An American Ninja in Konohagakure
A Naruto fanfiction by Andrew Joshua Talon
Disclaimer: This is a non-profit fan based parody. Naruto is the property of Shonen Jump, Viz and Masashi Kishimoto. Please support the official release.
Ten Years Later...
Sarutobi Hiruzen was not a man prone to flights of fancy, save for escaping paperwork. He was a dedicated shinobi, who had been forced to take back the hat and responsibility for his village after his chosen successor had perished. He bore that weight every day, but made sure no one saw it as he strode confidently into the woods surrounding his village.
The birds chirped merrily away, scarcely noticing the flight of the Hokage and his ANBU escort through the trees. At length, Sarutobi spied stone walls enclosing a dome, and leaped down to land in the dirt courtyard. His ANBU kept a respectful distance as he rose, and dusted his robes off. He looked up, and smiled at the three men even now painting sealwork on the ground around the dome.
"Sensei! About time you showed up," Jiraiya snickered. "We thought you'd have been taking after Kakashi."
The Toad Sage gave Kakashi a bit of good natured ribbing, which the gray haired jounin responded to with a shrug and eye-smile.
"Maa, maa... Perhaps he stopped to appreciate the road of life."
"There's no doubt I enjoy a good contemplation of that every now and then," Sarutobi chuckled. He looked over at the fourth man working around the dome-An ANBU in a non-descript mask. "Yamato, I trust you are well?"
"Yes, Hokage-sama," he replied. "I'm ready to get to work."
"Good," Sarutobi said with a nod. That was about what he'd expected from Yamato-There would be time to bring the man out of his shell later, another step on the road. For now though...
"The sealwork is good to go," Jiraiya said. He grimaced, and scratched the side of his head. "This is about the riskiest way I can think of to do this..."
"It's the last resort, no doubt," Sarutobi agreed. "But have you anything else?"
Jiraiya sighed, crossing his arms over his chest. "I could work for another hundred years on the problem... But that would defeat the purpose of getting him back, hm? So this is what we do."
Sarutobi nodded. "All right..." He made a few handseals, and the dome of rock receded back into the earth at his command. Underneath it was a spiral, cut into the very stone itself. Jiraiya reached forward, painting a few connections to the spiral from the intricate network of seals and ink forming a mandala of sorts around it. Sarutobi sucked in a deep breath.
"You're sure this won't harm him?" He asked. Jiraiya nodded.
"As sure as I can be..." He said. Sarutobi nodded, and formed the Ram seal.
"Let's do this, then," the Hokage ordered. Kakashi pulled his forehead protector up, exposing his red Sharingan. Jiraiya finished off the seal by producing a Hiraishin Kunai, and slammed it into the exact center of the spiral. He pulled back, and formed a handseal of his own. Both ninja's auras flared violently, chakra filling the air. The sealwork began to glow as the life energy was fed into the spiral. Kakashi formed handseals and did not stop, save to input jutsus into the seal work. The spiral glowed a violent blue, and the air above it seemed to crackle and bulge. Lightning shot off from the points around it, the sheer energies involved producing a static discharge that would be lethal to normal humans and ninja alike.
The Hokage focused, focused... And through his keen senses, he felt flame and terror and a lifeforce that, while bigger and stronger, was none the less familiar. Even after all these years, the Professor remembered the feel.
"I've got him," Sarutobi managed, "do it!"
If Kakashi hesitated, he couldn't tell. The cyclopean ninja formed several additional headseals, and slammed the finished Jutsu into the network. A red chakra erupted from the center of the spiral, a killing intent that was but a fraction of the terror felt years ago.
The red chakra churned and bubbled, expanding and twisting. A humanoid form appeared in the center of it, growing and growing like the shadow of a man falling for the ground. The form gained focus, and Sarutobi reached out with all his will.
"Come... Come on...!" He growled. The form came under gravity's pull, and landed on the spiral. It threw back its head and howled... Before Yamato formed his own handseals.
In an instant, the red chakra vanished and the air was filled with the cries of startled birds. Sarutobi lowered his hands, his chest tightening at the young boy standing in the center of the seal.
