Broken Ice - Chapter 2
I do not own the idea of Warriors, nor the Clans and territories depicted in this story. However, the characters are my own.
Resolution
So, I made a resolution.
I'd decided to stop caring about the fox-hearts in RiverClan. Yeah, they'd always be there. Yeah, they'd always be ruffling my pelt, but I'd decided to try to ignore them. Acknowledging the existence of all this negative energy was only fueling the fire. If I stopped caring so much, maybe they would too.
Or at least that is what I told myself.
I knew it wasn't true, but it was nice to think about sometimes. It was nice to think it was not entirely their fault. Their egocentricity was not a consequence of the choices they'd made. It was partially in their stars, and partially because I choose to see it.
Maybe if I had been like everybody else—maybe if I had more to do than watch, I could have overlook their shortcomings.
Maybe if I hadn't been sick.
Maybe if I hadn't been supposed to die.
Maybe if I hadn't been named Iceheart because my mother thought I was cold and cruel to my Clan-mates.
Maybe if I hadn't been in the Clan.
Maybe if I hadn't the only cat with a brain.
Maybe if—
Maybe, maybe, maybe…
There are no guarantees in my life; no certainties. Only maybes. According to Batwing—according to my mother—I should've be dead then. But I wasn't.. I might've only had on season cycle left, or maybe two, or three, or maybe even one moon. I didn't know.
But no matter how much time I had left, I was not going to spend the remainder of it watching. I was tired of watching. I was tired of being in RiverClan. I was tired of listening to my mother tell me how much of a disappointment I was because I was disabled. I was tired of listening to Batwing and Pikestar whisper about my fate when I could clearly hear them. I was tired of staying in camp because my Clan-mates thought I was helpless on my own. I was tired of caring for cats I hated. I was tired of being deprived of the life I want.
I was tired of being afraid to live.
Well, guess what: I wasn't going to be afraid anymore.
I was going to live my life and no one—not my mother, not Batwing, not Pikestar—no one was going to stop me. They were not going to tell me how to live it. They were not going to be constantly hovering over my shoulder, looking down their nose at me. They were not going to be able to control me anymore.
And if I had to leave RiverClan to achieve that resolution, then so be it.
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