February
Valentine's Day made her nauseous this year. The flowers, the pink and the red, and hearts made her own heart beat a shutter-quick tattoo in frustration. Bill had tried his ploy to slip back into her good graces. The words had been right and the gestures were more than heartfelt on the surface, but Katie hadn't lived in Brooke's shadow her entire life by being taken for a fool. Once, yes; twice, by mistake, but never a third time. Thus, it came as no surprise to her to discover her former husband chasing her sister at Forrester not long after he'd been chasing her. When she and Bill stumbled face to face, Katie said not a word. Bill had to good sense not to either. Katie was proud she didn't run to Ridge's office fast as her pumps could carry her. Seeing further evidence that her dream life was just a nightmare in the making all along didn't make a coward out of her.
Her dignity intact, Katie threw herself into one of Ridge's cushy office chairs, distracting him from his latest sketch.
Smirking at her annoyed expression, he made another broad stroke across the page. "By all means, help yourself."
"Ha," Katie replied humorlessly. "And thank you, I think I will."
Ridge flipped his sketchpad shut and tossed it aside. "Should I start building these little visits into my schedule?"
"As often as you interrupt my workday just to shoot the breeze, you're getting cranky?"
"Not cranky at all. I'm happy you feel you can visit me here. Mi oficina es su oficina."
"I'll keep that in mind the next time I need an escape." Katie toed off her pumps, immediately sighing in relief. It felt good having somewhere to go. "There's something to be said for disappearing without a trace."
"You've got a point. I've done it. It's freeing to be able to walk away from everything, to just wash your hands of the whole…situation. The downside is you gotta come back sometime."
"Sounds perfect to me and I just got back a few months ago. I thought a few days would clear my head."
Ridge rubbed his jaw. "How was that? Being away from Bill and Brooke and…everything?"
"Freeing. Peaceful. It was nice to go somewhere where I wasn't being told that the worst thing that ever happened to me was my fault."
"You shouldn't have had to leave home to find that."
Katie smiled ruefully. "You're still the only person who thinks that. Welcome to the Twilight Zone, where everybody else is crazy or maybe it's just us."
Ridge rose to pour them each a drink of water, which Katie accepted with gratitude. He went back to his chair.
"I don't know about that. You seem pretty sane to me."
"You, too, just don't ask anybody else."
"They don't give you enough credit for knowing your own mind."
Katie wasn't up to talking about it anymore. She'd just seen Bill and Brooke and that fire of resentment still burned.
"Let's not talk about that. What's happening here? Have you found your place at Forrester yet?"
Ridge leaned back and put up his feet. "Probably more so than my brother would like."
"Rick's been pretty prominent in your absence. He headed up the Hope for the Future re-launch with Caroline and it's been an enormous success by all accounts. He may be feeling a little threatened by your sudden return."
"He doesn't have a reason to be. I just want Forrester to succeed on all fronts it puts forth, not just Hope's line. That's what I'm here for, to make sure it continues to do well what it's always done best: Couture."
"Between the two of you, the company couldn't be in better hands."
"You saying that because he's your nephew or because we're friends?"
Katie wavered. Ridge waved away her answer before it was fully formed on her lips.
"Don't answer that, it wasn't a fair question." He worked the kinks out of his neck. "I know I have a lot of time to make up for. Life doesn't stop because I'm gone, work doesn't stop and people—they move on. Empty spaces get filled because they have to be. I don't mind that so much. I just want to a chance to find out where I fit, if I fit."
"You do. Like you said, it'll take time. You have time."
Ridge rubbed his lower lip. "Maybe."
"Well, you have time with me and I've got a lot of vacancies in my life. No rush."
Ridge looked to her from where his gaze lingered in the distance. He rested his hand over his heart. "No rush."
Katie chose not to read too much into it. That didn't keep her from smiling at the gesture.
Ridge broke her gaze, appearing almost embarrassed. Katie sipped her water to hide how big her grin had grown. She'd never known him to be embarrassed.
"Enough of that. You came to see me for some reason. What's up?"
"Nothing. I just wanted to get out of the office and Caroline was busy. Once I checked her off, I realized there wasn't really anyplace else for me to go but home. I didn't want to go home, so here I am."
"Here you are."
"I can go if you're too busy for company." She didn't want to go.
