Fresh Start

Chapter 2

"So basically you're telling us that you're broke."

"N-"

"Yes, basically."

Joseph sighed, staring at Eli and I for a moment. "How exactly did you lose all your money?"

"Car payment," I told him. "And my hours got cut back at the restaurant. Honestly, though, we don't need mon-"

"Yes, we do," Eli said, speaking right over me. "We need, like, at least forty dollars. Well, I do. Auden's just trying to act like she didn't promise me that she'd help pay for-"

"Oh, I promised? What about what you promised, Eli."

"What did I promise you? Huh?"

"That you'd stop drinking as much."

"I-"

"Go ahead. Tell your mom and dad exactly how you lost all our money."

"It wasn't our money, Auden," he said, frowning at me. "It was mine."

"Oh, bull."

"It is. It's my-"

"Both of you knock it off," Joseph said, frowning at the two of us. "How are you going to come over here, asking for money, and then fight in front of us? Really, you both-"

"Now, Joseph," Karen spoke up, lying a hand on his arm. "You really shouldn't yell at them. It takes a lot of courage to come ask for help."

"We're not asking-"

"Yes, Auden, we are," Eli said, frowning at me before looking back at his mother. "And it's not like we're asking for money, Dad. You're just lending it to us."

"Lending it to you," he repeated back, staring his son in the eyes now.

"That's right," Eli said, nodding from his place at the kitchen table. "Forty dollars will be enough to pay the late fee on my rent and give Auden enough gas to go back home."

"I'm not asking them for gas money, Eli," I hissed at him before looking across the table to stare at his mother. "I'm really not. I-"

"Oh, what? You're going to go to Heidi? The single mother?" Eli frowned at me. "Auden needs gas money. She's just too proud to admit it."

"Oh, whatever, Eli. You're the one who used my car last night and my last ten dollars."

"For good reason, Auden," he said before looking at his parents for conformation no doubt. "I had to pick Jake up from the bus station."

"Why did you have to pick Jake up from the-"

"Because he was running away," Eli cut his mother off. She frowned, but it was her husband who spoke.

"A grown man can't run away," Joseph muttered before shaking his head. "Where did Jake even get money for a bus ticket?"

"That's why I had to go pick him up."

"How did he get there?"

"Wallace."

"Then why couldn't Wallace-"

"It's really best to not ask questions," I told Joseph who just turned his frown on me. "It's just stupid, drunk things. That's why Wallace and Jake decided that. And I'm not asking for gas money, so I'm just going to go ahead and-"

"And leave?" He was still looking at me. "With what car?"

"I have enough gas to get back to Eli's. And then…I'll figure something out, okay?"

"Stop it, Joseph," Karen told him, hitting him in the arm. "If Eli and Auden need help-"

"She's saying they don't."

"There is no they," Eli said, casting me a dirty look. "I need help. I admit it. Isn't that a good thing, Mom? It's what you said earlier."

"Forty dollars isn't much," Karen agreed. "And Auden has to get back home."

"Why don't you go pawn some of your stuff, boy?" Joseph asked then, turning his annoyance back on his son. I was slowly learning that Joseph wasn't very nice when he wasn't around the kids. Although, I guess I was kind of asking him for money. …I mean, Eli is. Because I'm not. In any way.

"What stuff?" Eli asked.

"You have a TV, you have a laptop, you have all those silly videogame-"

"Fine, Dad. Fine." Eli jumped up then. ":Cone on, Aud. Let's go pawn our freaking stuff. Is that what you want? Dad? Fine then."

I watched him walk off for a moment, not feeling like getting up just yet. I knew Eli wasn't going anywhere anyways. Just to the front yard to throw his little temper tantrum until we figured something else out. I was leaning towards asking Heidi, as I knew there was no way we were actually going through with the whole pawn spiel. At least not with Eli's stuff.

Groaning as I stood, I started out of the kitchen. I didn't get very far though before Karen spoke again.

"Auden, wait," she called which of course caused her husband to glare at her. "You know as well as I do that we're going to give you guys the money. Just hold on a sec-"

"We don't need money," I told her. "Really, we're-"

"You have to get home, dear," she told me as she stood to leave the room, no doubt in search of her purse. "Just give me a second, huh?"

