~*~*~
After leaving the hotel and heading over to the distribution office to buy his papers Dutchy couldn't help but wonder if he and Skittery would sell their newspapers together again. They rarely sold together anymore. 'It's too risky' Skittery would tell him. Everything was too risky to him. They couldn't even sit alone at a table together nowadays. He frowned and looked down at his worn out shoes, shaking his head a little.
"What's the matter Dutchy-boy?" Racetrack asked him, slapping him hard on the back. Dutchy looked over at him. "You look like you ain't slept a wink. You've got bags under your eyes and you ain't washed up at all." He sniffed him a little then backed up and waved a hand in front of his nose. "You stink. Smells like something just crawled right up in you and died!"
Dutchy glanced away from him. "Gee, thanks..."
Racetrack smirked, amused and Dutchy just looked down. Everyone always seemed to get so much pleasure out of teasing him. Even Skittery, which made it worse. Skittery could tease him for hours about his most embarrassing flaws. Little things that Dutchy couldn't help. The color of his hair, his poor eyesight. Anything and everything that Dutchy hated about himself one of the boys would choose to tease him about it.
"You never came back last night. We were supposed to have a poker game. Me, you, Blink and Snitch. 'Member? We ended up having it without you. I won, of course." He grinned. "Blink lost bad. Kinda a sore loser. Said if you were there he wouldn't have lost." He glanced over at the blonde who seemed distracted. "You listening?"
"Hm?" He looked over at him, not having heard a word he said.
Racetrack rolled his eyes. "Ya know, you've been acting weird for a while now. What is it? Girl problems?" He smirked. "You can tell me."
He could feel the color rise to his cheeks. Girl problems. Like hell they were girl problems. He hadn't had girl problems his whole life. Not that Racetrack knew that though. Dutchy nodded slightly, he needed to talk to someone and Racetrack wouldn't have to know he was actually talking about another guy.
"Yeah. Girl problems." Dutchy told the smaller boy.
"Well. what's the problem, Dutch? Can't perform right?" He laughed.
He sighed and glanced over at him, pushing his glass up further on the bridge of his nose. "Have you ever been with someone but no one else can know about it but you want them to but the someone you're with thinks if everyone else knew about it something would happen to the other someone that could cause a lot of pain to the first someone but could always make the someone feel much better that they aren't keeping everything in? You know what I mean?"
Racetrack looked at him, confused. "I don't even think you know what you mean." He took out a cigar and bit off the end then stuck it in his mouth. "You need to get a life Dutchy-boy. Stop worrying over one person. Go out, get drunk. That's what life's all about." The dark haired boy grinned.
He should have known that would have been his response. Racetrack couldn't help; he apparently had enough problems that he needed to work out. The blonde boy nodded, taking his attention off his shoes for a moment to glances around for Skittery. He saw him, as Racetrack started babbling on about the purpose of life (which consisted of getting laid each night and not having to worry about the girl in the morning). He was sitting and counting his papers on a bench while a young girl stood in front of him, playing with her hair and watching him. Then Skittery stood, smiled at the girl and started walking away with her.
Dutchy felt his heart sink at the sight. He had his hopes up that he would sell with him and after their encounter last night he was sure they were going to. They always seemed to sell after spending the night alone together. But alas there he was, walking off with a girl and there Dutchy stood watching as Racetrack spoke on.
"Hey, Dutch!" Racetrack nudged his side. "Snap out of it." He laughed. "Gawkin' over that girl Skitt went off with, huh?" He watched as the girl kissed Skittery's cheek. "Looks like someone's gonna be getting some tonight." He laughed again and Dutchy cringed.
He wished Racetrack would just stop talking. He had no idea how it made him feel listening to the small Italians' comments. Even thinking about Skittery cheating on him made him sick to his stomach.
He could trust Skittery. He had to. They had been together for over a year and were faithful to each other. At least Dutchy was to him. He could only hope it was the other way around too. It was. It had to be. Otherwise there was no point in their relationship. If Skittery wanted to be with a girl then there was no reason for him to also be with Dutchy.
'There's nothing to worry about, Dutchy.' He thought to himself, trying not to let Racetrack's words get to him. 'He loves you too, you know that. He's afraid to say it but you know he does. He puts up with your crap, he hasn't told anyone you're gay so just let it be, Dutchy. They're probably just old friends or something anyway.' He continued trying to convince himself there was nothing to worry about until finally he was able to believe it and managed a smile.
"Yeah right." Dutchy said, trying to act smug. "He ain't getting nothing." 'And if I find out something's starting to happen between them he damn well ain't getting nothing from me, either,' he thought to himself. "You see that girl? She was a doll. Skitt ain't that lucky."
Racetrack grinned as he lighted the cigar in his mouth and took a drag off of it. "Yeah, yeah. Guess you're right." He looked over at Dutchy and nodded his head in the direction of the line to get the morning papers. "Come on, get your papes. Found a new spot I wanna try out and I don't care if it is day, I'll be damned if I have to sell there alone."
Dutchy smiled some and nodded, going to stand in the back of the line. At least he wouldn't have to sell alone. He knew selling his papers with Racetrack would be nothing like selling them with Skittery. There'd be no little sexual innuendoes of what was to come that night and they wouldn't be able to sneak off into an alley once it got dark to quickly please one another but he wouldn't be alone. He wouldn't have to spend the day by himself. He hated being alone.
