Disclaimer: I own NOTHING other than Bud, Bubba, and Earl. I have to claim them whether I want to or not, the rest belongs to Mr. Lucas...
Ok here is the first installment. Thanks to everyone that sent in support for the concept. This is the prologue. As I was working on chapter one, it turned into more a prologue just to get you started on whats going on. Chapter one will be up soon...
Prologue:
A long time ago in a galaxy far far away...
It was a time of peace in the Republic
The beer flowed freely
The women were easy
And the parts for the ships were cheap
But all that was changing
The EVIL Trade Federation's blockade of the planet Naboo
had effected the planets economy in a bad way, but especially the beer.
It was holding up the shipment of crops and grains needed to make the gold colored ale.
To answer this challenge the supreme chancellor has
dispatched 2 Jedi Knights to command a settlement reached
Wait...wait... I said WAIT... before we get into all that, you need to have something explained...
800 years ago, a creature was born. Short, green, and with really big ears, his name was Bud, and he was exceptionally strong in the Force. Only one other of the unnamed species was stronger; his cousin who had the most unusual of names,Yoda. Both were sent to Coruscant to be trained as Jedi, but Bud fell away from the light side. Now I know what you are thinking, he fell to the dark side. Now with what you know you would be assuming correctly, but you are wrong; there is another...
Bud was the first to uncover it. Buried away in the Jedi archives of the temple, he found a long thought to be lost holocron. It described a side of the force unlike any he was ever taught. They called it the redneck side of the Force. It seemed to speak to Bud as he had never felt at home with all the rules and regulations of the Jedi order. For one, like his southern roots dictated, he had a love for beer and women. The Jedi wouldn't let him have women, and this was starting to lead to some aggressive tendencies...
Once Bud had this holocron, he made a copy of it for further study. He was amazed by what he saw. The Jedi that it was telling of, was one of ancient origins who's study and demise had long been all rumor and speculation. All of it was clear now, where he went, why he went, when he came back, and why he came back. Immediately, he went to cousin Yoda to ask him about it. "Found the holocron you did," said Yoda, "for you to find, left it I did. This order, belong you do not, but to the dark side, I will not lose you. Make a new order you will, and answer to me it will. South you will go. Find a trailer waiting there. Build your order, but keep it secret you must." Bud nodded and said, "Thankee kindly cousin Yoda; come visitin and we'll drink us a beer"
With this Bud left the order and went to start a whole new order. After a short time, Yoda sent him his first padawan, and a gift. The gift was a manuscript detailing the last bit of information he needed to know, the construction of the redneck lightsaber. In the manuscript there were photographs of what was called a fishin' pole and a bass boat. The lightsaber was technically the same as the normal Jedi; however, the appearance was quite different. The hilt looked like the bottom part of a fish catching device shown in a holocron from a planet named Earth. Bud had never heard of this planet, yet he had never traveled in the uncharted regions either. The power source was rigged to be much smaller to fit inside the handle of the "fishin' pole" as the holocron called it. The emitter lens was all fit into something the holocron a reel. Now the tricky part of building the redneck lightsaber came in with the colors. The typical green, blue, yellow, orange, white, and red no longer had the same meaning. For example, Bud's lightsaber is a beer color, and the thing with the blade is that they all look metallic, in the style of what the holocron calls a bass boat. The colors mesmerized Bud; he couldn't stop staring at their shininess. He learned that this metallic appearance is where the trick to the crystal comes in. You can't find the crystals, you have to grow them. All the crystals start with the base color , and then you dope it with the white element. What you end up with, is a metallic looking blade.
Bud's padawan was another of his own kind. There was a possibility she was also his cousin, but he figured it didn't really matter and ended up marrying her. In their new order, they brought justice and peace to the south part of the city. Yoda was as pleased as he could be, given what this order stood for and the origins of the dogma. Yoda had hoped that he personally would never have to deal with this side of the Force, but the Force has a will of it's own and apparently a sense of humor. It wasn't long until Yoda had sent a few more padawans to Bud, and soon Yoda had taught him how to sense those who were strong in the Force so that Bud may go out and discover more. Yoda taught Bud how to sense the ones within the light so that they may go to the temple, but as for the few that would fall to the dark if not for the redneck side... they were sent to the trailers.
This is how the redneck side of the force came from being something lost to the memories of a few Jedi, to a secret order within the control of the Jedi. Over the years Bud became adept at training his rednecks, and they became mighty good at pulling off missions in places angels would fear to tread.
Now fast forward about 450 years to the current time...
The redneck Jedi have grown. Some have been lost to rejoin the Force, but not a single one has fallen to the dark side. In fact, for many years, to find a dark Jedi was almost unheard of. This is one of the reasons that the Sith were thought to be extinct. However, of all Bud's Jedi, two stand out above the rest. Both of them are human. One of them stands about 6 feet 5 inches tall; he is a big guy, but not huge. His name is Bubba Fishangler. His 40 times great gran pappy is a Jedi that fell to the dark side, came back, and almost went dark again until he found the redneck side of the force. But we'll get to that later on. The other is about 5 feet 6 inches tall, weighing in at 125 pounds when drippin wet, and his name is Earl Boatrider. As far as anyone knows, Earl is a first generation redneck Jedi. Bubba and Earl are a team. Together they have not yet failed a mission. Just make sure you don't play drinkin games with them, for they can both drink more than a rancor in a beer vat and never get a buzz. They are so close of friends, Bubba and Earl even married sisters, Jeannie Sue and Margaret Pearl Gutterslut. Bubba has a 1 year old son that was sent to the main temple to be trained because Bud could find nothing redneck about him; Earl's first child is on the way.
Now that we know who our main rednecks are, and a little of where they come from. Lets talk about what they do.
In addition to drinking, smoking, and women (or men for the female Jedi) They are extremely good pilots and ship mechanics. They like to sit around and fix up their ships, to make them go faster and chrome whatever they can. Bud is even working on a Corrilean YT-1000 right now. Not sure what he will name it yet, but so far all he will say is, "damn, she shore is fast" or " whooooo hooo that little ship is faster than a whore on Senate Day." It should be interesting to see what will happen with this ship.
The other thing that they are very GOOD at is, rebuilding droids. They can give Jawa a run for their money. As they travel the galaxy, if they find something of interest they will bring it back. Right now they have more droid parts than they know what to do with, but they will eventually do something with them. There is no telling what they have in there, or will find.
Otherwise, their lives are very typical of what you would expect a redneck to be. The rules and regulations of the order we will get into as we go. They hunt and fish, yet never kill what they either don't deem a good killin or won't eat. They like to try to find new game on the various planets that they go to, and keep the local taxidermist quite busy...
The Beginning...