"How is it you don't know where she is now?" Mikhail asked. Nolan was across the room from where Mikhail sat next to Raven on a large leather couch in the den. The space, while large wasn't intimidating at all. In fact, it was decorated in way that encouraged visitors to relax and feel at home.

The rest of the group was scattered about, standing or sitting as was their wont. As Nolan looked around the room he noticed that the couples had unconsciously arranged themselves so that they were either within touching distance of their mate or had an unobstructed view of them.

Joie was seated in a chair that matched Nolan's. He saw her hand stroke the butter soft material. The gesture betrayed her nervousness at being in the prince's home discussing an unknown relative of her lifemate's. He'd heard she was more comfortable tracking killers and protecting those who hired her as a bodyguard than in this more formal setting. But Syndil was going to be here in a weeks time and Joie was determined to take every advantage available to them to ensure her child's health when it was born.

Carpathians were dependent on the earth to sustain, nourish, and heal them and they'd recently discovered it was becoming toxic. Their researchers believed the poisons in the soil was the reason so many of the children weren't surviving and might even be the reason the so many of the women were miscarrying their children and having difficulties becoming pregnant in the first place. Syndil had the ability to heal the earth. Syndil, Nolan believed, was one of the few reasons that had for hope. He knew Asta, too shared that unique ability.

His gaze was again drawn to movement of Joie's hand, he could tell the feel of the luxurious fabric helped to calm her. Nolan brushed his own hand against the arm of his chair, absently wondering at it's color. By touch alone he knew its approximate age, the process that had been used to create the final effect, he could even sense it was Savannah's favorite chair when she visited her parents. But there was no comfort, no feeling of any kind at all.

The silence in the room penetrated his thoughts. Traian had crossed the floor to his lifemate, lifted her out of her chair, sat down himself then settled her on his lap. The whole time he glared directly into Nolan's eyes. Without breaking his stare, he slowly lifted the hand Nolan had been gazing at, and held it in his own. Everyone else was looking to Nolan, waiting for him to answer Mikhail.

Leaning back in the chair, his long legs stretched out in front of him, Nolan said, "As you know, Asta could have come home after her parents deaths. Even after she ended her mourning and left the cave she'd slept in for so long, she could have returned." He glanced over at the couple standing by the fireplace. Francesca had been little more than a baby at the time but Gabriel had been full grown. Nolan was sure he, at least, knew Asta's reason for leaving. It was probable Traian did, too. "She stayed away for the same reason she and her parents left in the first place."

Gabriel Daratrazanoff shifted uncomfortably at Nolan's words. His lifemate, Francesca, closed her eyes as if in pain. Mikhail saw their reaction and demanded, "And what reason was that?"

"Asta is more ancient that any of us here, Mikhail," Nolan leaned forward as he spoke, he looked at Traian for confirmation.

Traian nodded, "Not by much, I believe she was still a fledgling when I and Gabriel and Lucien where born. But yes, she is older."

"She'd lived so many years and never questioned her future would be as a lifemate and mother, but she remained unclaimed, bound to no male," Nolan said. "She felt useless and unneeded by her people. Besides that, Asta knew that as an unclaimed female she was a source of worry and dissension among the males. Especially as the number of girl children born to us grew fewer. She was older than I am now when her parents decided spend a few years traveling. Asta just wanted to leave here, where she felt like a failure. So she went with them."

"Are you saying she still feels that way? That even now she doesn't want to be found?" Raven blurted the questions.

"That is what I assume," he replied.

"But, Nolan" Savannah asked, standing in Gregori's loose embrace, her back lightly touching his chest, "how can she know whether or not her lifemate has been born since she left?"

"Have none of you ever wondered," Nolan answered her with a question of his own, "why, we hunters, who have been all over the world pursuing our enemies, why we have always been able to find healing herbs native to this region, growing near places that were perfect for us to rest? The soil in those places rich and soothing, reminding us of home?

Have you never thought it odd, that without fail there was always a store or a craftsman in areas we settle, who sells the candles we need for our healing rituals?"