I really didn't want to, but I knew Eli did want their cash. I'd find my own means of getting home. I didn't need Karen and Joseph. I really didn't.

It was Joseph sighing that made me turn to face him again. He was standing then, not looking at me as he reached into his pocket.

"I'm not being this way to punish you, Auden," he told me then as he pulled out his billfold. "I'm doing it to teach you and El a lesson. Karen and I won't always be here for you to fall back on. You're going to have to learn to-"

"You're not my father," I told him then, not liking his tone. Like he was lecturing me. Joseph Stock lecturing me. Please. He couldn't even raise his own children right.

He looked up at me then, his green eyes staring hard into mine. They didn't look as annoyed as they did with his son, but rather tired. That's what Karen and Joseph are. Tired. Done. Defeated.

"No," he agreed slowly as he took a step towards me. "I'm not. And I don't want to be. However, I am that child in your stomach's grandfather. And that means something, whether you like it or not."

I just watched as he came closer still, holding out two dollar bills. I just stared at them for a moment before looking back up at him.

"You carry around two hundred dollars in your wallet," was the first response when I found them both to be hundreds.

"No," he said, staring at me. "Not usually."

"Then-"

"I just got back from the bank," he said, still holding the cash out to me. "I had to buy Jordan's birthday present this week. Not to mention Steven needed some-"

"If you give money to Steven, why won't you give any to us?"

"Because, Auden, I'm trying not to make another Steven," he told me. "I don't want Eli to think this is how life is, that your parents are just supposed to pay for you for the rest of your life. Karen and I did well for ourselves, but are by no means capable of-"

"Then why don't you just say no?"

"Because, Auden, they're my children. And what I do or don't do for them affect my grandchildren. I don't give Steven money and a place to stay, what happens to Vinny? If I don't help Eli out, what happens when you do have this baby?" He sighed loudly, closing his eyes. "But if I do help them, then they're never going to learn. They're going to think that this is okay. When it's not."

"It's a balance."

I looked up as Karen came back into the kitchen, a check in her hands.

"Right," Joseph said slowly, looking at his wife now. "One that we haven't found the right parts for."

"Here, Auden," she was saying then, moving to hand me the check too. Joseph was still holding his cash out, hardly glancing at his wife. Did they expect me to take both? To take all their money?

Shaking my head, I backed away from them slightly. "Maybe it's because you've never given the balance a chance."

"Auden-"

"I haven't had the baby yet," I told Joseph. "So who does it hurt if you don't give us money? Us."

"You didn't do anything, right?" Karen was still staring down at her check. I could see from the writing that she had made it out for a hundred. "You said Eli took-"

"I let Eli have my money, knowing that I didn't have a way back home," I told them both, moving through the living room now for the front door. "We'll figure something out."

"You do realize the second you leave town that Eli will just come over here and get the money, don't you?"

I smiled back at Joseph. "Then maybe that's when you say no. When I'm not here to do it."

"If we had a credit card, we wouldn't be in this situation."

I rolled my eyes at Eli. "If one of us had a credit card, the debt we'd be in would be insurmountable."

"While this is true, that doesn't change the fact that I'm angry at you."

I just rolled onto my other side, staring at him. "We got some money, didn't we?"

"Yeah, but I had to pawn my freaking PS2," Eli said, staring up into the darkness as we laid around in his bed, knowing soon I'd have to get ready to return home. "What if I can't afford to get it out?"

"Eli, the chick that owns the pawnshop knows your family. God, she gave you a lot more than it was worth these days."

"Still. I like my PS2."

"I know," I sighed, laying a hand on his chest. "We have two months though, to get it out."

"With interest though-"

"We got enough money for me to get back home and for you to pay off that late fee. It sucks, yeah, but we have to deal with it."

"You're only saying that because it wasn't you who freaking lost something."

"No, it wasn't. But it also wasn't me that got us into this mess."

"I thought we said we wouldn't blame one another for things anymore?"

"I wouldn't have to blame you if you'd just acknowledge your guilt."

"Whatever, Auden."

Sighing, I shut my eyes. "How could we both go broke?"

"I get paid Friday," he told me. "We'll figure something out. I'll send you some cash. Come up and see you if I can."

