"They're getting away with our stuff! The princess could be dead by now! We need to catch them!" Salta exclaimed, trying to wiggle free.
"I don't know Salta, it's kinda hard to do that when we're tied to a bloody tree, naked!" Sawney retorted in frustration.
"We aren't naked, I, Salta Joestar, of the Joestar clan could not lose all my dignity. We still have our trousers!"
Sawney leveled him with a withering glare.
A man about the age of sixty was wandering through the forest. He resembled Tarzan in a weird old way, because all he wore was a loincloth, "You whippersnappers look like you're in a pickle." The old man looked down at the two Knights. They looked absolutely pathetic, bound with hemp rope. Not to mention, they were taken down by two females.
"Old man, we don't need pleasantries, could you, I don't know, untie us?!" Sawney grew more impatient by the second, shooting daggers at the old man.
"Well, ya'll don't have any gold to give as reward….I'll have to take those nice fine silk trousers, you got there."
"Excuse me?! Is he mad? Does he know who I am? I'm-"
"Shut up, Joestar. Fine, you can have the damned trousers, just free us." Sawney really had no intention of giving away the only pair of clothing he had. He'd much rather have fought an old man then that. If his father ever heard about this...
The old man shook his head and took the trousers while they were still tied up. He was no fool. He put both pairs of them on at once, then cut them free with his dagger. A weird forest Tarzan man that steals boxers...the Knights were awestruck. After freeing the two, he made off. It was nearing night and who wanted to find an Ooglie in the night?
"Well isn't this fucking peachy? You let the old man take the only thing we had left!" Salta covered himself with a bush.
"Well, I wasn't gonna die against a tree with you carrying on about how you're Salta Joestar!"
Salta groaned at the imitation of himself and crouched to the ground, "I found the tracks from the girls cart. They took our stuff and put it in there!"
"I know, I was there, I remember. Let's just follow them. Hopefully, we catch them while they're sleeping." Sawney held a piece of bark to cover himself and walked along the path.
The two knights followed the trail until they came upon the glow of a campfire in a clearing in the woods. Two girls were sitting around it, sifting through some very familiar knapsacks.
"dUDE ITS THEM-"
"Shhh!" Sawney clamped his hand over Salta's mouth to silence him before he gave them away. After all, they were dealing with the two ingrates that stole all their belongings from right under their nose and tied them to a tree. Naked. He could not ignore that kind of skill.
"We have to get our stuff back. At least our swords!"
"I know, I know, let me think"
"What is there to think about we're naked and unarmed! You really wanna try talk strategy right now?"
"OK FINE, let's just go omfg!"
They crept through the underbrush, keeping to the shadows. If they could just sneak up behind them they could probably pull off a silent ambus-
"Can you not sound like you're trying to set off an earthquake?"
Salta gave him a wounded look. "Well it's kinda hard to creep around like a ninja when you have to worry about your dignity" He hobbled ahead, clutching his bush, snapping literally every twig he passed as he went. Sawney followed with a put-upon sigh. Honestly, he was surprised he hadn't been killed yet, with Salta around.
Slowly, they advanced toward the two figures silhouetted against the light of the campfire. One of them was leaning into the other, and their arms were wrapped around each other. They seemed close, from what Sawney could tell. A little too close.
"Bro...are they lesbians...or..?" Salta stared at the two. They were snuggled together by the fire and it wasn't even that cold.
"Who cares...lesbians or not, they still stole our stuff." He narrowed his eyes at the happy girls. "On the count of three."
"1..2….3!"
"BLAAARRRRGHHHHH!"
"AHHHHHHHHHH!"
Vya and Debby shrieked, already scrambling away from their assailants. One minute, they huddled around the warmth of the fire, marveling at the day's catch, and the next they were being jumped by these random dud- were they naked?
"wHAT THE FUCK?" Debby yelled in shock.
"Who the hell are you creeps?!"
Salta lunged for their knapsacks, letting go of his bush in the process. He grabbed the bags by the straps and swung them over his back, smiling triumphantly. "Who are we? WelI I'm Salta Joestar of the Joestar Cl-"
He fell with a thud as Debby landed gracefully beside him on the balls of her feet with a smirk.
"We'll be taking these." Vya snapped.
She snatched the knapsacks away from an unconscious Salta and glanced back behind her. Vya had a struggling Sawney secured in a headlock, unable to move. Vya rolled her eyes. "What a bunch of wimps."
"Hey!", Sawney protested. "It's not like we stole all your clothes and weapons. You caught us at a disadvantage. And all we were trying to do was get our stuff back."
"Get our stuff back….wait…." Vya twisted his head towards the light to get a better look, ignoring his rambling. "You guys are the losers from the woods!"
