And so the Loon has Landed
Mon pallies, it has been a while! Sacre Bleu! What have I been doing, you ask? Well... nothing. Nothing at all. Maybe socialising. With people. Well, I wouldn't be socialising with cabbages now, would I? Why are you talking to me about cabbages?
You are all silly, mon pallies. Vair vair silly!
I APOLOGISE FOR THE LATENESS!
DISCLAIMER: I do not, in any way, own any existing characters from the Universe of Georgia Nicholson. Nor do I own any rights to the 'Confessions of Georgia Nicholson' series, HOWEVER! I do own some characters (... kinda?) that will turn up in this fanfic. I will get to those peeps latttttuuuurs, MON PALLIES!
I sincerely hope that I do finish this damn thing :D Like I said in the last chapter XD
Le Taming of Le Smile
Tuesday August 30th
Front door
12:03pm (ish)
Mutti and Vati are hugging Ol' Gingey Gee like she's about to run off on a camel laughing, when really, she is just moving into a flat with Davey-boy the Laugh.
You would think after all the whinging and yelling they did about her moving out and getting a life, they would be celebrating and breaking out the alcohol that they love so much, not hugging her and ruining her vair pretty top with their snot noses.
Gingey does not look impressed with their snot noses.
"Make sure to visit, darling." Oh dear, Mutti is going to get hysterical.
"Yes yes, Mutti, I willl." Gee wants to break free (ooh, vair good song just popped into moi head!) from the Parents, but they have iron grips. She will not escape easily, it seems! I can see her getting vair annoyed with them and their Loony tears.
"And remember to call when you get there..." Oh Christ on a bike, Mutti is getting all teary eyed and high pitched. Why, Ol' Gingey, are you leaving me with them in this state? How selfish of you! I wish I could scream, but I don't. I am vair polite and do not want to spoil the sad moment for Mutti et Vati, because they will apparently miss Ol' Gingey when that door closes.
I know better, though.
"Mutti, Vati, I am only moving into town!" Gingey is waving her arms like a bird, but she really shouldn't. When she does that her nunga's wobble around everywhere. If she isn't careful, she could blind Mutti and Vati!
Oh wait, that might be a good thing. Keep flapping, Gingey!
Forever Later
Finally, Mutti and Vati have finished their sniffling and hugging and have left poor Ol' Gingey alone. She has been crying too, though. She says one of her mad boy entrancers got stuck in her eye, but I know her better; she's going to miss the Loons as much as they will miss her.
She turns, looking at me with watery eyes. Her mascara has run and she looks a sight, but I won't tell her that. It will give Davey a nice surprise when she finally gets to their new Love Abode of Luuuurve.
"I'll miss you too, Libby." Oh giddy gad, she's got her arms opened. I am going to be crushed by her nunga's. HEEEELP!
Gingey's Old Bedroom
crying
1:22pm
Gingey has left home. Forever. She is off to live a Laugh-fiilled life with the man she calls her Hornmeister.
We hugged for a long time, and I cried like a baby. Gingey stroked my hair and told me she loved me and that I was the best sister she had ever had. Of course I am, I am brilliant. I am also her only sister, but that doesn't matter.
She even said I could keep all the clothes I had nicked from her and claimed were her hand-me-downs. I bawled even more because she was being so vair nice to me.
2 seconds later
I miss my Gingey...
1 second later
She even cried when I ran upstairs to get Our Lord Sandra to hit her in the eye with, and then she hugged me more and suddenly became foreign, because whatever she said, I couldn't understand a word of it.
Mutti and Vati were laughing and crying at us. How they managed that is beyond me.
2 seconds later
Even Gordy went to say goodbye to her; he tore her tights and tried eating off her toes. She bawled even more, because she will no longer have a mad cat to nibble at her toes or tear up her tights.
1:52pm
Holy Christ on a Bike, Mutti and Vati have said I can have Ol' Gingey's bedroom! YESSSSSS!
1 minute later
I am dancing like a Loon on Loon tablets because I now have Gingey's Ye Olde Room! Yes and yes with knobs and sausages on top, yes!
