KATNISS POV
Peeta is moving away from me. No matter how much I want to hold him, I stand up and step back from Peeta. I don't know what to do. I think back to the last time Peeta had his flashback. We had just escaped some Capital mutts when he started to go mad. Then, I had kissed him. Should I do that now? It seemed to work last time.
I look at Peeta. His back is to me; his hands are in his hair. He looks like he's ready to rip them straight out of his head.
That's it. I can't stand it. Peeta is not getting away from me again. So, just like last time I run over to Peeta and kneel in front of him. He's trembling and staring at the floor. I force his hands away from his head and grasp them. "Peeta," I say. "You have to listen to me."
He shakes his head violently, telling me to run. "Go, Katniss! Please just go." But I can't. I can't leave Peeta like this, alone. "I don't want to hurt you." He whispers. Tears are falling now. Peeta is shaking uncontrollably now and I know I'm running out of time. So again like before, I take Peeta's face in my hands and quickly press my lips to his.
Peeta grasps my arms with his hands as I kiss him. His lips are as warm I remember them. Peeta is trying to move his head, but I'm not letting him. His hands tighten on my arm and he tries to pull me away. I taste salt on his lips and realize he's crying. I let him pull me back.
He's stopped trembling and his eyes lost that glazed look in them. I feel immensely relieved as he stares at me. "Thank you" he says.
PEETA POV
Katniss is amazing. I look at her face, glad the flashback passed. She looks relieved, and I thank her over and over again. "Thank you. Katniss, I'm so sorry, I should have been more careful, I-"
"Peeta, please," she begs me. "You didn't know it would happen just now."
"Yes, but I could have hurt you. I might not have been able to overcome the flashback and hurt you. And this time, there are no doctors or anyone else to come to your rescue." The images in my head are too painful to think of. I wouldn't be able to live with myself knowing I killed her. I can't even imagine what her mother will become; she's already a widow and lost Prim. Katniss is all she has left. I make a silent vow in my head to never let that happen. Just like in the Games, I have to protect this broken girl in front of me.
"Peeta," Katniss continues. "All that matters is that you're okay, that you're not one of Snow's living, breathing reminder of how the Capital controlled us. You can fight this, I believe in you."
I take Katniss' face in my hands and gaze at her. We stay like this for a while, and then I say, "I guess I just need to believe in myself, huh?"
She smiles at me, and then pulls me up. Still holding my hand, she says "So, you okay?" I nod. "Sorry about having to kiss you though. I hope you don't mind." I smile and kiss her cheek lightly. She blushes prettily.
"Don't apologize, Katniss." I say. "It's fine. In fact, even during a flashback, I enjoyed it." This makes her blush even more. Then I remember something. "Hey, Katniss, why did you come here?"
She looks slightly offended and says, "Well, if you want me to leave..."
"No!" I say. "Please don't go yet." My voice becomes softer. "I didn't mean to offend you. Don't go."
"Peeta, I'm not leaving. I'm sorry, I just…okay here's why I came here." Katniss seems hesitant to tell me so I take her other hand in mine. She looks down at our hands together. I immediately let go. "No, it's okay." She takes back my hands and looks into my eyes. "Peeta, I came here because I really wanted to see you. I missed you, and I can't stand not talking to you again. I want to thank you for everything you've done. I want us to be friends again, Peeta."
Those words make me so happy, but not as happy as I would be if she wanted us to be more than friends or whatever it's called. But still, with Katniss, you take what you can get.
I hug Katniss to me tightly. "Of course," I say. "I would love that."
"Really?" she says as she hugs be back.
"More than anything."
After a couple of comfortable silent moments, Katniss lets go. I look at her and see that she's looking down. "What is it, Katniss?"
She starts shuffling her feet nervously. "Umm, can I ask you a favor?" she says softly. This is unlike Katniss. Usually she just says what she wants sometimes without thinking. I know this more than anyone. What could she have to me nervous about? It's just me.
"Sure, anything for you, Katniss." I reply. I wait for her to continue. As I wait I start to yawn. It is pretty late at night, or should I say morning. Katniss hears me yawn, and looks up, realizing something.
"Oh, you know what, its fine, never mind." She says, backing away. Her face looks so sad, and I can't stand to see it. "I'll just be on my way now, sorry to disturb you again." I see Katniss quickly walk out of the room, head down. I catch up to her at the front door as she hurries to put on her jacket. She sees me, and opens the door, but before she can walk out I grab her arm.
