A/N- Oh god guys, I'm sorry this took so long to get up. I kind of got sidetracked because I was supposed to write it two weeks ago but Silver Shadows just overtook me. Since two weeks ago I've read the book about 5 times and each time I do I want to chuck my copy at the wall. I've been overanalysing everything! Ok no spoilers but I will tell you that it will BLOW YOUR MIND! Anyone who has read it and would like to have a fangirl moment with me, just drop me a PM or leave it in a review. I would love to talk to you about it and one of my favourite topics.

Ok book talk over, now I hope you enjoy this chapter! Near the end of the chapter it will be in DPOV and all conversation will happen in Russian. Before the AN at the bottom there is the last part of the chapter in English.

Previously;

Dimitri leaned in closer and I noticed a droplet running down his cheek. When I looked in his eyes I didn't see any trace of hurting, all I saw was confusion. And that was then I realized, I was the one who let loose that tear.

Quick as lightning, I jumped off him and ran around the house and up to Viktoria's room. I slammed the door and slid down to the floor. It was just too much. I couldn't handle it. I thought I could, but I can't.

Him not being able to love me, him not reciprocating. It killed me on the inside. The tears slid down my face freely. I made no sound as I cried.

It was just too much.

The door rapped and I jumped up, hastily wiping away the tears with the back of my hand. I heard a voice call, "Rose?"

I walked over to the door, calming myself. I opened it to reveal a sad smiled old woman standing in front of me.

"Yeva?" I asked, surprised. I honestly hadn't seen this coming.

"Don't act so shocked child. Now let me in." I stepped aside at her words, letting her pass through. Yeva took a seat on the bed and gestured with her hand that I take a seat over at the desk.

I sat down and looked at the old woman, silently begging her to say something. To break this spell of stillness. That was her specialty or something right? I was nervous, my humor tactic only came out when I was nervous as a false bravado to what I was really feeling.

"You are so brave child. But I fear all of this is not over yet. You still have a long ways to go, especially with that idiot of a grandson of mine." I gulped and she must have noticed my panic stricken face because she said, "It's long from over. But what you will do to stop that is cloudy. It lingers faintly but you won't see the immediate truth. The path you have ahead of you is full of pain and grief stricken my child."

I looked down at my hands in my lap and smiled through the hurt of hearing that. I felt the tears burn the back of my eyes and had no reason to not let them loose anymore. I was just so tired. Tired of all this hurt and pain. Tired of this roundabout. Just tired.

I didn't stop the tears that freely ran down the sides of my cheeks. I felt my shirt collar getting soaked but I frankly didn't care anymore. I let out a strangled hiccupping sound and looked up at Yeva. I pleaded with her through my eyes, pleaded with her to give me a different fate, anything but that.

She discreetly shook her head and held sympathy in her eyes, and that's when I knew this was set in stone. It was only a matter of when I would travel down that road and how much baggage I would take with me. This realization brought on a new wave of tears and I didn't stop the arms that wound arms me. Instead I wrapped my own around her, craving that touch, that piece of comfort. Knowing that I wasn't in this alone.

When I was sure that I wasn't going to bust a dam anymore, I looked at Yeva gratefully, silently and verbally thanking her for all that she'd done for me. it might not seem like much but with what I was getting know, this seemed like the best thing that's ever happened to me. I never knew how much I'd crave that touch, until I'd lost it.

Up until now I've always taken it for granted. Whether it was the hugs I got every day from Lissa, or the smile from Christian and even the occasional comforting hand on my arm from my mother. But what I missed the most were the touches of affection when we trained in the gym, just him and I. Even when we got hurt and we helped each other clean and fix ourselves up. The light brush of fingers on my knees brought butterflies to my soul.

"I'm- I'm going to stay here for a little while if that's okay?" I asked Yeva. She nodded understanding my need to be alone. I swiped at my eyes, getting rid of any lingering tears. "Can you make sure no one comes up? I don't need anyone's sympathy now." Trying to put on that false bravado. Yeva smiled, shaking her muttering something in her native tongue but most likely along the lines of stubborn woman.

The door closed softly behind me and I lied down on the bed, trying to sort my emotions out. I knew Dimitri said over and over again the reason he couldn't love was because he was incapable of loving again, or any other emotion. But I didn't believe that. Somewhere under all that guilt he was harbouring in his heart, was the old Dimitri. The Dimitri I knew. The Dimitri that loved me.

It shone through when he saw his family. If he was incapable of feeling happiness, which was an emotion, he wouldn't have acted the way he did. Love poured through at the reconnection of family. Love. He wasn't incapable. He was guilty I soon realized.

But I told him time and time again, I have forgiven him for what he had done. That wasn't him. When he was Strigoi was the time he was incapable of emotions because he didn't have a soul. He was just a shell of what and who Dimitri was. A cold, evil, murdering shell. But that's who he was. A shell. An imitation.

I can't go on living like this. This way with all the hurt and pain of those four words and the idea of him wanting us to be friends. We could never be friends. The connection we had was too strong for friendship. I'd forgiven him long time ago, it was now his turn to forgive himself and I was going to make sure he did. Even if it killed me in the process, at least I'd die knowing the man I love and will always love can finally be happy.

DPOV

I tried calming myself, breathing in deep breaths. I told her I didn't love her anymore. I told her with an argument. Like I was convincing myself instead of her. But it was a fat lie. I couldn't hurt her again. I know she's told me over and over again that she's forgiven me but how can she? How could she truly forgive the monster I had become? What I did to her? I used her, I taunted her. I couldn't forgive myself for all that I had done.

