The moment you've all waited patiently for! Bella's awakening awaits. Thank you to everyone who voted (results are still unknown, but as voting has ended I'm free to post again!) and all of my lovely reviewers. A shout out to Bronze and Leon for hosting "In The Dark" and AbbiiCakes for letting me know it was out there. There's plenty in store for everyone in the next few chapters, and the twists start pretty soon out of the gate.
SM owns Twilight, however any original characters or plotlines belong to AgoodWITCH.
Chapter 2 – She's a Survivor
BPOV
The fever had broken, taking the pain with it. I could feel arms around me as I opened my eyes to find a god of a man's face staring down at me. He smiled at me and my heart…I couldn't feel my heartbeat. Panicking, my eyes searched and found a group of terrifying, beautiful people against the wall. Without even thinking about it, I jumped backwards over the man's shoulder,and ran for the closest door, closing it behind me. In the darkness, I could pick up a sweet scent as my hands found purchase on the fabric hanging all around me.
Fuck! I picked the wrong door and was now trapped in the closet.
Embarrassment sharing equal space with fear in my head, I backed myself into the corner of the huge closet and sat down with my arms wrapped around my knees.
Hearing the argument going on in the room outside my self-induced pen, finally a velvet voice that rang of familiarity silenced the rest. "I'm going in there alone. All of you, stay back." The authority in his voice was unmistakable as I heard the floor shift under his feet. "Bella…I'm going to open the door. Don't be frightened."
The door creaked open and a sliver of light came in before it closed with a click and I saw his shoes from under the barrier of garment bags. "Bella?" He whispered, almost as if he wondered if I was still in here.
Crouching down, his eyes locked with mine and he smiled the most heartbreakingly beautiful smile there ever was. As he slowly slinked towards me on his hands and knees, I was mesmerized by how feline his movements were. Stopping a few feet from me, he leaned back and sat before me with his hands up in surrender. "It's okay, you're safe. Do you remember me?"
I knew I should remember, but I couldn't place him. I knew he had stayed with me while I was suffering from whatever that was, and that I knew who he was while it was happening, which made the loss of his identity all the more annoying! "I know I should…I remember that I know you, but not how."
"Remember biology?"
With those two words a flood of images came back, the murderous look on his face, the blackness in his eyes, the desire I felt to follow as he sped from the room. Then the memories that followed. Wondering where he was, and if he was okay? A kiss...and the cold touch that I had yearned for. Then the pain, and the anguish and self-hatred in his voice as his heart broke for me, wishing he could make it go away. Then, finally, a name. "Edward?"
His face relaxed from the mask of concern he had worn when I was trying to figure the puzzle out. His arms reached out in welcome as I crawled to him. "Come here, my sweet girl."
Edward's arms wrapped around me and pulled me to his chest as I held him close. We sat there in silence for a moment before he moved towards the door and I stopped him. "Don't leave me."
There was an odd mixture of joy and sorrow on his face as he turned to me and offered me his hand. "I'm not leaving you, Bella, but it's time that you meet my family. We have a lot to discuss."
I took his hand as we exited the closet and made our way down two flights of stairs to the living room below. As we reached the landing, I noticed several things at once. The first was the sheer beauty of everything. The perfectly decorated living room, with its muted tones and light woods, anchored by a large white sectional sofa on which four of the most beautiful creatures I had ever beheld sat. The first was a slight girl with short spiky black hair and a welcoming smile. Clinging to her shoulders, was a tall and lean blonde man. His protective posture worried me for a moment before he relaxed slightly and smiled. Next to him had to be the most beautiful woman in creation, her flowing blonde hair and perfect features would've made me feel inferior if it wasn't for the smile on her face. Sitting next to her, with the biggest grin I've ever seen, was a behemoth of a man with curly black hair. As we moved closer to the overstuffed chair that sat opposite the couch, I noticed the two slightly older people standing by the fireplace. First I noticed the woman, with her warm caramel hair and smile, finally resting my eyes on the man I assumed to be Edward's father. My eyes moved past his blonde hair and focused on his kind eyes as he gestured for us to sit. Edward sat in the chair and I climbed into his lap, still clinging to him.
With us sitting down, Edward's father began speaking. "Bella, my name is Carlisle, and this is my wife, Esme, and the rest of my family, Alice, Jasper, Rosalie and Emmett." He gestured to the people I had just been looking at. I nodded as my mind continued to absorb things. Then I realized for the first time how thirsty I was. I knew that Edward said we had to talk to his family and I remember vaguely that there had been a lot of planning going on while I was sick, but I really needed some water first.
