This chapter deals with death and the aftermath of killing.
DIFFERENT SHADES OF JUSTICE
Chapter 1
There was nothing spectacular about the two tombstones that stood among countless others just like them. There were no markings save for the names engraved on them, and they didn't even stand in a good spot. It was one of the farthest corners of the cemetery where most graves were already old and forgotten.
The young man had been staring at the graves for nearly an hour now, his eyes fixed on the names of his parents but not seeing anything. He was lost in thought and the painful memories of the trials that the previous year had forced him to endure.
Saying goodbye to Diego. The sudden news of his father's death. Having to give up his studies right before graduation because there wasn't any more money. Watching his mother wither away and finally die of a broken heart. It was too much for him to carry all alone, and yet he thought it had been better than this. At least when his mother had still been alive, he had had a purpose. Even if it had been just trying to get her to eat or smile a little, it had been worth something.
Now there was nothing left. His parents were dead. He had no siblings. The little, worthless spot of land his family had owned had been sold in her mother's desperate attempt to get money for her husband's operation. He was an heir to nothing.
There was the sound of someone clearing his throat behind his back, but he didn't turn to look.
"Teo."
The young man didn't answer.
"Teo, I know it must be hard for you. I will leave you alone soon. I just need to know what you're planning to do now. The current situation is a little awkward. I'm sure you understand."
The voice belonged to the neighbour, Alberto Montana. He was now the owner of the land that had belonged to the Angelos for generations. He had let Teo's mother remain at their home after her husband's death out of pity, but Teo supposed the same generosity didn't extend to him.
"I'm leaving today. I already have everything I need. Whatever remains at the house belongs to you," he said.
That same awkward cough was there again.
"There's no need to be that hasty. Take your time. And... if you want to, I can find you some work here so that you don't have to go. I was friends with your parents, and I feel like I owe it to them," Montana said.
"No, thank you." Teo could feel his nails digging into his palms as he clenched his fists. He would not live as a servant on land that should have been his. "I already have other plans."
"Oh, very well, them," Montana said, and the relief in his voice was obvious. He kept a small pause. "I'll leave you alone now."
Teo heard Montana's steps as he turned away and started walking down the narrow path that led away from the graves. He couldn't have cared less. Montana had stopped being his friend the moment he had bought his family's land instead of offering to help pay for his father's operation. Greedy bastard. No doubt he had been waiting for an opportunity like that to add their land to his own.
It wasn't fair. Goddamit, it just wasn't fair! How could he lose everything at once like that? He had done nothing to deserve it. He had loved his parents more than anyone else. He had done well with his studies. He hadn't run after women like so many other students. He had won countless fencing competitions and brought honour to his family's name. He had been the son any father would be proud of, so why did this happen to him? Why had everything gone wrong?
He sank to his knees and let out a desperate sound between a growl and an anguished sob. He wanted his parents back, or at least the chance to say goodbye to his father and see his mother as her cheerful, smiling self just one more time. By the time the terrible news had reached him in Madrid, his father had already been buried, and his mother had been a shadow of herself. Everything had been wrenched from him with no warning.
And he knew why. The priest spoke of God's trials; his father's friends of tragic fate. But Teo knew the answer was far simpler and entirely from this world. Money was the problem. It was all that mattered. If his family had been rich, then his father wouldn't have had to work so hard to finance his studies. Then he wouldn't have got sick. Then his mother wouldn't have had to go begging to their neighbours and friends, willing to sell their land for half its worth out of despair. If their backstabbing friends hadn't loved their money purses more than their fellow man, none of this would have happened.
Well, Teo had learnt his lesson. If money was all that everyone else cared about, it was useless to try to make a difference. He could play that game, too. He wasn't going to waste his life protecting the poor. He'd do something for himself and become so rich that nobody in this pathetic village could even imagine it. Then he'd come back and force them on their knees; he'd humiliate them and destroy their lives just like they had done to him. They would learn what it was like to have everything taken away.
Teo clenched his eyes shut as the burning tears threatened to flow. Once he was rich, nobody could hurt him anymore. He didn't care what he would have to do or what price he would have to pay. He'd reach his goal one day. He'd avenge his parents. He'd show this horrible world what the last son of the Angelos was made of and just how hard he could lash back when he had nothing more to lose.