He'd grown up quite a bit-Sarutobi estimated he would be a few inches over most of his peers in height. His hair was short and blonde, his face tanned from a life enjoyed outside. He wore what appeared to be denim pants, dyed blue, with a black T-shirt and a burnt orange jacket. In his ears were strange plug devices, with wires leading down to a device he held in his hands.
The boy looked around in disbelief, his jaw dropping. Sarutobi offered a comforting smile.
"Welcome home, Naruto," he said in genuine relief and happiness.
"... AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" The boy screamed in response, turning and running for the wall. He leaped over it and kept running, screaming the entire way. The four men stared after the child, feeling a bit dumb.
"... That could have gone better," Jiraiya said dryly.
"Oh God, oh God, oh God, oh God," Naruto Nelson panted in terror, running as fast as his legs could carry him. "Oh god, oh god, oh god...!"
What the hell had happened?! How did it happen?! And why had a bunch of guys in robes and masks kidnapped him into the woods?! Naruto didn't know. He didn't want to know. He just wanted to run, far, far away.
He spotted what looked like mountains through the trees-Maybe the freaks had somehow drugged him and taken him to Loveland. Or Estes Park. Or somewhere else, wherever freaks like that practiced their demonic rituals to ten year olds. He sprinted for it, sneakers pounding the ground and stirring up leaves in his wake.
It didn't take too long after he burst from the treeline, however, to realize something was wrong. Namely, he couldn't remember Estes Park having giant faces carved into the mountain. Nor could he recall pagodas or other examples of bizarre architecture, like some giant white tower with Kanji on it.
In hindsight, it was probably good of his mother to insist he learn Japanese-That way he could recognize when he wasn't in Kansas anymore. Well, Colorado.
He kept running though. Anywhere, even some crazy Japanese Mount Rushmore theme park, was better than staying with a bunch of dark wizards in the middle of the woods. He passed by a few houses, which led to smalls shops and residences. People in strange clothing, mixes of Western and Eastern, watched him as he ran past. He looked around frantically, for someone, anyone who might be a cop. A guy in a green vest with a scar across his nose rounded a corner, hands in his pockets. He had some kind of badge on his shoulder-Maybe he was a cop?
"Excuse me!" Naruto shouted in Japanese, skidding to a stop in front of him. The man started and stared in disbelief. "Uh, hey. Look, can you tell me where I am? Some freaky guys in robes just kidnapped me and-"
"Woah, woah! Slow down," the man replied, holding his hands up. "Just calm down. What's your name, and what happened?"
"Ah... Right," Naruto managed. "Um... I'm Naruto... Nelson Naruto... And I've been kidnapped by freaky wizards in the woods."
The man stared. Naruto growled.
"It's the truth! Look, where am I?! What is this place? Who are you?!"
"You're in Konoha, the Village Hidden in the Leaves," the man replied. "My name is Iruka."
Naruto blinked.
"Um... Kay... And that is...?" He prompted. The man frowned.
"In Fire Country?" Iruka said, raising an eyebrow. "The Elemental countries?"
"... Is... Is that in Japan?" Naruto asked.
"What's Japan?" Iruka asked curiously. Naruto stared for a long moment.
"... Can I use your phone?" He asked, a bit more hesitantly. Iruka's brow creased in confusion.
"A... Phone?" He asked.
Naruto felt a pit grow in his stomach, as icy terror gripped him again. A shadow fell over him, and he looked up. His face paled at the sight of one of the wizards-The gray haired one with one of his eyes a freaky red.
"Maa, maa," he said, "let's just calm down and-"
"AAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" Naruto shrieked, and he immediately took off again. "AAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"
That got a lot of people staring. Iruka raised an eyebrow.
"... He's very fast," Iruka commented.
"Yes. He is," Kakashi said dryly.
Naruto had thought, like many young boys, that learning how to free run would have been awesome. Countless online videos and video games had shown that learning to move like Batman was the greatest thing in the world.
And many American boys found they just didn't have the stomach for the real thing. Or too much stomach, in many cases.
