of feelings, mostly grief for the boy he was. Was Carlisle right to have changed Edward? I didn't know. Edward at 17 was on the cusp of manhood. The Spanish influenza was destined to end his life before it hardly had begun. Giving him a chance at life was what Elizabeth asked Carlisle for but Carlisle had only one sort of life to offer. Did Elizabeth know on some level what Carlisle was and therefore knew exactly what she was asking? Or was it just coincidence?

As I stared down at the old photograph, my heart ached for the poor boy. In the picture, he looked as if he could be anything, do anything. I could understand Elizabeth's desperation. This beautiful boy needed a chance but the fates had decided differently. He was doomed to die without some sort of supernatural intervention. The question was though; did the supernatural have precedence over the natural?

I also realized as well that if Carlisle hadn't decided to change Edward, I would never have met him. He would have been dead sixty-eight years before I was born. And that loss made me selfishly sad. The lessons I learned about life and love from Edward had helped to grow into who I was now. And besides that, I loved him so wholly. I couldn't imagine not knowing this feeling, this depth of emotion.

Edward packed his treasures back in the box and we decided to go back to my house. Esme insisted that I take the entire lasagna she had made home with me so that I could have leftovers during my work week. I was appreciative but looked skeptically at the pan. There was enough there to feed a large family. I was going to be sick of lasagna before too long. Our ride back was mostly silent. My emotional catharsis and the story of Edward's family took a lot out of me and left me with much to process. When we pulled up into my driveway, Edward parked the car and quickly got out and opened my door, his gentlemanly habits reminding me of old times.

I smiled up at him as I reached for his hand and his expression brought me up short. He looked stricken and pained.

"Edward, are you okay?" was the only thing I could think of saying. It was a dumb question because obviously he wasn't okay.

"I am well," was all he would say. I looked at him worriedly as he escorted me to my door. Oh, oh. There I had been, all wrapped up in my own feelings and forgetting all about what Edward must have been going through. I could see the wrinkle between his eyebrows and I knew that something was wrong, regardless of what he said. I wasn't putting up with his stoic BS.

I unlocked my door, grabbed Edward by the hand and pulled him into my house, dragging him over to my sofa and pushing him down on it. I use the words 'pulled,' 'dragging,' and 'pushing' loosely because in reality I could never physically manhandle Edward. He was going along with me out of courtesy but I could tell he really wanted to disappear.

Disappear?! Well, Edward Anthony Cullen, we weren't going to have any of that crap this time around.

"Stay right there!" I ordered him and dashed into the kitchen to find our 'lists.' Bringing them back to him I said, "You are all ready violating number five!" I waved it under his nose.

He took the paper and looked puzzled as he read it, "'Always use open, honest communication. No more 'lying for my own good,'" he read. "How have I done that, Bella?"

"I asked you what was wrong and you said, 'I am well' and I know that was bull because you look like someone told you Perez was now Team Taylor. We aren't going down that road again, Edward. Do you remember that road? The one where you lied to me and broke both of our hearts? This isn't going to happen again. You are going to tell me what's upsetting you or I am going to lay the smack down!"

I sat down next to him, folded my arms across my chest and gave him the evil eye as I waited for him to respond.

Edward sighed, then looked up at me and said, "Actually, I am not well. I am broken hearted that I can't be the Edward Cullen you really want."

"The Edward Cullen I really want?" Oh, I was going to beat him.

"Yes. You want the human that I was, not the vampire that I am."

"Okay. For one: You - how you are now - are the only Edward Cullen I've ever known. I never knew the Edward Cullen of 1918. So, how can you say I'd prefer him to you?"

"I saw your expression when you looked at my photograph, Bella."

"So?"

"You were crying."

"And? What do you think I was crying about?"

"The fact that Edward in the picture is the one you want."

I think I growled and I saw his lips twitch in amusement as if he couldn't help himself.

I went on, "Secondly, you made an assumption and you went with it. You should have asked me what I was crying about and I would have told you the truth. I am keeping the rules here if no one else is."

I sniffed, "In this case, Edward Cullen, you assumed wrongly. I was feeling sorry for the seventeen year old boy who was stricken at such a young age. I was crying for you, not for me." He could be so dense sometimes.

He was smiling at me now, "I am sorry Bella. I am not used to being so candid about my feelings. It's going to take practice to get that right."

I was still grumpy, "Why are you laughing at me?"

"Because you're cute when you're pissed."

I gasped, "EDWARD CULLEN! You said 'pissed'!" I was deliciously scandalized.

Chuckling, he reached over to pull me onto his lap, "I think New Bella is rubbing off on me."

After we cuddled some on the sofa, my internal alarm clock went off. In other words, my stomach growled again. It was entirely too used to being fed regularly. Edward insisted that we interrupt our very cozy making out session – and boy, was kissing the new Edward pretty damn perfect – so that I could eat some dinner. He followed me into my kitchen, watched me cut a square of Esme's lasagna and heat it up in the microwave. I threw together a small salad as a side dish and poured myself a glass of tea.

"So, Edward, if I kept a few bags of hemoglobin in the fridge, could I at least pour you a drink to have while I ate?"

Edward made a pretty nasty face, "Cold Blood? That sounds pretty repulsive."

"I've got a microwave."

"Ugh."

"So your food has to be 'on the hoof' before its appealing to you?"