After what felt like an eternity, Teo climbed back on his feet. His head felt stuffy and his thoughts slow and clumsy. His eyes were stinging. When he swallowed, he realised how sore this throat was. He hadn't even realised how much he had been crying.
His eyes moved to his parents' graves, and the anger made his chest feel tight.
"This was the last time," he said. "I won't be so weak anymore. I promise. From now on, I will lead a new life."
With that, he turned his back on the graves and started following the path towards the gates. He didn't know when he would be back, but he swore it would be as a man who could hold his head high in this village.
From that day onwards, Teo's life was very different from what he had always imagined. It became clear to him that a man who had nothing couldn't get rich fast through legal or even morally sound methods. It didn't take him long to realise that his path had been practically laid before him – he only had to take the first steps to follow it.
And so he became a bounty hunter. His superior skills with the blade soon set him apart from the bulk of his colleagues. What they had on him was experience and ruthlessness, but he was convinced he'd catch up fast. He closed his eyes from the fear and pain he caused. He refused to listen when the men he caught begged him for mercy. On those rare occasions when he almost gave in, all he had to do was to think back to his mother's misery and how only one power in the world could have helped her.
Most of the contracts he accepted didn't bring him much money. He hunted down thieves or men who had shamed someone's daughter. It was all irrelevant to him, but coin by coin, his purse became heavier and his reputation more notorious. As the contracts got better, danger increased as well. The more important preys weren't quite so willing to come quietly, and Teo soon had enough scars to prove that.
Finally came the day when he killed for the first time. He was after a man who had got too friendly with a landowner's daughter and landed her in trouble. The furious father had already sent the poor girl to live in a monastery, and now he was after blood. Teo had hesitated a moment before accepting the terms, unsure whether he wanted to take someone's life on purpose. In the end the price for the man's head had been too tempting. He didn't need the money, but he wanted it.
Finding the man and disposing of him was relatively easy. He was no fighter and had lasted so long mostly out of desperation. Teo did his work swiftly. After collecting his reward, he went to sit in a tavern, but he found he couldn't down a single sip of the wine he ordered. It was the best of the house, and yet it tasted like spoilt water.
A sudden shriek caught his attention. When he looked up, he saw two men harassing the waitress. One of them had his arm over her shoulder and was pulling her closer against his chest. The woman's face was twisted in disgust, but her struggles were in vain against the much stronger opponent.
Teo's hand flew to the hilt of his sword, but before he could do anything, someone else jumped to his feet and went to help the waitress. Teo watched the display for a moment. By the time it looked like there would be a very one-sided and unfair fistfight between the saviour and the two crooks, he got up on his feet and walked out of the tavern.
He couldn't help but chuckle as he listened to the sounds coming from inside and turned to look at the night sky. The scene had reminded him of him and Diego and how they had used to get into such fights on a regular basis. Protecting the innocent and fighting for justice had been noble and easy ideals to uphold back then.
For a moment, he felt a little wistful as he thought of his friend. Diego had no idea what had happened to him. If he did, he would probably – Teo lowered his eyes from the stars as he imagined the disappointment and sorrow that he would no doubt see in Diego's eyes. For the shortest moment, he felt tempted to return inside the tavern, but then he gritted his teeth and started marching down the street.
It would easy for Diego to judge him. He was rich and would inherit his father's lands and estate one day. His future had been laid before him before he had been born. Diego would never understand Teo's loss and how necessary it was for him to change. He couldn't waste his time with playful fencing, saving damsels in distress or discussing politics anymore.
The jealousy and pain that flared up as he thought of Diego drinking wine and sitting in shade in California helped him forget his uneasiness. He had made the right decision, he told himself.
It was noon, and the sun had reached its highest point on the sky. The rocky mountain path offered no place for travellers to look for shade. The few boulders that surrounded the path weren't tall enough for anyone to take cover behind them. There were no plants safe for a few sorry bushes and irregular splotches of grass.
The path was going steeply upwards. Following it on foot was a straining ordeal, and the time of the day made it even worse. Sweat was pouring down Teo's face, and he had to constantly wipe his forehead to stop the droplets from getting into his eyes. The dryness in his throat made it tempting to reach for his water bottle, but he knew he had to be careful with it. There was a battle looming ahead, and he would need the water after it – either to get some relief from the strain or to wash his wounds.