"Savannah, she knows us," Nolan told her. "Asta doesn't make herself known, but she has seen and nurtured every child born to a Carpathian in her lifetime, every woman converted from human to Carpathian. I wouldn't be surprised to learn that when all of us join in a healing chant that her voice isn't also there, lost among ours. I think, perhaps, we don't notice it because she's always been there, a part of us."

The den filled with conversation at Nolan's words. He stayed silent, listening to what they said, weighing the impact of his revelation.

He watched the four females standing near the fireplace, they were obviously torn between wanting her home where she could be safe and loved, and protecting her privacy so she wasn't exposed to more pain. It was Francesca's reaction he waited for, though. Francesca a classic Carpathian beauty, was tall with long black hair. And she was obviously struggling with some deep emotion. Nolan didn't even try to guess what it might be.

"Gabriel," she called to him, "you know when I was child, and saw you that first time, when you and your brother walked through our camp. That I knew you were my lifemate. I didn't think it was important at the time, but after you'd passed by Asta came to me. She was so tiny that even as a child I was able to look her in the eye." Francesca smiled slightly at the memory. "She walked with me and we talked about many things. She told me then that my feelings for you were true. Later, I thought it was because I had been a child that I never doubted her words. But now, I wonder. There was a power in her words, I felt it. I think that power helped me to stay strong enough to wait for you."

Francesca was agitated and Gabriel couldn't understand what about her story was upsetting her. He tried to soothe her. "You didn't do anything wrong by listening to her or finding strength and peace in what she said," Gabriel lifted her chin to look her in the eye. "Asta wanted you hear her or she wouldn't have approached you."

"No, I know, but listen, even as young as I was, I sensed a sadness in her as we talked. I wondered why my having a lifemate would her affect her that way." She laid her head against her lifemate's shoulder, "I think I know why talking to me made her sad, Gabriel." Francesca turned to face the Prince who was speaking quietly with Gregori and Traian. She raised her voice slightly, "Mikhail, I think Asta is znal."

Nolan froze at her words, if what Francesca said was true, he truly was damned. If Asta was znal then the thing he had been telling himself he did not want, was in reality the only thing giving him a reason to go on.

"Znal?" said Savannah, "What is that?"

"It is the title of a female who knows with absolute certainty which male Carpathian a female is supposed to bond with," Traian told her. "I remember the women would meet with a znal before any bonding rituals took place. It must have been to help the female be sure the male who courted her was the one she was supposed to be with. I'd practically forgotten they'd ever existed.

"Based on your reaction to your encounter with Asta," Gregori, the healer, said to Francesca, "she may be able to use her gift to somehow begin the bonding."

"Can you imagine how that gift, the ability to know and aid lifemates, added to her sorrow?" Francesca said to the room at large.

"It's so easy for the male to know," said Raven, "the restoration of his emotions and sight are absolute giveaways, but the woman, she doesn't know she's found her other half the way a male does. And while she's dealing with an almost out of control male, she is overwhelmed by her own emotional highs and lows. Human woman have even more changes to adjust to and things to learn than Carpathian females. And all she hears from her lifemate is 'trust me, this is supposed to happen.' "

Raven sighed, and leaned heavily into Mikhail's side. "Asta's ability to know, for us, the females, would be so helpful now, especially with so many males finding their lifemates among humans. I know I would have appreciated speaking with her when I met you, Mikhail." she caught Gregori with a mock glare. "And most especially when you decided on our daughter, dark one."

"It's not just the females, Raven. I, too, would have found comfort in knowing Savannah would be able to find happiness with me as her lifemate," he replied, his hand resting on Savannah's shoulder.

"It makes me wonder," Joie struggled to sit up straight, "when you think about how Asta has made sure the hunters have the things they need to survive far from their home, doing what she can for them while remaining undetected. If she isn't also helping our males meet their lifemates, too." She could tell Traian was about to disagree with her. "Just think about it for a second, Traian. There really are very few women in the world who can be converted to Carpathian, but in the past few years it seems like you males are practically tripping over us when you walk out your front door."

Joie looked at Raven and said, "You lived in the States, out of all the places in the world, what made you decide to vacation here when you wanted to get away?" She laid her hand on Traian's arm. "I'm not saying she is responsible for all the chance encounters, just that she may have nudged a few of us in the right direction."

