3rd December 2022.
I tried sleeping on my side.
I tried sleeping on my back.
I tried sleeping on my front.
I tried sleeping in a fetal position.
I tried sleeping in a plank.
I tried the whole fucking sleeping sutra but nothing. So out of no choice I decided to write some more, if this doesn't make me fall asleep then I might just have to resort to having a fricking conversation with Dom. I shiver at the thought.
I guess I should properly introduce myself, to myself? I don't really understand this diary business. But I promised Al that I would do it right.
So a history of my life so far seems a good place to start.
Being the oldest child to 2/3 of the golden trio is a bloody trek, in the Sahara desert, with no camel or water and only Malfoy for company.
Not only had they defeated the nose-less creep at the mere age of seventeen but established themselves honorable jobs straight out of Hogwarts.
When I say 'honorable' I mean damn right outrageous.
Fresh of the battle scene everyone wanted a piece of those who with dignity called themselves the 'Dumbledore's Army'.
Hence mum, dad, uncle Harry, uncle Neville and aunt Luna went back for their last year at Hogwarts as National Heroes.
As icons.
So aptly at the sheer age of eighteen dad was invited to join the England Quiddich Team as a Keeper.
Seeing as the England team only played in the summer when the World Cup was held every two years and friendly matches now and then dad had enough free time to help Uncle George at the Weasley's Wizards Wheezes, which not only put Zonko's out of business but is the sacred shop for every Hogwarts student.
Whereas mum went down a slightly more intellectual route.
The Ministry of Magic was completely rebooted under the hands of a man that everybody trusted: Arthur Weasley.
Convinced by mum he created a new section of the ministry of magic: Wizarding Arithmancy Research Team or WART.
Gotta love a good acronym.
Obviously he made mum the Head Researcher.
So basically she is bossing around people twenty years senior while carrying on with a subject she loves.
Jealous? Me? Never.
Therefore having such high achieving parents kinda raised the bar for us: the next generation.
In other simpler words – we are royally screwed.
Pretty much as soon as I was born a million expectations were bestowed on me.
Be as clever and pretty as mum.
Be as funny and loving as dad.
Be as brave as both of them.
Be as warm as the Weasleys.
Be perfect.
Well I crushed those dreams as soon as I learned my first word: 'damn'.
Dad had said it enough time around me for me to become attached to it. 'Damn hungry', 'damn sleepy' etc. You get the point.
At first I guess it was endearing and funny, although my mum resented my dad for introducing it to me.
Soon enough 'bloody' was added to my not so extensive vocabulary. Followed by 'git' (courtesy of aunt Ginny) then 'shit'.
I think it's safe to that I wasn't the most charming child.
My childhood was stimulating to put it politely.
The Borrow was a fucking circus and seeing as our parents were so bloody busy with being the leaders of the wizarding community and shit that pretty much everyday they dumped us with Grandma Molly.
My God after raising Fred and George that woman knew how not to take crap from us.
I mean having to deal with 13 of the most dysfunctional kids at once cannot be easy. But she did it with her eyes closed.
Hugo is my younger brother and is everything that I am not. He is nice and couldn't be sarcastic for shit.
He got my mother's love for books and my father's love for Wizardry Chess. Watching him and my dad play that game is like watching Al ask out a girl, you keep looking backwards and forwards and backwards and forwards and whatever happens you know everything will end up in rubble.
Hugo and I are too different to actually get along. We don't even look alike. He has got my mums brown hair and chocolate eyes whereas I am stuck with a bloody ginger bush planted on my head and ice blue eyes.
I don't really know if I would classify my self as beautiful, I definitely have some striking features (such as the aforementioned hair and eyes) but compared to the likes of Dom and Iver I don't really shine.
Enough of the low self-esteem crap; lver would define this as 'fishing'. Not as in catching seafood for dinner but as though I am 'fishing for compliments'. Asking her to elaborate she would continue on the say that I'm bloody stunning and to leave it at that.
Yep, she really knows how to murder a conversation.
I am in my sixth year at Hogwarts and I can proudly say that I am in Gryffindor though the bravest thing I have ever done is snatched food off dad's plate to feed our dog, Bruno.
Personally I believe that after the Sorting Hat inhaled the fumes coming out of Malfoy's greasy head it became high and sorted the rest of us randomly.
I mean Albus being in Slytherin is the most ridiculous thing I have ever heard. That boy couldn't even plot to tie his own shoelaces.
Albus Severus Potter, the aforesaid Sytheonian is my cousin but I see him more as my older, wiser, protective brother.
He is quiet, geeky and witty. Basically a carbon copy of Uncle Haza in both looks and personality.
Honestly the amount of times I have told Haza my secrets and asked Al advice on how to destroy a Horcrux it's a fucking joke.
Although they are so similar watching to two of them have a conversation is like watching animals having sex, its painfully uncomfortable yet hilarious and you know you should look away but you can't, it's like your hypnotized.
