Chapter 2
A month later, Roger and April were still in the throes of young love and couldn't have been happier. Mark, Collins, Maureen, and Benny had all pointed out that Roger was noticeably more cheerful. Roger blamed it on anything else he could: Christmas approaching, the cold weather (he loved winters in New York), getting so many gigs with the band. But Roger's roommates knew him too well to buy any of those excuses.
One November evening, Mark pointed out that they had never met Roger's new girlfriend. So, one night after a gig, as Roger and April were saying goodbye on her doorstep, Roger decided to ask her. "Hey, how would you like to come to the loft for dinner with me and my roommates on Friday night? They really want to meet you."
"I was wondering when I was finally going to meet them. I've heard so much about them and I've never met them. I was beginning to think you were keeping me from them on purpose," April laughed.
"Nah, not really. So, is that a yes?"
April kissed him. "Yes, that's a yes. I'm excited to meet them."
******
Mark had never seen Roger so nervous before. "Really, Roger, there's nothing to worry about. If you burn dinner, we'll order pizza. I'm sure April won't care."
Maureen walked into the kitchen and wrapped her arms around Mark from behind. "Yeah, Rog, she won't care."
Roger glared at both of them as he struggled with peeling a roasted red bell pepper. "Just get out of the kitchen. I can't concentrate with you two in here."
Maureen laughed and kissed Mark on the cheek, then led him out of the kitchen. Collins walked in just as they were walking out.
"Hey, Rog, want a hand?"
Roger was noticeably frustrated, still struggling with the pepper. "Sure, I guess. It's your recipe anyway," he said, throwing down the pepper in frustration.
Collins laughed and checked the breaded chicken in the oven. "It looks great so far. Let me see those peppers."
About ten minutes later, Benny walked in the door holding some firewood. "Mmmm, it smells good in here. What's for dinner?"
"Ooh, firewood! Good idea, Benny," said Maureen.
"Well, we can't exactly entertain guests when it's even colder in here than it is outside," Benny pointed out.
Mark laughed. "Well, I suppose we could, but it wouldn't be very comfortable for her."
"You haven't answered my question. What's for dinner?"
"Some recipe of Collins'. Breaded chicken with roasted red bell peppers," said Roger as he emerged from the kitchen. His clothes were a mess from trying to cook. "I've gotta go change. Dear GOD, clean this place up a little."
Maureen started straightening things and picking up trash. "Relax, Roger. Really. If April loves you as much as you love her, she won't care what you or the place look like."
The phone rang. Roger answered.
"Hey Rog, it's me," came April's cheerful voice at the other end of the phone.
"Hey. I'm gonna have Mark come down and get you. I've gotta change. My clothes are a mess from making dinner."
April laughed. "OK, well, have him hurry up. It's freezing!"
"OK, I'll see you up here." Roger hung up the phone. "You heard me, Mark. Can you bring her up? Benny, for God's sake, start a fire. It's like fucking Antarctica in here. And Maureen, keep cleaning. This place is a mess," he said on his way into the bedroom to put on some clean clothes.
"Yes, sir," said Maureen sarcastically. Everyone chuckled.
Somehow, the loft and its occupants looked presentable by the time Mark walked through the door with April in tow five minutes later. Roger met them at the door and kissed April when she walked in. Collins walked out of the kitchen and put two dishes of chicken and peppers on the table, then joined the others at the doorway.
"So, this is everyone. The nerdy guy with the glasses who just brought you up is Mark."
"Oh, thanks, Rog," said Mark sarcastically. Maureen poked him playfully.
"And that's Mark's girlfriend, Maureen," continued Roger. "Collins is the one who just came out of the kitchen. You can thank him for dinner tonight. I tried to help, but it wasn't turning out so well, so I let him take over."
April laughed. "Well, it smells delicious, Collins."
"Thanks. Great to finally meet you."
"And you," she said, taking his offered hand.
"And that's Benny, over by the bonfire pit," Roger finished.
Benny laughed as he poked at the new fire, then walked towards the rest of them. "Yeah, otherwise known as the trash can. Bonfire pit," he scoffed playfully, holding his hand out to April.
April giggled as she shook his hand. "Great to meet everyone. I've heard so much about you guys."
"And we've heard plenty about you, too," said Maureen. "Good to know Roger wasn't just imagining a girlfriend."
Everyone laughed, except Roger, who blushed.
"Chill out, babe. It's just me," April said in a hushed tone.
"Well, yeah, but you're in my house," he replied in the same hushed tone.
"So?"
"So, I want everything to work out, and I'm worried that my friends will do something embarrassing."
"I like them. They're fun," said April, trying to reassure her obviously shaken boyfriend. "Don't worry, I won't hold anything they say against you," she said in a normal voice as she kissed his cheek and sat down at the table.
******
Three hours, two dishes of chicken and peppers, and four bottles of cheap red wine later, everyone sat around the bonfire pit/trash can, laughing and talking as if they'd known each other forever. Even Roger was enjoying himself.
"Well, Roger, April definitely gets my stamp of approval," Maureen joked.
"Mine too," laughed Benny.
