The months passed, and the cleric was ready to become a priest. With bitterness he approached the Holy Stone hidden deep within the snowy fields of El Nath. In his hands was a Dark Crystal, the result of slaying hundreds of thousands of monsters.

"Alright, you fat stone. Here's your offering."

He dropped the Dark Crystal at the base of the black, crystalline monolith. The Dark Crystal melted into the ground.

"Now let's have those five questions."

The Holy Stone was silent.

"Uh… hello?"

CRACK.

"That's not a good sound."

The would-be priest stood well back as a hairline fracture ran from the base of the Holy Stone to its top. Then another fracture appeared, followed by several more. In the end, the whole structure crumbled into the snow. The cleric was silent for a few moments, and then screamed at the top of his lungs.

"Perfect! I'm the one who awoke Zakum!"

888

At the heart of El Nath's volcano, at Zakum's Altar, a band of twenty four adventurers were laying the smackdown on Zakum's giant stone body. All eight of his arms had long since shattered and the twenty four heroes were laying waste to his remaining body with attacks that literally shook the earth.

"Look! He's cracking!"

They all jumped back – some teleporting just to be sure – and cheered. Another successful run was complete.

But fire burst from cracks in the stone.

"What? What the hell is happening?"

The fire roared higher and higher until all the heroes were pressed against the cavern walls to escape the flames. Behind the altar where Zakum sat exploding, the Zakum Tree caught fire, and so intense were the flames that its chains melted. Stone finally burst, and out of it stepped a being of living flame. He was taller and bigger than the stone statue he had just broken out of, fire licking around his giant limbs flexing after long disuse.

"I… AM… FREE!" he exulted, causing the cavern walls to shake as he lifted his titanic axe in triumph.

"Who is that? We've killed him hundreds of times before, and this never happened!"

"HAH! It has been TOO LONG since my axe tasted blood!"

Without much ado, he hacked the adventurers apart. They were among the mightiest heroes to walk the planet, but one swing of his axe and all their health and magic vanished completely, augmenting his own power as their broken bodies died.

"Who are you?" the last one screamed, covered in the gore of his friends.

"I AM… ZAKUM! I AM GOD OF THIS WORLD!" Zakum thundered, flames blazing from his one eye. He swung his axe again.

888

The cleric stamped all the way back to El Nath.

"What troubles you, young hopeful?" Alcaster enquired, surprised that the wannabe priest had not returned with the Necklace of Wisdom that the Holy Stone supplied to the wise.

"I'm not in a good mood."

"Failed the quiz?"

"No, I just ended the world."

"Just like that?" Alcaster wondered, stroking his bushy white eyebrows with his staff, "And how shall it end?"

888

During this time, a new volcano was emerging from the snowy fields of El Nath. Adventurers scuttled away in terror as magma flowed freely over snow, vaporizing the penguins and yeti at play.

"The surface!" the volcano spoke, "It has been… five thousand years…"

Zakum looked to the night sky. He had studied astronomy with the wise men, in an age long past, before seeking the path of the warrior. He learnt that you could tell the passage of time by the movement of the sun and moon, but the passing of the centuries could be told by the position of the constellations. One look at the familiar shapes in the sky, one reminder of the memories he had held in his lonely prison of stone and flame, and he knew just how long he had been gone.

"The stars, at least, have not changed."

With trepidation he made his first tentative steps on the earth, which melted under his feet. An adventurer, no more than eighty levels in rank, was still watching with jaw agape. Zakum turned to her.

"Hey, you. Have you seen a tall albino guy? Purple eyes? Wears a mask?"

She, jaw still hanging, shook her head.

"EXCELLENT!"

Zakum tramped along and eventually climbed up the snowy cliff on his way to El Nath. Beside the dumbstruck, stupefied adventurer the snow heaved upward and crumbled. A skeleton with tattered skin still hanging off aged bones stood up, yawned, and walked off in the direction Zakum was heading. The adventurer, thinking she had seen enough to last three lifetimes, logged off for the day.