His client was a wealthy merchant from the city of Pamplona. He suspected that one of his bookkeepers had been stealing from him for over a year. When he had made the accusation, said man had simply disappeared the next day. As far as everyone was concerned, it proved his guilt. The merchant didn't trust the officials to find the man before he escaped to France, so he had spread the word that he was offering a bounty for the treacherous man's head.
Teo wasn't the only one after the reward, but he was certain he was the one who was closest to getting it. Earlier that morning, he had found the hastily hidden remains of a camp. He had been following the bookkeeper's track for half a week now, and it was clear he would catch up with him in no time.
One thing confused him a little. The man he was chasing was moving at a slow pace, as if something was hindering his escape. It was possible that he was injured, but Teo's instincts said that it was something else. He supposed he would find out soon enough.
A couple of hours later, he finally spotted his prey upwards on the path. The man was sitting on a boulder with his shoulders hunched, wiping his face. By his side was a leather bag that was so full it looked like the man had packed half of his belongings into it. Maybe that was what was preventing him from moving fast. If yes, the man was incredibly stupid.
Teo saw the man's form stiffen when he suddenly noticed him. He turned his head to the side, probably looking for a weapon, and jumped to his feet. He did his best to look disinterested, but Teo could tell he was nervous.
"Hello," Teo greeted him when he got closer. He wasn't surprised when the man's posture relaxed. No matter how many men he had killed, Teo hadn't lost his ability to put the most heart-warming smile on his face.
"Good day," the man said, relief evident in his voice. He lowered the hand that was holding the sheath of his sword and put the blade down. "For a moment there I thought you'd be a bandit."
"Do I look like one?" Teo asked with a chuckle.
The man shook his head. "No, no, of course not. It's just that a lone traveller can never be careful enough in these parts."
Teo took in the features of the man before him. He had been given a detailed description by his employer, and everything fit. The man wasn't particularly tall, but he was stockily built and had broad shoulders. He liked to keep his black hair longer than was commonplace, and his nose was like the beak of a hawk.
He could have at least tried to change his attire, Teo thought in some amusement. The man was dressed like he was going to attend a meeting at the town hall, not running for his life in the mountains.
"Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Emilio Aguero," he said, using one of his many fake names.
"Nice to meet you. My name is -"
"Tomas Canellas. I know."
Canellas' eyes widened as realisation hit him. All colour drained from his face.
"De la Garza sent you after me," he said in a breathless voice.
Teo nodded. "He wants his money back and to see you in prison."
"But it wasn't me!" Canellas blurted out. "I was framed! It was someone else! I've always been loyal to my master."
"If that's true, running away was the stupidest thing you could do." Teo let his hands rest on the hilt of his sword. Canellas was shaking, and the sun couldn't be the only cause of his sweaty face now. The man was a nervous wreck, so maybe it wouldn't have to come to violence this time.
"You don't understand. I had no choice. I had to run. The evidence -" Canellas started, but Teo interrupted him by lifting up his palm.
"Save your excuses for de la Garza. It doesn't matter to me whether you're innocent or not. I'm only here to fulfil my task."
"But -"
"Are you going to come quietly, or do I have to force you?"
Canellas reached for the sword that was leaning on the boulder behind him. Teo pulled out his blade and took the best pose he could on the uneven terrain. He doubted Canellas knew how to handle a sword properly. Even if he did, he would be no match for him.
"I can't go back," Canellas said as he unsheathed his sword and prepared for the battle.
Teo snorted. "Works for me. I've been itching to practise a little anyway."
Sensing that Canellas was too nervous to strike, Teo made the first move. He lunged at his opponent and aimed to cut him in his shoulder. It was a half-hearted attack, but Canellas still had trouble blocking it. When he returned the offence, Teo felt like shaking his head. Defeating someone who was this bad wasn't even fun.
"Give it up. You're no match for me. The trip back to back to Pamplona is going to be difficult for you if I have to injure you."
"I told you that I won't go back!" Canellas snapped, his voice growing shrill with his despair.
Teo didn't reply. He leapt forwards and directed a nimble strike at Canellas' cheek, drawing a light cut right under his eye.