Roger smiled as he hugged April and kissed her on the cheek. "Good to know."
"And you guys definitely get my stamp of approval to continue being his roomies," she joked. "Tonight has been so much fun. But I've gotta get going. I have to be at work in the morning."
"I'll take you home," said Roger. "I don't want you walking through this neighborhood alone at night."
"Thanks, babe."
Roger and April stood up and everyone said their goodbyes.
"Bye, guys. I hope we can do this again soon," said April.
"Definitely. But next time, we're ordering pizza," said Collins.
April laughed. "Fine by me."
"We won't wait up for you," yelled Mark as Roger and April were walking out the door. Roger rolled his eyes as everyone laughed.
Roger kissed April when they got to her doorstep. She was shaking and he could tell it wasn't from the cold. He helped her with her key and opened the door for her.
"Do you wanna come in?" she asked shyly.
Roger was a bit shocked. This was the first time she'd invited him up. He was a little hesitant, but he was also kind of worried about April. She was shaking pretty badly and he wanted to make sure she got in OK. "Sure."
April led him up three flights of stairs and struggled again with the key to her apartment. Again, Roger helped her with her key and opened the door for her. They walked in. April's apartment had her personality all over it. Decidedly girly, but with the touch of rock and roll that he loved so much about her. And it was heated. Roger remembered April mentioning that her dad helped her out with the bills.
"I'll be right back. Make yourself at home," April said, disappearing into what was obviously her bedroom.
April emerged ten minutes later; again, she was obviously calmer. She gave him a tour of her small but nice apartment, ending with her bedroom. Roger chuckled silently as he kicked off his shoes and kissed April when she finished the tour in front of her bed and turned all but a small lamp off. She returned the kiss passionately and started to remove his jacket. He helped her get the heavy leather jacket off and silently thanked April's father for the heat as it fell to the floor. His hands went to her jacket and peeled it off.
******
Is this the right time to be doing this? He knows I just shot up. April had decided early that evening that she was going to invite him up after dinner, knowing that he would insist on taking her home. She was in love, and it had been a month since they started going out. Well, it was too late to back out now if this was the wrong time. She needed this. She needed to prove to herself that she could enjoy sex. Her hands went to the buttons of his shirt and started undoing them, one by one. He kissed her neck lightly as she did so, moving back to her lips as she finished and the flannel shirt fell on top of Roger's jacket.
******
Roger was a little nervous, but April soon calmed his fears. He remembered what she had said earlier that night to calm his fears about having her in the loft. "Chill out, babe. It's just me." It was just her, and she loved him. It was oh so evident. He moved his hands to the bottom of her shirts (she dressed in layers) with more than a little uncertainty. He didn't want to make her uncomfortable or seem too eager. April lifted her arms to allow him to pull her shirts off. He did so, then kissed her neck as he unclasped her bra, stopping to watch it fall away. He pulled her to him, kissing her fiercely. The feeling of her skin against his was...right. He kissed her face, her neck, her shoulders, her arms, her breasts, her stomach, stopping right above her pants. He put his hands on the button, looking up for approval. She smiled and caressed his cheek. He undid the button, then unzipped her jeans, tugging them lightly and letting them fall to the floor. Then he removed her modest but sexy underwear. Roger stood up to admire the view. She was the most beautiful woman he'd ever seen, and he told her so.
######
10 years earlier...
April lay in her bed, pretending to be asleep as her father opened the door, obviously drunk. He went over to her bed and put his hand on her side, shaking her to wake her up. She turned over and moaned, wanting him to leave. He refused. He bent down and kissed her neck, turning her over to face him. "You're so beautiful, sweetie" he said. He took off his shirt, then his pants, throwing them to the side. He made her wake up and stand up, then pulled her nightgown off. He pushed her to her knees and forced his penis into her mouth. She tried to resist him, but he was too strong. He moved her head backward and forward, making her perform oral sex on him. Once he was hard, he forced her onto the bed. She screamed and wailed, trying to resist, pleading for him not to do this to her, but he didn't stop. He pulled off her panties and threw them to the side. She was crying. The next thing she felt was the most excruciating pain in her life. He was inside her, forcing himself further into her. She was too small for him, but he didn't stop. He just pushed harder. It hurt her. She cried and screamed, but he kept going. When he had finished, he stood up, put his clothes on, and left her lying there, naked and bleeding. She was fourteen years old, and her childhood had been stolen from her.
April ran away from home a week later and never told anyone about that night. Instead, she turned to heroin. With heroin, she could forget the past and the pain. She never talked about the real pain. Instead, she got high. Pretty soon, she was addicted. She had withdrawls if she didn't have her fix. She knew she should stop using, but stopping would mean facing the pain. She didn't want to. She tried to fill her life with meaningless sex, but it just made the pain all the more evident. It never felt good. It just hurt. She just wanted it all to go away.
######
Roger was kissing April's neck when he felt a tear fall on his shoulder. He stopped and looked at her. She was crying.
"Hey, what's wrong?" he asked, caressing her cheek and looking into her eyes.
"Nothing. I'm fine," April said.
"You know, we don't have to do this if you don't want to."
