Author: Cyhirae

Note: Still torturing Gilbert. Yay!- I mean, poor thing. This particular chapter is written completely in stream of consciousness format. For those who haven't/don't often read this format: everything is thought and sensation; there are no descriptions of things being done or actions carried out. Usually this style also runs the risk of looking like an attempt at making the biggest run on sentence known to humankind. So, I'll break that rule at least and break the lines up. No wall of text crits if I can help it.

This chapter is short; I only broke it into its own piece due to the shift in styling. Also, German is italicized, Russian is bolded and transliterated; see the footnotes for the Cyrillic.

Disclaimer: Hetalia is not mine and the idea for this fic's precise aim is only half mine. Onward!

Cold…so cold. Why was it so cold? Nothing can be seen; so dark and cold…there is just a hollowness the cold seems to be escaping from. It claws, it bites and tears apart…

Run I have to - but…what is running? Something screams it will save me but what do I need saving from? How can I 'run'? There's nothing here to set foot on if I had feet at all. I don't. I don't have anything.

No feet, no hands- just cold. Cold and fear. Something is wrong, I know something is wrong. I shouldn't be 'here', I shouldn't! I can hear things, moving close by. Feel things though I don't know how. I have no body but hands are on me.

Holding me down, pushing me into the cold- no! NO! I don't want to go into that, it's burning and its freezing; it will kill me!

Kill? Yes…kill is something to fear; it means I will die…but what is 'die'? Fear and confusion are running wildly in circles, screaming and screaming at me over and over. Sometimes I understand one, then I understand the other, but never both.

Laufen..Yes, I know: run!.Ich habe zu fliehen…I know, I know! I have to run away from this, I do…Sterbend …dying; how could I be dying if I didn't even know what dying was? But it frightens me, it's happening to me. Is that the cold? Is that the pain that tears at me?

Ich sterbe…I'm dying, still dying; how could I not die? I don't want to die! Fear is screaming at me, flailing around with limbs it doesn't have. I want to live; I don't know what that is even as the thought takes hold, but it feels warm, right.

Zhizn' …confusion spirals around me again, nipping at the heels of fear to send me staggering in this place where I have no body, no sight. What did that word mean? It was strange but it felt warm, promising something other than what those whispers of death and fleeing promised.

But I cannot understand it; am I going to die because of that? What is it trying to tell me; how can I not die? Does that word know?

Ich sterbe, verblassen… I may be screaming that, maybe something else is for me. Sometimes it is just one voice; it is just one when those words come. They sound so faint, so feeble…one voice, my voice, crying into this darkness of nothing.

Ya zhivoo, rastyet! The voice- the voices? -that had uttered that warm, guiding word speak again. It's a roar that sweeps over me; I cannot make out the words but the feeling! So strong; so many voices speaking louder and louder; all I have to do is follow them and I will live; I will grow and…

Nein! Another desperate scream, but now against that warmth it seems. I want to fall into it, cling to it- but some part of me is turning away, reaching for that cold. The word…I used to know what it meant. I knew…it was a denial. But I could hardly hear it anymore. Was I hearing it right?

It doesn't matter; the word is screamed over and over and over again into this darkness, darkness that is starting to brighten as it becomes fainter. Words, other such different sounding words are filling the air around me; filling that hollow place and turning the ice to a pleasant warmth.

Life; this was life- this was zhizn', living- life! The strength of those voices is filling me, drawing me up and closer to that light and warmth, away from the distant whispers of that senseless nein sound; it whimpers and cries as I reach ever higher.

Ya boodoo zhit'! I was going to live; I will live! The voices are roaring that along side me, even as other phrases are coming out of those sounds; no longer my voice speaking what they say but others as well.

Different voices, all different; laughing, crying, lying, consoling, talking- living, they're all living and they are all around me as the last echoes of that strange, foreign word dissipate, left behind. There is only this, a place I belong and strength that fills me as that cold once did.

Live- zhizn! They chant the word to me as I go, reaching until I am blind and it feels as though I am going to simply break on the tide of voices that are taking me upward- then a new sensation. Sudden, apart from sound and light and shadow; warmth, but not from that once near dead place inside. Warmth, support; the body I had only just started to become aware of is being held.

The voices are clamoring still, but now they begin to fade as that strange sensation sweeps them away; riding the tide of a soft, happy voice intruding into the world where mine had been the only one to speak alone until now….

"Ti nye spish' yeshshye, bratishka?"

~To Be Concluded~

-I received a request to better explain the how and why of this chapter so to put it simply- going on the assumption there was a tie still to that land for Gilbert for this fic to even happen, he naturally was changed to suit the current inhabitants. Kaliningrad is now inhabited almost entirely by Russians or people of Russian descent and thus it would be the language one would assume an 'incarnation' of the area would naturally speak. German barely exists within its confines anymore as a language or ethnic group and so that 'side'/Gilbert was fading, with no population presence to support it/him. Hope this cleared it up for anyone else lost about this chapter!

Further note: I usually do not use other languages beyond a word or two ("Da", "Ja", and so forth) in my writing, but in this case the use was somewhat necessary for the effect. However, I do not speak either Russian or German so my grammar for them is supreme fail of truly epic proportions. If any fluent speakers of either language are willing to help me correct the lines that appear, you will have my gratitude and I will even write a short request fic for you if you want! Please PM me with the corrections and any requests.

German:

Laufen / Run

Ich habe zu fliehen / I have to run away

Sterbend / Dying

Ich sterbe, verblassen/ I'm dying, fading

Nein! / No!

Russian

Zhizn' / Жизнь / Living

Ya zhivoo, rastyet... / Я живу, растет ... / I'm living, growing...

Ya boodoo zhit'! / Я буду жить! /I am going to live!

Ti nye spish' yeshshye, bratishka? / Ты не спишь еще, братишка? / Are you awake yet, little brother?