II
Selina Kyle
Guilt. The sound screaming from outside my lungs. Guilt mixed with pain. Pain mixed with anger.
What I felt for thee who found me trying to leave. Away without you, how I tried to push you out so I could go in peace. Leave out the guilt I would feel if you caught me too soon. Forget the guilt I would feel afterward.
Not sorrow for what I had done. But guilt for what I was going to do. Guilt for being weak and guilt for turning you collateral at the same moment I was desperate to die. When I tried to abandon you without a goodbye. Leave despite the promise I had once made to you. And only you, to be there whenever you needed me. A promise is a promise but now a vow I can no longer keep under hopeless and useless circumstances. The only thing I have left now to give is a plea for your forgiveness. Beg that you can forgive me for breaking my promise. Forgive me for screaming and raving madly in your arms in my darkest time of desperation. Desperation I feel in the frail beating of my own heart. A beat that panics to be as free as I once was.
I am angry, still. A thirteen-year-old girl trapped inside an older one. A girl who has seen too much. Yet, has survived it all. Understand, she, we, I do not blame you, but know I am angry because the best part of me–the best part of my life is what did me wrong. In that one moment, everything was over. In a second it was all gone.
I am so trapped here. Unimaginably shackled to a body that no longer functions as it should. A life now broken. A life that used to be the best with you in it, but now a life I feel forced to leave behind. Trapped in a place that is worse than prison itself
You don't know, but when I am alone, I cry. I am so scared when I put my hand over my chest that I can feel in my throat because I can't breathe. It makes me wonder if I am dead. I wonder how long it will be until I am. I can't do this anymore. I have no reason to live.