Le Bathroom
looking at moi reflection
2:15pm
Lalalalala, I have the bathroom all to myself now! Hardy har ha!
1 second later
Thank goodness I don't take after my father on the nose side of things. Gee suffered that one, and let me tell you, it is not a pretty sight, especially when she smiles and her nostrils flare everywhere.
1 second later
She also does this thing where she smiles and sucks in her nose. Not vair attractive, if you ask me, but it keeps the nose in control, I guess. Though she must learn to tame the thing when she laughs, because it goes everywhere and takes over her face.
0.5 Seconds later(erer)
Though sadly I do think that I have inherited my mothers heftyness in the bosom area. I swear that there was nothing there last week, Doctor!
1 second later
Maybe I can swing them around and knock people out if they get big enough. Would serve a few twits right.
2 minutes later(erer)
I am smiling in the mirror to see just how dazzling I look, because unlike Gingey, I can smile without worrying about my nose.
2.4 seconds later
Good Lord, my smile is scary. I actually wonder how I didn't scare anyone off with it when I was a child.
1 seconds later
I have a feeling I mentally damaged someone with this smile. Hm...
0.1 seconds later
I have a feeling that it was Josh. He seems mentally unstable, well, at least when he's around me.
1.1 second later
I must tame the inner beast that is my smile, and not show much toothyness.
4 minutes later(erererer)
I have mastered the ways of smiling without looking like a madman! I just have to never smile with my teeth again!
Le Park
Meeting Le Fab Crowd
3:29pm
Met up with the Fabbiest crowd of all crowds in town after Le Taming of Le Smile, and walked to the park after meeting them outside Boots. The Fab Crowd are all wearing mini-skirts and shorts (not together, you Loony bags!) and looking positively gorgey today.
We sit under a large tree, the one with a good view of all the fitties playing a game of footy with their tops off, and make sure our legs get the sun; we must tan before school starts so that we can give the Foxwood Laddies something to oogle at.
"My friends, we have much to talk about!" I am probably smiling like a crazy person right now, but there is no taming needed for the Fab Crowd. Non non!
"Indeed! What is this Scale of Snogorosity you want to tell us about?" My darling best chummy of the female variety, Hannah, asks, laying on the grass with her sunnies on. I smile knowingly (and a tad crazily) as my friendlings all turn, looking like interested (and attractive) geese who want gossip. Ah, they have much to learn from me and my wisdomosity.
"Scale of Snogorosity?" Lizzeh is looking at us all with wide eyes, all innocent and Bambi-ish. She is a tad bit on the dopey side, but vair vair sweet in a dopey, Bambi way.
"Oui, mais ma grande soeur calls it 'The Snogging Scale'. It is a list of Le different snogs!" I explained, taking the list out of my handbag as everyone looked at me with goggly eyes. Well, not Hannah, who still has her sunglasses on. But she is too cool to go all goggly eyes on me as I pass it around, and they read it.
It is a wonder their eyes don't pop out of their heads, with the way they are widening the more they read the listy thing of Snogaroo's.
4 minutes later
Lizzeh's ears have gone red and her cheeks are a pinky pink colour. Tegan, my Phwoar friendy friendling, is still going all goggly-eyed on me, and Lou the Loop is doing her goldfish imitation where she keeps opening and closing her mouth, making popping noises.
Eventually, they give the paper to Hannah, who reads it and mentally ticks off all the snogs she has achieved; she is a Snogging Extraordinaire, that one.
"What in the Bloody H is hand snogging?" She asks so vair politely, lifting her sunnies up to stare at me. I shrug – I never asked Ol' Gingey about it, and I certainly wouldn't ask Radio Jas, either.
"No flippin' clue, but I don't want to ask Gingey 'bout it." I said truthfully as Hannah put her sunnies down and went back to sunbathing, not bothering with the list anymore.
Lizzeh and Tegan, once again holding the Holy list of Snogorosity Levels (or whatever it is), were once again reading it.
Lizzeh looked up at me, all dopey and the like.
"What are sticky eyes?" She asked, blinking like Bambi. Good lord, she is dopey cute.
