Hell and a Hangover

Disclaimer: So SVU doesn't belong to me… It's yours, Dick Wolf. :[

Chapter Two: I Wish That I Broke Mirrors Instead of Promises

"No, no… Nothing like that." He cleared his throat slightly and looked perplexed as he thought about what he was going to say next. "I uh… I've decided I'm… I'm not going to be a detective anymore."

Olivia stared at him, face contorting as she did her best to calmly take in what her partner had just said. She realized she was failing when she felt hot tears sting at her eyes, and she dropped her head so that her eyes could fixate on her lap and not on his gaunt face. He couldn't just… Stop, could he? Her eyes burned and she blinked hard, trying her best to make the pain subside, but the fact that his words had already gotten such a rise out of her made the anger boil and churn in her stomach and climb quickly to her throat where she thought she'd choke on it.

He's leaving? Merry fucking Christmas, Olivia, she thought, the words echoing in her mind almost in time with the sweet carol playing softly over the radio, wishing that she would have just that. She cursed the song, pressing her eyelids together so tightly she feared that she might burst some sort of blood vessel. How could he? After all these years together, after all the things that had happened to them, how could he just leave without… without even considering her? What would she do? Get a new partner? Work with one of the two new dipshits that passed (God knows how) for detectives? Train up some rookie? She was too old, too tired and too fucking attached for that. If she were being totally honest with herself, which (if she were) would have been quite a rare and blessed occasion, she was probably too attached and too tired and too old to do this God-awful job, but he made it… She had no idea what he made it, because he didn't really make it good, he might not have even made it better. It still sucked. People were still getting hurt, over and over again, it was the same old story with a different title and the character's names were changed, but he made the job… worth it. Worth feeling too old and too tired and definitely too attached. So what would it be without him?

Not worth it.

She felt moderately disgusted with herself as she realized it was true. It did make her feel good to know that she helped people, that sometimes she saved lives, that sometimes the bad guys didn't win, but when it came down to it she realized that she wouldn't be able to do it without him, and therefore she couldn't take sole credit for anything that did make her feel decent. And so, without him, what would she feel? Didn't he even think about that? Did he not feel that way, was it honestly just she? If so, that was unfair. And if he did feel that way, it was even more unfair. God, he was an asshole sometimes. And, of course, she was a bitch for thinking so.

Her breath hitched in her chest and, narrowing her eyes, she looking up at him once again. "You're… you're quitting? After… God, how long has it been? You're just, poof, gone?"

"W-well no, no not exactly." He licked his lips nervously and folded his hands on top of the table, then thought better of the action and quickly placed them back in his lap. "I uh… I was offered… A new position."

"A new position?" Oh, he could not possibly mean-

"Captain." Elliot finished her thought, but out loud, of course, and cleared his throat, eyeing her anxiously as he anticipated her reaction to the news.

"Captain?"

"Yes. And… I accepted."

"You accepted?" She repeated, obviously inclined to simply restate everything that he was saying and add a question mark at the end. How Irish of her, she scoffed at the thought. She'd been around him for too long.

Elliot sighed, slightly annoyed by his partner's answers. "Are you going to do that for the rest of the night?"

"Do what for the rest of the night?" Fuck, she needed to stop this. She sounded like an idiot, granted she felt like one too, her eyes threatening to spill over, her throat tight with tears she wasn't willing to cry, all over this? It wasn't as though someone had died.

He gave her a 'not-amused' look and she ran a hand through her hair, trying to regain some sense of her own mentality before shaking her head, "I'm sorry, I'm just… You know what, I'm fucking confused. Why in the hell are you leaving?"

"I'm not technically leaving. I'm being promoted."

"God dammit, Elliot, you know what I mean. You ARE leaving. You're leaving a job you enjoy, you're… leaving me." The tears welled up again and she begged herself not to get emotional. Ok, well too late for that, so she begged herself not to let it be personal, and to calm down, but dammit he was leaving her, just like everyone else had. Munch had left, Fin was gone, Cragen was heading out the door. Hell, even Alex was gone, again. On to new and brighter things and everyone had just been leaving until they were the only two people left, and up until this moment everything had been ok because at least after all was said and done they were still there together.

And here he was, leaving her. Just like everyone else.

He was such an asshole sometimes.

She cringed as 'The First Noel' trickled out of the speakers in the restaurant, another pressing reminder that Christmas was upon them, another pressing reminder that she was alone. It always seemed like holidays made her feel worse, and this was no exception.

Olivia's sob got stuck in her throat and she coughed, unable to hold back her emotions any longer. The tears that had been dammed up behind her thick lashes suddenly began to spill over, and she swiped them away with the back of her hand, looking up at him as she did.

"Did you even-" Her voice cracked as she inhaled sharply, the air feeling cold and stinging her nostrils, "What about me, Elliot? What am I suppose to do? I'm tired of watching everyone just fucking leave, and I know it's just a job and you're all just co-workers, but you all are all I have and right now, as of this moment, you're the only one that I really have left. Had left. What will I do? I… I can't do this without you. You know that. And you've always known it."

She wiped at her eyes again and stood up shakily. "I… I have to go."

"Olivia, wait-"

"Elliot, just…" She needed to get out of there. She needed to get outside, to leave the brightly lit restaurant and the haunting Christmas carols and the joy and the bright reds and greens and the holiday spirit and the Yuletide gayness that surrounded her and spat in the face of her heartbreaking loneliness. She was suffocating.

He hardly had time to stand before she quickly made for the door, and he rushed after her, not bothering to grab her jacket or make it look as though he was going to pay for the wine still sitting on the table.

The cold air hit him like a truck and the snow fell thick and heavy as he exited the restaurant, looking around for his jacketless partner as he did. He blinked away the tiny, icy flakes as he saw her trudging towards the corner, and he rushed after her.

"Olivia!"

She didn't respond, instead she wrapped her arms around herself, shivering as she rubbed her biceps in an effort to warm herself.

Elliot trembled slightly due to the cold night air, and he realized that she must have been freezing. He lightly touched her arm and she turned her face up towards his, the tears on her glimmering in their frozen streaks.

"I don't want to talk to you."

"We don't have to talk." He whispered, pulling her to him and gently taking her face in his hands, brushing his thumbs lightly over her icicle tears. Olivia sniffled as she locked eyes with him. She would have pulled away because she was so angry and bitter and hurt but she was also extremely cold and he was surprisingly warm and so she let him. He pressed his forehead to hers and let his eyes close, gulping softly. Olivia's throat tightened as their noses brushed against each other and she felt her lips part involuntarily as they encountered his, their breath mingling together and seeping past them like a hot fog in the frosty night.

And she realized, very quickly, that he wasn't leaving her.

And, she thought with a smile, she was a bitch for thinking he would.

A/N: I think one more chapter may be in order.