She sits at her desk, behind her keyboard. She types up her report in a hasty manner. She feels her cheeks grow warm with embarrassment as she thinks about her reckless behavior from a few nights earlier. She hears footsteps, and shifts her glance towards the doorway. She finds Fin standing before her.
"Are you feeling better?" She questions him.
"I can breathe now, so that's definitely an improvement."
"Do you need something?"
"Can I talk to you for a second?"
"Sure," she nods.
He closes the door behind himself. He slowly makes his way across the room. He positions himself in a seat across the desk from her.
"Liv, are you okay?"
She reaches up, and pulls her glasses off her face, and casts them onto the surface of her desk. She furrows her brow and takes a moment to contemplate the question.
"What makes you think that I'm not?"
"You have been under a lot of stress over the past year. I just wanted to know that if it is getting to you, that I'm always here."
"I appreciate your concern."
"If you need to talk you know where to find me."
"Thanks, Fin."
"You're sure that you're okay? You just seem like you have a lot on your mind."
She forces a grin, "That is nothing new."
"Don't let it get to be too much."
"What do you mean?"
"You have a lot of responsibility."
"I know."
"My point is, kids are only small once. I see how hard you're working. I know how much you wanted this position, and how hard that you worked for it."
"But?"
"I also know how badly you wanted to be a mother."
"Are you questioning my skills as a parent?"
"No. You are an incredible mother. What I'm saying is, don't squander the time that you have with Noah. You'll never get that time back, and he is the most important thing."
"I agree."
"Maybe you should take a step back."
"Step back, or step-down? Fin do you have a problem with the way that I am handling things here?"
"No. I don't. Liv, this is coming from me as your friend, not as your co-worker. I just think that it would be good for you to take time just to spend with Noah. I know that you have the time, maybe you should use it."
"Fin, where is this coming from?"
"I made a lot of mistakes when my son was growing up. The biggest one was that I was so busy chasing my career, that I missed out on a lot of important moments with him. I can never get that time back. I just see you heading down the same path. I know that in the back of your mind you think that you have to do this job, because you have to provide for Noah. You have to have a way to provide for him, so you can't bite the hand that feeds you."
"You're telling me to play hookey?"
"Pretty much," he grins.
"I will take that advise under consideration, but you know what that means."
"What are you talking about?"
"You're my number two. If I'm not here you're in charge."
"I feel honored, but you know that I don't want that responsibility."
"I'm just throwing that out there."
"Are you sure that there isn't something else on your mind?" Fin picks up on some of her non-verbal cues.
"No, I'm just tired," she lies.
"Okay," he rises from his seat, choosing to fight this battle another day. He turns, and heads for the door.
"Thanks for always having my back, Fin."
"You got it," he heads out the door.
That night as she sits on her knees on the floor of her bathroom as Noah splashes in the bathtub, she finds Fin's words resonating in her head. She realizes she is thinking about work, and not fully present in the moment. She takes a deep breath, and clears her head. She looks over at Noah. He is pouring a cup of water over top of his head.
"What are you doing?" She asks him.
"Water," he tells her.
"You're playing in the water huh? You're getting water everywhere. What happened to your shark?" She notices the plastic shark lying on the bathroom floor, next to her leg. She holds up the shark.
"Did the shark jump out of the water?"
"Mommy?!" He holds out his hand.
"Would you like your shark back?"
He nods subtly, and she places the plastic shark back into the bathtub. He plays with the toy shark as she proceeds to wash his hair. She rinses his hair, and pulls the plug. She lifts him out of the bathtub in a towel. That night she sits on the couch with him. She reads to him until he falls asleep. She quietly rises from the couch. She kisses his cheek, and places him in his crib. As she reaches for his blanket she notices how short his pajama bottoms are. He rolls onto his side, and she peeks at the tag in his pajamas. She silently questions how long he's had them, and when he started outgrowing them. It seems as if every time she turns around she's buying him bigger clothes. She stands beside the crib, watching him as he sleeps for a long time. Eventually she takes a shower, and heads to bed.
A few weeks later she pulls Fin into the office. She leans against the front of her desk as he enters the room.
"You wanted to see me?"
"I need to know that I can count on you for the next week."
"Of course you can. Why is that a concern? You can always count on me."
"I am taking your advice," she tells him.
"To do what?"
"I am taking some time off," she explains.
"It's about time you listen to something I have to say," he jokes.
"I am taking next week off, so you'll be in charge."
"Okay."
"I know that you're not fond of the idea."
"You need a break. You're not going to that FBI conference at Quantico, are you?"
"No. I seriously considered it."
"But?"
"I am just going to spend time with Noah."