CHAPTER TWO – Not the kind of day I planned out this morning...
"Hey Cupid" He said with his trademark smirk, "it's been a while".
Great, just what I needed. As well as a shitty mood and public displays of affection on the list of things to ruin my day, add one cocky Winter Spirit into the mix, why not!
"Well if it isn't Frosty the Snowman, down from the Pole himself to grace us with his presence." I did a half assed bow to the boy in the tree, who only rolled his eyes at the clearly sarcastic gesture. He unfolded his arms and sat down casually on the branch, allowing his legs to dangle over the sides.
"Well it's nice to see you too Cue, what's it been, two, three years?"
"Not long enough" I muttered softly, to which my surprise he heard, the corner of his mouth curling upwards.
"You're hair's shorter" He said, frowning slightly. It was more of a statement than a question really, but true none the less. Having a love, hate relationship with my hair anyway, I finally decided to spontaneously cut the wayward tangles to a more manageable length, creating the world's shortest ponytail when it was pulled back. My new shaggy, homemade pixycut still had the tendency to fall into my eyes, but was more tolerable to the waist long mess of a previous life.
"Yeh, well people change" I said, feeling slightly self conscious under his piercing blue gaze "The hair just needed to catch up."
Jack pursed his lips for a moment, as if weighing up a decision in his head before finally nodding once and smiling approvingly. "I like it, it suits you. You can see your eyes easier."
"Well thank the heavens that it has the Boy Wonder's approval! Finally I will be able to rest easy at night! " I held my hand to my chest in a sign of mock relief then turned and began to walk away.
"Now if the only reason you came all the way out here to Bonnie Old England was to compliment my talents as a hairdresser, I best be on my way. Things to do and people to see and all that jazz so... Farewell!" I said, making a 'V' in the middle of my fingers on my right hand much like Spock, then walked down the road.
Well I would have liked to walk down the road, admittedly I only made it about five paces before Jack spoke, his voice thick with mischief.
"Nice seeing you again Cue, good to see that you have finally outgrown the nappies!"
I stopped in my tracks.
Oh.
Hell.
No.
Did he just? ...He did!
God will I ever outlive the embarrassment! One dude hundreds of years ago paints a stupid picture of a fat, flying baby with wings and that's the image that the humans choose to commercialise! Swear to God, you have one lousy picture of you that haunts you for the rest of your life! ...Well, death actually, but that's not the point! I mean, it's not as if Bunnymund is as cute and cuddly as everyone thinks, or that North is as child friendly! He carries around machetes for goodness sakes!
Why on Earth would anyone assume that Cupid is a fat, flying baby anyway? It's not even practical! Babies can't even walk let alone fly! They can'teven speak either! They just have that made up language that sounds half way between a drunk Irishman and a wailing cat! All they do is poop and cry and cry and poop and poop when they cry and cry when they poop! And somehow in the middle of all that the humans expect it to be the Spirit of Love? Talk about high standards much! Most parents are impressed when their kid sticks its fingers up its nose let alone being able to hold and operate a weapon!
God it was so infuriating, and the thing that made it worse was that Jack knows it and is just pushing buttons!
I whirled on my heels and glared at the laughing boy in the tree which only made him laugh more.
Deciding to change my tactic I smiled as sweetly as I could back to him, trailing one finger down the string of my bow. "How about you don't piss off the only one of us that has a weapon hey Mr 'Nipping at your nose'?"
"Oh?" He challenged, still laughing and holding up a gnarled piece of wood in his right hand, the top of it looping round to form and abstract 'G'. "And what do you suppose this is then?" He asked, raising an eyebrow at me.
"A stick?" I said sounding bored and unimpressed, "I'm quaking in my boots let me assure you."
"It's a Staff Cue" He said a little too defensively. I crossed my arms over my chest still looking bored, picking at the sides of my fingernails, allowing him to make his point by trailing his 'Staff' over the branch he sat on. Small amounts of frost began to appear in its wake.
"Wow impressive..." I trailed off flatly, rolling my eyes at him once more. "But I'll take my bow over your Walking Stick any day old man."
Jack's forehead creased slightly, looking a little confused. "You're just as old as I am" he said, crossing his legs and leaning his elbows on his knees.
