Chapter 2

Maggie got Nick to go back downstairs with the baby. Nick obeyed, but just paced the living room, holding his son but paying no attention to him at all. Anthony Jarrod would cry a little, then stop, then cry a little more. Maggie put J.J. down and let him totter around and offered to take Anthony Jarrod, but Nick would not give him up. He just shook his head and paced.

Maggie could see his anger growing, getting more visible in his face every moment. Nick continued to jostle his son when he cried, but his anger frightened Maggie. A newborn should not be held by an angry man. A newborn should have his first minutes of life in the arms of someone calm, gentle. It should be his mother, but that wasn't possible. Nancy was in no condition, not yet. But he shouldn't be in the arms of an angry father.

"Nick, let me have him," Maggie tried again.

Nick shook his head and held on to the baby, maybe too tightly.

He didn't know how long it had been, but the doctor finally came, and Audra and Heath and Suzanne not long after. The doctor had gone straight up to the bedroom. Audra followed along, but Heath and Suzanne stayed with Nick and Maggie. Heath and Suzanne could tell by the pleading in Maggie's eyes and the anger in Nick's that things were not going well anywhere in this house.

Heath took a look at the baby Nick held, while Nick just kept his eyes glued on the upstairs landing. "A boy?" Heath asked.

Maggie answered when Nick didn't. "Anthony Jarrod, for Nancy's father and for Jarrod."

"He's a handsome little man," Heath said.

Nick didn't even seem to hear him.

Suzanne tried. "Nick, why don't you let me hold him while you eat some of these sandwiches? You must be starving."

Nick just shook his head.

It seemed like a long, long time that they just stayed there in the living room together, waiting. No one spoke any more. J.J. tottered around and ate a biscuit. The baby cried and then stopped, then cried and then stopped. Nick ignored him, just held him.

Finally, the doctor came back down. Victoria and Audra did not. His head was down as he came into the living room, but he spoke up right away. "Nancy's very weak but fairly stable. She's just lost a lot of blood, Nick. I can't risk a transfusion. I want to get some broth into her – your mother and sister will take care of that."

"Is she awake? Can I see her?" Nick asked.

The doctor nodded. "You need to take the baby to her, let him feed. It'll be all right, but don't tax her. She can't take it."

Nick nodded and went up the stairs.

"He's in a bad way, Doc," Heath said. "Is Nancy gonna be all right?"

The doctor shook his head. "I don't know. If we can get broth into her and keep her from hemorrhaging again, she should be all right, but it's going to take time. You need to get a wet nurse and get her in here fast. I'll head back to town and get Mrs. McCarthy over here, if it's all right."

"Do whatever you need to do," Heath said. "I'll get Nick through this."

The doctor nodded. "I'll be back at the end of the day. We should have a better idea of how things are going to go by then."

Maggie walked the doctor to the door as Suzanne dissolved in tears in her husband's arms.

Upstairs, Nick walked quietly into his bedroom. He saw bloody sheets and towels on the floor, but Nancy was resting in bed, covered with a clean blanket. Victoria was beside her, as was Audra. Victoria came to Nick and quickly took the baby from him. "This little guy needs to eat," she said.

Nick watched as Victoria placed Anthony Jarrod into his drowsy mother's arms. Nancy smiled as Victoria uncovered her breast and Anthony Jarrod latched on. Nick finally felt himself smile, to see his wife's pale face smile at their son. Nick came closer, knelt beside the bed, and ran his hand over his wife's hair.

"He's beautiful," Nick said. "You're beautiful."

"I'm tired," she said. "I'm going to go to sleep with him right here."

"You go ahead. You have a lot of people to take care of you. Mother and Audra will stay with you for now. I won't be far away."

"No fence fixing today?"

Nick laughed a little. "No fence fixing today."

Nancy began to fade off into sleep. "Get something to eat. You're grouchy when you don't eat."

She was asleep again. Nick stood up, and took his mother into his arms. He began to cry and tried hard to hold it back. "It's all right," Victoria said, stroking his back. "Everything will be fine. Go do what your wife told you to."

Nick wandered back out into the hall, down the stairs and into the living room. He sat down on the settee, where Maggie poured him some coffee and handed him a sandwich. He just held the sandwich for a while. "She's so pale," he said. "She couldn't stay awake."

"Eat something," Heath said. "She's gonna be all right. Your son is eating. You should eat, too."

My son, Nick thought. I don't want him. I want Nancy.

XXXXXX

Nick wandered the house aimlessly after he got some food and coffee into him. Heath followed along, mostly at a few steps' distance. Maggie and Suzanne helped Silas get food together for the women upstairs, helped get broth to Nancy, helped keep Nick and Heath fed. But everyone was moving as if in a nightmare. Even the men outside were keeping eerily quiet, all day long.

Maggie spelled Audra at Nancy's side in the afternoon, but Victoria refused to leave. Nancy kept dozing off, but she would wake up when the baby cried. Victoria had placed Anthony Jarrod into the cradle that his father and his aunt and all his uncles and cousins had used when they were newborns, but each time he would cry and Nancy would wake, Victoria would lift him out and give him to Nancy. Nancy was gentle. She cooed even as she was fighting to stay awake. She kept her son fed, and when he was finished, she would take a little more broth herself.

It was mid-afternoon before she asked to see Nick again. Maggie went downstairs to get him but it took her a few minutes to find him. He and Heath were mindlessly shooting pool in the library. Nick put his cue down right away and ran upstairs.

Nancy looked a little better. She was still terribly pale, but there was a bit more sparkle in her eyes when she looked up at him. Anthony Jarrod was at her breast. Pale as she was, she still looked beautiful to her husband. Nick knelt down beside her, and he looked at his son.

"He eats as much as you do," Nancy said. "The doctor is supposed to send a wet nurse over."

Nick said, "She's not here yet. When she is, she can take over and let you rest."

"Oh, this isn't taxing at all," Nancy said. "This is very comforting. I'm sorry I'm scaring you so much."

Nick touched her hair and started to cry. "No, no, you have nothing to apologize for. You brought this little guy into the world successfully."

"He's not so little, as newborns go. Not as big as J.J. was, but not so little either. Nick – I know you. I know you're angry. Please don't be angry with Tony."

Nick smiled. "Tony. I like that nickname."

"It was my father's. Please, Nick, don't blame him for any of this. He's innocent. He needs his father. He needs his father to love him."

Nick still found it hard to feel that way. He looked at the baby and wasn't sure how he felt now.

"Think about all the days ahead that you'll teach him how to ride, how to herd cattle, how to fix fences."

Nick chuckled. He could begin to picture those days. He remembered how his father had taught him how to be a rancher, and he remembered how much he treasured those moments. He began to want to give them to this little boy, this Anthony Jarrod Barkley. His son.

"I'll teach him well," Nick said. "I'll teach him everything he needs to know and then some."

Nancy smiled. Nick leaned forward and kissed her. Behind him, Victoria began to cry.

Nancy fell asleep again. Nick ran his hand over her hair. "I'll teach him well," Nick said quietly, then he stood up and faced his mother, wiping the wetness off his face. "I want to stay here with them, Mother."

Victoria nodded. "I'll stay, too."

Nick held his mother and kissed her forehead.