"I'm sorry, Carlisle, but would you mind if I got a glass of water first? I'm really thirsty." Edward stiffened under me, and I immediately became overrun with guilt. Was this some social faux-pas that I was unaware of? Before I could tell them to forget it, Jasper spoke.
"Bella, water isn't going to help you feel better. Let Carlisle finish explaining and Edward will help you with your problem." I smiled meekly at him as I began to feel calmer, relaxing into Edward's chest and nodding for Carlisle to continue.
"There is really no easy way to explain this, but I think it will help if we knew what you remembered."
I tried to rack my brain but there was so little to recall. "I remember Edward, thinking he was a dream and then the pain started…and he stayed with me." I rested my head on Edward's shoulder, hearing the scoff from Rosalie, but choosing to ignore it for the moment.
"Do you remember anything else? Your parents?" Carlisle had moved a little closer as he smiled down at me.
"No." I shook my head. I knew I should remember them, but I couldn't dredge up a single memory. What in the hell was wrong with me that I couldn't remember my own parents?
"Carlisle, there will be time for these questions later. I think you should tell her before she gets any more anxious." Jasper stared at me, but it was Edward that responded.
"It isn't working?" Edward placed one hand on my right thigh and ran the other along the skin of my right bicep.
"Bella, when Edward came to you that night, he did something to change you. Now, he never meant to harm you-" Another huff from Rosalie caught Carlisle's attention. "You're not helping Rosalie. Anyway, Bella, Edward set something into motion that can't be undone. He made you one of us. That's part of the reason for the memory loss, and why you were burning until tonight. And why you're so thirsty."
They had all felt that kind of pain? No wonder Edward was reassuring me; he knew exactly the pain he had caused me, although I couldn't bring it to myself to be angry at him. "What have I become?"
"Bella, you're a vampire."
EPOV
From the moment she woke up, I felt the weight temporarily lifted, but I wasn't so stupid as to know that it would be back the moment that she knew about us. Watching her run to hide in the closet might have been funny if I wasn't so terrified for her. When she remembered me, I felt an intense joy as she crawled to me and we headed downstairs. Now, however, was a different story.
Bella had been tensing up, and Jasper was somehow powerless to stop it, and then Carlisle said the words I never wanted her to hear. "Bella, you're a vampire."
She froze in my arms, her breath stilled and her eyes froze on him. "I know better than to think that you're joking. So what happens now?"
"Bella we're going to help you, take care of you, but you have to be feeling something about all of this?" I held her tighter, hoping my body would confirm my words, but all she did was shrug.
"I'll deal with that later, for now, could we do something about my thirst?"
Carlisle nodded and offered her his hand. She took it, climbing off of my lap, as I stood next to her. "Carlisle, why don't you explain hunting to her while I talk to Jasper for a moment?"
He nodded, leading Bella towards the door, as she looked back at me nervously. "You'll join us soon, right?"
"My love, I wouldn't miss your first hunt for anything." With that, they were gone, and I spun to face Jasper. "What was that? What do you mean she has no feelings?"
"The wording is wrong, but the sentiment is accurate. It's not that she has no feelings; it's that she shut them off. Like she flicked a switch and they were gone, and all she had left was logic."
"I think that's why she has no memory. Maybe it's part of her gift, like how she blocks her thoughts from you. Maybe she just needs time and help understanding how to control it."
I nodded at Alice's hypothesis, but couldn't leave Bella waiting any longer. "I'll see you all soon."
I was out the door and at the river's edge where Carlisle was talking with Bella. "So you don't hurt people?"
"No, we do everything we can to preserve human life. Now, do you think you're ready to hunt?" Carlisle rested his arm on Bella, who smiled at him.
"Sorry about that, are we ready to go?" Bella turned to me, and smiled warmly.
"We're ready." I took Bella's hand and she squeezed mine as we jumped over the river.
Running out into the forest, Carlisle and I flanked Bella just in case something set her off. Bella seemed really reserved, which worried me; she didn't seem to be acting like a newborn. When we reached a safe distance, Carlisle and I relaxed, trying to explain to her how to hunt.
"The most important thing is to follow your instincts. When you catch the scent, just follow it. This will come naturally to you."
