Summary:
In which Felicity is completely smitten, and Iris makes a slight change to a certain list of hers.
Notes:
Sorry this took so long! Also I know so far this has been mostly from Felicity's viewpoint, but I definitely plan to do more Iris-centric chapters too.
Felicity Smoak has never quite mastered the art of subtlety. Actually, she's never managed to be subtle a day in her life. Never thinking before she speaks, nearly always saying the wrong thing, painfully obvious with her feelings, absolutely dreadful at hiding her emotions.
It's one of those things that in her early, painfully awkward teenage years her mom used to assure her was endearing. Whenever Felicity would tearfully express the view that she was a mess-up, an embarrassment, her mom would sit her down on the couch, hug her tightly and tell her in a soothing voice not to worry, that the boys would be falling over themselves to get her attention one day— embarrassing slip-ups and all.
Aside from the fact that her mom never considered the fact that it was never really just the boys Felicity was concerned with, she's also never quite seen it that way—as endearing. No, it's been more of a liability than anything, honestly, something that's always bound to get her into trouble one way or another.
So the morning after their girls-night-in, when Iris asks with that mega-watt smile of hers for Felicity's number, it's all Felicity can do not to fall flat on her face in excitement as she scrambles off the couch to grab her phone, with the intention of asking for Iris's number in return. Actually, she does nearly fall flat on her face, but she's able to pass it off as tripping over a stray shoe on the ground rather than clumsiness borne from her embarrassing over-eagerness.
Iris laughs, not unkindly, as Felicity blushes and stammers her excuse. After they exchange phones, Iris types in her number into Felicity's and then bounces up and down on the balls of her feet, clapping her hands together in excitement. It's probably the cutest thing Felicity has ever seen—in fact it's so overwhelmingly adorable that she nearly drops her phone.
"This is great! Now we can keep in touch when you're back in Starling City and—oh! Do you have snap chat? You have to add me on snap chat. I'm like, the best snap-chatter ever. Just ask Barry."
Felicity can't keep the smile off her face as she listens to Iris's animated rambling, and happily accompanies her to Jitters for coffee before Iris's morning shift at work.
She also can't stop thinking about what it felt like to kiss her, about how she'd very much be willing to do it again. Neither of them bring it up, at least not at first, although a few times Felicity senses that they're dangerously close to broaching the topic.
She supposes that she should have realized it was inevitable, as Iris's shift draws nearer, when Iris reaches across the table to rest her hands on top of hers. Even though Felicity knows what's coming, she indulges herself in the sudden warmth that her touch brings, and crosses her toes in the hopes that Iris won't notice the involuntary twitch of her fingers at the sudden contact, itching to respond, or how her palms have suddenly gone all hot and sweaty.
"Hey, listen, about last night—"
Felicity reluctantly tugs a hand out from underneath Iris's to hold up beside her, signaling for Iris to stop, shaking her head back and forth in an attempt to cut her off.
"Look, Iris, don't worry about it. It was my fault, I know you've got Eddie and I— well, I'm sorry. I mean, I'm not sorry, I really enjoyed— shit, wait, I am sorry. I wasn't thinking, I was out of line and…and we don't have to talk about it if you don't want to. I mean, unless you do want to, then we can talk about it, of course, if you want, but…oh my god. I'm sorry, I really need to stop talking, but what I'm trying to say is—"
The words get stuck in her throat at the sound of Iris's laughter, just as warm and sweet as she remembers it being, and she abruptly loses her train of thought. Not that she really had one to begin with, but she definitely had been about to say something, and for the life of her she can't remember what it was.
"Felicity, seriously, it's okay," Iris says, smiling, the laughter still dancing in her eyes. Felicity dully registers that she has yet to put her hand down, doesn't really realize that it's still hanging limply in the air until Iris reaches out and captures it in her own, gently placing it back on the table and patting it reassuringly.
"It's…okay? Really?" Felicity asks, somewhat taken aback. She had been expecting a lot of things, preparing herself for the inevitable rejection, or scolding, or whatever, but not this.
"Yeah, really. I enjoyed it too, honest. And I just want you to know that I don't regret it, and it wasn't just because of the wine. But…" Iris trails off, lifting her gaze from her hands, still resting on top of Felicity's, and gives her a sad smile.
"But?" Felicity repeats, with a wistful smile of her own, and she's not asking, not really, because she already knows the answer, already can tell what Iris is going to say next, but at least now she knows that what she felt last night wasn't entirely one-sided after all.
"Well, I don't want you to think I'm leading you on, because I really like you and I really do want us to be friends, and maybe if we had met some other time we could, like, go down that road, but I do love Eddie, and I couldn't do that to him."
Felicity nods in understanding, and while she can't help but be a little disappointed, she's surprisingly not upset. How could she be, when Iris really likes her, and when she's looking at her like that?
"Yeah, totally. I get it. I mean, with Oliver and everything, I've got enough drama in my own romantic life already, I wouldn't want to cause any in yours. I mean— wait, oh God, did I really just say that? Please forget I just said that."