"I don't need-"

"Baby, you're living alone in an apartment. If you don't have money, then you don't have cash to buy food or water or anything." I felt it as he pressed his palm against my stomach. "That means my baby doesn't have those things either. I'll give up for you anytime, Auden. All you have to do is ask. I'll give up for my baby too, rather he asks or not."

Opening my eyes, I asked, "So you pawned your old game system and you couldn't pay for your cable this month. All you have now is that one your mom bought Jake."

"No," he sighed. "When Jake went back home, he took it with him."

"Then what are you going to do all day?"

"I dunno. It's back to basics, I suppose," he sighed. "Remember that one room apartment?"

"How could I forget?"

"No TV, no privacy. It sucked."

"I like this place much better."

"My budget doesn't." He groaned. "A year. It's been over a year and we're no better off at this parent stuff."

"I know," I whispered. "We're bad parents. We shouldn't get to be parents. We don't-"

"Don't get all emotional on me. Our baby's gonna be fine." He looked over at me then. "We're going to be fine."

"Are we though?"

"My parents were just being dicks today. When the baby's here, they'll-"

"We shouldn't need them to help us though, Eli. We should be able to take care of our own baby."

"I know."

"Your parents probably hate me."

"Why?"

"'cause now here I am again, having another baby." I sniffled. "They probably hope this one-"

"Don't you dare say that." Eli was glaring at me now as he shifted onto his side to stare at me. "Don't you ever say that. No one would ever wish that. Especially not my parents. Take it back. Take it back right-"

"Alright, fine! I take it back."

"Good." He let out a slight huff. "Good."

I stared downward now, not wanting to see his eyes. "Your parents tried to give me money."

"What?"

"When you stormed out of the house, they both tried to-"

"And you let me pawn my fucking-"

"I don't want them to think that we need them, Eli!" I glared up at him finally. "I don't want them to think that we've failed. That you've failed. That we're not good enough. Because we are. We are good enough. You're not a failure."

"Who called me one?"

I looked back down again. "I'm tired, Eli. This isn't how I wanted things. You know?"

"I'm not a failure, Auden."

"I didn't want to get pregnant again, Eli. And you didn't want me pregnant again either. Because we're not ready for this. We're not. And we weren't ready last time. And you know what happened? We lost the baby. We lost her. We lost Clayton. We did."

"No," he said, glaring at me now, angry. "We didn't."

"Fine, Eli, I lost her. My point is still the same." My eyes were watery now as I stared at him. "What if it's God then, Eli?"

"What?"

"That God that you so wholeheartedly believe in," I repeated, wanting to hurt him now. If I knew any way to hurt him, this was it. "We couldn't take care of Clayton, so He took her away from us. Now we can't care for this baby and He's going to-"

"I think it's time for you to leave, Auden," Eli said then, glaring heavily at me. "Now."

"Whatever. Don't call me this week. Or ever." I pushed out of bed. "I'll call you. You know, when your little God decides to take this baby too. Your baby. Your God or your baby, Eli. Which do you-"

"Get out," he hissed now, glaring at me. "Get out of my house. Now!"

"I'm leaving," I told him as I headed out of the bedroom.

And I wouldn't be coming back.

"If you needed cash, all you had to do was ask."

"Maggie, I'm not going to ask you for money."

"Why not?" She was sitting on my couch, knees pulled up as she painted her toenails. "I want to help you out. I was with a Stock too. I know that they take all your money with nothing in return."

I rolled my eyes as I stood in the kitchen, scooping ice cream into a bowl. "I got something in return."

"You know you'll love your baby."

"That's not my problem. I-"

"By the time the baby comes, you'll have graduated," she went on, continuing to focus on her nails. "So you and Eli will have moved into an apartment together, huh? So you'll only be paying for one of those. And you won't be in school, so you'll be home all day with it at first, the baby, so that takes care of who's going to watch it. Then Eli will work all day and night and bring home money. Simple."

"I don't want to live with him."

"Right now you don't. But when you two are holding your new little baby and cooing at it and all in love and stuff, you're gonna want to be together all the time. Before the crying sets in. Then you'll want to claw your own eyes out." She giggled. "And then I'll come over and watch the baby. You know, 'cause I'm gonna be the best fucking aunt ever."

"Right, sure."

"I am." She nodded her head. "So see, Auden? Everything will work out."

"As long as you think so," I sighed as I put the ice cream away. "Still, Eli was a complete douche to me when I left."