As Carlisle finished the sentence, a change in the wind brought on the scent of some elk off to the west. Bella barreled through the woods toward the scent with us hanging back slightly so she wouldn't feel threatened. When she reached them, her movement was like poetry in motion. My phone vibrated, but I ignored it, focusing all my attention on Bella. She leapt at a buck and took him down before the others knew they were no longer alone. Sinking her teeth into his neck, she took a long pull before she flew back, blood spewing from her mouth as she collapsed to the ground gagging and clutching at her throat.
"Bella!" I knelt beside her, the hunt forgotten, as she struggled to breathe. Carlisle came to her other side and lowered his ear to her throat.
"Her throat closed up, almost like she's having an allergic reaction…"
"To blood?!" Oh my God. What if Bella was allergic to blood? What kind of an existence had I condemned her to?
"Edward, we don't know that for sure. Go to the stream and bring me some water, I want to clear out her throat."
I ran to the stream that was only a mile away. Picking up a large rock, I hollowed it out until it resembled a bowl and filled it with water, careful not to spill it as I ran back to the place I had left Carlisle with Bella.
Carlisle leaned over her, supporting her head in his hand. "Bella, I need you to gargle with the water to clean out your throat. Can you do that?"
She nodded weakly before opening her mouth so he could pour a small amount of water down her throat, which she coughed up, turning her head to let the pink liquid fall from her lips. We continued the process until the water ran clear and her breathing became easier. Her eyes opened and I immediately gasped.
Edward, what is it?
I looked down at Bella and she appeared to be reading my features, hoping to find an appropriate response to what was happening to her. "Everything's okay, Bella, but I want Carlisle to look at your eyes."
She looked over to Carlisle and he studied them for a moment before nodding.
I think we should take a trip to Denali before me make the move to Ireland.
Carlisle spoke to her in a soothing tone. "Bella, we had originally planned to move to Ireland after you woke up, but I want a friend of ours to meet you first. We're going to leave today and head to Denali."
"Where Edward went?" The tone of her voice was weak and questioning. I couldn't understand what was happening to her, but if the change in her eye color was any indication, already starting to grow a grayish-red, as though she was a newborn who had gone hungry for months, instead of hours, worried me. I used the little leftover water and a piece of the bottom of my shirt to clean the blood off of Bella's face.
Helping her off the ground, Bella stumbled, so I picked her up to save time as we rushed back to the house. When we ran up the porch steps, Alice met us at the door with a large bag. "Everyone else will be in Denali in a day or so. Esme called the hospital to inform them that you were leaving with Edward because he's taken a turn for the worse. Everything will be fine, but we have to get to Denali as soon as possible."
Taking off running, I clutched Bella to my chest as we started to pick up some speed. My mind raced. Bella couldn't be allergic to blood, how would she survive? Of all the things the change had taken from her, this new development was the hardest to bear. Looking over to Alice, she shook her head. This hadn't been something she had seen coming. I knew better than to think she would have let us go if she had known, but how could this have escaped her until the moment before it happened? "Do you know what's going to happen to her?"
Alice shook her head again. "No, but Carlisle's diagnosis is right, he just hasn't figured out how to work around it yet, but he will."
"How can you be so sure?"
"I've seen something else, and it proves she's going to be better again."
"What did you see?"
"A fight. I've seen it twice. It's different both times, but she takes care of herself either way, so be happy for that." God, I'm going to have to watch Bella extra close now.
"Alice, are you pissed at me about something I haven't done yet?"
She shrugged as we continued to speed by. "I don't know if it was you, but if you hurt her, Rose and I will have your ass."
"Great!" With everything I've already done to her, I can't imagine it getting much worse.
"Will the two of you stop discussing things that may not happen!" Carlisle kept his head down as we continued to run and I took the quiet moment to see where his thoughts were.
If this is truly the case, then it is going to be tricky. I can try plasma; hopefully we can work her up to whole blood. I wonder if Eleazar has seen anything like Bella? She is truly unique, and if we can get this ugliness behind her, I believe there will be great things in her future.
That was Carlisle for you, always seeing the best in people, except this time I couldn't help but agree with his assessment. I only hope I'll be there to see it.
We were half way to Denali at this point and Bella hadn't spoken once, which worried me with each mile that passed under foot. Stopping quickly to hunt, having gone without since the night I bit Bella, and nearly a week before that, we satiated ourselves and then continued on.
The sun was just beginning to rise as we approached Denali, and we were soon met by Carmen. "Come with me, Eleazar is waiting for you at the house." We followed her up to their large house and straight into the living room where Eleazar was indeed waiting.