The man yelped in pain and brought his hand up to the wound. It wasn't bleeding much, but his hand was shaking from shock when he brought his fingers before his eyes and saw the red on them.
"How about now?" Teo asked.
He saw the answer in Canellas' eyes. The man was perhaps weak, but Teo had to admire his willpower.
Teo decided to end the battle fast. It wasn't fun, and he wanted to get his money quickly. He no longer held back; the slashes of his sword were brutal and swift, leaving Canellas no chance to block them. All he could do was to try to lessen the impact so that the damage wouldn't be so severe, but he was still left covered in bleeding cuts when Teo finally stopped.
"I left my horse at the village a two day's trip from here. I don't want to hurt you so much that you can't walk there," he said.
"You don't understand," Canellas said, sinking to his knees and letting the sword fall from his hand. "I can't go back. I just can't."
"Then you leave me no choice. De la Garza said it's alright if you don't make it back alive," Teo said.
Canellas' eyes widened. "But what about the money?"
"What little you stole is irrelevant to a man like de la Garza. He would prefer to get the money back, but he's content with the knowledge that someone who betrayed him didn't get away," Teo said. Surely this would make Canellas reconsider his options. Going back to Pamplona to face his punishment was better than dying here in the mountains.
Canellas struggled back to his feet, but he didn't pick up his sword again. He pressed his hand against his chest where Teo had struck him. Blood was already seeping through his clothes, and the wound would prove to be trouble if it wasn't looked after soon.
Teo lowered his sword in an attempt to appear less threatening. "Don't be stupid. Maybe de la Garza will be merciful if you can give back all the money. Let's take a look at your wounds, and then -" he started, but his breath got caught in his throat when Canellas suddenly slipped his hand inside his vest and pulled out a pistol.
"What?" Teo blurted out, surprised that this weak man had such a trick up his sleeve.
"I told you I'm not going back," Canellas said. The hand that was holding the pistol was shaking, but there was a determined and victorious gleam in his eyes. Only men who knew they had only one chance left and nothing to lose had that look. He wasn't bluffing. He would pull the trigger.
Teo made his decision fast. He had given this fool enough warnings. With one swift movement, he plunged his sword into Canellas' chest. The man let out a surprised gurgle and dropped the pistol. He collapsed on the ground, grasping the wound, but it was no use. It didn't take long before he was dead.
"Such a bother," Teo muttered under his breath and gave the man's body a poke with the tip of his boot. Now he'd have to drag the body back with him and either find someone to identify him or get some other proof that he had indeed killed him.
"Tomas! Tomas, no!"
Teo looked up when the sudden wail reached his ears. Instinctively, he took a better hold of his sword and raised it into a defensive position. However, then he saw the figure of a woman who had got up from among the boulders. She ran to Canellas' body and threw herself over it, shaking the dead man in a futile attempt to force life back into him.
Teo felt like someone had just struck him in the face. Now he knew why Canellas had been travelling so slow. He hadn't been alone. Unable to do anything as this realisation dawned on him, he simply stood there and watched the woman as she shrieked Canellas' name and begged him to come back.
Suddenly, the woman turned to look at him. Her face was a mess from crying, but Teo hardly noticed it. The absolute fury and pain he saw in her eyes captured his entire attention. He took a step back, suddenly afraid of the intensity of her emotions.
"You," she screeched. "You killed him! You killed my husband!"
Teo opened his mouth to reply, but he found he had nothing to say. He had killed a number of men exactly like this, but he had never faced anyone who blamed him for it. He hadn't even stopped to think whether his preys had loved ones.
"It wasn't my fault," he heard himself say, his voice suddenly timid and hoarse. "I told him to come with me, but he resisted. He didn't want to -"
"You killed him! Give him back to me!" the woman wailed and turned towards the body again, her frame shaking with sobs.
It wasn't supposed to go like this, Teo thought in panic. What should he do now?
Just then, he caught movement from the corner of his eye. Yet another form had emerged from among the boulders. This time it was a small girl, barely older than five years old.
"Mama?" she called out, her young voice shaking with fear.
Teo felt cold horror slowly creep up his spine and grab a hold of his heart as he realised what he had just done. He watched the child run to her mother, asking what was going on and why her father was lying on the ground. Teo had to turn away; watching the scene made him want to throw up. He dropped his sword and stumbled against the closest boulder, grabbing a hold of it to stop himself from falling on his knees.
