Time To Wipe Your Soul Clean

So yes, I decided to carry on. I mean if I can't carry on then I can always bring it down but hopefully it won't come to that! So enjoy and please R+R!...

Only The Strong Survive

~Dougie~

"Voila!" Tom exclaims, his brown eyes sparkling wildly, "Didn't I tell you that is was hu-uuuge!"

We follow him through the big wooden opaque door and into the vestibule. As we file in, every one of us has our mouths hanging open. I mean, hello, this huge house is going to be ours. We're going to live here! Just four young teenage boys let loose. Most teenagers can only dream of this opportunity, to have no responsibilities!

Tom and Danny venture of deep into the house as me and Harry lag behind in complete awe.

I look around me, taking in my surroundings. I still have a bit of a queasy feeling in my stomach and no matter how babyish it might sound, I already feel a bit homesick.

"You've got to be kidding me! No bloody way!" me and Harry look at each other, then follow Danny's voice through to what must be the kitchen. Danny's pressed against the glass, jumping up and down in excitement. "We have a pool! We have a pool! How sick!"

(A/N: sick means cool in like 'skateboard' talk)

"What? How on earth did we get such a good house?" I manage to splutter out in shock.

Tom winks at me, "I'll need to teach you one day! I have been told that I am ranked one of the best! Watch and learn my friend!" Tom starts to pose ridiculously, pouting to imaginary cameras and sticking his bum out at unusual angles.

"Oh god, please be modest!" Harry punches Tom in the arm.

Tom cries in mock outrage, "Ouch!"

We laugh as he playfully lunges at Harry. Soon Harry and Danny have Tom pinned to the ground,

"Say Harry is the king!" Harry orders Tom, waving his tickling hand threateningly.

"No, never!" Tom sticks his chin out defiantly.

"Well, I gave you plenty opportunity…" Harry's hands delve into Tom's skin, tickling him to the point where tears stream down his dimpled cheeks.

"PLEASE MERCY!" he splutters, "HARRY IS THE KING!"

Harry laughs in triumph then releases Tom.

I look at the happy scene, and scold myself angrily for not getting involved, for staying the awkward one at the side. It always ends this way, me the onlooker. I used to think I liked it that way, now I'm not so sure. It's like seeing someone else's pain hurts me.

"I'm just going up to see the bedrooms" I tell no one in particular. I get a murmur of acknowledgement from someone. In a slight huff I go back to where I remember seeing the stairs. I climb them slowly, my hand running along the oak antique banister. I reach the top. The whole second floor is floor boards, a contrast to the carpeted downstairs and staircase. There are five doors to choose from, then another set of stairs, opposite to where I'm standing.

"There are three floors?" I puff out my cheeks in disbelief. This must be one of the biggest houses I've ever been in. Man, this is going to be my home!

I open the door that's tucked around a corner.

It opens straight into a rectangular room. It is, like everything else in the house, gigantic! On the wall opposite from the door is a massive window, taking up nearly half the wall. It looks onto the garden and the pool where Danny and Harry have dived in fully-clothed.

I roll my eyes.

I feel someone's presence behind me. I spin around.

"You alright?" smiles Tom from the doorway.

"Yeah" I force a smile, "Just getting a preview of the rooms!"

Tom laughs, "That does sound like a coy-Dougie-plan!"

I laugh with him, then stare down at my feet as an awkward silence settles.

"So which room has taken your liking?" Tom asks, assessing my face carefully.

I hate when people do that. They try and search my face, it makes me feel put on the spot.

"Definitely this one" I take of my Hurley cap and drop it in the centre of the room, "See, mine now!"

Tom rolls his eyes.

"I'll go start to bring up my boxes" I walk over to the doorway and try to dodge Tom. He puts a hand on my shoulder, stopping me.

"Dougie, if you need to talk, if it gets too much, I'm here for you. We all are" he tells me earnestly, a real look of sincerity on his face, "I can understand it might be hard being so young-"

"Your young too" I retort back stubbornly.

Tom frowns at me slightly, "Yeah, I know, just as long as you know you're not alone"

All of sudden Danny and Harry crash up the stairs.

"Hey, I found them!" Danny shouts, even though we're all close enough he could have whispered it.

I smile sadly at Tom before, this time successfully, dodging him and a very excited Danny. Harry follows me downstairs.

"Need help taking up your boxes?" he asks kindly.

I bite my lip, trying desperately not to hiss at him that I'm not a baby, I can manage by myself. Anyway, it will be quicker with his help.

"Sure" I open the front door to the two moving vans. I start of to the first one, remembering that's where my boxes ended up.

I throw back the doors, then sigh heavily as they reveal rows and rows, stacked to the ceiling of cardboard boxes.