"He was upset. He was broke, you basically called him a failure, and then you said you didn't want to have his baby. It happens."

"Why are you suddenly on Eli's side anyways? I called you to come over so you could take my side."

"I dunno," she said as I came back to sit next to her, my bowl of ice cream with me. "I just miss him. I haven't seen Eli in forever."

"You haven't gone home in forever," I pointed out.

"I know. You know who called me last week?"

"Who?"

"Esther," she said. "She was all upset with me, saying that I never even talk to her and Leah anymore even though we were supposed to be, like, best friends for life or whatever. And that's fine that she feels that way, but I can't help it. She and Leah both ended up back there in Colby, you know?"

"I know."

"I don't want that. I love my life now. I really love it. College has been great. And you know that internship I took? I'm pretty sure it'll turn into something more when I graduate. Nearly certain. I'm making something of myself. And if they can't handle that, then they can just forget I ever existed. You know?"

I nodded slightly. "Yeah."

She sighed then, shaking her head. "Did I ever get around to telling you that Adam emailed me?"

"What?"

Nodding, she said, "He said that he'd be in town around the time we're on spring break and wanted to know if I-"

"Are you?"

"I dunno. I'm not, like, going to get back with him or anything," she said quickly. "But I'm not with anyone right now. And he wanted to just, like, I don't know, hookup-"

"Adam's sweet," I told her. "Don't hurt him."

"Adam was sweet, Auden, when we were kids. When we were in high school. When we were eighteen. We all were sweet. God, even Jake was sweet in his own way. We're adults now." She looked up at me. "It's not like I'm some advocate for a lot of anonymous sex or anything."

Rolling my eyes, I said, "Of course not."

"But if I've already slept with a guy, then it's okay to go back to him. He's not anonymous. And since we've already slept together before, it doesn't affect the number of people I've been with. You know?"

"I've only been with two guys."

"Your two hardly count. You've been with brothers." She wrinkled her nose. "And one of them was just a quickie. Then the other was- I mean is a long term relationship. Your first. So your number is invalid."

"It's not like you want a big number. Right?"

"I don't. Who would?" She looked at my face then. "Do you really think you'll, like, never sleep with anyone else?"

"I don't know," I told her, frowning. "It's not something I think about."

"Really?" She seemed doubtful.

"Yes."

"You've never pretended that Eli's…someone else?"

"Who?"

"Anyone? At all." When I blushed, she giggled. "It's okay, Auden. Everyone does it."

"I just don't want to talk about it."

She sighed. "You're no fun when it comes to guys."

"I know."

"Do you really think Eli keeps these things private?" she asked then. "That he never talks to anyone about this kind of things?"

"What Eli does is his business," I told her. "I would hope he didn't, but if he does, that's between him and his conscience."

"You sound old when you say that." She shook her head at me. "So anyways, do you work tomorrow?"

"Yeah. Morning classes too. Then work."

"That sucks. Being a waitress. I hated doing that."

"I know." I made a face as just when I spooned up some of my ice cream there was a knock at my door. "Hold on."

"I've got it," she told me, having to walk on the balls of her feet as she stood to answer the door. She didn't make it to it though before it opened.

"It's me, Aud- Oh." Eli had just used his key, which he was pulling out of the door while staring at Maggie and I. "Hi."

She glanced back at me before at him. "If my toes weren't still drying, I'd beat you up right now. Kicking your pregnant girlfriend out of-"

"Yeah, you can leave." Eli left the door opened as he came over to me. "Lock up behind you, kid."

"You-"

"What are you doing here?" I asked Eli as Maggie closed the door, her glare turned on my boyfriend. "Eli?"

"To be with you, of course. Pledge my undying love and all that. Make up. Maybe have s-" He saw the look on my face and changed his mind. "Or not have sex. That's cool too. I'll give you a massage though. And if it goes somewhere, h-" He saw the look didn't change. "Or we could just nap. Napping sounds great."

Still, I just gazed at him. "Do you apologize?"

"With all my heart."

"Make him get on his knees," Maggie suggested.

"You be quiet. Or better yet, leave." Eli hardly looked at her at her stared at me. "I'm sorry, Aud. I love you. And I love our baby. And I hope that you don't make me drive all the way back home tonight. And that you love me too."

I just sighed, staring at him. "How long after I left did you come after me?"