"Edward, bring her here." Eleazar motioned for me to come forward as I placed her on the couch where he knelt next to her. I stood anxiously by her head as he looked her over. "Amazing. Did she have any problems with blood when she was human?"
"I don't know." There was little I knew about her, and I had no knowledge that would help them discover what had happened to her during the hunt.
"My friend what is it?" Carlisle stood behind me, clasping my shoulder.
"I've seen her power before, it's quite rare, and tends to be more physical, but hers appears to primarily affect her emotionally and mentally."
"What does, what is it?" I needed to know what was going on, and all of this cloak and dagger business was killing me.
"She's a survivor. At least that's what we called it in the guard. She'll be highly adaptable, much more than a normal vampire. You'll have to be very careful when you explain things to her in the beginning, because she'll have a tendency to use her power to protect herself before she fully understands it."
"Do you think that my idea of using plasma will work?" Carlisle called Eleazar's attention while Alice stood at my side offering comfort.
"Edward, she'll be fine. I've seen it."
Alice's words reminded me of something that I hadn't thought about since Carlisle yelled at us earlier. "The vision you had before she woke up, it was of the fight?"
"No, that came later. I saw Bella sobbing. I don't know what caused it, but you're there, consoling her. The fight comes before. But something will happen to devastate her soon, before we leave Denali."
"…obtaining human blood shouldn't be too difficult with your license, but I think it best if we do this very carefully."
"Human blood?" I was snapped out of my conversation with Alice by Eleazar's words.
"Edward it's the best way-" Carlisle tried reasoning but I cut him off.
"No! It's bad enough that I've done this to her, I won't let you force her to be a monster. She may forgive the first, but the other-"
"Edward, the blood will be donated, no one will be harmed, but if we're trying to help her regain her strength, human blood is the best option. Once she's doing better, we'll start weaning her onto animal blood. I promise you that."
"What if it doesn't work?" It came out as a broken whisper.
"Edward, I will do whatever it takes to make her better. Eleazar, will you come with me?"
Eleazar nodded and the two of them were out the front door without another word.
Trying to calm down, I picked Bella up and sat back down, cradling her in my arms. "Bella, everything is going to be okay. Carlisle will make you better, and I'll be waiting right here for you when you wake up. Please, Bella, come back to me."
And so I waited until Carlisle was back with the necessary supplies.
"Edward, I'm going to need your help." Carlisle looked up at me after he had everything set up.
Moving so that I was in a better position to hold her upright, Carlisle came over with the cup of plasma, hoping that the high water level in it would help acclimate her to blood. Pouring a small amount into her mouth, she didn't reject it immediately, giving me reason to hope. Soon she had the entire cup down without incident. Thankful wasn't a strong enough word for how I felt when she let out a wordless murmur. She wasn't conscious, but it was a promising turn.
"It may take a while for her to regain consciousness, and longer after that for her to be back to her normal strength. But this is a good sign; we'll just have to be careful." I nodded as Carmen came downstairs.
"We've prepared rooms for all of you, Edward, Bella, and you are in Eleazar and my room."
"Carmen, I couldn't possibly-"
She silenced me with a sweet smile. "Bella needs to be comfortable; it's no trouble to us. The girls are out on an extended hunting trip, so the house will still have plenty of room."
I smiled at her and carried Bella upstairs, tucking her into the bed and climbed in next to her. It wasn't long before Carlisle returned with another cup of plasma. Being careful not to go too quickly, we fed her the second cup and the slight change in her coloring was another sign that this was working.
"Edward, I'll be back in a few hours, and when I am I'll have mixed a small amount of red blood cells in to see how she handles that."
I nodded and rested my head on her chest, listening to her breathing. The even pace of her breathing kept me calm until Carlisle arrived with her next meal. Sitting her up, she took the new mixture well and I was rewarded with a fluttering of her eyelids.
The next day continued on like this, with every feeding Bella grew marginally stronger, and with Alice's urging we were able to quickly move her up to a half-blood mix. When she finished that cup she stirred in my arms and after a few minutes her eyes opened, focusing on me.
"Edward?"
I smiled as I looked into her grayish red eyes. "Yes, Bella?"
Before another word could be spoken, she leaned up into me and claimed my lips. She kissed me as fiercely as she could in her weakened state, but she refused to let me go even after I pulled away to allow her time to breathe. "Bella, where did that come from?" I wasn't sorry that she did it, but I didn't want her to kiss me if it wasn't what she wanted.