Fortunately, Naruto had a talent and a love of the sport, which had allowed him and his brother to make many awesome YouTube videos. Which is why he was thanking his lucky stars he'd kept at his practicing enough to leap to the top of the rooftops and take off like his life depended on it.
In this crazy place, it probably did. So Naruto scrambled, and leaped, and ran as fast as he could, trying to outpace the crazy wizards.
Though for all he knew, this entire place was ruled by wizards. Wizards who wore headbands with metal plates-Who did that?
At last though, Naruto came to a building that looked somewhat official-It was tall, with gates and guards. Maybe it was a local consulate, he didn't know. All he knew was that getting over the wall and begging for sanctuary was probably his best bet.
"Hey, stop right-!" A guard shouted, but Naruto didn't listen. He jumped off a trashcan, grabbed onto a beam sticking out of the wall of the place, and scrambled up and over the wall! He tumbled then, and lost his grip as he fell for the courtyard below.
"GAH! Shoulder should-FUCK!" He shouted, indeed slamming down on his shoulder and rolling but it hurt. It hurt even more when someone fell on top of him, and he groaned. A sharp pain erupted in his shoulder, like a hot spike was shoved into it.
"Ow, ow, ow, ow," he muttered. "Ow... Shoulder, owwww...!"
"O-Oh my..." A soft voice began, "are-are you all right?"
Naruto very slowly looked up. He blinked. A girl was staring down at him, with large pale eyes and dark black/bluish hair. She resembled those Asian models he saw his friend Julio obsessing over, just a lot younger. Dappled cheeks, soft lips, eyes the color of... Of...
"... Oh God I just knocked over a blind girl," Naruto mumbled. "I'm-I'm so sorry!" He reached up to push her off him, and help her up. She squeaked and flushed bright red. Naruto didn't look down, he just squeezed again. His face turned red as she let out another adorable squeak.
"... And now I'm groping a blind girl," he said, all too calmly. He was away from her, his back to the wall in an instant. "Please don't kill me! I'm sorry!" He begged. "I just got summoned by some evil wizards and I don't know where I am and this place looked safe and I really, really hope you have a phone! I'm sorry!"
The young girl, flushing deeply, took several deep breaths. Breaths that became less shallow when several tall men with long hair and similarly pale eyes appeared in front of him. Literally: There was nothing there one moment, and the next, bam! They were standing and glaring death at him. He shakily held his hands up.
"Um... H-Hi?" He said.
"Hinata-sama, was this brute harming you?" Asked one of the guards. Naruto frowned. Sama, sama... What does that... Who gets that honorific...?
"N-No! No," Hinata squeaked, shaking her head. "In... In fact, um..." She got up and slowly approached him, blushing hard. "Um... I hurt him... Accidentally," she said softly. She knelt down and smiled nervously at him. "Um... Y-You... Don't be scared. I-I won't hurt you," she said. "Here, let me..."
She reached out and tapped his shoulder. The sharp, throbbing pain that had been locking up his arm faded. He blinked rapidly, staring at his shoulder, then looking back at the flushing girl. He blushed himself.
"Uh... Thanks... How'd you do that?" He asked. "Are you like...?"
He looked at the long haired men, their stoic visages... And back to Hinata.
"Are you elves?" He asked. "Are you an elf..."
Sama... Designation for a lord or...
"Princess?" He asked, squeaking. Hinata blushed heavily.
"Um... N-No," she mumbled. "And you're welcome..."
"And we really should gather this boy up and take him somewhere safe," said a familiar voice. Naruto gulped, and looked up. There was that masked guy again, smiling with one eye. Naruto didn't consider himself too much of a coward, but in such a situation...
"SAVE ME PRINCESS!" He shouted, hugging the pale eyed girl again. "SAVE ME FROM THE BOY HUNGRY WIZARDS!"
Unseen by Naruto, the masked ninja's lips twitched. He could have captured the kid sooner-He was quick, true, but nothing compared to a former ANBU. Frankly though, it was just too amusing seeing him scramble.
As he helped the wailing boy up to his feet and kept him from escaping, Kakashi found himself hoping he would get his sensei's son as a pupil some day.