Felicity groans and ducks her head in mortification, feeling her face heat up in response, but Iris just gives her hand a squeeze and laughs it off, assuring her that she's fine.
When she finally raises her head again to meet Iris's gaze, there's an eager look in Iris's eye as she pulls her hands away from Felicity's to clasp them together, almost as if she's nervous. She finally seems to gather up her resolve and flashes another smile at Felicity before speaking again.
"Seriously though, I really do want to keep in touch, and I really enjoyed spending time with you, and if it's alright with you I wouldn't mind doing it more often. I really think we could be good friends."
Felicity gives what she hopes is a winning smile in return.
"Of course, yeah. I think I would really like that."
Later, after some animated planning for the next time they are together, Felicity finally resigns herself to the fact that she really should get going, that Iris's shift will start any minute and she can't be the one holding her up. Iris watches her as she goes, intently staring at her ponytail swishing back and forth and willing herself not to let her gaze travel lower. Predictably, she doesn't succeed.
As if she can feel Iris's eyes on her, Felicity turns to look over her shoulder and gives her one last little wave as she's walking out the door, colliding with a man immersed in some apparently all-important conversation on his cell phone as he's walking into the building and spilling some of her coffee on his suit in the process.
She can hear Felicity's frantic, fumbling apology from where she's sitting all the way on the other side of the café and quickly covers her mouth to stifle her laughter. By the time the important-looking business man has angrily waved Felicity off and she's finally out the door, the fond grin concealed beneath Iris's fingertips has yet to fade.
A few seconds go by before Iris drops her hand from her mouth and drums her fingers thoughtfully on the table, preparing herself for the long day of work ahead of her and debating whether or not to make a decision that she might later painfully regret. Felicity's bright, eager face hovers in her mind's eye, and she decides fuck it, as she extracts a pen and a small, worn little notebook from her purse.
She opens the book to the first page and taps the pen on the first line a few times, contemplating, before making up her mind and pulling off the thoroughly-chewed pen cap, crossing out the words '#1. Oliver Queen' underneath the heading 'Iris West's 3 List—for Iris's eyes only!'
She can feel herself blushing as she scribbles in the name to replace it, feeling absurdly like a freshman back in high school again, naïve and innocent and with an embarrassingly massive crush, imagining what it might entail if this list were actually serious.
The concept of the list as a whole is deceiving, because she would never actually cheat on Eddie, and she wouldn't want to, but…a name on a list shouldn't be making her feel this guilty. Still, as she looks at the words in bold black ink shining on the page before her, she can't bring herself to regret writing them, doesn't feel even an ounce of regret at crossing off the name that was there before. This one is more personal. This one might actually mean something.
She lets her gaze linger on the page a bit longer, trailing her fingers across the recently-dried letters and smiling to herself before closing the notebook, capping the pen, and returning them to her bag. Even out of sight, the name is still heavy in her thoughts.
('#1. Felicity Smoak')
Felicity is sure her face is bright red as she makes her way down the street and away from Jitters, focusing on moving one foot in front of the other with unwavering intensity and refusing to lift her gaze from the ground.
She supposes she should be paying more attention on what's actually in front of her, on making sure she doesn't walk headlong into anyone else, but she can't bring herself to care. Her cheeks are still burning with embarrassment, but as she imagines Iris's eyes following her as they had done earlier, a different feeling lodges its way into her chest. She can't help the grin that she feels spreading its way across her face.
It's not until she gets a text from Barry, one responding to her message from earlier asking how everything went, that Felicity's smile falters, and a pang of guilt settles in her stomach.
The message reads: 'Hey, I'm okay—at S.T.A.R. Labs now. How was last night? Iris told me you guys hung out! Isn't she great? Oh, and the bad guy got away :('
Felicity groans and pictures Barry's face before trivia night had been interrupted, remembers the heart-eyes he had been making at Iris all night and how completely obvious it had been that he was in love with his best friend. And here she is, fantasizing about kissing the very same girl…again, which makes it even worse.
It's illogical, she knows—she can't help how she feels any more than he can, and honestly it's not exactly like it's hard to fall for someone like Iris. And Iris is her own person, makes her own choices and can't control who she is or isn't into like that too, but still.
She still feels guilty as she hails a taxi, changing course for S.T.A.R. Labs, and even though she knows he's not the kind of guy who would try to guilt-trip her or make her feel bad about what she's feeling, her mind won't stop dredging up with images of Barry wearing a heartbroken expression if he ever were to find out exactly how last night was.
Barry comes to say goodbye to her on the train. She's glad he does, it's nice, and it's good to see that he's all better, back to 100%, after their run-in with Snart (she snorts when she remembers the nickname Cisco dubbed for him—Captain Cold. Seriously?). But what's not nice is that she finally confirms what she already knew, gets him to admit it out loud, about his feelings for Iris, and her guilt returns ten-fold.
She just really hopes she's not quite as obvious.
And then they kiss, and it's pleasant, it's sweet, and Barry's not a bad kisser. But there's nothing intimate about it, and somehow it just doesn't feel like anything other than platonic, like they're just two good friends who just so happen to be kissing.