Why had Canellas been travelling with his family? Hadn't he realised how dangerous it was? He should have fled alone and then come back for them, that stupid man! It... it wasn't his fault if Canellas hadn't been thinking!
Teo clenched his eyes shut, trying to ignore the ache that he was suddenly feeling. The woman's sobs sounded like those of his mother when she had broken down after telling him what had happened to his father. That comparison felt like a mockery.
What had happened to his parents hadn't been anyone's fault. The tragedy could have been avoided, but nobody had caused it on purpose. It was completely unlike this. He had fought a man, taunted him about his fate, hurt him and finally killed him while his family was forced to watch from their hiding place. And why had he done it? Because of money.
Teo straightened his form. His head felt heavy, and he had no idea what he should do. The woman and the girl were still crying, but it was no longer the uncontrollable sobbing from before.
"I didn't know he wasn't alone," he said.
His words got no reaction from the woman or the child. Teo dared to take an uncertain step closer.
"If I had known you were here, I wouldn't have..." he started, but he trailed off.
Another step, and the child turned to look at him, eyes full of fear. She was clenching her mother's dress in her arms like she would be lost without her. She whimpered as she buried her face against her mother in an attempt to hide from him. The sound made Teo stop. She had every right to be frightened of him. He had killed her father. To her, he was nothing but a terrifying murderer. To anyone, he was nothing but a murderer.
The woman seemed to become aware of his presence again. She slowly got up on her feet, ignoring the girl who kept tugging at her dress.
"I didn't want to -" Teo tried to say, but the woman gave him no time to finish. She lunged at him, and Teo was so surprised that he didn't even think to step aside.
"You murderer! How could you?" the woman shrieked. She caught a hold of his shoulders and pushed him back against the boulder behind him. She lifted her hands to claw at his face, but Teo grabbed her wrists before she could do any damage. He was stronger than her, but that didn't stop her from struggling against him. She kicked and screamed and spat at him. It was like she was putting all her remaining strength into trying to hurt him as much as possible.
Teo knew that feeling all too well. He suddenly felt like he was looking into a mirror. The woman's pain and hatred were just like his. She had lost all reason and only cared about hurting the person who had wronged her.
Slowly, the woman's struggles ceased. She collapsed on her knees, letting out a pitiful wail and burying her face in her hands. Teo gritted his teeth as he watched her. He wanted to say that he was sorry, but the words wouldn't come out. It would have been an insult, he knew. He had no right to say such a thing to this woman.
He didn't know how the situation might have developed if they had remained there alone for much longer, but thankfully they got company. More men arrived, and Teo recognised them as the other bounty hunters who had accepted de la Garza's offer.
"What's going on here?" one of them asked. He was a tall, tanned man who was always wearing a large hat that left his face shrouded in shadows. He had said his name was Miguel Albano, but Teo suspected that just like him, the man used many names.
"Looks like we're too late," Albano's companion added. He was a short, bald man. He spoke all his words with a drawl that made him sound like everything that happened around him was irrelevant to him. He went by the name Oilar.
Albano let out a low hum. "I didn't know Canellas took his wife and daughter with him. What an idiot," he mused. He nodded at Teo. "What are you going to do?"
If I only knew, Teo thought. He had absolutely no idea what to do or even say next.
Albano must have read the hesitation on his face because he only nodded and turned to glare at the ground in thought. Finally, he said, "We'll help you take the body to the nearest village and the family back to Pamplona, but we'll get two thirds of the reward."
Teo couldn't say no to that. He realised that he had entirely forgotten about the money, and it couldn't have mattered less to him at that moment. All he wanted was to get out of the situation as soon as possible.
The next night, they set up a camp. The woman and the child remained with them, partly because they had nowhere to go and partly because they wanted to go with Canellas' body. Teo did his best to avoid looking at the both of them, but every now and then he caught a glimpse of the hatred which the woman sent his way. The child was even worse. Too young to hate him, she looked at him with eyes wide with fear and pain.
Teo volunteered to keep watch that night. For the first few hours, he stared at the smouldering fire, his mind devoid of thoughts. His hands felt cold, and no matter how close to the fire he brought them, it wouldn't help.