"An hour or so," he said, shrugging slightly. "When I calmed down. I tried to call you, but you didn't answer."

"You're not forgiven yet," I warned. "But you can stay."

"Great." He smiled at me then, moving to take Maggie's place on the couch.

"What about work?"

"Told Clyde I needed a day off." He shrugged slightly. "I had to come get you."

"You never lost me," I mumbled as he laid his hand over my stomach, smiling softly.

"Not to interrupt or anything," Maggie interjected then, "but I would love to leave except for I don't want to smudge my toenail polish. So, Eli, if you would gladly, like, like get up so I could sit back down, it would be much appreciated."

He kissed the side of my head before standing. "I have to go get my bag out of the car anyways. I'll be right back, Aud. You don't need anything, do you?"

"No," I told him, going back to my ice cream. "I'm good."

"Great," he said with a slight smile before heading out the door.

"So," Maggie began the second he was gone. "How much money was wasted by him coming down here then?"

I didn't even give her a dirty look for that one as she reclaimed her seat next to me. How much money was wasted? "None."

"Wake up."

"No."

"Well, I'm not getting up," Eli told me as he rolled over. "And there's someone at your door."

"It's like, six in the morning," I grumbled as I myself heard the sound of knocking. "That is not cool."

"You'd be the expert on that, huh?"

"Eli, go get the door."

"What? No. It's your apartment."

"And? It's early in the morning," I told him.

"So?"

"So what if it's, like, an ax murder or something?"

"Tell him to leave me the fuck alone," Eli said simply as he burrowed deeper into the pillow. I was going to respond, but then the knocking started again. Pounding almost.

"Eli-"

"Fine," he grumbled, getting out of bed. As he slipped on his jeans, he said, "If it is an ax murder though, I'm sending him in here to kill you first."

"Great plan," I mumbled, shutting my eyes as he left. "Tell whoever it is to go away. And if it's Maggie, scold her for being so untimely."

"And if it's your secret lover?"

"Tell him I'm pregnant. I forgot to do that."

"You're hilarious," he grumbled, closing the bedroom door behind him. I thought that was the end of it until not a minute after he went to open the door, Eli called out for me.

"I told you to tell them to- Hollis." I was standing in my living room then, arms wrapped around myself as I stood in the cold, only in one of Eli's t-shirts and a pair of shorts. "What are you doing here?"

"I came to see you," he told me from his spot on the couch. Eli was in the kitchen now, no doubt making himself a pot of coffee. "Since you're all pregnant and what not."

"You shouldn't have," Eli mumbled just loud enough for us all to hear. Hollis ignored him though as he looked around.

"Wow. Bare minimum, sis? How chic."

How broke was more like it. Sighing, I went to sit down next to him on the couch.

"How do you even know where I live?"

"Mom," he told me simply, still looking around. "Damn, not even a TV? What do you do all day?"

"Study, sleep, and work."

"And have sex, clearly," he said, nodding at my stomach then. I just frowned at him. "You know, Aud, I would have liked to get a customary telephone call."

"Yeah, because getting pregnant just requires customary phone calls to people you don't want to talk to."

"It actually does," he told me, apparently not taking the hint. "So where's Thisbe?"

"At home," I told him, frowning. "She has school today, Hollis. And so do I actually, so-"

"Well then let's not waste any time." He hopped up then, rushing into the kitchen just as Eli was coming out of it. "I'll make breakfast."

"And I'll be in shower. Tell me when he leaves, Aud."

"You'll be in there a long time then, Eli," Hollis retorted.

"What do you mean?" I asked, frowning at him now. "Hollis?"

"Well, I'm staying here, of course."

"Staying?" I asked. "As in…?"

"As in I'm going to crash on your couch for a while."

"And my drive to head back home was just found." Eli went into the bedroom. "I won't be here when you get home, Aud. I'll be in Colby. Or headed there. Cool?"

I ignored his passive aggressiveness towards my brother as I instead focused on the information I had just been given. Staying? With me? God, I foresaw this as being worse than the time Jake stayed with me. And that in itself was torture. This would be Hell. Absolute Hell.

…Then again, the chances that we wouldn't get into a big enough fight to send him running for the hills within the next hour were slim. Very, very slim.

