The night before Hajime's movie...date with Nagito (He really, really tried hard not to think of it as a date but he could hear Nagito call it that in his head everytime he thought about it, it just seemed like something he would say) he couldn't sleep. Hajime had been having difficulty sleeping since he arrived at Hope's Peak, but this was his second or third night of complete insomnia. Between schoolwork and anxiety over having to spend time out of school with the strange white-haired boy, he couldn't stop his mind from churning. He was terrified of failure, this was his dream school and he had it lucky for a reserve course student, being given an opportunity to work so closely with Ultimate students. At the same time...irrationally and despite the fact that Komaeda had been nothing but kind to him, he kept worrying about Nagito turning on him. Using the same reasoning he used to put himself down to be mercilessly cruel to Hajime. After all if the Ultimate Lucky student was worthless for having a poor talent, wasn't Hajime, someone without talent at all even worse?
The day passed by with the speed of a glacier. Nagito, who always used to relish the chance to swing by the reserve course building as much as he could, didn't show up at all. In fact the only Ultimate's he saw all day were Fuuyuhiko and Mahiru, the former came to tell him about some info he got to help their little after school Task Force and the latter to complain about what an awful pervert Kazuichi was. He had no idea when he became the person Mahiru went to when she wanted to let off steam by bitching but he was glad at least that he could call her a friend.
Eventually, his boring, reserve course classes ended, and since their Task Force wasn't meeting today, Hajime had time alone in his dorm to think about things. Which wasn't good as inevitably as soon as he got time alone with his thoughts his anxiety would mount. He laid on his bed, gripping the sheets tightly and sweating for no logical reason. He got that he had no reason to feel stressed right now. Things were going fine. But he was still waiting for the other shoe to drop.
Just a bit before he figured Nagito was going to show, he changed out of his Hope's Peak uniform and into more casual clothing, which was in this case a white dress shirt with a green tie and greyish green slacks, which wasn't very casual at all really but Hajime and comfort were never close friends.
Finally there was a knock on the door and Hajime composed himself and went to answer it. He had been expecting Nagito to be wearing the same dark green hoodie and white graphic tee he usually wore when he wasn't in the Hope's Peak uniform. Instead he was dressed in a slightly heavier white hoodie and jeans. Hajime was pretty sure that he had seen the hoodie before in the Hope's Peak school store, it had the crest of Hope's Peak on the back of it. If Nagito was a girl Hajime would be inclined to say he was cute. As weird as it sounded in his head he supposed that wasn't to unusual, Nagito wasn't known for looking masculine, in fact he looked prettier than a lot of the girl's attending Hope's Peak.
"Hello Hajime! It's so good to see you! Wow, you really got dressed up for this didn't you Hajime? Don't tell me you thought this was a date or something?" Nagito said with that unflappable and completely strange enthusiasm he had. Hajime would go so far as to label it zeal.
"Wha-what? N-no I mean... don't be ridiculous." Hajime said turning his head as he blushed. Damn Komaeda, never stopped saying weird things.
"Yeah, that would be ridiculous. Someone with the Hope that you have locked away in your heart, would never willingly date human garbage like me. For all the Hope I have, they should have called me the Ultimate Hopeless Student." Nagito said. Whenever he was being self-deprecating Nagito had the oddest expression. His mouth seemed to curve almost involuntarily into a smile, and his eyes shined with a strange dark, fevered light. He looked shockingly similar to how he looked when he really started to get going on and on about Hope.
"You are not Hopeless Nagito. I mean hell, you're the most hopeful, optimistic person I know." Hajime said, playing Sisyphus, again.
"You misunderstand Hajime. I cling to Hope, but Hope doesn't cling back." Nagito said with a resigned tone. The two had started walking, slowly making their way out of Hope's Peak.
"Yeah, whatever. Anyway, what's the deal with you making fun of my clothes when you are wearing new clothes too." Hajime asked, not really wanting to continue talking about Nagito's abysmal sense of self-worth.
"Oh this? It's not anything too different Hajime. I just get really cold in movie theatres and wanted to get something a little heavier. Besides who wouldn't want to showcase the fact they attend Hope's Peak Academy, the greatest educational institution on Earth!" Nagito said. Hajime supposed that made sense. Why the Ultimate Lucky Student's jeans had to be so tight was another question that Hajime was unwilling to ask.
