Once again I stand in front of this mirror wishing it could project the real me to the world. That I could step through it and bring everything I feel out to be seen. But I can't! The words never seem to form and when they do I can never speak them. So I sit and watch, waiting for someone to notice how unhappy and lonely I am. Someone… anyone to se ME.

"Em…Earth to Em!"

"Oh, what?" I completely forgot she was in the room.

"I said, what are you gonna wear to the party? You know if I was you…" Once again my mind wonders away from her and whatever stupid, insignificant thing she's caring on about.

My attention is once again on the mirror and the image looking back at me. I don't know why the mirror captivates me so much. If you didn't know me you'd think I was deeply conceited as often as I'm looking at myself in it. I don't know why I do it but maybe if I look long enough the answer will come to me. Maybe not…

"So Em, what do you think?"

"Um… Manny you're the style expert. Whatever you think should be just fine."

"Cool! Em you are gonna look so HOT tonight. First we need to get…" Once again she goes on pulling out shirts, skirts, and anything else that is possibly in our closet.

Sometimes I wish I could be like her. She's so free and uncaring. No one depends on her to survive. If and when she messes up its not such a bad thing. It just seems like when I do something wrong people act like an apocalypse is coming. It's ridiculous how much faith people put in me. Like I'm the freaking Pope or Mother Teresa… Even they are just human.

"Come on Em and get dressed. Sean said he'd be here in like half an hour."

"I'm going."

"Well go a little faster before fashionably late becomes extremely late."

By the time Sean gets to the house both me and Manny are ready to go. Her overly excited attitude makes my lackluster one seem very noticeable.

"You okay, babe?"

"Yeah"

So I do what I do best, put on my fake smile and pretend like this is the most significant event in my life to date. It easily fools both Sean and Manny like it always does and we're off in Sean's sexy red car that he's finally gotten back after his stint in prison.

As we sit in the car I fall silent as I look out the window at the world passing me by. I find it to be funny how I feel like that all the time. A small giggle escapes me as I look to Sean in the drivers seat. He returns my assumed joy with an innocent smirk and squeeze of my hand. I love how happy I make him. I think it would kill him to know he isn't able to bring me the same amount of joy. But the relationship is worth it because he needs me. Whether he knows that I know or not, I am his reason for returning to Degrassi. His reason for trying. I can't take that away from him.

About ten minutes or so later we arrived at the party. To say I wasn't ecstatic about being here would be an understatement. But hey I'm here. As we walk up to the door my breath stops in my chest. I don't know if I can fake it for as long as this night is gonna be, but I have to try.

Once inside Manny becomes one with the crowd of drunken and sweaty teenagers while Sean and I glide slowly through the people. I feel kinda bad keeping Sean so close considering how much he wants to cut loose and enjoy himself. I know I can't do that for him and I'm not gonna stand in his way either.

"Sean… go have fun. I'm gonna lay back here." He looked at me as if I was testing him or something. "Seriously! Go! I'll be fine." He gives me a quick kiss on the cheek and makes his way into the crowd of people. With seconds he's out of my site.

For the first couple of minutes of me standing here I'm completely fine, but as time progresses that feeling of loneliness and depression begins to creep up my spine. It becomes harder for me to pretend and I know I need to get away from everything and everyone.

So I quickly sleek myself upstairs and into the first room I see. Apparently I'm in the bathroom, but in my mid 50 miles away. It's just so had for me to breath right now. I feel as if I'm gonna die and tears begin to fall like rain from my eyes. I'm so wrapped up in myself that I don't even notice that someone else is in the room with me.

"Excuse me! Someone's in here!" a male voice yells to me and I completely come out of my trance.

"Oh. I'm so sorry I didn't… JAY!" To think my complete and total meltdown was just witnessed by the last person I'd want to see me weak.

"Yeah, who else were expecting Greenpeace? Now if you don't mind…" He made a gesture toward the door. "GET OUT!"

"Fine, I was going." I say with ass much bitchiness as I can manage at that moment.

But as I pull on the door it doesn't move. And the more I jiggle the knob, the more it mocks me by staying put.

"Well, what are you waiting for? An invitation to stay and chat?" I didn't say anything just glared at him. What an asshole! "If you haven't noticed I'm no in the mood to be bugged by you right now, Greenpeace. So if you could go that be just…"

"If I could I would you idiot. The door won't open!" He looks at me with this confused look so I decide that I need to simplify it for him.

As if I'm talking to a slow person I take a deep and aggravated breath and say:

"WE. ARE. LOCKED. IN"