After leaving the hotel and heading over to the distribution office to buy his papers Dutchy couldn't help but wonder if he and Skittery would sell their newspapers together again. They rarely sold together anymore. 'It's too risky' Skittery would tell him. Everything was too risky to him. They couldn't even sit alone at a table together nowadays. He frowned and looked down at his worn out shoes, shaking his head a little.
"What's the matter Dutchy-boy?" Racetrack asked him, slapping him hard on the back. Dutchy looked over at him. "You look like you ain't slept a wink. You've got bags under your eyes and you ain't washed up at all." He sniffed him a little then backed up and waved a hand in front of his nose. "You stink. Smells like something just crawled right up in you and died!"
Dutchy glanced away from him. "Gee, thanks..."
Racetrack smirked, amused and Dutchy just looked down. Everyone always seemed to get so much pleasure out of teasing him. Even Skittery, which made it worse. Skittery could tease him for hours about his most embarrassing flaws. Little things that Dutchy couldn't help. The color of his hair, his poor eyesight. Anything and everything that Dutchy hated about himself one of the boys would choose to tease him about it.
"You never came back last night. We were supposed to have a poker game. Me, you, Blink and Snitch. 'Member? We ended up having it without you. I won, of course." He grinned. "Blink lost bad. Kinda a sore loser. Said if you were there he wouldn't have lost." He glanced over at the blonde who seemed distracted. "You listening?"
"Hm?" He looked over at him, not having heard a word he said.
Racetrack rolled his eyes. "Ya know, you've been acting weird for a while now. What is it? Girl problems?" He smirked. "You can tell me."
He could feel the color rise to his cheeks. Girl problems. Like hell they were girl problems. He hadn't had girl problems his whole life. Not that Racetrack knew that though. Dutchy nodded slightly, he needed to talk to someone and Racetrack wouldn't have to know he was actually talking about another guy.
"Yeah. Girl problems." Dutchy told the smaller boy.
"Well. what's the problem, Dutch? Can't perform right?" He laughed.
He sighed and glanced over at him, pushing his glass up further on the bridge of his nose. "Have you ever been with someone but no one else can know about it but you want them to but the someone you're with thinks if everyone else knew about it something would happen to the other someone that could cause a lot of pain to the first someone but could always make the someone feel much better that they aren't keeping everything in? You know what I mean?"
Racetrack looked at him, confused. "I don't even think you know what you mean." He took out a cigar and bit off the end then stuck it in his mouth. "You need to get a life Dutchy-boy. Stop worrying over one person. Go out, get drunk. That's what life's all about." The dark haired boy grinned.
He should have known that would have been his response. Racetrack couldn't help; he apparently had enough problems that he needed to work out. The blonde boy nodded, taking his attention off his shoes for a moment to glances around for Skittery. He saw him, as Racetrack started babbling on about the purpose of life (which consisted of getting laid each night and not having to worry about the girl in the morning). He was sitting and counting his papers on a bench while a young girl stood in front of him, playing with her hair and watching him. Then Skittery stood, smiled at the girl and started walking away with her.
Dutchy felt his heart sink at the sight. He had his hopes up that he would sell with him and after their encounter last night he was sure they were going to. They always seemed to sell after spending the night alone together. But alas there he was, walking off with a girl and there Dutchy stood watching as Racetrack spoke on.
"Hey, Dutch!" Racetrack nudged his side. "Snap out of it." He laughed. "Gawkin' over that girl Skitt went off with, huh?" He watched as the girl kissed Skittery's cheek. "Looks like someone's gonna be getting some tonight." He laughed again and Dutchy cringed.
He wished Racetrack would just stop talking. He had no idea how it made him feel listening to the small Italians' comments. Even thinking about Skittery cheating on him made him sick to his stomach.
He could trust Skittery. He had to. They had been together for over a year and were faithful to each other. At least Dutchy was to him. He could only hope it was the other way around too. It was. It had to be. Otherwise there was no point in their relationship. If Skittery wanted to be with a girl then there was no reason for him to also be with Dutchy.
'There's nothing to worry about, Dutchy.' He thought to himself, trying not to let Racetrack's words get to him. 'He loves you too, you know that. He's afraid to say it but you know he does. He puts up with your crap, he hasn't told anyone you're gay so just let it be, Dutchy. They're probably just old friends or something anyway.' He continued trying to convince himself there was nothing to worry about until finally he was able to believe it and managed a smile.
"Yeah right." Dutchy said, trying to act smug. "He ain't getting nothing." 'And if I find out something's starting to happen between them he damn well ain't getting nothing from me, either,' he thought to himself. "You see that girl? She was a doll. Skitt ain't that lucky."
Racetrack grinned as he lighted the cigar in his mouth and took a drag off of it. "Yeah, yeah. Guess you're right." He looked over at Dutchy and nodded his head in the direction of the line to get the morning papers. "Come on, get your papes. Found a new spot I wanna try out and I don't care if it is day, I'll be damned if I have to sell there alone."
Dutchy smiled some and nodded, going to stand in the back of the line. At least he wouldn't have to sell alone. He knew selling his papers with Racetrack would be nothing like selling them with Skittery. There'd be no little sexual innuendoes of what was to come that night and they wouldn't be able to sneak off into an alley once it got dark to quickly please one another but he wouldn't be alone. He wouldn't have to spend the day by himself. He hated being alone.