"Wow, no sausage?" Hollis was raiding the fridge now. "And hardly any eggs. What do you eat for breakfast, Auden?"

"I don't." I could feel Eli glaring at me now, as I had promised him that I would begin doing that. "I mean, I eat toast. Or bread. Peanut butter and bread."

"Huh. Well, I can't find any br-"

"Would you be quiet a second, Hollis?" I stood up then, turning to head into the kitchen with him. "You know, you really should call someone before you just barge into their lives."

"God, you sound just like some of my ex-girlfriends."

Groaning, Eli headed into the bedroom before quickly returning with some clothes. He gave me a slight nod before heading into the bathroom. I just stood there for a moment before frowning.

"Eli," I complained as I heard the shower turn on. "I needed to shower first. I have school in-"

"You wouldn't even be up yet if it wasn't for your brother," he volleyed back to me through the closed door. "So figure something else out."

Turning back to my older brother, I found he had discovered the ice cream, which was really the only thing left in my freezer.

"No food at all, not really, except for ice cream." He looked back at me. "Planning on becoming obese?"

"Shut up, Hollis." I walked off then. "I'm going to get dressed. Don't mess anything up."

"There's nothing here to mess up."

I guess he didn't realize that was by design.

"Ah, college life. School at nine, work at five, party the rest of the time. It- Are you serious, dude?"

Eli frowned at my older brother as he continued to cover his eggs and hash browns with ketchup. "What?"

"That is disgusting."

"You're disgusting."

"Stop it," I sighed, shaking my head. "Seriously, knock it off. Both of you."

"He started it," Eli mumbled as he tried to hand me the ketchup. When I shook my head, he just shrugged and sat it back down. "Suit yourself."

I stabbed at my eggs before giving up and looking around the diner. We were in the middle of the morning rush thanks to my brother. Hollis, having come to terms with the fact that there was no real food to be had at my apartment, had finally decided that we should all just go out to eat. Together. As a family.

Yeah right.

Eli had only been on board because he was getting hungry and wanted to eat anyways before he headed back home. I'd thought of asking him to stay a while longer, as I knew if I made clear that I wanted him, he'd stay, but I knew that that would only lead to he and Hollis inevitably getting into a disagreement. So as badly as I wanted him with me, I knew I had to let him go. Not to mention, we did need that work money…

"Eat, Aud," Eli said, elbowing me gently in the side. "If you don't, that food will just have gone to waste. And you know as well as I do that we don't have enough cash to just be wasting food."

"Money issues, kids?"

Eli glared at Hollis then. "It's really none of your business."

"I'll cover the bill then, yes?" Hollis was clearly happy with himself at the thought, though I couldn't tell if the joy was from the fact he was beating out Eli or that he thought this would lead to him and I resolving our differences. Still, I knew how Eli would take his smile of victory.

"No," Eli said, glaring at him more heavily now. "You won't."

"There's no shame in taking money, Eli," he told him, the words dissonantly similar to those of my boyfriend's father. "Besides, I would always take the offer of free food."

"Fine. Then I'll cover the whole bill."

"Eli, knock it off," I laid a hand on his arm, sighing slightly before looking at my brother. "Thank you for the offer, Hollis, but-"

"I can help you guys out. Besides, it's just breakfast." He was staring at me now, no longer taunting Eli. "It's alright, Auden."

I just reached out and picked up my glass of water before taking a big gulp. My stomach was not settled enough for all this.

"Fine, Hollis," I said as I looked back down at my food. The yellow of the eggs was giving me a headache. "I'll just take mine to go though. I'll eat it later."

"You better," Eli muttered, angry now that he had lost the war of who would foot the bill. I mean honestly, how petty are they?

"I will," I assured him, though I knew he probably didn't believe me. I also knew he was probably right. I definitely wouldn't be eating all of the food whenever I did get around to it. Snack on some of it maybe, but definitely not eat the whole thing. No way.

"Clyde," Eli told me then as he pulled his phone out, it no doubt having vibrated in his pocket. "I text him that I'd be back in Colby soon. Says if I get back, I can work. Alright?"

I just nodded slightly. "Yeah, okay."

He started wolfing down his food then, probably planning on leaving as soon as he finished. I just focused my attention on my oldest sibling, who was leisurely cutting into his stack of pancakes. I let him take his time, knowing that I still had time to kill before I needed to head out to school. I had nowhere else to be, after all.

