Chapter 2: "No Rest for the Wicked"
Shepard
When Shepard awoke again, she took a deep breath. There was still pain, but it felt dull and muted. The medigel was working, and it seemed the painkillers were, too. Slowly, she rolled herself on her right side to work her way to a seated position. The room was quiet – it seemed empty.
She finished pulling herself up, and heard a stirring beside her. The room wasn't empty. Garrus blinked, his eyes sleepy, and when he saw her sitting up, he sat forward eagerly in his seat, taking hold of her hands.
"How long was I out?" she asked, groggily.
"Couple of days," he said.
"Damn," she said softly. "Those reapers pack a hell of a punch, don't they?"
He laughed, softly. She looked him in the eyes.
"Thank you," he murmured. There was tenderness in his voice, and his talons softly stroked the back of her hands.
"For what?"
He held eye contact, but tipped his head down slightly.
"For everything. But mostly, for coming back to me in one piece."
She tilted her head forward, bringing their foreheads to touch lightly.
The door opened behind Garrus and Major Coats walked in. Garrus pulled away, sitting back in his chair.
Coats stood at attention.
"Commander Shepard."
She nodded, "Coats."
"Glad to see you up. Admiral Hackett wanted to speak with you over vidcom as soon as you were awake."
She heard Garrus growl softly, a frustrated sound deep in his chest.
"Understood, Coats. Tell the admiral I will be right there."
Coats saluted, Shepard returned the favor, and then he spun on his heel and left.
She locked eyes with Garrus again.
"No rest for the wicked," she smiled.
"You're hardly wicked," he replied.
She grinned, her eyes twinkling.
"Oh?" she asked, innocently.
She loved the mixture of surprise and anticipation she got in response, and the way his eyes turned hot and heavy on her and he laughed, deep in his chest.
"Maybe I was wrong," he said in a low voice.
She started to edge off the bed and he helped her, the flimsy hospital gown flapping.
"Now, let's see if they left me a spare uniform."
Garrus
Garrus helped her dress in a new, clean Alliance uniform. She had grimaced as he helped her slide the sleeves up a bandaged arm, and he had tried to keep from touching the wounds on her side.
"How do I look?" she'd asked him grimly when they'd finished.
"Like the savior of the galaxy," he had told her proudly, glad to see a smile creep across her face.
She had picked up a datapad to read the briefing. She was about to give her own briefing about what had happened on the Citadel, but had not yet been updated about what happened to the ground team. She sighed heavily reading the list of those lost. From their own team they had lost Ashley, and Tali was battling a severe infection from a suit puncture and numerous shrapnel wounds. The list of losses from other teams was heavy. Garrus knew – he had helped compile the briefing for Shepard for when she woke.
He had walked her to the command center at the forward operating base. When she shut the door behind her, he stood there for a moment.
It was quiet around the base, compared with the last few days. He felt antsy all of a sudden, without a gun in his hand or an enemy to line up in the scope of his sniper rifle.
"General Vakarian."
The voice of Primarch Victus behind him made him jump. He bowed his head slightly in deference.
"Primarch."
"Who would have thought we'd ever see an alliance like this one?" the primarch asked him, tilting his head to the side.
"I wouldn't have believed it from anyone but Commander Shepard, sir," Garrus responded. "The past three years have seen wonders the galaxy has never known before."
"That's for sure," the primarch said.
He paused, observing Garrus carefully. Measuring him.
"Vakarian," he said. "After all this is over, there will be a lot of movement back on Palaven. We lost a lot of people in this fight."
Garrus nodded, exchanging a silent glance of understanding with the primarch. Garrus's father and sister had made it safely off the homeworld, but many others, including the primarch, were not so lucky.
"We could use you, Vakarian," he continued. "It'll be a new galactic world, and I could use someone with your breadth, your understanding of this uneasy peace that Commander Shepard has brokered. The council was lost when the Reapers took the Citadel, as I'm sure you were already aware."
"I had assumed as much," Garrus said grimly.
"I would be honored if you would serve as our representative," the Primarch said.
Garrus felt his eyes widen. He gaped. Surely, he must be joking. Of all the turians to appoint to the council, he chooses the one who abandoned his duties at C-Sec to become a vigilante killer on the most lawless hive of vermin in the galaxy.
But the longer Garrus remained speechless, the longer the primarch considered him calmly. And Garrus realized…
"You're serious?"
Victus nodded.
"You've shown astounding commitment to justice and truth, though your methods are a bit unorthodox," he paused, and Garrus thought he saw a twinkle in those eyes. "Then again, for a turian, I have somewhat of an unusual perspective on heterodoxy."
Garrus stood straighter, but bowed his head at the neck again in a sign of respect.
"I am honored, primarch." He paused, hesitating before continuing, "but I need some time to consider. This is not a decision to make lightly."
