"We need to talk." Harvey stepped into Jessica's house before she could so much as greet him.
He could feel her eyes running over him, wondering what she saw. His hair was certainly dishevelled and he knew that he was shaking slightly.
"What's wrong?" Jessica's tone was calm and Harvey quietly thanked her for not making a fuss about the fact that he showed up in the middle of the night.
Still, he could hardly bring himself to say it, even though she already knew part of it.
"I killed Mike Ross's parents," he managed at last.
He saw Jessica's eyes widen, a frown appearing between her eyes, before at last she understood.
"Are you sure it was them?" she asked at last.
He nodded, not quite trusting his voice. With a shaking hand he held up the file Mike had left on his living room table.
"The date is right," he whispered as she took it. "The place…"
"Where did you get this?" Jessica asked calmly as she flipped through the file.
"Mike brought it… This lawyer gave it to him, because it turns out his father had had a couple of bears that night…" He had to stop, because the lump in his throat wouldn't allow him to say anything else. Mike was blaming his father for this, he was blaming his father because Harvey didn't have it in him to tell the truth. He could scarcely imagine how much it must hurt Mike to think that his father had been responsible for it all.
"Did you tell him?"
Harvey shook his head. "I couldn't bring myself to do it…" Tears were clouding his eyes.
Through the layer of liquid he could see Jessica nod before she reached for his arm to walk him to her couch. "You're shaking," she observed, and Harvey realised that he was.
"H-he'll hate me," he whispered, burying his face in his hands. Images he had long suppressed were rising again in his mind. The flash of headlights, the sound of screeching tires on a wet street, metal crumbling… He remembered spinning around, hitting his shoulder hard against something.
He must have passed out, because he remembered thinking he was dead when he woke up again. The truth was that it had not even taken him off the road, the sound of the metal crumbling had not been his car. He remembered peering out of the window, he remembered the lump of metal barely resembling a car slung around a tree. He remembered how he had started to shake, how he had clung to the steering wheel.
"Harvey? Harvey, are you even listening?"
He blinked. He hadn't even realised Jessica was talking to him. He shook his head, taking deep breaths to calm himself.
"I cannot absolve you from your guilt, Harvey, but it was an accident. You weren't drunk or drugged. And it was that other guy who drove into their car…"
"It's me who made them drive off the road," Harvey said tonelessly. He had been tired, yet nervous about his first drive in the dark. Somehow he had been too far to the left without even realising it, they hadn't had another choice but to swerve to the right against the goddamned tree. That Taylor Porter had managed to crash his car into theirs mere minutes later had been good luck for Harvey, who was never associated with the accident. Not so much for Mike's parents. Harvey wondered if they had still been alive when he had driven away. Either way he had killed them.
"I should have stayed," he muttered, realising it was the first time he thought this. Up until then he had been glad everything had sorted itself out.
Now this way of thinking disgusted him so much that he wanted to throw up again.
"Yes, you should have," Jessica said. "But you were a frightened minor, Harvey. I've seen you that night, you were in no state to make any rational decision."
"I was rational enough to look for a lawyer," Harvey said bitterly.
Jessica scoffed. "Yes, and you choose to come to me. A corporate lawyer..."
He remembered leaving through the phone book with shaking fingers, remembered finding Jessica's name. Just days before there had been an article about how she was one of the most promising Junior Partners in NewYork. It had been a long shot to drive to her house but he had been desperate enough to do it. Later they would tell the world they had met in the mailroom but it had never been true. They had met that dreadful night.
"Harvey," Jessica said with a surprisingly soft voice, reaching for Harvey's arm. "I can understand that you want to tell him, but as the lawyer you looked for back then and as a friend I will tell you this: He isn't going to find out on his own. But if you tell him I'm not sure he'll be able to forgive you and that would hurt both of you."
Harvey looked up at her and for a moment he was the scared sixteen year old again, looking to her for advice. He wanted to believe her. Wanted to believe that not saying anything was the right choice. But then Mike's worried face swam into view and he found he couldn't bear it. He couldn't bear Mike looking at him concerned when there should be hatred.
"I can't live with this secret," he confessed quietly.
She looked at him for a while, not saying a word.
"It is your decision," she said at last. "Just remember it might bring us all down."
He knew what she meant. Mike's secret was looming over them, waiting for one of them to be angry enough to use it.
The thought made his stomach clench, not so much because it was his career that was on the line, but because Mike would also hurt himself.
I know the scenario is a bit of stretch but it's an AU, I really wanted to explore. Hope you like it. Also I don't mind reviews ;)
Will try to update tomorrow.