Chapter 2 – Leah – Going Nowhere Fast
It was one of those days. I'd spent nearly all day running patrol, which I wouldn't mind really if I could just get a little damn privacy. But, of course with our expanded territory, and with Jacob's new "teamwork" regime, I had spent the whole day sharing my every thought with Quil Ateara and his new fascination with Barbie dolls. Claire, the infantile, future love of Quil's life, had recently taken an interest in playing dolls, something which Quil of course found adorable and totally enthralling. Meanwhile I couldn't help but spend the whole day thinking about how utterly bizarre it was for a teenage boy to dote on a tiny child as if she were, not only his daughter, but his very best friend. I couldn't help thinking how desperately cruel it was for an imprinted wolf to lose all say in who they loved and even who they were. It didn't seem to be a great gig for the imprintee either. I couldn't imagine the thought of some guy declaring I was their one and only true love, and I had no say in it. I'd run, just get the hell outta dodge, I thought.
By the time the shadows began to lengthen into dusk I was nearly out of my mind with the mixture of conflicting thoughts sharing my brain. I tried to just let my consciousness sink into the pad of my feet on the ground; lose myself in the rhythm of heartbeat and motion. I let my senses stretch out from me, but my restless mind kept snagging on interesting smells and sounds. I felt a strange pull in me, growing stronger, and more frustrating. I felt like running, but I didn't know where to go. I could feel my frustration turning into a nasty mood. Sunset signaled patrol changeover, but if I couldn't get control of my temper I'd be stuck as a wolf for another patrol shift, and I was not in the mood for it.
I felt a growl working its way up my throat and suppressed it. I clamped down on my thoughts and focused again on my senses. My patrol circuit was heading back towards La Push, and let my hearing span out to take in the sounds of the small town. Rather than listening to any specific thing, I let all the sounds converge into soothing hum. At least I tried to, but on particular stand of sound stood out. Automatically I honed in on it, only to find the sound of my brother, Embry, and another person down near First Beach. I felt my frustration return, they were supposed to be next on patrol, and instead they were chatting with some stranger on the beach. I sat back and gave a howl of annoyance before I could stop myself.
Leah! What's happening? Quil's thoughts burst into my mind again.
Nothing, sorry. Just my idiot brother and Embry, wasting time. I'm just tired, and irritated. I sent my hearing back to the beach and managed to catch a final scrap of conversation
"…. I really can't take any more of your time." The voice was one of the most fascinating sounds I had ever heard. I could tell it was a girl's voice, although it was somewhat low. She had a strange accent, I couldn't quite place it, but it was rich and… attractive. I couldn't shake it, until Seth's voice cut through my consciousness, he was saying hurried farewells as he and Embry made for the woods. I felt a strange mix of emotions, relief that my patrol was finally over and I could have my headspace to myself again, and overwhelming curiosity about who my brother and pack mate had been speaking to.
I don't get why you're so interested Leah. She's probably just some tourist looking for a local experience.
Quil! Stay out of my head ok? I'm just a little curious is all. Again I felt my frustration return.
Chill out Leah, sorry. Quil sounded contrite, and so I let it go.
Sorry Quil, I'm just in a weird mood. I made my way back to the small grove of trees where I'd stored my clothes this morning. Just as I reached my destination I felt two new minds join Quil's and mine.
Leah! Is anything wrong, we heard you howling? Are you ok? Seth's chipper little mind piped up in a worried tone.
Sorry Seth, it's been a long day. You were running late… What were you up to anyway? The last question forced its way into my mind involuntarily.
Just a girl, her car broke down, we helped her move it. Embry answered, and in his thoughts I saw flashes of their interaction replayed. In their minds I saw a tall girl, with tired eyes and tightly curling blonde hair. I felt a strange surge of confusion, and suddenly the thought of sharing my mind with my pack mate's became too much.
I'm going home, like I said it's been a long day. Before Seth could ask me what was up I phased, and breathed a sigh of relief. It was like stepping out of a noisy room full of too-loud voices, and into a cool, quiet night.