"Nolan, if she is so determined to not be found," Mikhail asked, "how did you come to know her?"

He'd known the question was going to be asked but he didn't want to answer it. "We, all of us know her, Mikhail.", Nolan walked over to the shelves full of books. He lifted his hand to them and a slim volume, obviously very old, jumped into his hand. "The Development of Medicine Using Herbals and Pharmacology and Related Subjects. It's a good book, a little out of date now but very informative, have you read it?" Nolan continued walking slowly along the wall. Another, very large book slid toward him. "Internet Investing. I use most of the suggestions in this one." He tossed the books onto a table and continued. "Here's one about an abandoned city found in Brazil in 1829 written by the assistant of one of archeologists who led the expedition." Nolan gestured with his hand and again he was holding a book, he looked at the title. "Ah," he said aloud, 'Always You', the first book in the infamous Always series, have you ladies read them?" Nolan was turning away from the books when another one glided toward him from underneath the sofa.

Mikhail bent and picked it up, "The Idiot's Guide to Holiday Baking," he announced, then gave a bark of laughter. Everyone tried to hide their amusement as a hotly blushing Raven quickly plucked the book from his hands and stuffed it back where it came from.

Nolan, not knowing what caused their reaction to the cookbook, decided discretion was definitely the better part of valor and let it pass. "These books and many others are how I got to know her. She wrote all of them. Ever since she went to the Americas she's been studying, teaching and writing.

"Over the years I must have read most everything she's ever written. A few months ago I made the connection between two authors who supposedly lived hundreds of years apart. I knew both books had been written by the same person, and that whoever the author truly was, she wasn't human. After that I was able to find out the other names she'd written under. It seemed impossible that there was an unknown Carpathian writing everything from self-help books to spy novels to children's literature, but I thought it best to find out for sure. So I decided to contact her and see if she would respond.

"Contact her," asked Gabriel, "you have a mental bond with her?"

"No," Nolan shrugged, "I emailed her." He tossed Always You, by Mary Sue Jenkins to Gabriel. "Her fan site and email address are on the back page."

"You read a romance novel?" Gabriel laughed.

"It was the only book at the village store I hadn't already read," Nolan didn't meet anyone's eyes as he sat back down.

Savannah relieved Gabriel of the book and turned to the back, "I never really paid attention to the picture of her." She held the book open and showed it to the room, "Is this a good shot of her?" she asked.

"I don't think that is Asta, she--" Traian began. But before he could complete his thought Nolan interrupted him.

"Of course it's not her," he sounded almost disgusted. "Asta's hair is so blonde that in the moonlight it's white. And her features are so delicate she looks almost like a child." He pointed to the picture, "This woman, whoever she is, cannot possibly be the woman I remember."

"Did you know Asta well?" Joie softly asked. She was surprised by his reaction to the picture and wanted keep him talking about the intriguing female.

Nolan held the book on herbal medicine, his fingers ran back and forth across the raised lettering on its cover as he answered her, "No, I only met her once. Long before our world was changed so drastically by the Turks. Back in those days the Gregorski's and the Sejka's didn't interact if they could avoid it. For some reason, I never knew what caused it, there were harsh feelings between our two families and we only saw each other when we had to. It's wasn't until after the massacre that stupidity was put aside and forgotten."

"However were you able to meet her then?" Jolie encouraged him to continue.

Nolan relaxed back in the chair, a small smile on his face, "I was young, younger even than Eleanor's son Josef. Prince Vlad had called a council and representatives of all the families were there. While the adults were meeting with the Prince, I was exploring the area. On our second night there, I saw Asta all alone collecting herbs. No one was watching over her. She was wearing some sort of turquoise dress and looked very different from any Carpathian woman I'd ever seen before. She was so very beautiful with long pale hair, and she was tiny. I considered myself very manly and tall standing next to her.