Movement to his left caught his attention. When he turned to look, he saw that the woman was still awake and was glaring straight at him. Though Teo wanted to, he found he couldn't turn his eyes away. For what felt like an eternity, they stared at each other. The remains of the fire were reflected in the woman's eyes and gave her face a grotesque mask.
She didn't say anything, but she didn't have to. Teo knew that his death was what she wished for more than anything else in the world.
The next morning, they continued their journey towards Pamplona. The woman and the child hung back, and Teo was more than glad to take the lead so that he wouldn't have to look at them. They were constantly on his mind, though, and he was sure he could feel their eyes burn his back harsher than the Spanish sun. The only time he turned back to look at them was when the woman stumbled and lost her footing on the rocky path.
They stopped for a break around noon. Albano went to scout the area ahead while the rest of them stayed at the camp. Oilar was making sure his musket was in proper condition, and Teo wished he had had something similar to keep his mind busy. He didn't want to look at his sword. It was clean now, but he could very well remember what it had looked like covered in blood the previous day.
"Are you new?" Oilar asked all of a sudden.
"Me?" Teo asked.
"Yes, you. You don't look too good. Was it your first time yesterday?" Oilar asked. He didn't move his eyes from his hands that were polishing the metal parts of his musket.
"No. No, it wasn't," Teo said. He hoped Oilar wouldn't continue the conversation. He didn't want to talk about this, and mentioning the previous day's events in the presence of the victim's family made him sick.
"Then what's -" Oilar started.
"Excuse me," Teo said and got on his feet. "I'm going to walk around a little."
The woman and her child were sitting by the path. Teo gritted his teeth as he walked past them, doing his best not to look at either one of them. Just a few more steps and he'd be away. Then he'd finally have a moment of piece, and then –
Arms suddenly wrapped around him, and he felt a hand strike up to his throat. It was holding a sharp piece of stone, and he realised that the woman had to have picked it up when she had stumbled – or had pretended to. Only his fast instincts saved him, and he brought up his own hands to protect himself. The edge of the stone cut deep into his palm, but had he been a moment slower, it would have slit open his throat.
"I hate you!" the woman snarled. She lifted the stone for another attack, and this time she struck it against Teo's head. It made bright colours flash before his eyes, and he tried to shove her off before she'd do some actual damage. Thankfully, she was so furious that she was no longer aiming at vital spots; all she cared about was hitting him somewhere. The next strike met his shoulder, cutting deep and drawing a pained yell from Teo's lips.
A deafening bang shot out, and he suddenly felt the woman's weight falling from his back. He turned to look, nearly losing his balance from the swift movement because his head was still spinning from the attack.
The woman was lying on the ground, still grasping the stone in her hand. Blood was seeping through a wound in her mid-section and painting the ground beneath her red, and her face was a mask of surprise. Teo watched how more and more blood poured out of her and then lifted his eyes.
Oilar had stood up and was holding his musket in his hands.
"What did you do?" Teo asked, but he didn't bother to wait for an answer. He knelt by the woman's side and lifted her into his arms. He ignored her pained protests and tried to turn her around to see the wound on her back, but he stopped Oilar when spoke to him.
"It's useless. You can't do anything."
"Shut up and help me! We can't let her die!" Teo snapped. His hands were now covered in blood, and he could feel the woman go limp in his arms. There was still life in her eyes, but when their gazes met, all Teo could see was the hatred she felt for him. Even so close to death, all that was on her mind was her revenge.
Dammit, she can't die, Teo thought feverishly. If she did, that would be his fault, too. And what would happen to the child? She didn't deserve to watch both her parents be killed before her eyes.
He felt utterly helpless as he held the woman while she took her last breaths.
"Why the hell did you shoot her?" he yelled at Oilar, desperate to take his anger out on someone.
"She was trying to kill you."
"You didn't have to shoot her! I could have dealt with her!" Teo insisted. Goddamit, this wasn't at all how things should have gone. It was meant to be just a regular mission; capture the guy or kill him and then collect the money. Why had it got so complicated?
"It's too late now," Oilar remarked.