The primarch nodded.
"I expect to hear from you soon, general."
"Of course, Primarch Victus."
With one last appraising look, the Primarch turned and left. Garrus felt he might be floating in a haze of confusion, but his feet remained firmly planted on the floor.
Shepard
"Commander Shepard."
The hologram of Admiral Hackett flickered in front of her.
"Admiral," she replied, saluting him.
He returned the gesture, a look of amazement on his face.
"I hate to sound so grim, but I have to admit I'm a little surprised to see you."
...Alive? she finished for him silently.
She chuckled a little, "I'm a bit surprised myself, sir."
"What happened up there, Commander? You went dark for hours."
She shifted uncomfortably, feeling the stitches in her side stretch painfully.
"Sir, I'm not entirely sure," she began. "It was unlike anything I've experienced before. The closest I can remember is when I accessed the Prothean Beacon back on Eden Prime."
A beat. She tried to gather the words to explain, but couldn't.
"I don't think you'd believe me if I tried to explain what happened up there," she finished. "I'm just glad the Crucible worked."
"It would have meant nothing if you hadn't gotten the Citadel arms open. The Reapers are retreating – we're pursuing them into the Skyllian Verge with the Crucible. From what we can tell, there aren't many of them left."
Shepard nodded. "Glad to hear it, sir."
"Commander, we couldn't have done this without you. You and your team did good work. You should be proud."
"Yes, sir. I am."
"Now, there is some business to discuss."
She straightened, keeping her hands clasped behind her back, her legs in the wide stance that felt to her like power and readiness.
"I want you to report to the Citadel as soon as we have returned it to the Serpent Nebula," the admiral continued. "There is still work to be done. We lost the Council when the Reapers took the Citadel, and we will have to select a new representative for humanity. Your input will no doubt be influential. You're still a Spectre, and I imagine the new Council will have more than enough work to keep you busy. The Reapers left a mess, and while the alliance you forged is…" he paused, a small smile growing on his face, "something else, I for one am not sure how it will hold up, now that the threat of the Reapers is gone."
Shepard nodded: "Understood, sir. It's a hell of a job getting people to cooperate, even with galactic destruction as the motivator."
Admiral Hackett nodded, smiling knowingly.
"Damn right," he said. "I don't envy you your position. But I know that you can get the job done. You always have, Shepard."
There it was – the small feeling of pride that was starting to grow inside her had been conspicuously missing since the Crucible started its assault on the Reapers. She knew, in her head, that what they had accomplished was like nothing else that had ever been done before. But against the backdrop of loss – Ashely, Tali fighting for her life, Vega facing injuries worse than he'd ever endured – it hadn't felt like enough.
And now… it was beginning to. She felt the corners of her lips turn upwards ever so slightly. We did it. We sent those Reapers back where they came from.
"Thank you, sir," she said, bowing her head slightly.
"One last thing, Commander," the admiral said.
"Sir?"
"There will be a ceremony on the Citadel, after a new Council is selected and some clean up is done. Make sure you've got your dress uniform starched."
"A ceremony, sir?"
"You're the savior of the galaxy, Shepard. The third time over, no less. It's time you got your moment."
"That's not necessary, sir," she said, somewhat hastily. "I – I don't need a ceremony to know I did my job."
He chuckled at that.
"I know, Commander. You're a soldier through and through. You may not need this ceremony, but trust me," he nodded to her, pride shining in his eyes, "the galaxy does. And you've earned it, Shepard. Enjoy it. Hackett out."
The hologram flickered, and vanished.
As Shepard left the briefing room, she saw Garrus waiting up ahead in the hallway. He fell into step with her as she continued down the hall.
"How'd it go?" he asked her.
"Fine. Hackett wants me to meet him at the Citadel as soon as they return it to the Serpent Nebula. Something about 'continued work.'"
"What, they're not letting you retire just yet?" Humor tinged his voice.
She sighed – more heavily than she'd intended to. "Not yet."
They walked in silence a few moments more, before she spoke again.
"To be honest, I don't know what I'd do with myself. As much as I would like a break, I remember my six months grounded on Earth. I nearly drove myself up a wall."
He chuckled softly, a low, quiet sound: "No rest for the wicked."
She stopped, suddenly, and he also froze, turning to face her, a quizzical look on his face.
"What is it?" he asked, concerned.
"I just," she paused, uncertain how to explain it. "I had the strangest…" was it a dream? "…vision, I guess, on the Citadel. I don't know what it was, but Harbinger was… messing with my mind. Trying to turn me into the Illusive Man."
"Indoctrination?" His voice was incredulous, almost awed. "Clearly, Harbinger didn't know what mind he was getting himself into."
Shepard smiled at the affection in his words.