For the entertainment value, if nothing else.
As far as Naruto was concerned, he was screwed. Absolutely screwed. He had no idea what the hell these freaks wanted, where he was, or how he'd gotten here. All he knew was that he was now tied up and being carried like a sack of potatoes, by a masked weirdo who was humming. Humming happily.
"Look, whatever you want, I'm the wrong guy!" Naruto tried. "I don't know anything! Ask my teachers!"
"Hm?" The masked man glanced up at him. Naruto scowled.
"Or if you want anything out of me, it... It won't work! I won't betray my family, or my country, or anyone else!"
"That's good to know," the masked man said approvingly.
"If you want me as a hostage-I will be a lousy hostage! You won't get anything for me!" Naruto cried. "And whatever you want, you won't get it!"
"We just wanted you, actually," the man said. Naruto yelped.
"I DON'T SWING THAT WAY! FIND SOMEONE ELSE! FUCK YOU PERVERTS, I'LL NEVER DO WHAT YOU WANT!" He struggled more frantically. The man paused, as thought realizing something. He held Naruto out and blinked.
"... Ah," he said, nodding in understanding. "I'm sorry. You completely misunderstand what we want." He chuckled. "And you sound just like your mother, too. I had gotten used to tuning it out." He smiled and shrugged, and Naruto began to suspect the man was on drugs. Before he could call him a stoner though, his words hit his mind like a hammer.
"My-My mother?!" Naruto gasped. He scowled. "Hey! How do you know my mother?"
"I knew your father, as well," the man said. "I am Hatake Kakashi." He formed several symbols with his hands, and the world shifted. Naruto felt a breeze, and his surroundings were now that of an office. It was filled with old scrolls and books, like his grandfather's study. Windows looked out across the village, and the rich scent of incense filled the air. Naruto slowly looked over at the man behind the desk.
It was one of the wizards from before-The oldest looking one. He wore a white and red robe, and a wide red and white hat. He bore a scar across his cheek, and held a pipe in his hand. He rose, eyes widening.
"Kakashi! What the hell are you doing?" He demanded. "Untie him!"
"Sorry, Hokage-sama," Kakashi said, and he sounded sincerely sorry. He snapped his fingers, and the ropes fell away. Naruto was able to stay on his feet, and he stared up at the old man. He stared back, his face slackening. His eyes shined with unshed tears.
"Naruto... You look so much like your mother," he said. He reached out, a bit hesitantly. "You know, I never met you... I never got the chance. Until now. I'm Sarutobi Hiruzen. I'm the Third Hokage of Konohagakure-Your home. Your father was Minato Namikaze, the Fourth Hokage. Your mother was Kushina Uzumaki-Both proud shinobi of this village. They sent you to a far away home, to protect you from death. But they always wanted you to come back. To know your true home."
He smiled in a very grandfatherly way.
"Ummmm... Hi," Naruto said. He reached out and awkwardly took the old man's hand. He shook it. "Um... I'm Naruto Nelson. From Earth. And I have no idea what any of that means. At all." A beat. "In fact, I'm not entirely sure this isn't some kind of elaborate prank on me. Am I on TV right now?"
Sarutobi and Kakashi looked at one another. Sarutobi took a breath-
Smoke exploded from the nearby floor, and the last of the weird wizards from the summoning appeared atop a giant toad.
"BEHOLD, NARUTO UZUMAKI! I AM THE LEGENDARY TOAD SAGE OF KONOHA-THE GREATEST LOVER IN THE WORLD, THE SENSEI TO YOUR FATHER, AND YOUR BELOVED GODFATHER! GALLANT JIRAIYA, THE GUTSY NINJA!"
Naruto gaped in disbelief at the garishly dressed man, and the giant brightly colored toad. He looked back at Kakashi and Sarutobi.
"Oh God... Please. Please tell me this is some kind of prank... And there's a camera?"
"I'm afraid not, Naruto," said Sarutobi comfortingly. Jiraiya scowled.
"Oh come on! I WENT ALL OUT! At least be a little impressed!"
"NO!"
More to come...