After that conversation died down for the most part. The silence was strangely comfortable, which was odd considering the fact that Nagito had a real talent in making even the most mundane situations awkward and uncomfortable for everyone. Nagito talked a bit about what the 77th had been doing in class and what he had done in his free time. Hajime added in commentary and sarcasm, the latter of which Nagito had always had a complicated relationship with sometimes getting it and sometimes taking things quite seriously.
"We're here Hajime." The white haired boy said.
"Huh?"
Their they were, though Hajime swore they hadn't been walking five minutes. Then again when he was with Nagito, the reserve course student noticed that time seemed to flow a lot more quickly.
"Yeah. I guess your right." Hajime said.
"Well come on, let's go inside or we will be late." Nagito said.
The Ultimate Lucky student insisted on buying both tickets and concessions, including a large bucket of popcorn "to share" that Nagito barely touched when they did enter. Hajime felt kind of awkward about Nagito paying but the other boy said that he had "More then enough money." and "It's a privilege for someone like me to buy things for Hajime-kun." Hajime didn't mind if it made Nagito feel better, and it wasn't like Hajime had a lot of disposable income.
Throughout the entire movie Hajime was acutely aware of the other boy's presence. Nagito of course had to sit right next to him and this whole thing felt really intimate. It didn't help that Nagito was as odd as always, his eyes shining with emotion throughout the entire thing, muttering things under his breath and breathing heavy and generally acting really...sketchy. Like potentially a huge, dangerous pervert kinda sketchy.
Hajime didn't mind the movie really. He certainly didn't like it. Not at all. I mean it was weird right? Guys weren't supposed to go out with other guys to watch Romantic dramas about two girls falling in love. Especially with so little nudity. This was just part of Nagito's complete failure to understand social norms and since Nagito was Hajime's friend so he just had to go along with it. He didn't want to cry at the tragic end, not at all.
"Gah. That ending was filled with so much Despair wasn't it?" Nagito said as they walked out of the theatre. He said Despair in the way he always did. As if it was the most disgusting thing on the world and needed to be spat out quickly. He said his own name that way to.
"Yeah, it was kinda a downer I guess." Hajime said while he was busy finding the pavement and his shoes very interesting.
"But even in spite of the sorrowful ending there's so much glorious Hope for the future isn't there?" Nagito said. He always said Hope like it was something beautiful. Like it was a prayer or a song, instead of a simple emotion. Indeed, Hajime wondered why Nagito seemed to be so in love with a concept as plain as Hope.
"What do you mean?" Hajime asked.
"Oh, well just how much things have changed. I mean there were a lot more people there then you would expect for a film of it's subject matter. The protests from the general public are not as strong as they would have been ten years ago for example. Maybe Japan can become a real bastion for LGBT rights." Nagito said.
"That is an interesting assertion. Yeah, I suppose things have changed but...I mean this is Japan, can we really overcome tradition so soon?" Hajime said. Truth be told he wasn't exactly homophobic….but all this stuff was weird right? Hajime was just a normal guy like anyone else. Exactly like anyone else.
Suddenly Hajime wanted to go to bed early.
"I have absolute faith that it can. No perhaps not faith….Hope. We have no reason to morally oppose such relationships, not even in our traditions. Besides I am sure someday an Ultimate LGBT activist will emerge and will use their Hope to break archaic ways of thinking and help lead us into a new golden age of tolerance and understanding." Nagito said, and he started sounding like someone speaking about their religious beliefs.
"So...the Ultimates really are important to you huh?" Hajime asked, trying to understand. He was not sure he ever would.
"Yes, of course. They are important to you two though. You share the special feelings I have for Hope's Peak Academy." Nagito said with a sideways glance.
"Well...yeah I do admire the Ultimates and Hope's Peak but...you seem to take that further." Hajime said.
"We are not as different as you might think Hajime. Besides I- oh hey that's Ryu, the Ultimate
Skateboarder oh and Satoshi Tanaka, the Ultimate Graffiti Artist! even the Ultimate Metallurgist is here! How fortunate!" Nagito said manically and yet worshipfully.
"Hey...I don't think-" Hajime started. He was going to warn the other boy that those three weren't exactly nice guys. They had already beaten up Teruteru and Kazuichi.
"Hello, Ryu-kun, Satoshi-kun, Metal-kun! How are my fellow 77th class students doing this fine day." Nagito shouted over to the trio embarrassingly. Nagito was one of those unfortunate kids that almost asked to be beat up by their complete lack of social survival skills.
"Who the hell is that?" Ryu asked Satoshi.
"Just that faggot Komaeda. He is a real fucking lunatic." Satoshi said.
