It's not like me to feel this way. I've been in relationships before and I've never, ever needed anyone in quite this way.
I thought for a while that I needed Grissom, but I didn't, not really.
I love him. I care for him, and I relied on his strength and his insights, but I didn't need him like this.
Instead, it is Catherine.
I love Grissom. I still love him as my friend like I love the guy, and we've
got the kind of shared history that creates a lifelong bond, but I've always kept a part of myself hidden from him, and he's always kept secrets from me. He kept telling me that he trusted me, but he didn't, not implictly anyhow, and I think I knew that instinctively long before I could admit it to myself.
He lied to me and kept thing from me,
and I did the same thing to him. We just couldn't open ourselves up that completely, not even to each other.
I'm not really sure when my thoughts and feelings changed. I don't even know when I started really looking at them, rather than shoving them away when got uncomfortable, but I know why. It was because of her,
because of Catherine.
Something about her reached inside my soul and touched me, and it opened my eyes to what love and need were all about. It sounds corny, and I feel like a blithering idiot for even thinking so sappy, but it's true.
She's been here for me, never once running away no matter how hard things got, and her quiet, caring presence made me see just what had been missing before.
In a strange way, I'm glad I need her as scary as it may be to feel that way. That feeling has filled a hole in my heart that I didn't even know was there, but at the same time, I sometime wish I was still clueless and in denial. Because then no matter how empty I was inside, I wouldn't be so scared.
TO BE CONTINUED