Adrift P2
Annie woke a few hours later with her head on Auggie's chest, his fingers in her hair and for a moment she let herself remember their first morning in bed: his self-conscious comment 'so that happened', the delicious smell of his sleep-warm skin, the tender ache of her body. It wasn't morning though, they were both fully-dressed and any ache she felt was from jumping off a mountain in Azerbaijan. He did smell good though.
She pulled back slightly, tilted her head up to see the small smile on his otherwise pensive face.
"You OK?" he asked quietly.
"Yeah," she nodded.
"Can't imagine you're rested you practically ran a marathon in your sleep, I had to hold you tighter to keep you from falling off," he frowned now, not relinquishing his hold on her.
"Too much wine with lunch," she laughed mirthlessly, 'frees up the subconscious and in my case that is dangerous."
She extricated herself reluctantly, but the need to pee outweighed the comfort she felt in Auggie's arms. He let her go, listened to her soft footfalls move across the room and smiled that she didn't bother closing the door. The water ran longer than necessary for her to wash her hands and he heard a small gasp as she splashed it on her face. Suddenly the air in the room changed as she reemerged.
"So, now what?" she asked nervously.
"What do you need Annie?"
"You."
"You have me. Always have. Always will."
"I know," she said, suspiciously emotional.
"I thought, well, I thought a lot of things Auggie. While I was gone, not just after Henry, but during, you know, when I was dark. I thought I could protect you, I thought I could keep you from all of this, keep you safe. It was the way I felt I could love you, even without being here," the words tumbled out uncensored.
He didn't say anything, he was clearly waiting for more.
"I began to buy into Helen's theory more and more, that you can't have love and do what we do, not the kind of love that we have, not the forever kind of love. Sure, we could love people, but we could never give ourselves, completely, you know. Never be truly free with them. I feel truly free when I am with you Auggie and that's dangerous, to you, to me."
Auggie noted the present tense of her love and her feelings.
"Annie…" a sigh of a word.
"Then when I found out I was sick I just couldn't bring you into it, I couldn't put you through that. The secrets and the cover up and the lies and the chance I might die, again. I was far away and it made it easy, there was actual physical distance between us, but even that failed. I need you Auggie, like air or water, I need you and when you are not near it hurts me. So I decided to come back. I decided on my stupid, no emotional attachments rule, to keep you as safe as I could. I took what I could without putting you at risk."
"Shouldn't I have had a say in my own risk?" he asked, gently.
"Yeah, but I knew what you would say, what you are going to say now. You are going to say that you don't care about the risk, that we are worth any risk…"
"We are…"
"We are," she agreed and he froze when she didn't argue.
"We are?"
"Are you questioning it now," she laughed.
"You agree?"
"I do."
"Then why the hell did you send Natasha back to me?" he scrubbed a hand over his face.
"Auggie, I could throw a hundred women at you and you would sleep with them all and maybe even fall in love with a few, but in the end…." She trailed off and gasped when she turned to find him standing right in front of her.
"In the end, you love me," she said firmly.
"Yeah, I do," he admitted, his hands found her shoulders.
"And knowing that is enough for me, most days, just knowing that love exists get me through."
"It's not enough," he whispered. "It could be so much more."
"Can it?"
"Annie, we have been through enough in the past 5 years, it has to stop some time," the last part was said with hesitance and he turned away from her.
"What is it?"
"I don't even want to tell you," he sighed.
"What?"
"Remember Roger?"
"He was hard to forget," Annie grinned.
"He called me, while you were on your way back from Azerbaijan. He said Mueller's network is deeper than the CIA thinks it is, that there are more attacks planned."
"Why didn't you tell me this earlier?" she accused.
"You were busy eating and drinking all the things," he grinned. "And you needed to sleep."
"Have you brought this to Joan?"
"No, I walked in to your inquisition today."
"Can I have it?"
"What?"
"The intel, give it to me instead of the CIA."
"Annie…."
"I can work angles they can't. I already know most of the players involved, McQuaid would give me fire power and cash if I needed it…." She was already on to the next mission.
"If I give it to you, you work it with me, not on your own."
"Auggie…."
"I am probably unemployed too. Do you think for a second Joan and Calder don't know who covered up your medical records?"
"This. This right here is what I have been trying to avoid for years. Pulling you down with me."
"What if I want to be down with you? Wherever that is. I just want to be with you Annie. Barefoot in a morgue, breaking Eyal out of Amsterdam, bleeding in Medellin. I don't care where 'there' is Annie as long as we are there together."
"I love you."
"I know that," he assured her. "that I have not been doubting."
She kissed him then, gently at first and then desperately. He returned the kiss until his body demanded oxygen and he pulled her closer, breathing heavily against her neck.
"I don't want to push you away any more," she panted.
"Then don't."
When she had recovered her breath and her composure she stepped back, grinning at the pout that graced Auggie's face.
"Do you want to stay here or go home?" she asked and he knew she meant his home.
"We maybe should stay here, it is possible my bed still smells like Natasha," he shrugged, slipping his hands into his pockets.
"For the record, that is possibly the worst pick up line ever," she smiled.
"You sent her to me…." He tried to defend himself.
"I am going to go down to the car and get my bag. Order some room service, I am shockingly hungry again," she kissed his cheek and left him stunned in the hotel room.
TBC…