Al would be thrilled at the idea of my comparing his conversing skills to animal sex but he won't say anything about it. Oh no, he is the only one in the family that I have never got in a fight with because whenever I try he goes all Gandhi on me.
Furthermore he is the smartest kid in town.
He like my mum of our generation, in fact there is a rumor going round that he is the love child of my mum and Uncle Harry, when we questioned them about it Aunt Ginny showed me the birth marks to prove he is her son.
Innocence lost and scarred for life I have learned never to listen to rumors again or Aunt Ginny might just get her 'stuff' out again.
Then there is James, the first born of the famous boy who lived.
I would love to report that James didn't let that get to his head and he is a modest moral boy but alas since when had anything gone right for Uncle Haza?
James turned out to be even a bigger douche than you'd expect.
At first it was just the name 'Potter' then apparently he became hot (not that I have an opinion on that… because that would be weird not to mention illegal in some countries.)
Soon after he became the 'best Chaser Hogwarts has seen' resulting in him becoming the captain of Gryffindor at a relatively young age.
He earned himself the title of 'party animal' and still manages to ace all his lessons.
Then Minnie thought that his self esteem still needed to be boosted therefore made him Head Boy. Nice one Minnie, and I thought being as old as a fucking fossil was meant to make you wise?
Anyway there was so much potential it's sad really that all the power went to his head.
Waste of talent.
Condolences for Uncle and Aunt Potter, it's a terrible loss, but I guess we all saw it coming.
One day he just snapped. He picked up his wand, pointed it at his face and AKed himself. Poor, poor boy.
No I'm only joking, he loves himself too much for that (plus I don't think you can AK yourself, hmm I'll have to try it, note to self: trick Malfoy into AKing himself purely for research).
No he did something much worse, he pointed his wand at himself and he permanently turned his hair blonde.
It is horrific.
We are still trying to recover. Of all the twatish things he has done, that is probably not the worst but somewhere up there.
Lily, the sweet, innocent and perfect little girl… hates me for reasons unknown. Sure I may have dared her brother to dye his hair blonde but to be fair I didn't actually think that he would do it.
Actually that's a pathetic reason, she doesn't even like James that much - I mean since he decided that she was made of porcelain and that just by looking at a guy she'd contract Chlamydia or get pregnant - she's been awfully distant.
Don't really blame her.
Next there is Dom – the pretty one. Well to be honest seeing as she has Veela genes and is part French you'd expect her to be fricking gorgeous.
She and I share a dorm room and what I mean by that is that I run like the fucking Firebolt whenever I see her and limit our conversations to 'I swear to god if you don't get that Barbie arse out of the toilet now I will scar that Veela face so bad that people will think your part troll'.
I thought Dom was bad but she hasn't got a patch on Victorie. That girl can make anyone unconscious with her words in five seconds flat.
I have no idea what Teddy sees in that heap of gold curls, with a body expelled of any fat and a face of a bloody angel.
That boy is under the Imperius I am sure of it.
Firstly I just want to make it clear that Teddy is the godson of Harry P therefore in no way related to me hence I can freely state that he is a Greek god's cooler, hotter, older brother.
Honestly if I didn't see him as part of the fam he would be covered in Swiss chocolate right now that I would be eagerly licking off.
Steady now, he is my D.A.D.A. teacher which makes the uncomfortable situation of me fancying my almost cousin even worse. Ah well im already a bitch, why not add pervert to the list?
Oh and of course there is Fred who likes to think himself as quite the joker pulling pranks left, right and centre and Roxanne who pretty much just follows him around with a fire extinguisher. He tries pretty hard to live up to his name and Roxanne tries pretty hard to make sure that he doesn't die.
Lastly there is Percy's spawn. In hindsight I just wish Audrey kept her legs shut then I wouldn't have to deal with the repercussions.
Bloody Molly.
Biggest A-hole to grace the fam. Seriously this girl won't know fun even if it did her. And they thought Percy was bad.
And did I mention that she is Head Girl? Hear that sarcastic slow clap? Yeah that's what I think of Minnie's choice.
Ah I can't forget to mention Lucy, her younger sister. No joke I didn't even know Percy had a second child till last week when she decided to sit with me.
It was that awkward "Do I know you?" "Erm yeah I'm your cousin" kind of situation. God I hate it when that happens. I just thought that Perc would have learned from his first mistake. But to be fair Lucy isn't that bad, just insanely quiet and shy-
Later the same night
Okay, so that was odd.
As I was writing I heard Iver stir. Naturally I didn't want her to know that I was writing a diary about my feelings like a pathetic teenager so I pretended to be asleep.
Peeping through my duvet I saw her get up from her bed.
Weird thing being that she was already dressed. She was wearing a tight plain black dress, which contrasted with her bright blond hair that was straightened immaculately. Her make up was done like a true artist with smokey eyes and bright red lipstick.