"I didn't realize at first she was a Gregorski. Looking back I don't think it would have mattered if I had known, I wanted to be with her. So I went up to her and offered to carry her basket. From then on, she didn't have a moments peace from me during that council. Each evening when the meetings started I would track her down and carry her basket and ask her questions all night long, just so I could listen her voice," Nolan seemed reluctant to finish the story, as though he wished there was more to say.

Joie saw Gregori looking at Nolan with the same intensity she felt. With her eyes she asked him the question she couldn't speak aloud. Gregori's slight shrug was his only reply.

"Ahem," said Traian clearing his throat, "that's an amazingly clear memory for something that happened so long ago."

Nolan sat up straight, "I've lost color and emotion, Traian, not the use of my mind," he almost snapped out the reply.

"No doubt," Savannah whispered to herself.

"What?" Nolan turned in the chair to face her.

"Nothing important. So, you emailed Asta, she replied and eventually she told you who she really was?" asked Savannah.

"She did finally answer me, but no, she didn't tell me much. I think the first few replies weren't even written by her," he said. "In fact, I wasn't absolutely sure she was Asta Gregorski until just before dawn this morning. I got on the computer when I woke last night and decided to do a search of all the pen names I thought were hers. I kept looking and modifying the search, after an hour or so I found her online journal. When I finished reading it, I knew without a doubt who she was." Nolan didn't know who there was internet savvy enough to realize what he'd just revealed.

"What?" three voices said simultaneously. 'That would be Francesca, Joie, and Gregori,' Nolan thought to himself.

"She recorded her life story?" Prince Mikhail's sounded both astonished and angry. "Where anyone could read it?"

'And the prince,' he added.

"I have a print out of it for you," Nolan took the papers from his jacket and handed them to Mikhail. "There's nothing in there that even hints of her being Carpathian. It's only if you already know who she is that can you put it all together."

"Even so," said Gabriel, "it was irresponsible of her to write anything about our history. If you figured out who she was some one else could, too." He looked to the prince, "I'd like to read that when you're done Mikhail, I want to know if anyone has been endangered by this. She shouldn't be writing about us."

Nolan turned his blue gaze on the tall hunter, "I already told you, there is nothing in there that reveals her Carpathian roots. It is all presented as only her thoughts about life and ideas for stories she'd like to write."

"But still--" Traian obviously agreed with Gabriel.

"But still, what,?" Nolan asked the offended males. "You are fine with her hiding herself away for almost six hundred years because her mere presence causes problems for unmated males, but still you'd like her to use her gift to make things less complicated for those who have found their lifemates. I don't think you are objecting to what she did to support our hunters in the America's. Gabriel, I know for a fact your twin, the ancient and powerful, Lucien, and his lifemate were aided by her while he was in America. Without her, he might have died."

Nolan stood and addressed all of them. "It seems to me that we have, all of us easily accepted the things she's done for our benefit, and now we just as easily criticize her for doing the one thing she has to fill the loneliness she lives with every day."

He struggled to find the words that would make them see how much they all owed to Asta, "For our good, she removed herself from the society that is her birthright. For our good, she plants herbs in the very earth she's healed to help make us strong. For our good, she teaches humans skills that aid in our survival,"

Nolan looked at each of the couples in the room with him. "For your good, each one of you, she used her gift so you would have the chance to experience an eternity of happiness," His eyes raked over each of the males. "You sit here with your lifemates next to you, with no fear you will ever lose your soul, able to feel that lifemate's love for you, able to find enjoyment in the company of your friends," Nolan looked at Traian, whose hand was protectively laying over his lifemate's stomach, "able to feel both fear and hope for the future. Asta helped to bring that into your life."

"It is dishonorable for any of us to judge her decision to write her thoughts when it is clear that all her actions for over two thousand years, have only been for the good of all Carpathians. Asta has been a friend, relative and nurturer to everyone in this room, to every Carpathian living. And she's never asked any of us for anything. How much more do you want to take from her?"

"I never said I wanted to take anything away from her," Gabriel murmured to his lifemate, who wasn't looking very pleased with him at the moment.

Prince Mikhail looked up from the papers he'd been reading. "But now she has placed herself in a very dangerous situation, hasn't she, Nolan?"

