After scaring the hell out of a figure in a hazard suit I quickly recognized as Phlox, who had no idea that we would just appear beside him in the decontamination room, he had us all strip down to our underwear and enter the chamber. Only, he had to bring me a large towel to wrap around my waist as I had no underwear. The suit I was wearing having been the only article of clothing that I had.

Something all four of them found out when I, with great amusement, quickly and casually removed my armor and revealed my naked form faster than any of them could stop me. Their reactions made it very hard to keep a straight face of innocent confusion.

Tucker turned away immediately after seeing me. "Hey, hey!"

Hoshi, who wasn't paying me any attention at that moment but heard Tucker, looked around for whatever it was that made him call out. After scoping the room she finally looked at me, staring at my upper body for a few seconds before her eyes started traveling downwards. Stopping at something that had her furrowing her brows and then blushing heavily, she turned away.

Phlox was a lot less bothered by the fact that I was naked than the others. He didn't outright stare at me or anything, but he wasn't hastening to look away, either. Not that I blame him. My body was made to impress. Tall, muscular, agile, fast, good reflexes, well-endowed as the four of them could see, and a shit ton of other things to make my life as a mortal easy but interesting.

T'Pol's reaction was by far the best one of all. Her eyes widening ever so slightly, her head tilting down and to the side, and she gives me this look that says 'Is this for real? Are you seriously naked right now?' All of this while looking me dead in the eyes. It was great!

After enjoying their reactions, I hum in supposed understanding. It's now time to play the alien who is clueless of other cultures. Frowning, "I see now. I have offended you with the sight of my body. I once again offer my apologies." I bow my head in shame despite not feeling ashamed in the slightest.

"Oh, no, you haven't offended anyone. There's no need to apologize. Humans and Vulcans are simply more reserved about revealing their bodies or talking about such matters relative to those they don't share intimate bonds with. Denobulans, such as I, aren't nearly as reserved. Well, for the most part."

I nod, looking reassured. "Good. I was afraid I had accidentally offended you all. I am Mala'kak, an Engineer from the planet Ossia. It is wonderful to meet you."

"Phlox, a doctor from Denobula, and it is nice to meet you as well." He then smiles, one that stretches wide across his face. "Now, why don't we see if we can find you something to wear, hm? Your clothes must be decontaminated separately for full effect.

"That sounds fine to me, doctor. And I hope to hear about you and your people some time. However, I must tell you that I am not a mechanic. I am an Engineer. It is the name of my people, not my profession. The universal translator apparently has trouble with that particular translation."

Shortly after that, I was given a towel to wrap around my waist and sent to be decontaminated with the others. After rubbing some sort of medicinal ointment on my skin and having T'Pol rub the rest into my back, she was conveniently available to do so once Hoshi and Tucker had paired up with each other, I got to work on doing her.

Unfortunately, just not in the way I wanted to be able to do her.

There was a thick silence between the four of us, so to break the ice, I try a joke. "Well, despite the small space, this is certainly the most fun I have had in the last few weeks. Until now, it has just been me and my androids." And it technically was, ignoring the 'weeks' part. I'm enjoying the hell out of myself rubbing this anti-pathogen cream or whatever it is on T'Pol's back. Because I'm making my move on her at some point in the future. Might as well start laying the foundation down now while she's still available.

"I believe you have successfully rubbed in the ointment over the areas I am unable to reach." Take it slow for now. Then strike when the time is right. Yes, good advice, me!

I take my hands away from her back, rubbing the remaining amount into my forearms as she pulls what little shirt she's wearing back down. "My apologies, T'Pol. I am habitually thorough with any tasks I perform. It is how I have managed to keep my ship intact over the last few centuries."

Before they can ask about my age, I change the subject. "What are your planets like? Is Vulcan a tropical paradise? Is the Earth covered in frozen tundras? Are each a healthy mix of both? Maybe more?"

Tucker started before the other two could even think of speaking. Talking for nearly twenty minutes about everything Earth had to offer from sunny beaches to premium steaks that tasted like Heaven. He also 'had' to explain Heaven to me, but it was fun to watch him jump from topic to topic.

Before he could get into explaining the intricacies of dive bars, I cut him off without being too abrupt. "Earth sounds wonderful, Tucker. I hope to visit it someday and try some, what did you call it? Nah-chose?"

"Nachos."

"Right, nachos. With the melted cheese, yes?" He nods at me milking my 'ignorance' for all its worth. "But, if you do not mind, I wish to hear about Vulcan as well. T'Pol looks like she is eager to share." So eager, in fact, she's forgotten to actually show it.

