Morty glared at the wall. The Gems had separated him from Rick, which was fine by him. He now sat in a prison cell, awaiting what was probably his doom. Right about now, Morty was feeling pretty fed up with how often he seemed to be awaiting what was probably his doom. He was tired of being guilty by association.

This happened every single week. Every. Single. Week. In a given ten-week period, eight weeks were spent getting into messes caused by Rick (one week is usually spent watching TV, and another is, admittedly, a mess caused by Morty himself). With this all in mind, he could be forgiven for becoming bored of this routine.

Bored. Morty was bored. Morty was bored of his life not being boring. He was bored of his grandfather's antics, he was bored of going to other planets, he was bored of almost dying, and he was bored right now.

Morty crossed his arms and sighed, sliding his back along the wall as he moved to take a seat. After a few minutes of brooding, one of the walls began to glow, and a Gem stepped through. This one was taller than the Rubies, though not as tall as the other soldiers Morty saw. Her dark blue skin made her stick out in the otherwise totally white room. Her nose also stuck out, literally in this case, and Morty couldn't help but wonder how she was able to hold her head up with the large crescent-shaped helmet she wore—or maybe it was her hair.

The thing that stood out to Morty the most, however, is that she didn't appear to be a soldier. Morty couldn't think of soldiers that wore monocles and ascots, at least.

"Aw, jeez," the Gem muttered. "Do you know how much trouble you're in?"

"Aw jeez, man, I don't know," Morty responded.

"Aw jeez, you know, I have NO idea how I'm going to get you out of this, aw jeez."

"Aw jeez, that's—" Morty paused. "Wait, are you breaking me out?"

"Oh, heavens, no!" the Gem responded, seemingly shocked by the question. "It'd be difficult to prove your innocence if you escaped. It's a guilty-person thing to do."

"Prove my innocence? You mean like a lawyer?" Morty tilted his head. "A-am I going on trial?"

"Uh, yes? You've been accused of a crime, of course you're going on trial."

Morty shrugged. "You don't have to try. Rick is 100% guilty of whatever they say he is, so—"

"Oh, for crying out loud!" the Gem yelled. "How come every time I'm appointed to defend a prisoner, they're completely, unapologetically guilty?"

"I'm sorry for being guilty?" Morty said, confused. "Wait, wait, hold on. They already want to kill me. What's a trial going to do?"

"Nothing, probably," the Gem shrugged, pacing the room. "But I'm already in hot water with my boss after that incredibly ugly, malformed Rose Quartz came through here. If I screw up another trial, I'm done!"

"So find a new job."

"Literally done! They will shatter my gem!"

"Oh." Morty didn't know if the physical gem was actually important. "Is that important? Like- like a status symbol or something?"

The Gem glared at Morty. "You're trying to get us both killed, aren't you?"

Morty looked back down at the floor. "Aw, jeez, I don't know. I guess I'm just tired."

Silence.

"You're tired. Great." The Gem sighed and placed her face in her hands. Morty felt a little bad now, as the doomed Gem in front of him seemed just as tired as he did. The difference was that Rick was going to get them out of this, and he'd live another week to get into some other mess. This Gem? She probably wouldn't last the night. Or day, or whatever time it was on this planet.

"Have you spoken with my grandfather yet?" Morty asked. The Gem nodded.

"The inebriated human? Unfortunately. He's being uncooperative."

"Yeah, that— that sounds like him." Morty shook his head. "Listen. He's really stubborn. He's going to admit to everything he's accused of, but WON'T admit to any wrongdoing. So if you ACTUALLY want to help us, we have to convince the judge that it was actually the Authority's fault he scammed them."

"You want me to victim blame."

"Yeah."

The Gem shook her head. "Impossible, I'm afraid. Let's just say… the judge has a personal stake in the matter."

"Who's the judge?"

The Gem tapped her fingers together nervously. "Yellow Diamond. One of our leaders. And the one that Sanchez scammed."

"Aw, jeez," Morty groaned. "I-I-I-okay, what outcome is least likely to get you killed?"

"If you submit a guilty plea off the bat, they'll probably let me off easy."

"So that's what we'll do."