"Tis when you look at a bloke for a bit too long, look away, then look up again at him and then let your eyes go to his chin – you know, as if he has a zit or something – and then look back up at him again or something." I explained, feeling full of wisdomosity as Lizzeh and Tegan stared at me agog. Lou just listened, still looking like a goldfish, and nodded.
"What, so you eye up his chin?" Lizzeh is truly the Dopey of the gang.
"No no, you er, enchant him, with your gaze. It's apparently vair sexy." Tegan says quickly, blinking and nodding. Ah, so the Friendling understands. What a wise one she is.
Oh wait, she has an older sister who is very, ahem, accustomed to the snogaroo's of the male variety. Of course she would know.
"Oh..." Lizzeh still looks dopey and confused, poor girl. But she looks vair cute when doing it.
3:42pm
Watching the Footy playing lads as they run around with their tops off. Phwoar.
1 minute later
Why can't Foxwood lads be this fit? All they have, other than a head full of acne and absolute idiocy, are... Oh wait, that is all they have.
3 seconds later
"Why can't Foxwood lads be this fit?" I swear, Lou the Loop read my mind.
She is ogling the footy lads, Goldfishing away again. Believe it or not, she does this on purpose. Vair attractive.
"Because Our Lord Sandra hates us." I say sweetly, and truthfully, before going back to my ogle fest.
1 minute later and a bit
"But what about Fitty Ricky?" Ooooh, Tegan has a point there.
"The Mad Mob are an exception to the Foxwood No-Fitties rule." Hannah says matter-of-factily, taking off her sunnies and staring at us all. She is indeed right; the Mad Mob are all quite fit.
Explainamundo time
The Mad Mob are a group of boys who are of the friendly variety, though a bit on the dopey dim side of things. They are all utter drongo's, if you ask me, though they're all quite fit. Especially Fitty Ricky, who everyone rates. They go to Foxwood's school and basically wreak havoc in the hallowed halls, or something.
They also all seem to have a vair big thing for dear old Lizzeh the Dope, because whenever they are around her they start drooling and falling over themselves like idiots to get her attention.
1 second later
The weird thing is that Lizzeh knows this, and has used it to her advantage before; it's actually vair funny when she asks them to carry her bags or something.
1 second later(erer)
The Mad Mob bring us a lot of entertainment when in the presence of Lizzeh.
2 minutes later
Actually, the only one who doesn't fall over himself for Lizzeh the Dope is Josh, but as I have said before, I think I mentally scarred him when I smiled in playschool at him. He has never been the same since, I swear.
1 second later
"Libs, you look like you want to kill someone. Stop smiling." Hannah says this in an ever so polite voice, staring at me with one eyebrow raised. I stare back, raising my own eyebrow.
We start having a raised eyebrow contest.
"You are vair vair strange, Libs." She finally says, her eyebrows falling dramatically. Yes, I win!
"Oui, but that is why you love me." I say, smiling my toothiest smile at her as she rolls her eyes and puts her sunnies back on, ignoring me. I smile, grinning as boldly as a deranged cat on cat nip.
"Yup, luuuuuuuurve you too, Sex Monkey!" And now she's flipped the bird. How vair rude!
4 minutes later
I'm not nursing a severely bruised and damaged arm. Hannah is an abuser... she did not want my love. Or that stick I poked her with... or the snorting noises I was making to try and get her attention.
Some people just have no sense of luuuuurve or care for others. But not everyone is like me, of course.
This is what I get for my enormous amount of luuuuuuuurve. An injury and a broken heart...
... Wait, is that an ice cream truck!?
A/N: AYOOOOOOO, IT'S DONE! I actually wrote this a while ago, and I felt that the ending was unfinished, so that is actually the only thing I have truly edited...
I need to write other chapters for this, you know, get myself into the groove of things... become Libby... take on Lib-Meister's awesome Sex Monkey energy and just... become Libbeh... Yeaaaaah...
... What?
I should update with some Bio's for the characters introduced in this chapter next time! Because yes, they are new! WHOOP WHOOP! Characters! 3
Until next time! HAVE FUN, LIVE LIFE, AND JUMP ON THE LOON WAGON!