I have had my fair share of exploring the castle in the middle of the dark night but never have I looked like that. No this girl was out to impress which meant only one thing.
She was meeting a boy.
Now Iver and I don't tell each other most things about our lives but boys is something that we always share (just so we have something to talk about so its not awkward).
And as far as she told me she doesn't have a boyfriend or even a crush at the moment. So who the fuck was she meeting? I had to find out.
Obviously I went all Harry Potter on her arse by using the invisibility cloak - that I nicked of James earlier to pull a prank on Malfoy – and followed her.
She went out of the common room, down the stairs and turned left to get to the closest suit of armour.
Searching through her purse her picked out a small shiny object. It looked as though it was a miniature sword. She pointed her wand at what could be a sword for a Cornish Pixie and whispered a spell. The tiny sword grew to its real-life size, which she pushed through the hands of the statue so it looked as though he was holding it.
Suddenly the shield the statue was held grew till it was the size of a door that Iver opened and walked through after she had taken out the sword, which automatically turned back to fairy size.
As she closed the door the shield went back to its normal size and it was as though she disappeared in thin air. How the fuck did she know a passageway that I didn't know? Hell even the James and Al didn't know this and they are related to the bloody Marauders.
I had to find out where the shield led otherwise even taking to Molly won't help me sleep.
I ran to the Slytherin common room. Getting in was tricky seeing as I didn't know the password. They had Hannibal Von Scaryshit (okay I made up the Von Scaryshit seeing as no one ever spent enough time with him to find out his last name I made one up and it spread pretty soon) he was the most terrifying guard Azkaban ever had and he was the painting used to watch the Sytherin common room. Unlike the Fat Lady, Von Scaryshit didn't have a door.
The idea was that you had to be sly enough to get past him without a password. Sly = Slytherin. So it's a good system really. Except to get past Von Scaryshit is near impossible and it's a common sight to see poor first years who forgot the password sleeping outside. Of course after a while you learn his method and it gets pretty easy. For example I know that he will always fall for:
"Look there is a prisoner escaping!" I shout
"Vat? Vhere?" He barks, looking in the direction where I pointed.
"Did you know gullible is written on the ceiling?" I smirk as I walk past him into the common room. I could hear him mumbling something that sounded a lot like 'stupid children' but I didn't care.
I went straight to Al's dorm room and made a beeline for his bed. Well I did after I went to Malfoy's and using my wand stitched 'I bet you can't hit my head with a Knut' on the back of his cloak. Good old fashioned pranking.
As I reached Al I started shaking him violently. Patience is not a virtue, its stupidity, why waste precious time? Al simply grunted so I just turned the shaking up a notch. Oh how he was ecstatic.
"What?"
"Al get up, I just saw the weirdest thing" I didn't mind betraying Iver by telling Al seeing as I told him everything, we were tight like that.
"Oh did you see me peacefully sleeping in the middle of the night? Because yeah you're right that's pretty weird."
"Since when did you get snarky?" Al being rude was unheard of.
He sighed. "I'm sorry I guess I've just been spending too long with you, what's up?" I smiled, that's the Al I know and love. I quickly filled him in on everything that I just witnessed.
"Huh, that is weird. Wait lets check the Marauders' Map." I knew that there was a reason that I came to him with all my problems; he always knew what to fucking do. I handed him his glasses and he looked through his chest of draws and pulled out a place piece of parchment. Of course only the Potter/Weasley clan knew that this was much more that just a normal piece of parchment.
No, it's a do-as-many-pranks-and-not-get-in-trouble piece of parchment.
He opened it and there it was a pair of shoes labeled 'Iver' in the middle of (you won't believe this) the fucking teachers' wing.
Yes Iver got all dolled up to see a teacher in the middle of the night. The most shocking part is that she knew how to get in and had her own bloody key.
I had a fucking almost cousin as a teacher and even I didn't know how to get to the teachers' wing. But it makes so much sense now, of course the suit of armour was used as the passageway: there was one on every corner. So that's how they got everywhere so bloody quickly.
I couldn't stop thinking about what Iver doing in the teachers' wing as I left to come back to my bed.
Was she having an affair with a teacher?
Which teacher?
This is all so goddamn scandalous.
A/N: Sorry for the delay. I was in New York baby last week. Yes, the first time I ever go to NY and Irene decided to show up to. That bitch. So I basically left the constant shitty weather of London to be caught up in a fucking hurricane. Brilliant.
Anyway, I'm not exactly thrilled about this chapter; I apologize for chucking so much information at you. I just wanted you to be on the same wavelength as me. I wrote it in a rush to get it out to you guys therefore its probably contaminated with many typos and grammar mistakes. If you find any point them out. Also I realize that it does not contain any Rose-Scorpius interaction but I want this story to have more levels than their love-hate relationship.
The song for this chapter is Little Secrets by Passion Pit
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