"Excuse me? You can't—"

Morty held a hand up. "Listen, I appreciate that you're trying to help, uh…?"

"Zircon."

"Zircon. Right. I-I'm Morty. Listen, Rick and I get into messes like this all of the time." Morty rubbed his arm and glanced away. "It's kind of our thing. But we can also get ourselves out of it. So you don't—you don't need to worry about it. Just enter our guilty plea."

Morty looked up to see that Zircon was kind of just giving him a worried stare. She shrugged, however, and glanced away. "As you wish. Are you ready?"

"Uh, I guess."

"Alright." Zircon held up a cloth. "Put this over your face."

"What?"

"You aren't allowed to see the layout of the palace. You need to wear this blindfold while being transported to the execution chamber."

"You mean courtroom?"

Zircon shrugged. "Same thing, more or less."

"A-aw, jeez, okay, I guess," Morty sighed. Following orders, he tied the cloth around his head, allowing himself to be blinded while he was led to the courtroom.

When the blindfold was finally taken off, Morty still couldn't see much. The room was dark. He could only see Zircon, who stared nervously up into the darkness. Glancing a little further, he saw Rick in front of some sort of podium. He looked a little bored, leaning into it like he had somewhere more important to be.

"Rick!" Morty hissed. "Do you have a plan to—" Suddenly, the lights flared on. "Shit! Ah, uh, who's there?"

Zircon stood up straight and began to perform some sort of salute. Confused, Morty looked where she was looking, and was immediately startled by what he saw, stepping backwards and yelping slightly.

"Rick Sanchez," began a large, foreboding figure who sat in a large throne. "I've been DYING to speak with you once again."

Morty's eyes widened. This must be Yellow Diamond. She certainly was yellow. And huge. And terrifying.

Rick rolled his eyes. "Uh huh. Alright. Yeah, long time no see."

"Indeed. In fact, I believe the last time I saw a Rick was when he told me he could get me in on the ground level of a… Rubik's Cube operation."

"Well, you know, technically, I wasn't wrong," Rick retorted. "You WERE on the ground level of that operation. Your perceived losses were typical of someone on the ground level. So I filled my end of the bargain."

"Mhmm. You failed to mention that little detail."

"You didn't ask for details."

Yellow Diamond glared. "Don't get smart with me, Sanchez. I'm in a rather bad mood."

"Yeah, I could tell by all of the Peridots I didn't see on the way here."

Morty sighed and placed his hand over his face. When he looked back up, he noticed that attention had been drawn to him.

"And who might this be?" Yellow Diamond asked, leaning forward curiously. "This doesn't appear to be a Rick."

"Oh, uh, yeah, that's my grandson," Rick said, glancing over at Morty. "H-he's not—" he belched "—his name's Morty."

Yellow Diamond leaned back in her seat. "I see. And does this… Morty have any stake in the matter?"

"I-I do, Your Honor," Morty responded, stepping forward. "Uh, I-I- he's my ride home. And if you can help it, I'd like to be able to GET home, you know, I- I have school in the morning, you know?"

"Mhmm."

Rick raised a finger. "Oh, uh, one other thing. I want to talk to you about- about the, uh, the accommodations I've been given."

Yellow Diamond just stared at Rick. "Proceed."

"Yes, uh, the attorney here," Rick gestured to Zircon, "I'm wanting to fire her."

Zircon raised an eyebrow. "Excuse me?"

"...and, you know, I don't feel like she's doing any…"

"Who are you going to hire?" Yellow Diamond asked.

"Yeah, seriously!" Zircon said, glaring at Rick.

"I'm not gonna hire nobody," Rick responded, "I'm gonna try to—"

Morty cut him off. "I'm his new lawyer. My grandfather pleads guilty to all charges."

"Stay out of this, Morty!" Rick yelled. He returned his attention to Yellow Diamond. "So yeah, this lawyer said that if I wanted her to do a good job, I'd—"

"Rick!" Morty yelled.

"—I'd have to let her give me oral sex."

"I did no such thing!" Zircon protested. "This— this human threatened to violently—"

"She wanted me to eat her ass—"

"RICK!"