When they pull away from each other, Barry is searching for the same thing in Felicity's eyes that she knows she's searching for in his, and it doesn't take long for both of them to find it. They share a look of mutual understanding, and Felicity knows that Barry feels it too, that he can see that they're better off of as friends. Felicity enjoys Barry's company just as much as she enjoys Iris's, really, but the same attraction just isn't there.
They smile warmly at each other, a little sadly, like they both realize that this was essentially closure, a moment of acceptance between two people who wish they felt something more for each other, who really want to, but who can't. And that's okay—frustrating, but okay.
Barry bids her farewell only after promising to keep in touch, assuring her that if she ever needs anything he'll be there for her in a heartbeat. It's so sincere and heartfelt, Felicity wonders how it's possible for two people as genuinely lovely and good as Barry and Iris can even exist within such close proximity.
She returns the sentiment, all the same.
Long after Barry is gone, Felicity is still reeling from the aftermath of her foray into Central City. To think that she thought she was just coming to see Barry run really fast and maybe make out with him or something, bleach her brain of Oliver Queen. She supposes she did kind of achieve all those things too, but still. So much more than she bargained for.
Mostly because of…well, mostly because of Iris. The sudden butterflies in the pit of her stomach at the thought of her are not something she anticipated, and certainly not something she could have planned for.
Her sigh is so long and drawn-out that it's almost comical, and she twists her fingers together and furiously worries her bottom lip in frustration, wondering how it's possible that she's fallen this hard this fast. She's angry at herself and at Barry (although realistically she knows it's not actually either of their faults) for not being able to make, well, the whole Felicity-and-Barry thing work when, objectively, they are seriously perfect for each other, when it would solve so many of both of their problems, when in purely hypothetical terms it could have so much potential.
Barry is cute, sweet, smart, and a fucking superhero. And she's not so bad herself, she doesn't think. They could totally be friends. Well, they are already friends, but they could be really, really good friends. She could absolutely see herself hanging out with Barry more often, nerding out over stuff and venting about life in general. But she knows, and she knows that he knows too, that for some inexplicable reason they'll never be anything other than just that. They tried, and they could try again, but it just doesn't feel quite right.
She's staring out the window, at the city lights speeding by, wishing she could just turn her brain off and go to sleep for a few hours—or days, or maybe months— her mind a whirlwind of thoughts she really doesn't want to address any time soon, when her phone buzzes.
She almost considers not bothering to check it—it's probably Oliver or John or Roy, wondering where she is, and when she's going to be back. Honestly, they're hopeless without her. The thought should be flattering, the picture of them all sitting around in the Arrow Cave, (she doesn't even bother scolding herself from using the term when Oliver's not around), twiddling their thumbs and trying to figure out how to do what she does with all their adorably confused faces on full display, but she's too annoyed at the moment to be flattered. Instead she's just, well…annoyed. Annoyed with herself. Annoyed with the universe.
But she does check, because God forbid there really is something awful going on back in Starling and her tech-skills are desperately in need to save a life or catch a bad guy or whatever crazy thing might be going on and she doesn't check her phone, because she really doesn't need anything else on her conscience right now.
She pulls her phone out from her bag, resigning herself to whatever it is she'll have to deal with, relinquishing any peace and quiet she might have hoped to achieve. But as it turns out, it's not Oliver or Digg or Roy or Laurel or even Barry. It's not even a text.
Her heart jumps to her throat when she sees the little notification alerting her that someone has sent her a snapchat, and she takes in the name on the screen, her heartbeat racing. Iris.
She opens it up, and is rewarded with a picture of Iris blowing her a kiss, somehow still sporting one of her brilliant, sunny smiles, and Felicity marvels at how it's even possible for someone to be able convey so much light and charisma over a freaking photo. There's text over her the picture too, and it takes effort to take her eyes off of Iris's face long enough to read what it says.
'Say hi to Starling City for me! Come back and visit CC whenever; don't be a stranger!'
Felicity's smile as she continues to stare at the picture on her phone is so wide it's hurting her cheeks. For one horrifying moment she briefly considers screenshotting it, before she remembers that Iris would receive a notification alerting her about it if she did, and the picture luckily vanishes without incident. Honestly, she's already embarrassed herself enough in the past couple of days.
Instead, she snaps a picture of herself grinning brightly, giving an energetic thumbs up, with the caption 'Will do!' to send back. She can't even remember the last time she responded to a snapchat, much less this enthusiastically.
As soon as it's sent, Felicity resumes her position gazing wistfully out the train's window at her swiftly changing surroundings, except this time instead of being angry or annoyed, she feels giddy and light-headed, and she can't stop smiling.
As far as she's concerned, it turns out Iris West really is the best snap-chatter ever.
Notes:
I've decided to keep this just Iris/Felicity, because while I love the idea of Iris/Barry/Felicity there are so few works for this pairing already and I want to focus more on ladies loving ladies! I might make an alternate version with the 3 of them because I still have a lot of ideas for that when I'm done with this one though