I dressed quickly, took my time enjoying the long leisurely walk back home. I felt a strange urge to detour past First Beach. Specifically past the parking lot, where I knew I would find a green Kombi van, and a strange girl who I'd never met. Stupid, I thought to myself, She's just some tourist girl. Although I had to admit, most tourists came in groups, and in the summer. I wondered what she was doing here, why had she come to La Push this late in the year and all by herself at that? I found myself wishing that I had stayed wolf long enough to find out her name, and some more of her story. I almost turned around and went back, but I stopped myself in time. I sighed; the long day on patrol had fried my brain more than I thought. I shook my head, trying to clear it. I'm just tired, I thought, Home, dinner and a good night's sleep is all I need.
Trying to keep my resolve, I jogged the rest of the way home, letting the door swing shut behind me. It closed with a slam, and I heard mom in the kitchen.
"You're late!" she called out, "Are you hunger?"
"Hi mom. Seth and Embry got held up at the beach, so I was stuck waiting for them." I strode into the kitchen, and gave my mom a quick kiss on the cheek. She was already serving up a large plate of food, spaghetti bolognaise with meatballs and salad. With her hair cut short and spiky, mom looked more like a powerhouse than ever before. I couldn't help admiring my mom. There was a strength in her that I envied. She'd lost my dad, and had to deal with two werewolf children, but aside from the occasional sadness around her eyes, she hadn't let any of it slow her down. I wasn't crazy about her dating Charlie Swan, but I was glad that she could still find happiness. She hadn't gone to pieces like I had over Sam.
I was surprised to realize that this was the first time I had thought about Sam today. Usually at least a small part of everyday was dedicated to my feelings of guilt, angry and rejection. Today, instead of slipping into bitterness, I smiled at my mom as she put the plate in front of me and sat down.
"So, how was the day? Any unwelcome guests in the woods?" She asked.
"Nah, it was all pretty routine, mundane, annoying. Sometimes it just gets a bit much, sharing my brain with all of them." I looked over at her and grimaced ruefully.
"I know it's rough honey, but surely it's easier now that the packs are separated?"
"It is, really it is. I'm just irritable today… And Seth had to go out and play Good Samaritan instead of getting to patrol on time." I frowned, as the irritation I'd been feeling all day rose again.
"What was that boy up to this time?" Mom rolled her eyes, and grinned, trying to put me at ease. Instead she struck on the one subject that wound through the centre of all my thoughts.
I groaned, "There's this girl, some tourist or something. Seth and Embry help her move her van, it had broken down near First Beach." I felt myself frowning, "There's something about. She smells different, and what's a young girl doing travelling by herself at this time of year. It's going to be getting real cold, real soon."
"Did you meet her?" Mom looked at me curiously.
"No, I just saw her in Seth's head." I looked away feeling strangely embarrassed.
Mom furrowed her brow, "Do you think he's… interested in her." With wolves imprinting left, right and centre, Mom never seemed sure whether to hope or fear that either Seth or I would be the next ones to fall helplessly in love with the next stranger we met.
"I don't think so; he's just too friendly for his own good. I'm sure I would have known if he had. All the others reek of it; all they can think about is their imprints. Seth was still Seth last I saw. Still it's good that he helped her out. I wonder if she's doing ok out there by the beach. It's starting to get cold."
Mom looked at me and raised an eyebrow, "I'm sure she's fine, but are you ok? You seem a little out of it."
I shook my head, and rested it in my hands, "I'm fine, really. I just, I'm tired. It was a long day." I looked down at my half eaten dinner, and realized I wasn't hungry. "I think I might just get an early night, I was up at dawn after all. Thanks for dinner mom, have a good night." I gave her another kiss on the cheek, and headed down the hall to my room, and closed the door behind me.
Small like everything else in our little house, my room with, its polished wood walls, was quiet and comfortable. As I prepared myself for bed, I finally let myself begin to relax. I changed into an old tank top and a pair of boxer shorts, and then headed to the bathroom to brush my teeth. Still feeling the last vestiges of the day's frustration, I splashed water on face. In the mirror, dark, confused eyes stared back at me. Dark, arched eyebrows creased above an angular and strong boned face, but I couldn't meet my own questioning face for more than a few moments. I turned away, made my way back to my room, and buried myself under the covers.
I tried to sleep, but I found I was too restless. Instead my mind kept wandering back to First Beach, and the girl, who by now would probably be curled up in her van trying to sleep while the waves and the wind roared outside. For some reason, once I stopped fighting it, thinking about her being warm and safe helped me relax. Finally feeling sleep creep up on me, I imagined her face, thick eyelashes resting on her cheeks, thick ringlets arrayed messily around her face. I feel asleep to the sound of her breathing.