The way she'd looked at me when we were on the mats, done our spar, held so much hurt and pain that I could barely see the love and sparkle that used to fill her eyes. Having her body pressed against mine felt like coming home. It was where I belonged and where I wanted to stay but I could not. I wouldn't let myself hurt her again.

She was not the only one hurting too. It pained me to know that my Roza was forever gone from me now and I had no chance of getting her back. I thought I'd taken the right step when I asked her to be friends, that way we could still be close without those complications. But the way she had looked at me, with resentment and fury and disbelief almost had me sinking to my knees begging for her forgiveness.

The way she jumped off from off me, like I was the most repulsive thing on the earth- which I suppose could be true- almost had me in tears. Instead I pounded my fists against the mat repeatedly.

"Yebat'!" I cursed, not caring I still had an audience. I heard a gasp and looked up seeing my 10 year old nephew looking scared. A look I never wanted to put on his face and knowing I was the cause of it enraged me further. I wasn't supposed to scaring him; I was supposed to be reassuring him, making him feel loved. Is this what the male figure in his life is supposed to be? I don't want Paul to be like this when he grows up. What kind of role am I setting?

But right in this moment I couldn't seem to care. I lost my one chance at gaining her back. I glanced at my eldest sister, asking her with my eyes to take everyone out of the room. I had to be alone right now. As soon as everyone was out of eyesight I walked over to the punching bag and beat the shit out of it. Literally it was nothing when I was finished with it. I gave it one last punch and the bag's chains broke free, the heavy weight slamming to the ground.

"Wow Dimka, I knew you were strong but not that strong. For goodness sake's you were the one who hung that up." I turned around to find my youngest sister standing with her arms crossed.

I turned back towards the bag, planning on picking it up, not on fighting my sister who initiated it by jumping on my back and locking her arms around my neck. She grabbed my shoulder and pulled me down, throwing me to the floor. She jumped on me and pinned my arms and legs with her own limbs. I didn't try and stop her; I knew what was coming next.

"Ty ublyudok Dmitriy Belikov. Ublyudok!" Viktoria pounded her fists against my stomach moving her way slowly up to my chest. "Vy ne imeli prava delat', chto s ney! Ona vse yeshche lyubit vas, vy znayete? I vy idete, i razbit' yey serdtse."

"Vika-"

"Net, vy poslushayte menya Dimitri Aleksandr Belikov, kak vy smeli sdelat' eto dlya neye posle togo, chto ona sdelala dlya vas! Chert poberi Dmitriy ona byla toy, kto spas tebya ne yeye podruga ! Otkroyte vashi proklyatyye glaza i uvidet', chto!"

She slapped me. Now that I wasn't expecting. "A potom, kogda vy razdavil yeye serdtse i pechat'yu na nem, chtoby imet' nerv, nerv, chtoby sprosit' yeye , chtoby byt' druz'yami. YA posmotrel na vas, no seychas ya ne dumayu, chto ya mogu. Ty trus Dmitriy i otkrovenno, ya razocharovan. V vas i na to, chto ty moy brat . YA ozhidal luchshe ot vas."

I winced at that. No one ever wanted to be degraded like that and to have my sister say she wished she wasn't related to me anymore slapped reality into me.

Vika got up from me and shook her head disdainfully at me and her upper lip turned up in disgust. "Srazu poluchit' chertov klyuch i chto-to s etim delat'. Roza ne zasluzhivayut togo, chtoby bol'no, kak, chto, osobenno takim obrazom."

TRANSLATIONS

"You're a bastard Dimitri Belikov. A bastard!" Viktoria pounded her fists against my stomach moving her way slowly up to my chest. "You had no right to do that to her! She still loves you you know? And you go and break her heart."

"Vika-"

"No you listen to me Dimitri Aleksander Belikov, how dare you do that to her after what she's done to you! Damn it Dimitri she was the one who saved you not her friend! Open your damned eyes and see that!"

She slapped me. Now that I wasn't expecting. "And then after you crushed her heart and stamped on it to have the nerve, the nerve, to ask her to be friends. I looked up to you but now I don't think I can. You're a coward Dimitri and frankly I'm disappointed. In you and the fact that you're my brother. I expected better from you."

I winced at that. No one ever wanted to be degraded like that and to have my sister say she wished she wasn't related to me anymore slapped reality into me.

Vika got up from me and shook her head disdainfully at me and her upper lip turned up in disgust. "Go get a fucking clue and do something about it. Rose doesn't deserve to hurt like that, especially in that way."

A/N- There is the second chapter and wow am I blown away by the response the first chapter has gotten so far.

Thanks to Iolanthe Ivashkov (love the name btw), Fawnleap, gcgemz, rainbows are real, VAForever, Rhe505, SadisticallyDelicious, Macking21, roza m belicova, Dimka's chick, Ginerva Annabeth Herondale, bonnie (guest), Thebooklife, Candy026,amorsagirl, Brooke (guest), Guest, XxxRosmitrixxX, sara. , Abigael Ryan, and guest for reviewing chapter one!

Keep reviewing, I love it! And special thanks to Abigael Ryan for providing all the Russian translations for me.

Also a huge thanks to everyone who put this story on their favourite and follow lists. It's made me really happy when I check my inbox and I see that a new person is following, has reviewed or favourited HLMHLMN.

Ok review!