The Hardest Thing is Trusting Yourself

By: Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles

Chapter 2: Barriers Give

They drove around for a short while until Melinda spotted Olivia sitting on a park bench, coffee in hand. "Do you want us to come or leave you to it?"

Casey opened the door, crutches in hand. "Let me try," she said, getting out and limping over. "Can I sit?"

Olivia looked up, squinting as the sun shone in her eyes, before helping her sit.

Casey laid her head on Olivia's shoulder. "I'm sorry," she whispered.

Olivia dropped a kiss to her head, squeezing her thigh. "You didn't do anything you need to apologize for."

She nodded, taking a breath. "I know, but I mean...Elliot told me about when you got into a fight with your mom." She wrapped her arm around her. "I'm sorry it came to that. I understand, but...I just, Liv, I love you so much and...I always, always will, no matter what."

"...He shouldn't have told you that. He promised me he wouldn't tell anyone."

"...Liv, please don't be angry." She held onto her tighter. "He knew it was connected to this and—Liv, I—"

Olivia had begun to shake, the now-empty paper cup getting crushed in her fist.

Casey could hear her breath catch in her throat. She lifted her head and saw she was beginning to tear up. "It wasn't your fault, Olivia. I'm sure she knew that."

"I don't want to talk about it. I have to go." Olivia went to stand.

Casey pulled her back down. "No. No Olivia. Don't you see? Talking isn't the only way to solve problems," she said. "You're used to getting the victims to tell their stories or interrogating perps, but Liv, sometimes tears are healthier because you let the anger and frustration out in a completely normal way. Do you understand?"

"Yeah, let's see how much you feel like chatting to me after I bash you up Casey! Please, let me go, I don't want to talk about it!"

Casey held tighter. "So hit me then, detective! Bloody me up. I'm not afraid. It's not healthy to keep it all inside. You don't have to talk."

Olivia struggled to get away from her but slowly, very slowly, gave in, and rested her head on Casey's shoulder, her tears quietly falling.

Casey turned, opening her arms. "Come on."

Olivia rested against her, crying silently, her body shaking.

Tightly, Casey wrapped her arms around her. "Shh, it's gonna be okay. It's gonna be okay, Liv. Let it out. Let it all go," she whispered into her ear, feeling her trembling increase ten-fold.

Olivia tried to speak, tried to tell her what had happened, but in the end she gave up and they sat there for a long time in silence until the rain began to gently fall around them and Olivia sat up, wiping her face on her sleeve.

"So?" Casey asked. "Feeling any better?"

Olivia gave a nod, but wouldn't look at Casey. "We better get home. Cab? Or can you walk?"

"I probably shouldn't walk too much for a bit. I think we should get a cab...unless they're still waiting for me."

"Who?" Olivia rubbed her face, suddenly very tired.

"Elliot and Melinda. You think I walked here? On this foot?"

Olivia gave a half smile and helped her up. "I don't know, you're pretty determined sometimes."

She nodded. "Yeah, but that's usually when I'm not in pain. So where do you want to go? Or me to go?"

"I think I might just go home to bed."

"Okay, you can do that. What would you like me to do?" she asked as they walked to the sidewalk.

Olivia's answer was obscured by a wide yawn and she rested her head on Casey's shoulder as she looked for Elliot's car.

"What did you say?"

"Is Elliot here?"

"Oh, umm, yeah they're a few cars a—way!" Someone had left something wet on the sidewalk and it had frozen overnight. When Casey's good foot hit it, she toppled forward.

Olivia pulled her backwards and they fell onto the concrete.

"Ow!"

"Ow? Ow what? You fell on top of me."

She winced "I know, but I hit my foot hard when we fell. It's throbbing, damn it!" she cried into her shoulder.

After a moment, Olivia couldn't help but laugh quietly, her shoulders bobbing up and down as she tried to suppress it.

"Fine laugh at your girlfriend's pain. Real mature, Olivia!" Casey said.

When Olivia tried to get her to stand, Casey let a horrible scream go, jumping into her arms, shaking.

"Olivia," she whimpered.

Olivia held her close, still laughing a little as she lifted her. "We really are a pair, aren't we? It's amazing we managed to function at all without each other. I love you, Novak."

Casey just leaned into her, trying to forget the pain, nodding. "I-I-I can barely m-move it!" she cried. "Hurry!"

Elliot drove up and Melinda climbed out of the car, both about to make a joke, before seeing Casey's face. "Right. Hospital. Now."

Olivia climbed into the back with Casey who was still shaking. "L-Liv? Y-you'll stay with me i-if I have to?"

"Just like all the times you've stayed with me, Case." Olivia did her seat belt for her, blotting her tears.

Casey leaned her head on her shoulder, gripping her hand for dear life.

Olivia placed Casey very gently on the couch, in Casey's apartment, careful of her brace, putting a cushion under it as the doctor had suggested, before covering Casey's faces with kisses. "Do you want anything? Did I mention I love you?"

"I could use a cold drink and someone's arms around me. Beautiful brunette, strong, courageous...I love you too."

"I don't know. I could try and call Fin, but he might take a while to get here."

"I meant you," she said with a smile.

Olivia smiled back, kissing her once more. "I have mentioned I love you?'

"You have, but feel free to say it again..."

"I love you, Casey Novak." Olivia repeated it several times as she made her way into the kitchen looking for something for her to drink.

Casey sighed, relaxing. "Love you too, Liv," she called into the kitchen.

"I've just remembered you shop even less than I do. Is water ok?"

"Yeah."

There was a lot of noise in the kitchen, and a few minutes later, Olivia walked into the room, a smile on her face and iced tea in her hand. "I tasted it to make sure it's not going to kill you."

Casey sat up slightly, with Olivia's assistance, and took a sip. "Thank you."

Olivia sat behind her, trying to suppress the giggles that assaulted her every time she looked at the brace.

"What?"

"I'm sorry. It just makes me laugh. I have no idea how I managed before I met you, but I always thought you would be fine without me...now, I'm not so sure."

Casey smiled. "I think I'd be a lot worse off if I didn't know you. Olivia, can I say something about earlier...?"

Olivia stiffened a little, but nodded. "Okay."

"You were right. I should've let you tell me, but Elliot saw how upset I was and figured I deserved an explanation. If you want to tell me your side sometime, don't hesitate, okay?"

Olivia nodded, but no words were forthcoming.

Casey sighed, relaxing against her. "I do love you, you know. No matter what. It just feels like you don't trust me, but if you can cry instead of hit things, its healthier. Safer. I can help you deal with that."

"I don't want to talk about it," she said, the words more gently than she'd done previously, her head resting on Casey's shoulder.

Casey nodded. "Just remember that for when you do, okay?"

"…I do trust you Casey, more than I've ever trusted anyone. More than Elliot, I just…can't. Not yet. Ok?"

"Okay. Hey Liv?"

"Mmm?"

She turned on her side, so her injured foot was still resting on the pillow and her head on her heart. "Keep me warm?"

Olivia wrapped her arms around her tightly, burying her face in her hair. "Always."

Author's Note: So? What do you think? Not sure how many chapters this will be.

Please read & review!

Review thanks to: sam & tummer22

Liv-x-Lex4Ever & E. Scribbles