CHAPTER 2

Well, those few days turned into a few weeks. Those few weeks turned into a few months. 6 months had passed by the time anything happened in his life again.
He spent those long nights jackin▓ off, having sex with buns, and drinking vodka. One night, the people who had stalked him down in the tubes that fateful night 6 months earlier had caught up with him once again. He was mildly tipsy when this happened, and they weren▓t cops. The hamburglar had thought long and hard about that night, and a few months earlier he had determined the weren▓t cops. It was very hard for mortals of that age to find there way around the tubes.
Who was it than? Old friends that the hamburglar was very happy to see. There were 3 of them, all muppets. Their names: Oscar, Grover, and cookie monster. They had bad news though, and hamburglars help was desperately needed. A group of bad muppets from a prison had escaped. They blew a wall open, and killed some guards and let all of the other muppets in the prison out. This was all started by big bird, who had paid the escapees to release the other muppets. You see, Big-bird had hated sesame streets democracy and wanted to start a communism. He promised the original escapees high government positions if they let all of the prisoners escape. He armed all escaping muppets with powerful guns and explosives. A civil war had started on Sesame Street. ⌠Its terrible■ cookie monster said, with tears strolling down his eyes. ⌠There▓s fighting in the streets day and night. All you here anymore is grenades going off and machine gun fire. Screaming muppets driving tanks into apartment buildings and wearing bandanas, shooting innocent bystanders. ⌠ ⌠And you haven▓t heard the worst of it.■ Oscar said, looking down. He looked up and said ⌠Ernie died, and berts no where to be found. And the show was cancelled.■ Hamburglar spit his beer allover the goddamn place. They were sitting in the basement of a very ghetto mcdonalds right now, they were sitting on fold up chairs in a circle. A dim light dangled on a chain a few feet above them. ⌠and how exactly did this mess happen?■ hamburglar muttered.
Oscar started: ⌠The show was cancelled because of us. We all got fired. Cookie monster for getting to fat, me for being to mean, and grover for having associations to the KKK and using the N word to much on national television. The next day we came in with guns and blew the producers fucking brains out.■ There was a crazed look in his eye, and grover said ⌠shortly after that the shit hit the fan. The great depression of sesame street started. There was a party at elmo▓s house, and when big bird (this was before he became a communist) decided to move the party into the bathroom. Bert and ernie were sodomizing in there, drunk. They didn▓t come out of there apartment for a few months. They finally left to go get food, and the street had gone down the shitter by now. Bert went mad shortly afterwards and said he was moving to middle-earth. He hasn▓t been seen since. Shortly afterwards, big bird went on a drunken rage at mr. Hoopers tavern which led up to a series of events that turned him into a dictator. Sesame street must be rescued. The hamburglar couldn▓t remember how to get to sesame street. He knew that the tubes could take you to distant places, dimensions, and warp you to other planets. But he couldn▓t remember if sesame street was on earth or not. Oscar pulled out a giant map, that looked very complex. It was a map of the tubes. He stared at it profusely. ⌠Well, lets get going■ oscar said. The hamburglar went up to his quarters to go pack his shit (a spare knife, a few vibrators, some bacardi, half a bottle of vodka, and some meth) he threw all his stuff in a duffle bag and went into the play-place to meet the muppets. Before they left, they went into the ball-pit and smoked a few doobies courtesy of Oscar the grouch.