Edward shrugged, "I guess the hunt is almost as important as the sustenance. Just sitting around sipping on a jug of blood doesn't do it for me. Besides, I can just see you dropping into a dead faint at the sight and smell of it. We'd have the EMTs here every day."

The snarky comment I was going to make was interrupted as the microwave binged and I got out my food, sat down at the table and cut into the delicious looking lasagna.

"It was very nice of Esme to fix me dinner. She's such a love."

I took a bite and suddenly realized my mouth was on fire. I inelegantly spat out the barely chewed bite into my napkin. "Ugh!"

Edward eyes were huge. "What's wrong, Bella?"

I chugged down my tea, "The lasagna is spicy, Edward. I mean HOT, HOT spicy. I mean like habanera pepper spicy." I moaned in pain a little.

"I think I just lost a layer of skin off the roof of my mouth!" I drank some more tea. Tears were coming into my eyes for the third time that day but this time not from emotion but from pain.

"Ugh!" I started to fan my hand in front of my open mouth. "Hot! Hot! Hot!"

Edward snickered at me.

"What did she put in the sauce?" I looked closely at a forkful, then sniffed it. I couldn't detect anything really weird but I wasn't eating any more of it that was for sure. I shrugged my shoulders and just concentrated on my salad.

"Poor Esme," Edward said, "She worked so hard on that lasagna. I think she used all homemade ingredients and vegetables she grew herself. She slaved over that stove all day."

"I know, she was very sweet and I feel guilty but it isn't edible unless you have a cast iron digestive track. Don't tell her about this. I don't want to hurt her feelings. Please, Edward?"

Edward shrugged noncommittally.

I decided to change the subject, "What are you going to do with Carlisle's information about your past?"

"I will read everything thoroughly, then figure out what to do. I am sure I'll be visiting my parent's hometown and the Chicago neighborhood they used to live in, just to see if it stirs any memories. Other than that, I am not sure."

I sat there staring down at my plate, pushing a tomato slice around with my fork, "Edward, how does vampirism work?"

"You know, Bella. Someone is bitten by a vampire but not killed. The venom eventually 'turns' them."

"Yes, I know the mechanics but what's in the venom that causes the change? You turn but you're still you. You may have some super human powers but by and large you are the same person as you were before the bite, except for the blood lust, strength, immortality, etc."

"Et cetera? Those are quite a lot of exceptions, Bella. I am very different than what I was."

"How so?"

He let out a long sigh, "Every cell in my body changed to a crystalline material. My cells are no longer carbon based – they are silicon based."

"Silicon, as in sand?"

"Basically – about as much as a lump of coal is to your cells."

"So is the venom a virus? A bacteria? An alien race?"

"It's a reagent. It reacts with a carbon based cell to change it to something else."

"So, it's a chemical reaction?"

"Basically. Once the venom is introduced, it changes the cells that are already there to make something completely different. What is made uses the original carbon based cell as a blue print. The DNA dictates what goes where and how. That is why we look the same and, for the most part, have the same personalities. It also explains why all wounds and ailments are repaired and cured. We are almost exact copies of the humans we were."

"I really don't understand why you don't consider yourselves humans, though. You're like another kind of human."

"We're vampires, Bella."

"You don't say?" I said sarcastically. "I mean really, Edward, you have human thoughts and human reactions – well, minus the blood lust – and human desires. You certainly aren't dead, like you like to claim."

"I have no heart beat."

"That's because you don't need it. I am sure, however, you have brain waves."

Edward nodded, "We do."

"The clinical definition of death is when the heart beat stops AND brain waves stop. Your brain waves have never stopped, so you've never died and you're immortal simply because you don't wear out. You just were overhauled. Remodeled. Improved."

Edward frowned, "Demonized."

I sighed heavily, "You are beyond silly. You've just explained to me that vampirism is basically the result of a chemical reaction. How can Chemistry be evil? It's what you do with it that makes it evil. Evil is a premeditated action that causes harm to others. It's a conscious decision. Edward Cullen, you don't do evil things, therefore, you aren't a demon."

"I've done evil things."

"Haven't we all done at one time or another?"

Scoffingly, Edward asked me, "Bella, when did you kill someone?"

"I've never killed anyone, yet," I gave him a pointed look, "but I've done bad things."

"Like what?"

"Disrespecting Charlie."

"How did you disrespect Charlie?"

"I let you into my room at night against his wishes."

"I started that."

"I never told you to stop."

"So, I am as guilty in 'disrespecting Charlie' as you are. You aren't proving your case, Bella."

I playfully jabbed him in the side, "Well, you've had more time to make mistakes than I have had."

"So you're saying that I just need to give you more time and you'll go all Lizzie Borden on me?"

"No. I think I've developed the moral framework to avoid killing someone. You needed time to develop yours. Once you did, you stopped."

"You have this all figured out, don't you?"

"I've figured somethings out."

"And somethings you haven't?" he asked.

I nodded.

"Like what?"

"Like whether I'd ever want to have that Internal Vampiric Chemical Peel myself."

AN: The Perez coming Team Taylor is a nod to Perez Hilton's adoration of Rob Pattinson. I think he likes Taylor Lautner, too, but for some reason, he can't stand Kristen Stewart.

Lizzie Borden was accused of killing her father and step mother with an axe back in the late 1800s. She was found innocent but most believed that was a perversion of justice. She was sort of the OJ of Victorian times.

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