I'm given what I shall now call the Stare of Ultimate Annoyance. Rolls right off the tongue, I know. "…Vulcan's surface is covered in deserts and mountains, with various small scattered seas. The planet's climate is harsh, with its desert areas being prone to large amounts of heat, light, and electrical sandfire storms. There are active volcanoes, ancient ruins, and lava fields in the lands that aren't covered in cities. Cities that are divided into multiple provinces and districts."

I wait for a few second for her to continue but she seems to be finished. Smiling, I clap my hands together. "Sounds like a wonderful place to call home!" I get stares of disbelief that are pointedly ignored. "Your description reminds me of two of the largest planets in my home-world's star system: Raava and Vaatu. Before we got to them, of course."

"Go on, I wish to know more. What of the Vulcans themselves? Describe them, you, to me." I gestured enthusiastically with my hands.

It took a fair bit of coaxing, but I finally got her to open up about Vulcan culture. How they suppressed their emotions and embraced logic. How meditation was a large part of maintaining their ideal sense of self. How their children learned in skill domes at The Vulcan Learning Center. And a whole lot more that I honestly found interesting. Like, the fact that Vulcans did have family names. They were just unpronounceable without many years of practice; for non-Vulcans at least.

I wholeheartedly plan on taking advantage of the fact that no one trusts her right now to build a relationship of intimate trust that has room to evolve into something more. Showing an active interest in learning about her and where she comes from is merely step one. Step two…I'll figure that out once step one is done. But for now, it's time to focus on step one!

A period of silence passes after T'Pol's finished educating me on the basic inner workings of Vulcan society before Hoshi asks, "So, we've told you what Earth and Vulcan are like, but what's it like on your planet, Al? What're your people like?" Since Mala'kak was too long to be used in casual conversation, she and Tucker have taken to calling me Al; T'Pol has yet to do so. She'd come around soon enough, but I was fine either way.

Though, I have to say, it's going to be very hard not to burst out laughing every time the face and voice of Scott Bakula refers to me like that in exasperation. Hopefully, I get many chances to exasperate him.

I shrug and turn my head away. "Ah, do you really wish to know? It will just bring down the mood. Why not hear about Vulcan again? I am eager to find out more about these finger neck pinches Tucker had mentioned. How do those work?" Holding up my right hand, I tapped my pointer finger against my thumb. 'Unintentionally' insulting a signature Vulcan move.

T'Pol sent Tucker the same withering look I myself got not too long ago, but quickly turned back to me. "We have told you about our worlds. It is only fair to tell us about yours." Then she did that gesturing motion with her head, the one that told me she was being snarky. The one that I can't seem to not notice…among a slew of other things about her-!

On my life, she will be mine someday!

…ahem.

I hesitate, doing my best to look as though I'm trying to come up with a reason not to tell them anything. Hoshi wasn't about to let me worm my way out of it, though. "Consider it part of your attempt to make amends for dragging our ship here, if it helps." So manipulative! Wasn't she supposed to be nervous and not snippy about being in space towards the beginning? Doesn't 'space' cover me as well? Ah man, why do I get the feeling they're all going to be this way with me at some point?

It must be my kind outward persona. I'm too good at playing nice for my own good. Bunch of hungry sharks these people…

I smile as resignedly I could, preparing myself mentally to dramatically reveal my backstory. A backstory, I should mention, that is entirely true. Well, it became true once I used my R.O.B. powers to make it so that the Engineers (the Ossians), the Xenomorphs, and the Predators (the Yautja) really did exist in another part of the galaxy a long time ago. So, technically, I wasn't lying.

Being a liar wasn't what I want to do during my vacation. Too much work. Better to just warp reality to my whims. Easier too, if I'm being honest.

"…okay. If you really must know. But do not say I did not warn you." I pace a little, before lightly sighing. "I may be biased, but my planet was beyond beautiful. More so than anything I have ever had the pleasure of coming across. In fact, I will even go so far as to say that nothing, not now or ever, will ever come quite as close to Ossia."

"There was little water on my world. Less than a percent of a percent of the planet's surface was anything but dry and desolate. Dead. But where there was water, my people were there to carefully tend to its continued existence. Constantly devising ways to preserve it, then to efficiently distribute it, and eventually we learned how to produce more of it. And surviving, as a result of their delicate tending to an environment without mercy or remorse, drove us to do so at greater and greater lengths."