"He said that I represented the Israeli-Palestine conflict, whatever that means—"

"—and, you know, she also said, that if I didn't, that she would— that she would have had doctors at central state—"

"—my grandfather pleads guilty to all—"

"SILENCE!" the judge, jury, and executioner yelled, clearly bored with this discussion. Yellow Diamond adopted a pained, absolutely frustrated expression and massaged her forehead. "Does the defendant have anything to say on the matter, BESIDES the accusation that this Zircon apparently acted inappropriately?"

"No, your honor," Morty responded immediately, before his grandfather could. "My grandfather is mentally ill. H-he isn't fit to go on trial, so I'll do it in his place. And on his behalf, I plead guilty to all charges."

"Morty, this trial is a sham!" Rick yelled. "It's all a ploy to get my portal gun formula!"

"Oh, we were going to get that out of you one way or another," Yellow Diamond mentioned off-hand. "Regardless, your representative has pled guilty to all charges. Therefore, I sentence you to an eternity in the Inceptor. As for The Morty, he can go in the Zoo with the other humans."

"Aw, man."

Rick nodded. "Well, if that is your decision, then we have no choice but to— RUN MORTY, THESE IDIOTS DIDN'T PUT A FORCEFIELD AROUND THE BUILDING!" Rick bolted, grabbing his grandson on the way out. Yellow Diamond simply rolled her eyes. Rick came to a wall, then quickly turned to meet another wall. He glanced around. Walls on all four walls. "What the hell?"

"There aren't any doors," Yellow Diamond said, crossing her arms. "Would you like to keep trying?"

"That's impossible."

"Now then, please stop making a fool of—"

"How did we get in here, then?"

Yellow Diamond pinched her nose bridge. "Are you done?"

Rick scanned the room, there had to be something, some way he could—

Morty tapped one wall as he pressed his war against it. "This one's hollow," he said. "It— I think there was a window here before—WHOA!" Morty yelled as Rick grabbed him and they both crashed through the hollow wall. Unfortunately, there was no ground beneath them, and they began to plummet. "AH! Shit! Rick, do something!"

"God damn it!" Rick shouted, desperately looking for something that could stop them from hitting the ground at terminal velocity. He grabbed the portal gun from his pocket and pulled the trigger, again to no avail. He kept clicking. He just needed to create a portal so that he could impede their speed. Any dimension, any of them, would work, even the one that Rick C-137 (also known as "Terror Rick") screwed up and turned into a Cronenberg world. He clicked again. The green light inside the gun flashed, but nothing else happened.

Then it hit him. The gun was still emitting SOME power… just not enough to take them to another dimension. Maybe if he tried a shorter distance…

Rick clicked again. A portal appeared on the ground below them just before they hit it, and he and Morty were flung from a wall, landing painfully on a new floor, albeit, far less painfully than what they just avoided.

Morty groaned as they skidded across the floor. "Ah! Ow! Fuck, fuck, fuck me!" The two finally came to a halt, groaning in pain. "Ow… Rick… where are we?"

"Five feet over, Morty," Rick responded, getting back on his feet and pointing up. Morty stared at the skyscraper with a dumb look on his face.

"Aw, jeez Rick, do you— do you think they're gonna come after us?"

"Not a chance, Morty, they think we died from the fall." Rick pulled out a screwdriver from his coat pocket and began to tinker with the portal gun. "We just need to lay low until I can fix this stupid thing. Until then, don't touch anything, don't talk to anyone, don't eat any talking grapes, and ESPECIALLY don't use your cell phone to contact anybody. They'll be able to detect the signal."

"I don't– Rick, we're in space, there's no- I don't have reception."

"Shut up, Morty, I'm only saying this because I was sure you'd try it. Okay, now let's see, here…"

Morty glanced around as they walked through the city. "Hey, Rick, you know, there's—this place doesn't seem so bad, you know? It's like- you know, it's like New York, but everything is shiny." Rick and Morty walked past a platoon of Ruby soldiers.

"You two!" their leader stopped Rick and Morty. "Have you seen any…" she leaned forward and whispered, "...humans around?"

Rick blinked. "Yeah, that looks like a human to me," he said casually, pointing to a Ruby in the back.

"Huh?"

