Falling for her best friend was something Jane had never expected, not only because her best friend was a woman, but because her best friend was Maura. Half the time, she had no idea what Maura was saying and what she did understand practically annoyed her, but there was still something about Maura that Jane found irresistible although she would never tell her. They may have been opposites in every way, but their friendship worked and it was far from one-sided. The two of them were there for each other even when neither would admit they needed someone.
Jane and Maura had an arrangement—one that Jane had assumed worked well for the two of them. Their arrangement had begun by accident after a night of too many drinks and secrets that would not have been shared if not for the alcohol allowing them to lose their inhibitions. Jane had wanted to make the first move, but she was unaware of where she stood with Maura. While at the bar, Maura had admitted to having affairs with women, but these affairs never amounted to anything serious because Maura never allowed them to. Maura wasn't against being in a relationship with a woman; rather, she was against being in a relationship with anyone at the time because there were always goals in her life, things she needed to accomplish to get where she wanted to be. But that was in her past. Maura had achieved everything she had set out to achieve and she was now comfortable with where she was in her life. In retrospect, Jane wondered if that was a confession and if Maura's behavior that night wasn't as alcohol-induced as she had assumed.
Maura had kissed her for the first time that night while the two of them were standing outside Jane's apartment door. It wasn't the most passionate kiss Jane had ever partaken in, but it was definitely the most life-altering kiss. Before that night, Jane had entertained the idea of kissing another woman, but it was always a passing thought and never something she had actually planned on doing until she spent time with Maura that night. While they were sitting at the bar, Jane felt as if something had clicked deep inside of her. She began gauging Maura's reactions and noticing the smallest details about her. Here was this intelligent, refined, and caring woman sitting next to her and this woman seemed to be interested in her for who she was as a person and not because she had questions about her job or she was trying to get her into bed. That's the moment Jane began to wonder if her failed relationships with men were because of something beyond her control. Could it be that she actually had feelings for a woman, feelings that went beyond the desire to experiment? Jane wanted to find out, but she hoped there would be a way to find out without hurting Maura in the process.
She had planned on saying goodbye to Maura after that kiss and parting ways as if nothing had happened, but instead she laced her fingers with Maura's and led her inside her apartment. It wasn't unusual for the two of them to sit so close to each other, but it was definitely the first time Jane felt the urge to hold Maura. She tried to be casual, but she knew Maura could sense something different about her demeanor. The next hour or so was a complete blur to Jane and she barely had time to process how they had gone from delicate kisses on the couch to seeing Maura's clothes neatly folded while her own clothes were scattered all over her bedroom. Maura's naked body was a sight Jane knew was too beautiful to fully take in regardless of how much she tried. If she couldn't take in the sight of her, she knew touching Maura would put her over the edge. She felt as nervous as she did when she lost her virginity, but that and every other sexual encounter paled in comparison to what she was feeling during that moment with Maura. For the first time, Jane cared about her performance. She was used to muscular arms, facial stubble, and, as vulgar as it sounded, she was used to feeling a man's erection. Maura possessed neither of these things. Maura was soft, feminine, and extremely wet. Jane hoped she—and not the alcohol—was the cause of Maura's arousal.
As much as Jane liked to be in control, she relinquished all of that to Maura that night. As vulnerable as it made her feel, she didn't mind receiving a little coaching from Maura and, in that moment, she found out just how much experience Maura really had. She knew how to get herself off, but without having been with a woman, Jane wasn't sure how to pleasure Maura. After not being able to elicit the desired response from Maura's body, Jane worried about her performance being up to par with what Maura was used to, but that's when Maura did the unexpected. She knew it was Jane's first time, so she decided to make it all about her so she could relieve her in more ways than one. The orgasm brought on by Maura's skilled tongue was unlike any Jane had ever experienced. She worried about using Maura, but when they held hands in bed afterward Maura reassured her that this is what she needed, so they decided on an arrangement: sex with no strings attached. They were best friends and their loyalty was to each other, but there would be no dating, no monogamy, and no need for Jane to define her sexuality. Their arrangement had worked for months and Jane saw no need to change anything, but Maura had something else in mind.
What Maura didn't know is that Jane had a copy of the photo she had showed her earlier that night and she had looked at it every night before bed, admiring how beautiful Maura looked and questioning why she had that particular expression on her face. Was Maura in love with her? That was no longer a question. She was in love with Maura, but how did it happen? She could have talked about her feelings with the woman she loved, but instead she chose to walk out on Maura when all she wanted to do is hold her throughout the night. Jane thought about going back to Maura and apologizing, maybe even confessing what she felt, but she decided against it. She may have lost Maura, but she knew that was easier than facing the repercussions of admitting she was in love with a woman.