17th August 2012 Woolpack pub, Emmerdale, Yorkshire, UK
She sat in her room and stared at the test, willing the plus symbol to magically transform into a minus. She couldn't understand how this had happened, they'd been careful, she'd always been careful. Ever since she'd had Aaron, she'd known she wasn't a natural mother and she didn't want to put another kid through what she'd put Aaron through. She'd been there herself; abandoned by her own mum when she was young. At least she'd known she was leaving Aaron in a good home with a father who loved him and could provide for him. Her mother left her with Shadrach Dingle.
She stopped daydreaming and tried to focus on what she was going to do now. Everything was such a mess. Her and Cameron, as wrong as it was, was special and despite the fact it was never going to work, she could never deny her love for him. But things were really bad between them at the moment – their failed attempt at running away together led to bitterness on her part and a crazy need for repentance on his. When he proposed to Debbie in front of the whole pub she was sure the whole village would hear her heart break. She'd been able to handle her self-loathing when she thought there had been a point, a goal in sight, something worth being so despicable for. But when she realised she'd been lied to the whole time, that she'd never been a serious contender for Cameron's heart, she'd felt sick at the sight of her own face in the mirror every day since. She'd thought she'd made herself ill with guilt, but now she realised it had been morning sickness.
She knew what her options were, and she knew already where her heart was leading her. She wished she had someone she could talk to, but there was nobody she could trust with this. Charity, Cain and Debbie were out for obvious reasons, Diane would hate her for what she'd done and what it would mean for Debbie and Sarah. In their twisted logic, they'd thought that carrying on in secret would protect Debbie and make sure Sarah wasn't hurt. Chas saw now that this was them being cowardly, that they should have ended it straight away or had the guts to not sneak around behind everyone's backs.
She was tempted to tell Gennie, to ask her advice as she already knew her secret. But she was seven months pregnant herself, she didn't want to burden her with more worries, not when she'd got so upset after finding out about the affair. She felt so alone.
But this wasn't an alien feeling to her. She'd faced many challenges on her own in the past and scraped through okay, why should this be any different? Maybe it was a good thing her dad had been such a waste of space – he'd prepared her for a hard life. A plan started to form in her mind, and although what she was thinking of doing terrified her, she knew she was doing the right thing, and she'd not felt like that for a very long time.