"Get her!" the lead Ruby shouted. Every Ruby piled onto the scapegoat Ruby, and Rick pushed Morty along.

"Rick!" Morty chastised. "You could have just led them down a dead end or something!"

"Couldn't take any chances, Morty." Rick continued to tinker with his portal gun. "Something's not right here. They were on high alert BEFORE we showed up. Like, higher alert than a military state usually is, or, at least higher than THIS military state usually is, anyway."

Morty adopted yet another dumb look on his face. "Hey, you know, Rick, they—those Rubies said they were looking for humans. If Yellow Diamond thinks we're dead, who were they looking for?"

Rick blinked. "I don't know, Morty. Things are a lot different now than the last time I was here. There- there used to be a door in that court room."

Morty sighed as they continued onwards, and as Rick continued to try and fix his portal gun. "This thing is busted good, Morty, you made a real mess of things this time," Rick said after a while.

"I made a mess of things?"

"Yeah Morty, you made a mess of things. You know, if you hadn't distracted me with your– with your stupid bullshit about how space looks different, I would have noticed that we'd been caught in a tractor beam and I could have DONE something about it, Morty, but now we're here on one of the most hostile planets in the galaxy and as always, I have to be the one to get us out of it." Rick held up his portal gun. "Alright, that should do it. Come on Morty, let's blow this popsicle stand." Rick clicked the trigger; again, nothing happened. "...okay." Rick clicked again. No dice.

Morty blinked slowly. "Is it still broken?"

"Of course not, Morty, I'm a genius," Rick defended. "What's more likely is that there's a suppression field around the planet that prevents me from portaling off-world."

"Uh huh," Morty said, rolling his eyes. "Sure." Suddenly, a small, round drone descended in front of Rick and Morty. "Aw, jeez, Rick, what's— what is that?"

"Hold still Morty!" The drone began to scan the area, which freaked Morty out.

"Rick! What the hell—?!"

"Morty, don't move, if you move, you're dead Morty, quit shaking!"

The robot scanned the area thoroughly. It turned to Rick and Morty, and began to scan them as well. Morty shook nervously as the red light scanned them up and down. Finally done with him, the drone tuned to Rick, and Morty sighed in relief.

The drone did not like Rick. The second it scanned up to his pockets, it began blaring alarms. "Shit!"

"AH! Rick, what do you have?!"

Rick reached into his pocket and pulled out a bag of what appeared to be several green mineral shards. "I have Peridot shards, Morty! They really did kill all of them, I found some of their shards on the floor in one of the capital's rooms, Morty! Do you know how useful a mechanic would be around the house? I was going to grow my own Peridots, Morty, and—and have a whole army of mechanics! We've been needing a new dryer, Morty, you mom, she—she really wants a new dryer, a Peridot could have built one for her! And with an army of Peridots, who knows what we could do? We could… we could build an army of dryers! Maybe even a dishwasher, Morty!"

"Rick! Get rid of them! It thinks YOU'RE a Peridot!"

"Why are Peridots on Yellow Diamond's shit list?!" Rick shouted. "What could one Peridot have done to piss her off so badly?! They're so dumb and worthless, and they're designed to feed off of positive reinforcement and praise, none of them would even question her, Morty!"

"RICK!" Morty yelled. "Throw the goddamn shards away!"

Rick groaned and tossed the bag. The drone followed the bag. "Run Morty, run!" Rick and Morty ran. As they ran, they passed a large rock; Morty stubbed his toe on it.

"OW! J-jeez, that hurt!"

"Morty, look!" Rick said, pointing to the rock. "A hole, Morty! The rock is covering a hole! Help me move it, Morty!"

"Gee Rick, I- I guess we don't really have a choice." Rick and Morty moved the rock and, at Rick's insistence, climbed into the cavern below. It was dark, dank, and claustrophobic, but at least no Gems would find them down here.

"Alright, Morty," Rick said, "just hang tight while I try to find a way to circumvent the suppression field."

"What if we get caught?"

"We aren't going to get caught, Morty, believe me, they won't—" Rick bumped into another Gem. "Aw, shit. You know, Morty, if you keep distracting me like that, we might actually die here."

Morty just sighed.