"Well, he tried, anyhow," she said. "He showed me some bullshit choices, and I saw… the future. Or what he wanted me to think the future would be. The mass relays – all of them – exploded, and the Normandy escaped ahead of the blast. It crashed on some… tropical planet. And I saw you… you got off the Normandy, and you looked up. It was like you were looking right at me, from another star system."
She looked at him – he was giving her a very different look now. Fearful, concerned, and a little sad.
"That's when I… woke up," she said. "I knew what I had to do. I was there to destroy the Reapers. We deserve a chance. All of us."
He had moved closer to her as she told her story, and now their chests were nearly touching. His three-fingered hands rested gently in the crooks of her elbows.
"But seeing you alive, well, in that vision…" she drifted off. "At that point, I didn't know what happened to any of you, except that Harbinger decimated everything around me before I made it up that beam."
She reached up and gently touched the bandage on his shoulder. He winced slightly and took her hand in his own.
"I did tell you I could go out and get some new scars to drive you wild all over again, didn't I?" His mandibles flared, expressing the wry humor apparent in his voice.
For some reason, those were the words that did it. They let loose the fear that had been growing inside her as she'd walked along the edge of despair. To come so far – to win such a mighty victory, only to lose the chance to hear that firm, expressive voice again – it would have been unthinkable.
She was embarrassed to realize that tears were slipping out of her eyes, dissolving the thick, painful lump that had been in her throat. She turned away, into a dark corner, to escape the prying eyes of the soldiers walking the halls around her. After all this, to break down… they saw her as strong: a hero. And here she was crying like a schoolgirl.
She heard Garrus's soft footfall behind her; knew he'd followed her. He waited, tentative. After a moment, he reached a hand out, brushing her shoulder.
"Shepard," he started, his voice gentle, timid even. "I didn't mean to say the wrong thing… I didn't…"
He broke off, uncertain. He started to pull his hand away, but she turned to face him, pulling him into the shadows with her.
"No, Garrus," she whispered, her attempts to staunch the flow of tears useless. "You didn't say anything wrong."
He watched her, his mouth slightly open in bemusement, concern. His pale blue eyes flickered between hers and the tears that ran down her cheeks, dripped from her lips in silence. She realized that despite all the vulnerable moments they had spent together, despite all the walls she had dropped to let him in, he had never seen her cry.
"Shepard," he said again, his voice dropping to nearly a whisper.
He reached out, touching one of his talons to her temple ever so gently. He traced it lightly down her face, catching a tear in its tracks. His blue eyes wavered, fearful.
Slowly, he lowered his face down towards her, touching their foreheads together, squeezing her shoulders lightly with his gloved hands. Shepard closed her eyes, felt the tears start to shake her body, her chest aching as she tried to suppress it – to keep the rhythm of her breath steady. He must have felt the way her shoulders trembled, because he pulled back, squaring himself in front of her.
"There, there," he said softly.
"I couldn't bear to lose you, Garrus," Shepard managed between the hiccupping sobs she was still holding in. "After everything."
She reached out and ran her fingers gently over the scars on his face, remembering how she had almost lost him once before. She realized how similar her fear had been then to the deep pit that was tearing at her insides after the battle. She hadn't known on that fateful day on Omega, but that was the start of it. When she had begun to understand just how much he really meant to her. Her most trusted friend; her most loyal squadmate who always had her back; the only one who knew how to push her buttons and make her laugh at the same time; but more than any of that, the one whose soul mirrored her own. Like binary stars, they held each other together, kept each other on their path. Connected.
"We're a team," he said, his eyes twinkling at her as he echoed her own words back. "There's no Vakarian without Shepard. And hey, I think I'm starting to get the hang of this 'ducking' thing."
She laughed at that, her laughter mixing with the sobs. He frowned, a puzzled look on her face. She laughed harder at the expression.
"I'm sorry, Garrus," she said between gasping breaths. "Human emotions…" she let her words drift off, "well, they're a little complicated."
With one swift move, he grabbed her by the waist and pulled her to him, taking away what little breath she had left. He held her gaze with a strength in his blue eyes, and said in a voice heavy with love:
"That's okay. I'm just glad that I have plenty of time to learn all about them now."
She couldn't help herself. She kissed him roughly. She might never get used to the feeling of his smooth, hard lip-plates, so unlike a human kiss, but the passion in his grip on her waist, his heavy breath against her face, and the way his tongue explored her mouth was enough to bring fire to her stomach.
She felt him pull away reluctantly, and she realized that the wound on her side was throbbing: a deep, painful ache. She winced.
"We're quite a pair," Garrus mused.
"Yeah, we are," Shepard replied. "I wouldn't have it any other way."
She kissed a mandible lightly, enjoying the soft, contented purring sound that he made, and then she pulled back.
"It's you and me, big guy. To the end."
"I like the way that sounds."