"Well at least I don't look my age. I'd say I can see a single grey hair growing though but I'd be lying. Father Time was not kind to you mate."
Jack gave a pained look of mock hurt, pretending to hide a sob behind his hands at my 'hurtful' words until his playful smile returned.
"Not that I don't enjoy our little chats ever few years or so Jack, but pray tell why are you here exactly?" I knew deep down that Jack would not make the trip out here just to 'hang out' with little old me. If he was here it was because the Guardians had spoken, assigned a mission to do with me and he had simply drawn the short straw.
I couldn't help but feel a small pang of disappointment deep down. Jack wasn't here because he cared. He was here because he was doing his job.
Jack, oblivious to the sudden sadness that flowed through me, simply leaned back and rested his hands behind his head, his stick... I mean 'staff' precariously balanced on the branch next to him.
"All business with you isn't it Cue?" He teased, "When do you have time for the pleasure?" He tilted his head in my direction and winked at me.
"Well not all of us can be the spirit of fun you know" I grumbled, "some of us have actual proper jobs to do you know." Jacks grin only widened as he leaned back into his hands, lounging about in the tree. "Busiest day of the year my ass Cue, I've been keeping tabs on you all day and so far, including Mr Tonsils over there-" He pointed at the man still locked at the mouth with the woman on the bench in a passionate fight to suck the other person's face off. Did they not find the need to breathe? It's been like ten minutes people! "-and so far" Jack continued "you have only hit twelve people today. I would hate to see what it's like when your're really, really busy!" He teased.
"So I have been a bit off my game today, so what? The world isn't going to end, civilisation as we know it isn't going to fall apart just because a few less people do 'the dance with no pants'" I quoted with my fingers. "So what, North made you fly out here to check up on me because I am behind on my daily quota?" My voice rose an octave on the last part defensively.
"What nerve do you of all people have to tell me how to do my job Mr 'I play with balls of snow and kids over three hundred years younger than me everyday' you pedo!" Jack frowned at my last comment, clearly unimpressed but managed to maintain control of his voice unlike my steadily rising one.
"No Cue, North sent me out here because he needs to talk to you. They all do. He told me to bring you back with me to the Pole." At that Jack jumped down from the tree, landing with more grace than I did on the ground not three feet away from me. He held his staff behind his head, casually draping his arms over its ends.
"Well you can tell North that I have no intensions of travelling to the Pole nor hearing yet another lecture about how I should join the Guardians and how its my soul duty and how MiM picked me for a reason crap blagh blagh blagh... I said it once and I'll say it again I'm. Not. Guardian. Materi..." I trailed off when I noticed the smile on Jacks face, the devilish look in his eyes... I did not one bit like that look. What was he up to?
He sauntered a few paces towards me, smirking all the way. "Well that's the thing Cue. North didn't tell me to ask you to come to the Pole..." He stopped mere inches away from me, his voice dropping to barely a whisper.
"He just told me to bring you."
Realisation suddenly hit me then.
No. He wouldn't dare! ...Would he?
Not willing to find out and seizing the small window of opportunity I had I took off running, making it about fifty meters to the street before I felt cold arms wrap around my waist, pulling me back.
"Jack, NO!" I yelled, managing to pry his ice like fingers from my middle, elbowing him in the face in the process and knocking him off balance. Good! "Serves you right you asshat!" I yelled, glancing back quickly while running to see Jack on the floor rubbing his chin.
While continuing to run past the street I tore off my faded red hoodie, revealing my plain (if slightly dirty) t-shirt and my secret weapon in getaway plans.
Sprinting as fast as I could I unfurled my tawny black wings, erupting majestically from the slits in the back of my shirt and began to flap like crazy. Did I forget to mention the part where I have wings? Well not everything the humans say about me is a complete lie... just the parts about my weight and age and gender as it would seem... Greeeaaat!
Just as me feet started to leave the ground, the feeling of complete and utter freedom beginning to wash over me, I was abruptly pulled back down to the hard concrete, scraping my knees and elbows in the process. I looked around ready to fend off Jack again but he was nowhere to be seen. And that's when I glanced down at my feet...
What the?
No... He wouldn't ...HE DID!
There, attached to each foot was a large, solid block of ice! He had literally cemented me to the sidewalk!
Oh.
Oh he's a bastard.
"JACK!"
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