"Stay. I like having you here. This all makes a little more sense when you're around."
"Is that why you love my office so much?"
"Nah, I gotta confess, it's you." He cocked his head in a shrug. He was smiling as much as Katie was. We must look insane. She didn't care. "And the view. The skyline is incredible from the CEO's office."
"Better with two."
"Almost everything is."
Katie looked down at her bare hands, easily recalling how well Bill's ring had fit on her finger. She hadn't expected to take it off. She'd hardly had it on long at all before she was tossing it at him in disgust. The one man she'd allowed into her heart in the hopes of keeping him there had betrayed her with the woman she had naively believed would never. More the fool me.
"I've learned to appreciate what I can on my own. There are times when you have to be alone to learn who you are when nobody else is watching. How do you know if you're always performing in order to meet someone else's expectations?"
"You don't." Ridge twiddled a pen, discomfort etched in his permanently furrowed brow. "I don't. Still don't. But I'm learning day by day."
"That's all a person can do. Embrace the journey. Most people won't ever know themselves as well those who are forced by their circumstances to redefine who they are. You'll know who you are and you'll know where you fit. You'll know where Brooke fits as well. Just do what you're always telling me to do: give yourself a break."
"A break, huh?"
Katie nodded. This was comfortable. Telling him what he'd told her was safe ground. She worried when she strayed beyond those safe places.
"Since you're talking about taking a break, I wanted to ask you something: Are you going to the Forrester Couture gala this month?"
Katie thought of all the pomp and the glamour and the hairspray and the torturous heels, and shuddered.
"Probably not. I've never been much for parties; I'm even less of a fan now. I'll probably just stay home with Will and read about it in the morning." Donna would tell her everything the tabloids had to say and more.
"You could do that or you could come with me. Dance. Mingle. Have a little fun. You deserve it."
Katie finished off her water. "Is this you trying to make my year better?"
"Ah." He shrugged. "It's one suggestion. I've got a million."
Katie set her empty glass on Ridge's desk.
"Name suggestion number two."
"You, me, RJ and Will, and a carnival."
Katie stopped herself short. "You'd do that?"
"Yeah, sure, why not? I don't see RJ enough, I don't see you enough. This way, I get everything I want and you get a break. Lay down your burdens for a few hours and eat some cotton candy. You can't lose."
He made it sound easy. Katie suppressed the eager voice of the girl she used to be who was shouting for her 'say yes already!' She hadn't been that girl in a very long time.
"What about the gala?"
"I'll go stag. It won't kill me not have to a beautiful lady on my arm. I survived a year of it. Changed my life."
"I guess that's not all it changed." Katie steeled herself. This is just an outing with the kids. Don't make so much of it. "The carnival idea sounds great. I want Will to have as much fun as he can at this age. Let's make it happen."
Ridge beamed, as much as he did anymore, obviously pleased she'd taken to his suggestion. "Fantastic. I know just the place. Let's say the 14th at 9:30? We can get breakfast and be there by 11. They'll be just opening; it'll be like we have the place to ourselves."
Katie's excitement grew despite the caution she favored. "You don't have somewhere you'd rather be on Valentine's Day?"
"I couldn't think of better company than you and the boys."
He wasn't alone in that. Katie couldn't think of a single place she'd rather be on that day either.
…
They were all together at Badgley's Fun Fair & Carnival on Valentine's Day morning. Katie and Ridge and the boys entered the fairground at 10:50 after Ridge had a word with the ticket seller. Will had babbled appropriately when Ridge mentioned it was baby's first carnival and the seller had been charmed, letting them in that little bit earlier than the families milling in behind them.
Ridge and RJ had performed their secret handshake in celebration of a scheme coming together while Katie had laughingly warned her son off using that smile of his to con the unsuspecting public. Will in all his young Spencer glory made no promises she could understand.
Ridge hoisted RJ up on his shoulders so his son could see above the stalls arranged in rows and columns over the open field. There was a Ferris wheel far to the right and spinning teacups gearing up dead ahead. There was a sprawling rollercoaster that wasn't too high, but in Katie's estimation it was high enough. There were shooting games, bean bag tosses, and bumper cars as far as the eye could see. It was all flashing lights and childhood memories come to life. Katie already loved this day.
Ridge patted RJ's leg. "All right, kid, what looks good from up there?"