"I know. I'm fine, really." April kissed Roger, trying to reassure him. It worked a little, but he was still worried.
She put her hands on the button of his jeans and looked at him for approval. He looked in her eyes and then kissed her. He couldn't have loved her more, but he couldn't tell her that now. It wouldn't seem sincere. She undid his pants and let them fall to the floor, then removed his boxers. She stood up and kissed him. He wrapped his arms around her, pulling her close. He didn't want this night to end.
******
April knew she didn't have to be afraid of Roger. She knew he loved her. But it didn't mean she wasn't still scared. Men always scared her. How could they not? The one man who was supposed to protect her and shield her had stolen her virginity and her childhood from her. And he stole her ability to enjoy sex. But this time was different. She never loved any of the men before. She loved Roger. And she trusted him. He wouldn't hurt her.
She pulled back from his kiss and grabbed his hand, leading him towards the bed. She lay down and he crawled on top of her. For a moment, she was scared, but the look in his eyes was one of love, not of wild desire. She held her breath, waiting for the pain. It didn't come. Instead, she felt a wave of pleasure coarse over her as he went inside her. Without knowing he was doing so, he reassured her that everything was alright with his kisses and the way he looked into her eyes. For the first time in her life, she wasn't afraid of a man. For the first time in her life, she gave herself completely to her partner. For the first time in her life, it felt good. THIS was how it was supposed to be. She surrendered herself to the moment, not wanting it to end.
******
An hour later, Roger and April lay in bed. Her head was on his chest and she was snuggled up close to him. Roger was convinced that if there was a Heaven, this was it. He played with April's hair and she traced her finger over the lines of his chest. He decided to take the plunge.
"April, I love you so much."
She turned her head to look at him. She looked shocked, but pleased. She kissed him passionately. "I love you too, Roger. More than you know."
She put her head back on his chest, put her arm across him, and closed her eyes. A few minutes later, she was asleep. Roger held her close, not wanting to ever let go. He fell asleep soon after.
******
April awoke the next morning to find Roger gone from the bed, but she heard clatter in the kitchen, so she knew he hadn't left. She lay back down in bed, not wanting to get up yet. She couldn't believe last night had actually happened. It seemed too good to be true. She enjoyed being with a man for the first time in her life. She knew it wouldn't be easy, but she had to tell him about her father. The bedroom door opened and Roger walked in carrying a plate of scrambled eggs, bacon, and toast, two cups of coffee, and silverware.
"Breakfast in bed?" he asked as he put the cups on the nightstand and handed her the plate. He crawled in next to her.
"Mmm yes. Thanks, baby."
He smiled and kissed her. "I promise, I'm way better at making eggs than I am at making chicken."
April laughed. "Good to know," she said as she took a bite of scrambled eggs. He was right.
April wasn't looking forward to telling Roger the truth about her father, but she knew he deserved to hear it. So, after they finished breakfast, she plucked up her courage.
"Roger, I have to tell you something."
"OK."
"Alright, this isn't easy for me, but you deserve to know."
"What is it? You can tell me." Roger kissed her reassuringly.
And she told him.
******
Roger couldn't believe what he was hearing. Oh my God. April? Raped by her father? What kind of sick bastard does that to his own daughter? That fucking asshole. If I ever meet that fucking son of a bitch, I'll fucking castrate him. I can't believe the fucking nerve. My God, that's why she was crying last night. She was scared. I hope she's OK now. She seemed to enjoy herself. She didn't tell me to stop. I can't fucking believe this. So that's why she started using smack. I probably would have too. Oh my God, I'm the first person she's ever told? What do I say to her? How do I show her how much I care?
April finished her story in tears. Roger didn't know what to say. He just held her close and kissed the top of her head. Then he looked at her. "So, last night. Are you OK?"
"Last night was amazing, Roger. And not just the sex. Last night was the first time it ever felt good. That in itself was basically a miracle."
Roger was shocked. He kissed her. "I'm proud of you. And I love you."
She just cried and hugged him tight. "I love you too, Roger."
He held her and let her cry. But then he thought about her housing situation. "So, wait. If your dad's this fucking sick bastard, why is he paying for your apartment?"
April cried some more, but managed to compose herself enough to answer the question. "He says it's because he's trying to redeem himself, but I think it's so he can keep me tied to him. I want more than anything to move out of here and be free of him, but I can't afford to." She started crying again and buried her face in his chest.
Roger held her tight, wanting to protect her from the world, wanting to make the pain go away. Then he had an idea. "Hey, I know we've only been seeing each other for a month, but if you want to move into the loft, I would love to have you there. We all help to pay the bills, so it would be affordable, and you wouldn't have to deal with your father anymore."
April kissed him. "I'd love that."
Roger walked into the loft an hour and a half later, after seeing April to work. Mark was cleaning up from a late breakfast.
"Good thing we really didn't wait up for you, Rog," Mark joked.
Roger attempted to laugh, but he couldn't stop thinking about April and her father.
"Hey, man, what's wrong?"
"I don't wanna talk about it. But we're gonna have another roommate," Roger said as he walked into his bedroom and shut the door.