888

The cleric turned around and looked at the dark horizon that had recently acquired a red glow.

"It will end by fire. At least we won't be cold."

Alcaster hurried off to find the wise men and women of El Nath. The cleric sat down on a bench and waited for the end. A hot wind blew from the snow fields, evaporating the ice off the houses and streets. Zakum strode into town, and the wooden buildings caught fire as he progressed down the street. Everyone was running, except the cleric, who sat there, his face blank. When Zakum approached him, the cleric looked into the blazing fire of Zakum's eye without blinking.

"I should thank you," Zakum laughed, and continued onward. The cleric got up, dusted ashes off his robes, and followed the flame-demon to see what would happen. A few minutes later, the skeleton with tattered skin walked into town, looking around.

"Didn't I seal him last winter?"

Shrugging, the skeleton followed the still-burning footsteps. Noises other than roaring flames could be heard. The twang of a bowstring. The hacking of a sword. The whisk of throwing stars. The rushing wind of ice spells. The cleric watched as the four wise men – including the magician and hunter; both women – bombarded Zakum with their most powerful attacks. They succeeded destroying the landscape, but Zakum was indifferent.

"I should thank you, most of all," he rumbled as he swatted the master warrior Tylus off his arm, "You four had all those travelers feed me enough Dark Crystals to revive my true form."

"Return to the shadows, monster!" the master thief Arec shouted, throwing the massive shuriken Avenger towards Zakum. The two-handed axe cut Avenger in half and hit the ground, the resulting earthquake knocking all of them off their feet except the master magician Robeira, who still floated. For her, Zakum spat a fireball that blasted her through the weapon/armour store and out the other side in pieces. He lifted his dread axe and swung it like a golf club, batting Tylus with the flat of the blade. Later, it was discovered that Zakum had hit him clear over Orbis Tower and into the cloud city itself, although Tylus certainly did not survive the flight.

Arec and Rene coordinated their ranged attacks, sending arrows and throwing stars of deadly power and accuracy at the burning monstrosity. They proved the most difficult; as Arec's Haste increased their already formidable speed and reflexes, avoiding the great sweeping blows and fireballs that had killed their allies.

"Insects," Zakum taunted, "It required no less than twenty warriors more powerful than you to defeat my prison of stone. You may be mighty among mortals, but against a god, against ZAKUM, you are nothing!"

Zakum stamped the ground, and everywhere flames erupted, encircling the master thief and huntress in a towering wall of fire. Their robes caught aflame, and when the inferno died down, not even ashes were left.

The cleric felt the last vestige of hope blink out of his soul as Zakum slung the terrible axe over his shoulder and casually walked towards Orbis Tower. The tattered skeleton caught up at that point, surveying the burnt-out husks of buildings that had been a thriving community.

"Hey, did you see a guy, big axe, whole body on fire?"

The cleric turned and almost jumped out of his skin when he saw who had asked.

"You're a zombie! Except more decomposed! But zombies don't talk!"

"Huh?"

The skeleton looked down, seeing his rather deceased appearance for the first time.

"Oh."

The skeleton stood still, and pale white flesh seeped from the bones. Instead of skin, a white mask grew over the skull, its fixed idiotic grin causing old memories to surface. From the mask, robes the colour of deep space flowed, clothing the wraithlike body. Stars glittered within its obsidian folds.

"You're… you can't be. The Harlequin from the book?"

The Harlequin opened purple eyes.

"That I am."

"But you're a fairytale!"

"So is the guy who just wrecked your town."

"Have you come back to help us?"

"No, I'm just mad he woke me up."

The Harlequin felt hope spark anew in the cleric's soul, causing the mask to grin a bit more as he commented, "At least I have an audience this time."

He moved along the ground. Not walk. He glided smoothly, without any of the jerky movements that the cleric had to make while following.