"Katniss," I say. "You have nothing to be afraid of. I promise I'm sane right now, I won't hurt you," I rush to assure her, wanting her to never look at me with such sadness again. Katniss' head is still turned away, avoiding my gaze.
"No, Peeta, it's not that I'm afraid of you." I can hear her voice crack. I pull Katniss inside, away from the cold breeze from outside. I take her other arm as she continues, still not looking at me. "I just wanted to know if…if I could…well…" Katniss pauses, seeming to make a decision in her head. She looks at me and continues, "Listen, I know you might not want me to, considering risking another flashback or attacking me again, but I just can't go back to bed alone after having that dream, and I'm sorry I came here, but I wanted to make sure you still don't hate me, and-" Katniss starts to cry again. "-and I came here for comfort, to see your face, and I miss you, and I'm sorry for disturbing you, but oh goodness I'm really sorry if I'm wasting your time here but pretty much I just want you to sleep with me, to keep the nightmares away and it could be in your room, or mine, wherever you're most comfortable, so I guess I miss you holding me at night and keeping most or all of the dreams away, and I feel so bad for what I let happen to you, but please, I want you to hold me."
Wow, I think. I haven't heard Katniss talk this much so quickly. I watch Katniss looking so helpless, not like she was in the Games. Katniss is gazing at me, and I remember I'm supposed to say something. "Katniss, for the last time, I'm glad you came," I say. "And I was actually thinking to ask you if you wanted me to stay with you tonight, but I wasn't sure if you were ready for that yet. So, yes, I will stay with you tonight." Katniss just gives me a watery smile, and turns around. I could see her ears are red, so she must be blushing.
"Katniss, you know you didn't have to be so nervous."
"I know," she replies. "Well at least I know now." She wipes her face and turns around. "Thanks."
"No. Thank you," I say, as I take off her jacket for her. I hang it up, and then turn around, seeing she's gone. Where did she disappear to so quickly? I walk away from the front door, and see Katniss in the living room. She looks at me, realizing I've been standing there.
"Peeta, let's go upstairs." She says. I wanna ask why she was standing, looking sad and thoughtful when Katniss grabs my hand and brings me upstairs. When we reach my room, I see Katniss is quickly taking off her shoes. I stand there, watching how Katniss looses out her hair, finger-combs it, then puts it back in a loose braid. I watch amazed, and climb into the bed, still watching her. She takes off her shirt, revealing a black tank top underneath. Then her pants go, where I see she has on loose shorts. Upstairs it's hotter, so I start feeling the heat rise up my neck. Then I realize it's not the heat, it's her. I turn away from her half dressed form, embarrassed. I feel Katniss climb in next to me. I turn, facing her.
"You good?" She nods her head and at one moment I feel our legs touch. Blushing, she moves about an inch away.
"Sorry." She says quietly. I laugh, and she looks at me.
"Katniss, you're so modest. But I gotta say I'm surprised you're comfortable to let me see you half-naked." She cringes at my word choice and whispers, "It's hot, that's all."
I reply, smiling, "So does that mean I can't hold you?" Katniss shakes her head quickly. "I'm kidding," I laugh. I turn on my side grabbing Katniss' waist and pull her to me, her back to me. I close my eyes. "Good night, Katniss."
KATNISS POV
Peeta is holding me. I have missed that so much it's not even funny. As I become more comfortable, I snuggle closer to Peeta, and think back to my greatest realization ever. Downstairs, when Peeta saw me staring, I knew. I just knew it. I love Peeta. In fact, I'm in love with him. I think I have been for a while now. I just couldn't believe that it took us going through all that to realize it.
When Peeta brought me upstairs, I was thinking he would never take me back. I have caused him too much trouble, and he probably gave up on me anyway. Then again, he let me sleep with him tonight, And he seems happy about it, too. So maybe I do have a chance at winning the boy with the bread back. I just can't be too aggressive, and take my time before I tell him.
I admit, the reason I took off some of my clothes was not just the heat. I kind of wanted him to see me as, I don't know, pretty. Not turn him on or anything, but just, you know, a girl. More than a friend. Ugh, that sounds so stupid, I'm so embarrasses I even considered it. But I guess it had the desired response. Peeta's face turned red and he looked away.
I still can't believe I did that. As I hear Peeta's breathing slow, so does mine. As I drift off, I smile at the whole irony of our situation. Me, the one with the unrequited love.