…
It was cold on the beach. The wind whipped at my short hair, and stung my eyes. I could taste the burn of salt and feel the sting of sand on my skin. I could feel someone watching, and spun around trying to see who was there, but I couldn't see anyone. Further ahead I caught sight of a green van; something about it seemed to draw me forward. It'll be warm there, I thought, but just as I was about to walk towards it a huge black wolf leap out of the tree line and blocked my path.
Did you think I didn't know Leah? Did you think you could hide it from me? Sam's voice rang in my mind with the double toned force of an alpha's command. I felt my knees give out under the pressure of his fury. I sank down onto the sand and stone, and felt all the guilt and pain flare up at the feeling of his mind against mine.
I fought against the weight that made my shoulders droop and my head hang forward. He had no right! No goddamned right! I heard the sound of his footsteps drawing closer, as the force of his mind continued to batter at me. Why do you think I imprinted on Emily? Why do you think no one has imprinted on you?
I wrenched my face up to meet his accusing eyes, gasping for breath I spat at the ground at his feet. "Get the hell out of my head Sam Uley! You've got no right being there, not anymore!" I glared into his cold, dark eyes, and resisted every impulse that screamed at me to submit. He may have been my Alpha, he may have been my first love, but he was none of these things, not anymore!
I struggled to my feet, and stood, shaking, in front of him. "You've got nothing over me Sam. No get out of my way!" With every ounce of strength I had I took a step forward. Almost as if he were afraid of me, the black wolf took a step backwards. I continued forwards, and he kept backing away. As I drew closer to the green van, I felt myself growing stronger. Sam sank down onto his haunches, a low whine rose from his muzzle. He looked up at me with pleading eyes.
Lee Lee, I cringed at the old nickname, It's not supposed to be like this. You'll destroy us all. Nobody will look at you again. Don't do this!
"Sam, this has nothing to do with you! I'm done listening to you. Now MOVE!" Every angry feeling I'd had since Sam first laid eyes on Emily, since my father died while I was stuck in a goddamned wolf body, every fear and doubt turned to lead, threw itself into my voice, and slammed into Sam like a fist. He jumped out of my way with a yelp, like he'd been punched. My whole body shook and I felt the burning tremors as my wolf form took over. Sam looked up at me in terror, crawling away, dragging his stomach along the ground. I just stood there growling, waves of rage rolled over me. I was a tiny ship of consciousness lost in a maelstrom of dangerous emotions, completely out of control. For a moment, I thought I was going mad. Any second now I would leap forward and rip out Sam's fucking throat.
My muscles bunched as I prepared to spring. I wasn't myself anymore; I was a monster, destructive and terrible. Every part of myself that I was afraid of, every thought that I had pushed down and locked away in the bottom of my soul, broke free and swept away everything sane and conscious inside of me. I was no one, I was nothing, I was only rage and destruction.
Then I felt it. A cool hand reached up and placed itself firmly on the fur of my shoulder. My head whipped around and I growled.
"It's alright. Shhh, it'll be ok." Her hand dug deeper into my fur, and I felt a coolness spread out from the point of contact. I felt the growl die on my lips as I saw the halo of blonde ringlets. Her eyes were downcast. She seemed focused on the spot where her hand and my shoulder met. The reality of her, there by my side, was enough to make everything else fall away.
A tremor ripped through me. I felt her hand tremble and suddenly her face pressed against my neck. Her arms wrapped around me. It was as if there was an earthquake tearing through my body. I threw my head back and howled as my form fell away from me.
The world stopped shaking, and I came to, naked, in her arms. It was as if every knot inside of me had been unraveled. I felt raw and exhausted, but safe, warm and home. I opened my eyes, wanting to meet hers, wanting to see her.
But when I looked up her eyes were closed. She was the one shaking. A sound of almost inhuman pain rang out through the night and I realized she was screaming. I lifted my hand, to touch her face, to ease her pain somehow. As I did, her eyes flew open, and she shattering into a million shining pieces.
I recoiled, and felt myself fall backwards, down into endless cold and darkness.
...
I snapped awake, a scream dying on my lips. I was freezing. I'd kicked my blankets to the floor. I scooped them up and burrowed into my bed. Already I could feel the memory of the dream slipping away from me. All that was left was an image of a face filled with pain. I had a terrible feeling that something huge and inevitable was headed towards me, and I was powerless to stop it.