"I wonder how they got free...oh wait, they're naked." Debby rolled Salta out of the way as he started to regain consciousness, "Well, their armour was fake anyways~"
Sawney banged his head back, hitting Vya in the nose, then stood up walking over to their cart, "We're just trying to do our jobs and go save the princess, but inste-"
"Wait! You guys are the real deal?" Debby went over to Vya and looked at her nose with a pout. She was starting not to like these idiots more and more.
"Yes, we're the real deal. We may not seem like it, but we're Knights." He'd already put on his armour and had his sword back on his hip. He pulled Salta up and banged his head on a tree, "Get up!"
"Ow! What is wrong with you people?!" He pushed Sawney away and went to change behind a tree. His dignity was ruined and Sawney was having small talk with these lesbians. Salta was lost.
"So you're saving the princess? The one that was carried off by that dragon?" Vya asked, moving her sore nose around.
"Yeah, how do you know about that?"
Debby scoffed. "Everyone knows about that. The bloodthirsty dragon crashing the betrothal party and swooping away with the princess all the way the Fairy Tail Hill. Tch. It's a suicide mission. They must be paying you guys a gajillion jewels cuz there is no way…...Wait. You guys must actually be getting paid a gajillion jewels for this stuff. Ohmygods.."
A loot like that could set them up for life...they would never have to sleep in the streets again. Debby looked up to Vya, who was already looking back, the beginnings of an idea flitting through her gaze. Vya smirked, releasing a sharp nod.
In an instant, both girls had the knights in a tight hold, with their faces squashed against the dirt ground and their arms pulled painfully behind them.
"Well boys, today's just not your day~" Vya tightened her hold on Sawney and chuckled darkly.
"We'll cut you a deal, hmm?" Debby said, mischief dancing in her eyes, "We take you to Fairy Tail Hill, seeing as we have a shortcut, and you two cut us in on your reward."
"And if you don't," Vya continued, "Well, let's say the king will have two less pesky guards to deal with."
Salta scoffed from his place under Debby's foot. "As if. We're two trained knights from the royal army and you two are some poor thugs that jump people and steal their clothes for a living. You really think you can kill us?"
"Don't you ever call us thugs! I could kill you now!" Debby grabbed his sword and sunk it into the ground to the hilt by his face, cutting his cheek.
Sawney eyed the sword and the dangerous, borderline crazed glint in Vya's eyes warily. Maybe….maybe they were a little outmatched here. Somehow, he didn't think the girls did empty threats.
"Fine, we'll cut you in, just take us to the Hill." Sawney spoke calmly, although he was ticked at the two girls. He knew now to ever underestimate females that lived in forests.
"You should be more like...oh we don't know your names… Well, I'm Debby, that's my companion Vya-"
"Told you they were lesbians, Sawney!"
Sawney groaned into the soil. Salta was just too outspoken at times and right now was not the time for it.
"We aren't lesbians! WHy does everyone think we're lesbians?!" Vya let go of Sawney, fuming with anger.
"I'm sorry! I was just kidding!" Salta said, which made Debby let go of him.
Vya sat down at their fire and picked up the piece of bread she was eating before being so rudely interrupted. Debby hooked her arm through Vya's and sighed, "Well, you two could sit down and eat. I'm sure being tied to a tree and having your underwear stolen must've worked up an appetite."
Sawney accepted the bread, almost grateful, before he realized where they got it from. He rolled his eyes. "Really, stealing our clothes, and now you're eating all our food, too? You guys are terrible partners."
"We have other people's foods in the cart. Yours is just much fancier and from the capitol." Debby stuck up her pinky and put her chin in the air, tauntingly, "I wear fake gold and piss my pants while the princess gets stolen away. You people are jokes."
"Well at least we don't attack people in the woods and tie them to a tree." Salta leveled her with a heavy glare. "Real classy, by the way."
"Well, everything wasn't given to us on a silver platter...or maybe a platter of fake gold." She retorted, glaring at his armour.
"Nothing ever came easy to me either, but you don't see me going out and wasting my life away in the middle of the woods." Salta seethed. "All you do is take away from other people, not even caring about how you hurt them!"
"We aren't wasting our lives away! We take from those more fortunate. Everything we do isn't just for ourselves, but bastards like you could never begin to understand!" Vya hushed Debby, pulling her in for a hug as she fixed the pair with an icy glare.
"You don't know anything about us, we don't care about you, so lets just keep it that way before we knock out all your teeth and steal those too." Vya said smoothly.
Sawney didn't care about not one, two, or three of them. He just wanted to find this girl and go home and be a Kingsguard. He ate some of the food, solemnly, as the bickering finally ceased and he laid down in the soil. Why must people get so angry and touchy? It'd be easier to bottle your feelings up.
Vya sighed. Well. This was going to be one hell of a trip.