"I'll see you later, Aud," Eli said as soon as he was done, pressing a kiss to my cheek and laying a hand on my stomach. "I'll call tonight, huh?"

"No," I told him, shaking my head. "I work late. I'll call you, okay?"

"I'll be up,"

"And sober," I prompted.

Making no notion of having heard me, Eli just finished off his coffee before standing and leaving. When it was just Hollis and I sitting at the table, I finally decided to speak to him again.

"So what's your real reason for being here?"

"Why, Auden, I'm appalled." He grinned at me. "I can't come visit my baby sister?"

"Your baby sister is in Colby and you haven't seen her in a long time." I took another sip of my water. "Now what was it you really wanted?"

"I have nowhere else to be. Don't have any more friends, or so I've been finding out."

"What do you mean?" I asked, giving him a look.

"I can't find anyone that will let me crash at their place," he told me, shrugging slightly. "You can only burn so many bridges, you know?"

All too well,

"And I can't go back to Mom and Dad's place," he went on. "They're way too creepy now that they're back together or whatever. So I thought that I could stay with you for a while. You know, until I find my way again."

"Find your way," I said slowly.

"Yeah, see, I was thinking about being a, you know, writer."

I blinked. Then I blinked again. "A writer?"

Nodding, he added, "It's in the genes, Aud. A writer. World renowned."

"And you're going to write…what exactly?"

"Fantasy novels."

I groaned. "Please, God, no. Mom will-"

"Flip. Yes, I know. She already did."

"What did you tell her exactly?"

"That I wanted to be the next Tolkien. Martin."

"Are you sure it just wasn't shock? Not anger? I mean, that's kind of big goals there, you know."

"I can do it," he said, taking a bite of pancake before speaking again. "I was born to be a writer."

"Mom and Dad are scholarly though."

"Makes no difference to me."

"I'm sure it doesn't," I said. "But it as far as your…talents go-"

"I'm destined for greatness, Auden." He stared me right in the eyes. "I just need a place to crash while I create my masterpiece. Or should I say masterpieces?"

"Well," I began slowly, thinking. "I'm not going to be in that apartment much longer. When I graduate, Eli and I-"

"Yeah, I know."

"So, you've only got until June or so."

"Alright."

"And no parties. Or guests. At all. Unless I give my consent."

"Okay."

"And I'm going to add your name to the lease. This is for the long haul."

"Sure."

"Then…alright."

He held his hand across the table. "Roomies?"

Tentatively, I reached out a hand to take his. "Roomies."

"So are you two, like, sharing a bed?"

Rolling my eyes, I said, "No, Heidi. He sleeps on the couch."

"Oh. Is it big enough for that?"

"He hasn't complained," I said. "I mean, he's backpacked through Europe, lived like a nomad here. A couch is more than enough for him."

"And it hasn't interfered with your studies?"

"No more than everything else has."

I was currently standing in my kitchen, making a sandwich. Though I hated to admit it, having Hollis around had accomplished one thing. If the boy could do anything, he could eat. By turn, he'd filled the fridge up with all sorts of food. The freezer too. I wasn't sure where he was getting all of his money, but I honestly had no desire to know. I knew it didn't come from Mom and Dad and that was enough for me.

At first, I'd tried my hardest to keep our food separate. Making sure to buy my own cereal, own milk, and own eggs. Hollis didn't seem to care at first, but when he found my name written on a carton of orange juice, he kind of lost it.

"Auden," he had called, about two weeks into us living together. I had just gotten home and was in my bedroom. "Come here for a second."

When I found him in the kitchen, I just stood there, staring at him. "What? I have to get ready for-"

"Seriously?" He shook the carton of orange juice at me. "Knock this off."

I just looked at my block print, my name spelled out in sharpie. "I bought it. It's mine. You buy your things. They're yours. We-"

"Aud, why do you think it has to be like that?"

"We're roommates, Hollis, not-"

"You're my little sister. My baby sister. My pregnant baby sister." He sat the carton down on the counter before staring at me. "My baby sister is pregnant by a guy that can't take care of her."

"Hollis-"

"He can't. And if he can't take care of you, fine. Let me. If you need something, that's fine. Just tell me." He was looking deeply into my eyes then. "You need to eat. And I know you're on a tight budget right now and can't afford food. Good food. Just eat what I've bought, Aud. It's not that big of a deal."