"To hell with you," Teo snarled. "You and Albano both -"
He was cut off when he heard the whimpers from his left. Teo turned to look and realised that he had momentarily forgotten all about the little girl. She was cowering against a boulder and crying in fright. The sound made Teo's heart clench.
"Hey," he called out to her and tried to smile, but it was no use. The girl was too scared, and she had seen too much in such a short time. It didn't help that Teo was holding her mother, covered in her blood. His smile probably looked twisted and grotesque anyway.
Teo turned his eyes back to the dead woman. God, he thought. She had only wanted to avenge her husband. All the anguish and hate in her eyes had been like his own. How many times had he wanted to do the same to those who hadn't helped his parents? And now he had become one of those people. No, he was worse. They had been only indifferent and selfish, but he was a murderer.
He felt like he was choking on his own breath. All that stopped his hands from shaking uncontrollably was the body he was holding, but the blood was suddenly like fire against his skin. With a startled cry, he let go of the woman and staggered up to his feet, swaying and nearly falling over.
What the hell had he done? How had it come to this?
He took stumbling, half-running steps down the path, desperate to get away from the body and the child's pitiful cries. He thought he could hear Oilar ask where he was going, but he didn't know if he gave him any answer.
When he was finally mercifully alone, he fell down on his knees. He was dizzy and exhausted, and it felt like he wasn't getting any air no matter how fast he was breathing. His panic only made it worse, and he was certain he was going to die. He collapsed to the ground and clenched his eyes shut, hoping that it would help somehow.
The next thing he knew, he was emptying his stomach on the stones under him. Even when there was nothing left, he retched, as if his body was desperate to banish all sin from within him. His hand was shaking violently as he wiped his mouth, and he swallowed to get rid of the terrible, burning taste.
He could breathe again now, but he wasn't feeling at all better. Tears were burning in his eyes as he thought back to the woman and what he had done to her. It was like he had been living the past months in a dark blur and only now saw everything with perfect clarity. Just what kind of monster had he become? How could he have let his pain make him so blind to the suffering of others? Had he really thought that money and revenge could fill the emptiness left by his parents' death?
This wasn't how he wanted to live his life. It was against everything that had been important to him back when he had been a student. If Diego saw him now –
Teo buried his face in his hands at the thought of his friend. The memory of Diego's smile was mocking him. They had both been so righteous in university. When Diego had been called back home to California, they had sworn that they would never forget each other or their promise to always protect the weak and the innocent.
If Diego knew what Teo had become, he would hate him. He'd never see that carefree smile again; there'd be only hateful words and contempt for him. And he deserved all of it, he knew. Diego had every right to loathe him, as did everyone else.
When Teo returned to the others, nobody said a word about what had happened that day. They buried Canellas and his wife in the next village they reached and continued towards Pamplona. De la Garza expressed his gratitude for a job well done but voiced his sympathies for the little girl. He promised he'd see to that she would be looked after. Everything was taken care of swiftly and discreetly, and before long, Teo, Albano and Oilar had left the merchant's house with heavier money bags.
Teo was at a loss of what to do. He knew he couldn't continue his life as a bounty hunter, but there wasn't much else for him. He hadn't finished his studies. All that he owned was the money in his pockets. He had cut his ties to all of his friends and family.
With a dry chuckle, he wondered if he should go crawling back to Montana and spend the rest of his days slaving away on his land, never able to forget that this whole sorry mess had started at his childhood home.
He was walking down the street as he contemplated this, letting his feet take him wherever they wanted. When he stopped, he realised that he had come to stand before a church. Teo felt his stomach turn as his eyes fell upon the cross on the roof. Forgiveness wasn't what he wanted or deserved. What he longed for was to change everything so that he could forget the smell of blood and the cries of the little girl.
And yet he soon found himself pushing open the heavy door and stepping in. The air inside the church was pleasantly cool and smelled of old wood. The sounds of the busy street disappeared when he closed the door. Some light was pouring in through the dusty windows, but the church was mostly covered in dimness. Despite his tortured thoughts, Teo felt he was safe.
I don't deserve to be here, he thought even as he walked further in. The church was for good people, not ones like him who had spilled so much blood for money.
He decided he would stay only for a while. Just long enough to get some rest from his thoughts and maybe some clarity about what he was going to do next.
He took a seat at the back. He crossed his hands, but he wasn't planning to pray. He doubted it would bring him any relief.