"Komaeda huh? Hey come over here Komaeda, bring your boyfriend too." Ryu said.
"Nagito don't-" Hajime warned, but Nagito wasn't listening. He strolled right up to the trio and Hajime felt compelled to follow.
"I am sorry, I know I shouldn't question what Ultimates do or say but...I really would prefer it if you didn't use those homophobic slurs against me." Nagito said. Hajime looked at Nagito's smiling face with complete shock. Nagito never stuck up for himself. In fact, he had gotten into arguments with people who tried to praise him.
"What the fuck did you just say to me faggot?" Ryu said, clenching his fist and grabbing the boys hoodie. Hajime wanted to intervene but he was suddenly paralyzed.
"There you go again. I just don't get it. I only manage to get into this academy with a talent as worthless as Luck and you Ultimates have been so kind to me." Nagito said with a dreamy sigh.
"Wh-what?" Ryu asked, completely confused.
"Calling me by those slurs associates me with the LGBT community in general and homosexual men specifically. That is just not right. To associate such communities with someone as pathetic and worthless as me. I don't belong to any community, I am scum on the bottom of the shoe of even the lowest of the low. So to associate me with a group of people that has produced great talents and furthered the Hopes of mankind. It is very touching but ultimately it is too kind for me. I don't deserve such praise, as good as it is to hear from an Ultimate." Nagito said, still smiling but that dark, almost deranged self-deprecating smile.
Hajime couldn't understand it. Why Nagito hated himself so much. To Hajime, Nagito was a nice, if peculiar boy who was smart, compassionate and very pretty (even if Hajime didn't like to think too much about that last part). For some reason, Nagito didn't see any of that in himself.
"Your right Satoshi. Guy's a fucking psycho." The Ultimate Metaligurst said.
Hajime didn't know what got into him. He didn't know why that final statement was the straw that broke the camels back. He didn't even know why he would go to any lengths to protect Nagito's honor when he seemed so intent on throwing it away. But suddenly Hajime sprang into action and punched the Metalworker right in the face.
What followed was a blur in Hajime's mind. He remembered pain, shouting, Nagito screaming, "Hurt me instead! Please, hurt me instead!" the coppery taste of blood as it rolled down from his nose into his mouth. The thing he remembered most was waking up to see his classmate...his friend Nagito Komaeda laying beside him. Also beaten, eyes shut. For one ludicrous, heartbreaking moment he thought that Nagito was dead and would never share interesting theories, annoy him with speeches of Hope, or let Hajime play Sisyphus ever again. He was so pale, and Hajime couldn't tell if he was breathing. Then he heard the boy say something.
"...lucky." Nagito murmured. Nagito had whispered more but that was the only word Hajime could hear. The reserve course student thought that was funny, he was starting to suspect the Ultimate Lucky student wasn't lucky at all.
"Hajime? Hajime-kun are you alright." Nagito asked as soon as he opened his eyes.
"Yeah, I think so. And I told you already that you can just call me Hajime. Are you ok?" Hajime said.
"Of course." He said. Hajime was half expecting Nagito to go on a self-loathing rant but he didn't.
They walked back to school in complete silence. Both of their minds fully occupied in processing the day's events, fitting them into their worldview.
"Hajime, this is your dorm." Nagito said.
"Huh? Oh yeah I guess it is." Hajime said. He hadn't even noticed that they were back at Hope's Peak.
"You know, this is the part of a date where we would share a kiss Hajime." Nagito said with an odd little smile.
"Hey! What are you talking about?" Hajime spluttered, embarrassed and newly blushing.
"Nothing. Just a little joke. This wasn't a date. I am just glad I could spend some time with you Hajime." Nagito said and walked off, a little sadly.
"Hey wait, Nagito." Hajime said.
"Yes." Nagito said turning back. He looked more tired now then Hajime had ever seen him. Even after lengthy Task Force meetings, he seemed to have a manic energy about him. Now he looked like all he wanted to do was go to bed.
"I am sorry about all that. You got beaten up because of me. There's even blood on your new hoodie." Hajime apologized.
"It's ok. You were just being kind. You never have to apologize for that to me. Besides this was a cheap hoodie, you got blood all over your tie and white dress shirt." Nagito said, smiling faintly near the end.
Hajime didn't know what else to say so he just nodded. Then he retired back to his dorm. Later on that night he would be wide awake and filled with anxiety so intense he wanted to scream. But for three blissful hours, Hajime slept and thought of nothing.