The Vampire Relationship Guide Volume one: Getting together & Copulating (Percy Jackson style)
Summary: Alisia is an average girl who just wants one thing out of life—to have a sexy vampire boyfriend. When she receives an invitation to a party thrown by one of South Carolinas richest vamps, she doesn't stop to question her luck; she just jumps into her favorite ensemble and heads out to the party of a lifetime, secretly hoping that she'll come home with the ultimate party favor.
But the mysterious undead aren't just pointy toothed hotties waiting to satisfy Alisia's vivid imagination—they are dangerous. With a single-minded focus on fulfilling her own scripted fantasies. Alisia has unwittingly propelled herself into the twisted world of vampire relationships with no one to guide her, because let's be honest the twilight saga doesn't count as a guidebook.
Note from the author: So hello everybody this is the second chapter of my first post on archive of our own. So on to the story!
Disclaimer: I do not own the Heroes of Olympus series nor the Percy Jackson and the Olympians series or The Vampire Relationship Guide series. Rick Riordan and Evelyn Lafont.
Part 1—How to Meet a Vampire Human
Chapter 2
"Why in the world are you calling me to ask what to wear to a vampire party? I'm engaged. To a hot guy. With a hot body, and equally hot friends. The last time I went clubbing was to get some questionable items to tie up my…err, to comfort my depressed boyfriend so that I could exhaust him physically…err…Never mind. What do I know of vampire party attire?"
When faced with indecision about what to wear to what could shape up to be the most important party I'd ever go to, naturally I'd called my best friend, Sapphire. In high school, Sapphire had been a real social butterfly. Of course, she wasn't anymore, but since I'm spending most of my remaining school years knee deep in work and trying to support my upcoming summer plans. I don't really party like other college students my age so I thought she might have a better idea of what to wear that I would.
I was sitting on the carpet in my bedroom area of my four-bedroom house that I'd inherited from my grandfather shortly after my graduation from high school. I was sitting crisscross in nothing my underwear and a camisole. I had serval dresses lying out on my bed but hadn't made a real decision past the matching set of black undies, which were already on my person. There were two dresses that I had pretty much narrowed it down to, one of which I had never worn. "Sapphire, I just need some feedback 'please? Short and see-through, or long and silky?"
"I'm still confused over this situation. Tell me again why your Hermes gave you an invitation to a vampire party." Sapphire was always suspicious of anything that nice people did for me. You give one guy a ride to the nearest pit stop and suddenly your friends have to monitor your every movement. I could just picture Sapphire sitting in her bubble bath, her concerned and frustrated face surrounded by silken strands of shiny blond hair. Sapphire was one of those medium sized women that was effortlessly badass and stylish that I'd normally think wasn't friend material at first sight. But because I'd known her since we were gawky teens, I'd gotten exposed to her brand of sarcasm long enough to know when she thought I was doing something stupid.
"He has plans already, Sapphire. Plus, Hermes was once rich. He's already been to all these boss vampire parties. He doesn't need to go to another one." Hermes had been a rich vampire—still was, not that other people know—until all of his investments went belly up in 2005. At the time Hermes rivals thought he had everything in stock and was left with nothing, when actually he still had a good bit of loot left from his earlier years at theft. Most vampires take an extremely long-term view when investing and leave all their assets in fixed-rate products. After all, a two percent interest rate may not amount to much after twenty or thirty years, but after one hundred to two hundred points tend to rack up. But Hermes seemed to like high stakes and screwing with people so looking at his so called investments were like gazing at Tsundae from Naruto gambling shit from left to right.
"He has to work—delivering the mail—at eight PM. I will never understand why the Americans with Disabilities Act pushed for these evening work laws," Sapphire snorted, ten quoted the law with a tone of resentment. "All employers must offer substantial shifts for evening workers.' Who needs their mail delivered at eight PM" Sapphire was very resistant to change. Also, she sometimes had to work the midnight to 5 AM shift at the financing company her family ran and she resented it. Actually, most people resented the ADA's inference because most vampires didn't work so it was us who ended up working all of these crazy shifts.
Personally, I thought the new law was great. You could go to any store or restaurant at any time of night. Shawarma could be delivered in the wee hours and banks had to be open 24/7.
"Sapphire, can we please get back on track? I've got to finish up. Now I'll ask again, short and see-through, or long and silky?"
"The one from Dots?"
"Yeah the one from Dots."
"How much cleavage on each of these dresses, Alisia?"
Now, that was an embarrassing question. "Not a lot of cleavage, Sapphire. I'm not one of those girls that works on two-notch. I just want to be, you know totally rip-my-dress-off-and-have-your-way-with-me honey."
"Okay, go for short and see-through the one you got from Dots that you never wear. If you wear the long and silky number you'll probably be over dressed. So short and see-through with your hair down and that red leather jacket I got you for Christmas should work. "
"Right, I knew you were the woman for the job. This is so flicking awesome!"
"Alisia, I have you on speakerphone so don't start murmuring."
Shit. Sapphire had been asking me for years, ever since she had started dating Madison, to stop running off at the mouth and tone down on all of the creepy murmuring. Crap, hopefully Madison wasn't around.
"Sapphire, you have to tell me when you have me on speakerphone. Hi, Madison!" The quite hello murmured from the other side of phone was partially blocked out by a snort.
"So have a fun night tonight and for my sake, please be careful."
"I will, Hun. Give you all the details tomorrow!"
"You'd better!"
After I hung up the phone I jump up and made my way to the bed and held up short and see-through. The dress was cool. I'd never had the balls to wear it though, but it was one of those dresses that you see and you simply have to buy, even if it does nothing but sit in your closet unworn.
It had spaghetti straps and was made out of some sort of stretchy material. It fit well, but didn't look bad. From the top of chest area downward the outfit was bloody-red while the part covering the collar bones was covered in black see-through material. The dress was short but then so am I. At five feet six inches even the shortest dresses end up looking like they had a good bit of length on them. Short and see-through came to rest about two or three inches above my knees, just short enough not to make me look like a hooker.
Although I live in South Carolina I absolutely hate the heat and usually anything that has me walking outside. The bloody-red material on the dress had undertones of a darker black that stood out against my lightly brown skin and caramel brown eyes. I was showing just enough skin to be noticed but I did set aside a moment to make sure everything was in the correct place. I didn't need a repeat of the prom night disaster, were the back of my dress was hiked up just enough for people to tell what color undies I had on. If that happened again there was no way in hell I would be attracting vampires.
I slipped on a pair of short cherry red pumps a few bangles and the necklace my grandmother gave me before carefully taking the hanger my jacket on it out of the closet. I may have spent a moment or two staring at the jacket before I finally put it on but who wouldn't the thing was a work of art.
As Sapphire advised I left my now straight dark chocolate brown hair down. It just barely reached the middle of my shoulder blades so it covered the back and sides of my neck and helped me look…well…you know—less like a rebellious teen. I'm not an unattractive woman, but I'm not a geek goddess either. If there was one thing truly remarkable about me (other than my supposed cuteness and quirky personality) it was my hair. The shine it took on when light hit it gave my hair a molten gold highlights that seemed to have everyone staring in appreciation.
I added a simple pair of ruby earrings and a small purse and I was out the door to hopefully come home with a date. No, wait, to come home with a phone number and the promise of a date. That sounds a lot less trashy.