Harry comes up behind me, "Jesus, we better get a move on then!"

After about six hours, I'm finally complete with my room, everything down to straightening up my Blink 182 posters to perfection. I've even made my bed. Everything looks so neat and tidy like a showroom. – That won't last long though! I plonk myself down onto my bed, glancing at my newly wired up alarm clock. Five o'clock at night… I'm shattered.

I must have fallen asleep because I soon wake up to voices downstairs. Picking myself of the bed, I follow the voices downstairs. I creep down the stairs, eavesdropping on their conversation. I can identity Danny, Tom, Harry and Fletch (our manager). There's another voice I don't recognise. I creep further forward, curiosity dragging me closer to the door. I don't know why I'm eavesdropping, it's my house, and I can just walk in if I want.

"… yeah, Danny have you put together a demo yet?" the unfamiliar voice asks Danny.

"I've started it; I can have it copied onto a CD by tomorrow afternoon though" Danny replies, sounding exhausted.

"Perfect, now as your production organiser I'll need to write up a small summary of your album" says our production organiser. "I just need to take down some facts of you's all"

"No problem, we have the time" Tom offers.

"Right before we start where's the little bassist? The young one? Whathisnameagain?"

My breath catches in my throat.

"His name is Dougie" I barely hear Harry correct him sternly as I flee upstairs to my room. I close the door then scrunch up my face in anger. Am I really not that important? Anger curls around my stomach. I feel the heat of it radiate around my body, I feel power. It's not the end of the world if he doesn't remember my name. Then the feeling soon turns to pain. The familiar feeling of not being needed, not being remembered returns. I shudder as I realise the last time I had felt this way was when my dad had left. Or being an outcast at school.

I sink to the ground, bringing my knees up to my chest. What am I doing away out here in London, hours away from home with guys that are little more than strangers? I grit my teeth, forcing back tears.

I am not going to cry.

I chant to myself.

God sake Dougie, stop being a wuss! Soon you'll have an album out, be performing at concerts, appearing on TV and your crying over someone not remembering your name?

But it's more than that.

A small voice says at the back of my head. It always is more, isn't it? How come it was me he didn't remember, not wise and responsible Tom, not funny and charming Danny and certainly not striking and handsome Harry? No, it was quiet, shy, young Dougie.

That's all it takes. One single tear runs down my cheek. How can I let it all out? I'm so out of my depth, so scared, alone and homesick. How can I feel some relief, some comfort? Where can I put all this pain?

The idea slyly enters my mind. I don't even notice it at first. I get up from the floor, the idea driving me forward. I don't even click what's going on. Even when I'm entering the bathroom and unzipping my wash bag; even when I find the small plastic floss box and place it on the sinks ledge. I click the lid of, to reveal, not floss but a small razor knife. I unfold it then hold it in my hands.

That's when I feel comfort. The memories flood back from me doing these exact same steps as a young teenager, twelve, thirteen maybe. It's the familiarity, the sense of doing it before, the memory of being back at home in my own bathroom that wills me to lift my hand up to the inside of my forearm. I hold the knife against skin, the metal making it tingle slightly. Then I press harder, and harder. I watch in fascination as the skin parts and little droplets of blood leak out. I release the pressure then look up into the mirror. I grin into it, the boy inside it grins back. It's okay, everything's going to be okay. The pain's leaking out now.

I run the blade under the tap before replacing it into the disguised box. I sit on the toilet lid, letting the blood fall onto the tissue I hold against it. That's the pain; red and pure.

I bound down the stairs happily, showered and freshly dressed even though it's starting to turn dark outside.

"Hey!" I greet the five faces sitting around the table.

"Hi, you must be Dougie!" an old man, with a receding hair line, and stubbly beard greets me enthusiastically. This must be our production organiser. I look at him thoughtfully then flash him a big smile.

I take his outstretched hand and shake it.

"I sure am; the fourth member of the band"

The man smiles at me fondly. I make a cup of tea then join them all. Out the corner of my eye I can see Tom assessing my face. – But this time it's okay, I have nothing to hide, I'm clear of emotions.

Finally, I'm involved again. Their happiness is my happiness.

So as soon as I the prologue of this up, like two hours ago? If even that, I don't know:L and suddenly I'm getting all these PMs and story alerts saying for me to carry on! You know, you's are amazing, the support you give is incredible:D! Luckily, I'm free and completely bored out my mind tonight, so I thought why not? I'll give you the first chapter! Might sound eager, but guess what I am eager on sharing this story PLEASE REVIEW IF YOU LIKED THIS..:D xxx

Please if you're reading this, just leave me a small quick review telling me what you think and if there's any mistakes/anything I can work on!