"But-"

"I love you." He smiled at me slightly. "You're my little sister. And that baby in you? That's my nephew. Or niece. Whatever. I want to take care of the baby too. I'm gonna be an uncle. For real this time."

I stared back at him, thinking. "I guess we could share food and stuff. I guess."

"That's not all, Aud."

"What else is there?"

"Anything. You can ask me for anything." He held out his hands, as if he were submissive. "I'm at your service."

At my service. I liked that. I really did.

"…Auden? Are you still there? Hello?"

"Oh, yeah, Heidi," I said as I took my plate with me over to the couch. "I am. Just thinking, that's all."

"Is your brother home right now?"

"No," I told her as I sat down. "He's out."

"Working?"

"I don't really know."

"Do you work tonight?"

"I just got off, actually," I told her. "Hey, have you talked to Joseph or Karen recently?"

"I saw them, like, two days ago when I picked Thisbe up from their house," she told me. "Why?"

"I just haven't seen them since Hollis moved in. I haven't had a chance to, you know, go down to Colby."

"Was there something you wanted me to tell them?"

"No," I said, shaking my head even though I knew she couldn't see it over the phone. "I was just… That last time I saw them, Joseph as kind of…a jerk."

"To you?"

"Yeah."

"About?"

"Well, Eli wanted them to give him money and I told them that we didn't need it. Then he kept trying to lecture me-"

"They just like you, Auden, Karen and Joseph do. Feel parental towards you. Karen treats me the same way."

"Yeah, but I don't need-"

"You're having their grandchild," she said. "That's serious business to some people."

"I guess so."

"I mean, I was talking to Robert yesterday and he said your mother's pretty pumped."

I blinked. "When I told her I was pregnant again, she hung up the phone on me. And every time we've spoken since then, she refuses to talk about it."

"Robert thinks that she's coming back around to the idea."

I just rolled my eyes. "I think I'm coming down this weekend."

"Really?"

"Yeah. Eli and I have a doctor's appointment. We're going to find out the-"

"It's a girl. I just know it's a girl."

"-the sex," I finished, frowning. "And you don't know that."

"Yes, I do. It's a girl. It's totally a girl."

"Karen told me she thought I was having a boy," I told her.

"Nope. She's wrong."

"I think she'd have a better chance at guessing than you do."

"How do you figure?"

"Wasn't she, like, a baby doctor or something?"

"Or something," Heidi agreed. "Have you thought of names? Because when it is a girl, which it totally will be, I think you should name it after me."

"Ha. Right. Okay." I shook my head slightly. "We haven't talked much about names yet."

"You had better start."

"Heidi, we have until July."

"Still. You don't want to get stuck with name you don't like."

"Eli's not Dad. He'll want a normal name."

"I dunno. They say women marry their fathers."

"Eli and I aren't married and he and Dad are nothing alike."

"Uh-huh."

"And Dad was like your father then?"

"Robert and I weren't meant to be, Auden," she scolded. "You and Eli are."

"Are we?"

"Do you not think so?"

I just signed before taking a bite of my sandwich. After swallowing, I asked, "Are you and Heath meant to be?"

"Me and Heath are completely over."

"What happened?"

"We were just having sex these past few weeks," she told me then, being far more open with me than I ever wanted to be with her. "Not really talking, or going on dates. It's been a long time coming really."

"And you haven't met anyone new?"

"I meet men constantly, Auden. And you know we're getting closer and closer to summer. I need a new fling, you know?"

"Mmmm."

"I mean, of course you don't know, but I meant- Ooh, gotta go, Auden."

"What? Why?"

"Customer. Love you, see you this weekend!"

With that final high pitch squeal, Heidi was gone and I was alone. Sighing, I looked around my apartment before shaking my head. There were hardly any signs of my brother even living with me, as I was forcing him to keep his things orderly and not just strew around my living room. I'd given him a drawer in my dresser to use, but only after making him promise to keep out of all the others. He had just made a face at me and told me the thought of finding whatever I was hiding in there was revolting.

Still, it was like he was never home. I wonder if that's how it'll be with Eli when we finally live together. I hope not. I really hope not. Because there were very few things I hated more than being alone.