How could Bellatrix have discovered the secret that Severus had worked so hard to hide? Was it possible she had read his mind? Perhaps she was merely probing. If that were the case, then Severus knew he had just betrayed himself with his own reaction. He remained silent; he could not think of anything to say that would alleviate the situation. Bellatrix stared, challenging him to speak, but still no words came.

"What would the Dark Lord say if he knew that one of his little favourites was lusting after a Mudblood, I wonder?" Her voice was gleeful. Severus had heard her taunt others before, and knew she took joy in the misfortune of others. He worried for himself. "I think he would probably be disappointed at your disloyalty. We both know what the Dark Lord does when he's disappointed." Bellatrix gestured to her husband coldly. Rodolphus made no response; he stared at some fixed point in the middle distance, studiously ignoring the conversation.

Finally, Severus found words: "Please... no..." He was immediately annoyed at himself for the weakness in his voice, the weakness of the words. Appearances were everything among Death Eaters, especially when dealing with Bellatrix Lestrange. It was as though Severus had willingly thrown himself at her mercy, and he shuddered to think what the cruel bitch would do.

When Lily Evans smiled, her face lit up with beauty. When Bellatrix Lestrange smiled, it was a terrible sight. Severus knew in that moment that he would not be handed over to the Dark Lord or murdered: it would be something much worse. He would become indebted to this unhinged tyrant.

"Prove to me that you do not want that dirty Mudblood. Prove to me you desire purebloods, as is natural." Her voice had become hard and authoritarian, yet Severus could not comprehend what it was that she commanded.

"How shall I do that?"

"You stupid little fool! There is but one way to demonstrate your desire for a pureblood woman, of one of the old families." Suddenly, Severus understood everything. His eyes flicked to Rodolphus, still staring at nothing, though his face looked tighter now as if he was trying to hide anger. "Perhaps you desire a pureblood man instead," Bellatrix taunted, following Severus's gaze. "He is useless, though. Barely a man at all. Follow me."

Severus obeyed, and found himself led through the palatial building to the master bedroom. On the wall were two crests: Lestrange and Black, side by side. A vast four-poster bed hung with black velvet curtains dominated the room, and it was here that Severus was instructed to undress and lie down. He began to tremble, afraid of everything that could possibly happen in this situation. He knew that he needed to be able to perform, though he did not feel that there was anything remotely erotic about the situation. Severus had never done this before, never wanted to do this with anyone but Lily, yet he must now satisfy Bellatrix or the consequences would be dire.

Lying naked upon the silk sheets, Severus had never felt so vulnerable. Bellatrix leered at his body.

"Skinny little wretch. Small, too." Severus instinctively moved to cover himself, but was stopped by a harsh shout. He watched as the witch began to disrobe, and appreciated that if his heart did not belong entirely to Lily, he would be wildly attracted to Bellatrix. She was a beauty: long dark hair cascaded over her olive shoulders, stopping just short of her pert, round breasts. Involuntarily, Severus began to feel himself awaken down below. "You like this? I bet an ugly little worm like you has never seen a woman undress before—except maybe your mother?" She was absolutely naked now, edging closer to Severus. His heart still pounded, yet it was now with desire rather than fear.

He reached out to touch this enchantress, and she slapped his face hard.

"You do not touch me. You will do as I say." Admonished, Severus lay back, feeling a flash of burning hatred towards the poisonous woman standing over him. Bellatrix was truly cruel, truly violent and yet Severus desired her more than ever as she eyed him with a look of something bordering on disgust.

He waited for what seemed like an eternity, ashamed at his own willingness, his own desperation for Bellatrix. He heard his own voice begging again, and her harsh laugh. And finally she obliged, sitting upon Severus and stealing his virginity.

Severus Snape's usual policy towards personal hygiene was to wash as little as possible. He did not like the feeling of the water on his skin, nor did he feel as though grooming products were a necessary expense. It was the first time in his life that he had actually actively desired to bathe, to be clean, to wash Bellatrix from his skin.

For hours, Severus had felt intoxicated, as though he had been drugged or poisoned somehow. A dizzying high, a sensation that he was somehow separated from the real world, as if there were no real world at all. The state subsided when he left the Lestrange house and returned to Spinner's End. There, he was reminded once again of Lily—how could he have ever allowed her to slip from his mind? She would be Lily Potter now: he dimly recalled the Dark Lord's anger that the wedding had been protected so strongly. While she was saying her vows, Severus had been begging Bellatrix Lestrange to fuck him. It was not the devotion Lily deserved, and it made Severus feel sick.

He turned the rusty taps, and filled the grimy bathtub with a few inches of water. For the second time that day he stripped, employing Occlumency techniques to avoid thinking of what had happened earlier. The water was cold, but Severus appreciated the feeling of it against his skin. He scrubbed the sallow flesh until it turned pink, yet he still did not feel clean.

All the while, he thought of Lily and his betrayal. He had once sworn to himself to remain pure for her, so that when she came to her senses and left James, he would devote himself to her entirely. Now he felt dirty, tainted by Bellatrix. Were Lily to touch him now, he was sure that she would be harmed or burned by the imprint Bellatrix had left upon his skin.

He had Bellatrix to blame; she had forced him. She had perhaps somehow enchanted him: Severus knew she was a powerful witch who had learned certain Dark Magic from the Dark Lord himself. Severus did not care to rationalise, though. All he knew was that he hated Bellatrix. Hated her as much as he loved Lily, for it was her fault that he would now never be pure for the woman he loved.

For the first time, Severus thought to Rodolphus, the man with whom he had earlier empathised. Guilt overflowed, and Severus vowed that one day he would make amends, though he did not know how. Lily would. Another pang of grief for love lost.

Severus wondered who he hated most: himself, Bellatrix or Lily?