Thank you for your awesome response! I was having a crappy day studying, and checked my mail and viola! So many emails! I love mail from FFN! Keep reviewing, yeah?

"Holy mother of god, Jim!" McCoy's panicked and somewhat sleepy voice came from the doorway. The tattered, bruised and bleeding Jim Kirk invited himself in. "What happened to you?" It occurred to McCoy that this was a question he really didn't want to know the answer to.

"Well. I was bored. So I was taking a walk." So many of Jim's stories started out this way. Come to think of it, all of 'em.

Bones was rummaging for his medi-kit and found it under a week-old pair of jeans. He found his smelliest, most painful antiseptic and dabbed it onto Jim's multiple cuts and bruises; Jim didn't make a sound.

"So I was taking a walk, and suddenly I was ambushed."

"On campus?"

"Yeah. By seventeen naked Orion girls."

Bones' jaw connected with the ground. There were two thoughts in his mind. 1) Yeah. Right. The other one was not meant to be expressed in polite society. And he guessed laughter wasn't a thought. He had to see where this one went. "Continue."

"Okay, so they gushed and giggled a bit, and popped a sack over my head and knocked me out."

Bones made a sound to indicate he was listening, while he was struggling to contain his laughter.

"When I came to, I was in this dark cave lair thing. And I was naked. And all those girls were around me, each one carrying a whip."

"Hold up Jim. There was a lair." Jim nodded. "In San Francisco." Jim considered, and nodded again. Bones mentally face-palmed. The kid had an amazing face for lies.

"So you can imagine what happened. I was simultaneously attacked by all seventeen of 'em. And I know I'm good, but I'm not that good. Still I took on like, fifteen, or sixteen," Bones had an idea that Jim was no longer talking about crazed women with whips, but something entirely different. "And I fell unconscious from plumb exhaustion."

Bones chose not to comment.

"When I came to, again, I was tied to this chair, at the lip of a volcano." There was a moment of silence, which Jim used as a dramatic effect and Bones took to mourn for the death of Jim's brain.

"In San Francisco, yeah?"

"Yup. So They told me that they figured I was their sex-god incarnate, and they had to liberate me the traditional way." Bones choked. "So they were about to chuck me into the volcano, wearing nothing but this sash with the words, 'Sex-God' on it. Then I opened a can of whoop-ass on them, knocked 'em unconscious and got to the other side where I hitch-hiked a ride with this stealth ship."

Bones really didn't know what to say. He didn't even bother asking how Jim had gotten untied from the chair. "So where's the sash?"

"Huh?" Jim asked, triumphant look broken.

"The sash."

"Yeah. The stealth ship was manned completely by women, and they kinda stole it. I thought it was the least I could do for them giving me a ride."

"Okay. Let me get this straight. You were out walking at one in the morning, were ambushed by not one, not two but seventeen naked Orion girls, knocked out and taken to a lair in San Francisco. Then they attacked you with whips and decided to sacrifice you, as a sex-god, to a volcano in San Francisco. Then you knocked all of them out, hitch-hiked on a stealth ship, crewed completely by women, whom you were man-raped by. Then you turn up at my door at three in the morning, with not a stitch of clothing."

"Yeah that sums it up." Jim's face was perfectly straight.

Bones laughed till he could have cried. "You're an idiot," Bones crowed, laughing as he sterilized a bandage. Jim looked mock-wounded, but laughed as well.

McCoy wanted to know what had really happened, but if the kid told him stories like this all the time, he wouldn't mind it!

Well? How was it? REVIEW!!!

Love,

Lady Merlin

--Party Like A Vulcan--