"Countless generations had spent their lifetimes dedicated to simply surviving a cruel world long enough to make it better for the incoming ones. All in the hopes of one day shedding Ossia's natural oppression. Over and over and over until we realized that we had survived and were continuing to survive. Where we once numbered in the dozens, we came to number in the thousands! And we wouldn't stop there. The next step…was thriving."

I admit I got a little lost in the storytelling myself. But not nearly as much as they did. I mean, even T'Pol was hooked.

"But how would we thrive on a planet that still held unending stretches of desert? The answer came in the form of a little something we called terraforming. It took centuries of dedicated and miraculous acts of science, but we turned that ball of yellow dust in space into thick forests and vast oceans that refused to be contained by even its creators. There were even some that managed to penetrate the numerous underground caverns. Caverns that went on for miles deep into the planet. Now, you would think we would stop there. Quit while we were so very far ahead of where we used to be."

I get a round of captivated head nods. "Wrong. We did the exact opposite. And instead of holding onto and preserving what we had fought so hard to cultivate, we sought what we had always sought on other planets. It was so intense, the race to other worlds. The paranoia of some other race of people taking what would-be fertile lands that belonged rightfully to us! To the ones that had managed to bring a dead planet back to life! Who else deserved to own the system we lived in than the ones who could control nature to such an extent?"

"And just like our other goals, through effort beyond effort, we achieved it. Made it to every known world in the system, asserting ourselves over the indigenous population as the ruling class. And yet," I hold out my arms over my head and bring them back down in one smooth motion, letting them slap against my suit. "it was not nearly enough. Our empire ruled with absolute authority over all that we could reach, and we still hungered for more." I turn to the nearest wall and bump my head against it. "Hehehe…" I laugh depreciatingly.

"What did your empire try for next? Where? Another star system?" To which I roll my eyes. Not that they could tell what with them being all black in color.

"Next, Hoshi? Next my so-called glorious empire did what anything too heavy with its own power did. It collapsed in on itself. A collapse so absolute it swallowed everything there was! Everything we were!" I practically spit out the words with as much venom as I can put into them. They say nothing.

"My people were…arrogant. This much I have come to realize. And in the end, it was our arrogance that killed us. We thought we had the right to govern the worlds we seeded as we saw fit. To bend them to our will." I let out another, heavier breath. "To bend the once independently sovereign people they housed…to our will."

"What happened?" Tucker, sounding hesitant to even speak but waning to know.

I look up from my place facing the wall. "To put it simply, they didn't like how we treated them, and the resulting conflict ended with me being all alone in the universe with no home to go back to. All alone despite the many peoples I meet on my travels…the friends I make."

I stare into space for a while, waiting for one of them to say something. But no one looks like they're going to. Which is fine, since I could use some quiet time. Gives me an opportunity to make up a way to disassociate myself from the ideals that my fictional home empire stood for. Can't have them thinking less of me because of that. It would make for a pretty shitty vacation if people started hating me on just the first day.

Still, I imagine Tucker couldn't help but say, "We should've talked about the finger neck pinches, instead." Cue the almost, but not quite, non-existent withering glare from T'Pol towards Tucker.

At least Hoshi and I can get a laugh out of it, if not them.

We sit in silence for a while after that, enjoying the ultraviolet radiation on our skin and waiting for the decontamination process to be over. Eventually, Phlox's voice comes through the speaker. "Commander Sato, Sub-Commander T'Pol, Commander Tucker, Mr. Mala'kak, you are clear of any harmful contaminants. Feel free to leave the chamber at any time."

I wait until the others have left before making my own exit. Don't want to be rude or anything. Also, it would be better to get around the ship if the less intimidating members of the group were the first ones people see. The last thing I need is for someone to try and stun me. I would rather they find out it doesn't work on me some other way.

Having the element of surprise amongst even friends could prove to be useful later on.

We took turns using the away team locker room. Hoshi and T'Pol changing out of the sweaty undergarments they wore first, then Tucker and I. After we all finished putting on our freshly cleaned and decontaminated clothes, in my case my armor, we left decontamination to go see the rest of the ship.

Though, we only made it a few steps outside.

Walking towards us, from further down in the hall, was Captain Archer, looking eager to meet me. A pleasant surprise considering how sounded hesitant he sounded on the communicator earlier. Not overly surprising, however.

I imagine that after meeting the Axanar and getting into a fight with the ship that killed an entire crew of them, a first contact situation with someone willing to help repair his ship rather than damage it further was a welcome event.