His thoughts, as if determined to cause him even more pain, turned to the time he had spent in university in Madrid. He hardly recognised himself in his memories. What had happened to that man who had been so bold, always smiling and ready to joke with his friends? How could he have become so tainted in such a short time?
One memory was clearer than the others and refused to leave him in peace. He and Diego had gone into a tavern to share a bottle of wine after their fencing practice. Diego had lost, as always, but he was improving so fast that Teo was certain he would defeat him one day. They had barely had the time to open the bottle when a bulky soldier had entered.
Soldiers were always trouble, and Teo and Diego had equal distaste for the army. There were rumours that the officers and soldiers were even more corrupt in the colonies where they had more power and freedom. It had been a constant source of worry for Diego.
This soldier had been no exception. He had immediately set his eyes on the owner's daughter and had demanded her to keep him company. When she had refused, he had grabbed her and tried to force a kiss on her.
Teo remembered so well what had happened next. He had suggested to Diego that they should do something instead of watching by.
"For justice!" they had declared and gone to help the woman.
The situation had soon lost its glory, and they had spent the night in prison, badly bruised and dirty. But they had both been happy. They had done the right thing.
Teo didn't realise he had started to cry until he heard his own muffled sob. He tried to calm down, but it hurt too much to know how low he had fallen and how much he had lost because of his own anger and greed.
"Are you sure, Teo?" he heard Diego's voice ask, and at first he was sure that his friend was there with him. Then he remembered that this was what Diego had asked him after they had been released from prison and he had told Diego of his decision.
That night in prison had convinced him of something that had been on his mind for a good while. He wanted to join the army so that he could rise through the ranks until he was in a position to do something about the corruption and disorder among the officers and soldiers. He remembered the passion that had burned in his heart when he had told Diego of his plans. He had been so convinced that this was what he wanted to do with his life, and yet he had forgotten about it so fast.
His path was suddenly clear before him. He'd join the army like he had planned to. He'd do everything in his power to have a brilliant career, and he'd use all that influence to help the poor and the innocent. He'd change the army into something that the people didn't have to be afraid of.
Teo got up on his feet, his new determination giving him strength. Deep down he knew that he could never change what he had already done, but maybe he could stop someone else from suffering the fate of the family he had destroyed.
On his way out, he dropped most of his money into the church's deposit box. He was going to have a new start without the riches he had made by spilling blood.
Teo was glad that he had been using a fake name when accepting contracts as a bounty hunter and that he hadn't yet managed to make much of a name for himself. He was still a little afraid of his past hindering him from being accepted into service, but thankfully the officers were more interested in his good reputation in university and especially his skills with the sword.
He became a soldier and was positioned on the Canary Islands where they needed new men to replace those few who had fallen or been injured in the battle at Santa Cruz de Tenerife. It was far from glorious, and his life soon became a stellar routine of patrolling the city, standing guard, eating and sleeping. He did his best to enjoy the company of his comrades, but he felt he couldn't join in on their laughter with the enthusiasm he wanted.
Despite the relative lack of action on the islands, he never lost sight of what his ultimate goal was. He fulfilled every task with perfection, no matter how mundane it was. It soon became known that he was the best swordsman in the city. Even experienced officers admired his skills with the blade.
It didn't take too long before he was promoted to a corporal, then to a sergeant, though he suspected it was partly because Captain de Egues didn't want to admit that he had lost a duel to a mere soldier. Nevertheless, the captain was a fair man and told Teo that he recognised his talent and could organize things so that he would be positioned somewhere where he could better advance on his career.
"The colonies over the ocean need men like you. Someone who is bold and brave can easily rise through the ranks there," the captain told him, and Teo was quick to agree to his proposal.
A couple of weeks later, the captain called him to his office to tell him that he would sail to California on the next ship.
"Here is a letter with all the necessary details," he said and handed the envelope to Teo.
"Thank you, sir," Teo said. He started to open the envelope to see which town he would be positioned in. "I promise I will do everything I can to serve the Crown in -" He stopped abruptly as his eyes fell on the name stated in the letter.
"Is there a problem?" the captain asked.
"No. No, sir," Teo said and read the name once again, just to be sure.
San Tasco.
Diego. He was going to see Diego again.