YOU MISSED.
BUT YOU WERE CLOSE.
WE'RE LOOKING FOR SKILLED PENGUINS…
LET'S SEE WHAT YOU CAN DO.
G Slush was standing in the middle of a bare grey room, with only 4 pillars, a door, and a monitor that used to be a phone. What you just read was the sentences that appeared on it.
"Now I'm really confused," he said to himself, "what's going on here?"
WALK TO THE GREEN SQUARE.
Suddenly, one of the four pillars, this one with a power box on it, lifted up, revealing a green square under it. What? Should he walk to it? He had no idea where he was. This could just be a giant trap for all he knew. He could have been kidnapped and thrown in this room only to be killed.
No. If they wanted him dead, they would of just killed him when he was knocked out. Whatever would happen to him when he walked on the green square, it wouldn't cause bodily harm, and that was good enough for him.
So, G Slush waddled over to the green square.
And as soon as he did, a roofless cage appeared around him.
Just before he was about to scold himself ten times over for being so stupid, he could hear the sound of the second pillar moving, and new words appeared on the screen.
RUN TO THE RED SQUARE.
And, of course, the pillar that lifted revealed a red square under it.
RUN AS FAST AS YOU CAN.
It wasn't a far distance across the room, and he was a fairly fast runner, so for the first time today, (or maybe in the last 2 days, he wasn't sure how long he had been out) he was feeling confident.
The concrete sides of the ends of the squares, that side that was facing the other square, turned into a checkered black and white design, like a racing flag.
READY
SET
GO!
One wall of the cage he was in, the wall on the side of the checkered design, disappeared, and as soon as it did, G Slush sprinted off.
He got to the other end in no time. The screen read 0:06:15. Six seconds. Not bad, if he didn't say so himself.
THAT WAS FAST!
GREAT JOB.
HOW WELL CAN YOU HIDE?
G Slush didn't quite know what the screen meant there, but he had a major confidence boost, and was ready for anything this test had to offer. No traps or tricks yet.
MOVE AWAY FROM THE RED SQUARE.
He did as he was asked.
THANKS.
The pillars slid back down to their default positions, and bars appeared over the door. Uh oh, is this the trap?
CAMERAS OFF.
The cameras drooped down and the lights flickered.
FIND A HIDING PLACE.
YOU HAVE 20 SECONDS.
A time counting down 20 seconds appeared on the screen, and G Slush hid behind the pillar with the green square under it, unseen from Camera 1. Camera 2 could still see him in this position, but G Slush was not an idiot. A quick snowball throw to Camera 2's lens took care of the problem.
Another flicker and the cameras turned back on. They started searching, and Camera 2 was having a spazz attack with the snowball on it's lens.
VERY IMPRESSIVE.
CAMERA 1 CAN'T SEE YOU.
CAMERA 2 CAN'T SEE ANYTHING!
PERFECT!
TIME FOR THE FINAL TEST.
HOW CLEVER ARE YOU?
PLEASE WAIT A MOMENT.
The bars on the door disappeared. It wasn't really a trap. This is some sort of test, not of the negative nature, and he had only one assumption with these kinds of tests.
He was being tested to join the Elite Penguin Force.
Whatever that was.
And then, as it turns out, he was absolutely wrong. The building he was in started to prepare a cage trap. "Are you kidding me?"
The third pillar, (closest to Camera 2 and on the opposite side of the wall than the first 2) lifted up to reveal a blue square. The power box on the first pillar with the green square started to glow blue from the inside. Then the cage trap was ready, little metal stubs on the underside of the third pillar, hanging over the blue square, started to appear.
WALK TO THE BLUE SQUARE.
Not on your life. What do they take me for here, a mental patient? But there has to be some way to set off this trap. What weighs it down? Probably… a snowball.
He threw a snowball onto the blue square. Blue lasers came out of the metal stubs to the blue square, effectively creating a cage around on the snowball.
TRAP ACTIVATED!
So it was a trap.
BUT YOU'RE NOT IN IT!
"That's right, faggot." Although he knew no one could hear him.
NICE THROW.
"Time to end this." G Slush threw a snowball at the power box, short circuiting it and ruining it.
GREAT WORK!
THAT TAKES CARE OF THE TRAP.
LET'S ADD UP YOUR SCORES.
What? Had this all been a game? The pillar went back down and hid the blue square from sight. The words aim, speed, stealth, and problem solving appeared, and each word had a gauge and a box under it. Each gauge went to full except aim, and everything got a checkmark.
WELL DONE! YOU PASS.
WELCOME TO THE ELITE PENGUIN FORCE.
So his earlier suspicions were true. This was an EPF test. And he had passed it. The fourth pillar slid up to reveal an elevator with the words EPF above it.
PLEASE ENTER THE ELEVATOR.
With a deep breath, G Slush entered the elevator, which started down upon entrance, and only one question above all the rest stood out in his mind.
What was next?