"Um, I know I wanna go on the Ferris wheel, but how about the pony rides for Will?" He pointed at the temporary corral stationed on the edge of the grounds where a bunch of ponies whinnied and chomped at grass. Katie was skeptical. Ridge's answering look was the same.
"You don't think he'd like the Ferris wheel?"
"I don't want him to get scared. He doesn't like playing airplane, remember?"
"Right, he's got his mom's fear of heights."
Katie's smoothed down Will's flyaway hair. "It's a perfectly rational fear. Some of us like to keep our feet firmly on the ground."
"Yeah, but how do you fly if you never get off the grass?"
Katie busied herself with Will's coat buttons as she answered, "I suppose I don't."
Ridge bumped her shoulder, his tone growing conspiratorial beneath RJ's notice. "It's a new year. Who knows what it'll bring?"
Two months in, Katie still wasn't sure, but she was getting more curious all the time.
She eyed a nearby basketball stall, cooking up a scheme of her own. "Hey, Forrester, how's your jump shot?"
Ridge took her expression in the spirit it was intended. "You're up to something."
Katie smirked. "Just wondering if you feel like getting your butt kicked at basketball, too."
Ridge and RJ sent her identical looks of surprise. They still doubt me, even after I kicked his butt at one sport. I'll just have to do it again.
Ridge, never one to take an ego prodding gracefully, gave in first. "All right, you're on. Do your worst."
Katie rubbed Will's back. "Remember these words, sweetie, because Uncle Ridge is about to eat them."
…
Ridge thumped onto a weather-beaten wooden bench in front of the hotdog stand where RJ was getting his order filled and Will was gumming a handful of cotton candy at his side. That's my family, Katie thought without allowing herself to get caught in the implications. Right now, she didn't care. This was their day.
Ridge was pouting beside her. "You couldn't take pity on an old man? The boys will never respect me after that poor showing."
Katie gave his shoulder a consoling rub. "Never ever doubt the Logan prowess. If we say we've got it, we've got it."
"Lesson learned. You ought to give a class."
Katie feigned nonchalance. "It's all in the wrist."
"You'll have to show me."
"Gladly. Get Will and RJ. I'll get change." Katie went to buy Ridge a cranberry snow cone for his wounded pride and to break her $20 bill. Ridge gathered their sons for round 2 at the basketball stall. She arrived to find them waiting for her like a class on a field trip to the museum. So different and yet every one of them here for her. Something about the three of them together soothed her heart; she wasn't ready to consider just what.
"Okay, gentlemen, it's time for you to learn the proper way to shoot a hoop." Katie handed her dollar to the stall operator and received her miniature basketballs in return. "Watch closely. You're going to do it with your whole body." Katie demonstrated, pushing upward and flicking her wrists to send the foam b-ball sailing into the novelty hoop with a swish. Then, she did it again. Twice. Perfect Score Logan shows 'em how it's done.
"Like that." Katie turned around to find Will cuddled up against Ridge's chest dozing while RJ and Ridge looked on, impressed. She touched her chest. Ridge would know what she meant.
"Since this was for your benefit, do you want a bunny or a duck?"
Ridge groused good-naturedly. "Duck. It's manlier."
Katie collected the duck from the stall operator and handed it to Ridge without comment. She didn't want any part of discussion where the masculinity of stuffed animals was up for debate. Her heart melted anyway when Ridge proceeded to hand the duck to RJ who turned right around and presented it to Will with pomp and circumstance. Katie couldn't be sure about this, but she thought her son had just found his new favorite toy.
Ridge put an arm around her shoulders. "Don't get too comfortable with your victory. There's still bumper cars."
Katie leaned into him and reached around to ruffle RJ's hair. "Hear that, boys? Now, I'm really scared."
RJ laughed. He'd been Team Katie on their first b-ball match and their soccer match; he didn't seem eager to give up his winning streak. Will snuffled and grinned, not so sleepy now that they were on the move again. Katie mussed his hair, too.
"Those are fighting words." He shot her a challenging look.
"I'm up for it if you are." She shot one right back.
"You bet."
But neither of them let go of the other. This was nice. This was the new 'safe,' where being in competition didn't mean standing alone.
Katie had been right on the money before: This was already the most amazing day. Apparently, this Valentine's Day wouldn't have to hurt after all. Who knew?