"Without question. But I doubt she thinks so," Nolan said. "It was foolhardy of her to write that. I printed out copies of her newspaper's articles, as well as any other articles relating to the crime that I could find. They're at the bottom of the pile."

Mikhail began reading the first one but stopped when Raven raised her eyebrow at him, he handed it to her, then started on the second.

"It's about those human vampire hunters," Raven said. "Asta found a group of them in Houston. Oh my goodness, she must have infiltrated their organization and gained their trust." Raven looked at the group in the den. "She exposed the aspects of their operation that threatened humans. Every member of that group the police could find was arrested and jailed."

Raven read from another article. "It says here, that they think some of their computer files were destroyed before the authorities could get to them." Raven mused out loud, "Asta must have done that to get rid of any information pertaining to Carpathians," she looked down again. "What they did find, though, was more than enough to ensure their convictions. Most received a death sentence," Raven glanced through the other articles. "She makes them appear to be lunatics. She exposed them all without a single allusion that any of their allegations were based on anything other than their own sick minds.

"You're right, Nolan," Raven handed all the stack back to her lifemate, "no one, not even the police suspect the existence of vampires, let alone Carpathians. This story was covered like it was just an ordinary, or should I say, completely human incident. None of us even knew about these trials and we are, all of us, always alert to any news of these vampire hunting groups."

"In this story she mentions names of leaders in other cities," Mikhail told them.

"If they ever find her, they'll kill her," Francesca looked worried.

"If the vampires who control these groups find her, she'll be…" Joie stopped and demanded of her lifemate. "Traian, we have to find her."

"In the last email I received from her, she told me she had moved to another city but she didn't tell me where," Nolan said. "She thinks I only know her as a human author of books, she has no idea I suspected her of being Carpathian or that I discovered she worked as a reporter in Texas."

"It is unacceptable that any Carpathian female be as alone and unprotected as Asta is, even if she was living in relative safety," Mikhail said, "but Asta's situation is dire. She needs to be found and convinced to come home."

"I have given you all the information I have about her," Nolan said, "if you want copies of the emails she sent, I'll get them to you." Nolan was uncomfortable at the idea of sharing with anyone the private messages between Asta and himself. Even though there was nothing remotely personal in any of them, she had written them to him and he felt possessive of them. But he knew he was obligated to make the offer. He made a shallow but graceful bow to the prince, "I know you will find her, Mikhail, and bring her back safely. Thank you for acting so quickly."

Nolan was grateful Asta's fate was in the prince's capable hands, he was confident she would be well cared by his people. He knew if she had remained in danger, he wouldn't have been able to carry through on his decision.

Nolan was so tired of the emptiness of his existence. He understood somewhat, Asta's decision to leave her homeland so long ago. He, too believed he had nothing to offer anymore. He recognized the strength she showed by leaving and building a new life. That in her self-imposed exile, she chose help so many, both human and Carpathian.

He was a hunter, though, he had been for eight hundred years, it wasn't in him to be what Asta was. If he'd had any other ability to enrich his life or anyone else's, it was long gone now. The only talent left to him was his skill at killing. His unique ability to utterly shield himself from all minds, vampire, Carpathian and human, helped him to become what he was. A predator. And because of his success at that he now had a monster inside him that was slowly taking over his soul. He had no lifemate to balance out the darkness inside him. He only knew a gray world filled with the hunger for blood and the rush of a kill. Many of his fellow hunters found the thrill of it irresistible. Though Nolan felt it, he knew he could withstand the lure of it longer. He was just too tired to fight temptation anymore. Tired of watching his friends lose their souls and then being sent to destroy them. Tired of depending on those around him having to share their impressions of happiness and joy because he couldn't feel it for himself. Tired of living, knowing he never would.

He'd given all they could ever ask of him, there was nothing left inside him to draw on.

He'd made his choice and wanted to act on it now.

Nolan started toward the door.

"Nolan, you are not leaving here." The words stopped him in his tracks. That wasn't the voice of Nolan's companion and neighbor. It was Prince Mikhail. Ancient. Powerful. Royal. And demanding obedience. The prince gave him a parody of a smile, "Not unless you are anxious to begin making your travel plans."