"Edward, I've been thinking about kissing you since that day in biology, and with the way my luck has been going, I'm not holding back anymore." She smiled meekly at me, but I just stared at her with my mouth agape.
"You have your memories back?"
"Only you. Everything else is fuzzy, but every moment that I spent with you, every thought you inspired or dream you filled is crystal clear in my mind."
I stiffened slightly, if she remembered everything then there's a chance she remembered the night I changed her, and I had to make that right. I needed her to understand. "Bella, about the night I changed you…I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am-"
"You're sorry you changed me?" The hurt in her voice was unmistakable even before I looked to see it written across her face.
"What, God no! I mean yes…shit. Bella, I never wanted to condemn you to this life, but that has nothing to do with how I feel for you. But everything I did that night, my actions…I'll regret it for the rest of my days."
"Edward, please-"
I stopped her, wanting to finish my explanation now that I had the courage. "Bella, you have to understand, I was born in 1901-" I paused, realizing this was news to her.
"You were born in 1901…how in the, oh. You were changed. Sorry that took a minute."
"Bella, you're handling this amazingly well, better than I could have dreamed, but if anything is upsetting you, tell me. I don't want you holding back."
She smiled and stroked my cheek. "Edward, I don't know what's going on with me, but I've wanted you from the first moment I saw you. That night in my room, I thought it was a dream until I opened my eyes and saw you were really there with me. I can't regret anything that came of it."
I looked at the sincerity in her eyes and shook my head. "But Bella, I…forced myself on you. You were lying there asleep and exposed and I took advantage of that. I kissed you so you couldn't scream and I bit you in a moment of weakness. My parents raised me to be a gentleman, and from the time Carlisle changed me, I've striven to live in his image of humanity and kindness, to be the good man Esme sees in me. I have failed them all. You deserved better than what I did and you deserve better than me."
"Edward!" I looked up to see that she was upset to the point of tears if that were still possible. I looked down, closing my eyes until I felt her hands take my face and pull it up. "What about what I want? Don't I get a say? Yes, I may have been asleep when you started it, but then I woke up and was a willing participant. I pulled you to me, Edward. I moaned your name-"
"You wanted me?" The concept was so foreign to me. Bella really wanted me after what I'd done? "Bella, you don't know how much comfort that brings me."
Bella looked down as she thought for a moment. Oh what a time to be shut out of someone's thoughts. "Didn't you every wonder why I slept naked?"
I shook my head; the thought hadn't entered my mind until she brought it up. "No, I assumed that there was a practical reason, but I didn't give it much thought."
"That day in biology, you brushed past me for a minute. I'm not even sure if you recognized it, but all I remember was how cold your skin was. The next day when they said you were sick…I thought that was part of it. But when I would go to bed at night, I'd dream about you, and the first night it didn't feel right. The next night, I accidently left the window open and I got my answer. If I was colder, then the dreams were more real, so I started cracking the window and sleeping naked so it felt like you were really there with me." Bella hid her face in the pillow, obviously embarrassed, but I just held her closer.
"Well, I won't feel cool anymore, but as long as you want me, I'll be right here beside you."
Bella rolled over to face me again and smiled weakly. "I'll always want you."
"You're exhausted, love, rest now. Once you're well, you'll have no need for it, but I want to see you strong again." She leaned over and rested her head on my chest as her breathing evened out. With the exception of her dormant heart, it was as if she were human. and I clung to these moments as I knew they would be fleeting.
Soon enough, Carlisle was back with another cup, but for the first time, Bella was able to drink it herself. She smiled at Carlisle as he noticed the marked change in her condition. Eleazar stopped in to see how she was doing now that she was awake.
"How are you feeling, Bella?"
"Better, thank you for opening your house to me." Bella rested against my shoulder as we sat on the couch in the sitting area of the master bedroom, as she was uncomfortable talking for long periods while lying in bed.
"The Cullens are always welcome here, as are you. Now, Bella, I want to explain some things about your powers to you so you won't be caught off guard. Your body and mind will change much more than vampires normally do to help protect you from harm. Your memory loss does seem to be temporary, but there's no way to know for sure how much is going to come back. That's something your mind will open up when you're ready. But when those moments come, the emotional release will be intense, memories will be vivid again and they'll overload your senses."
"I know. It's happened already." Bella spoke softly, but with absolute certainty.
"When?" We both asked at the same time.
"When I first remembered you in the closet. I didn't get everything, but enough to know you, and to remember why I should trust you. And then, right before I woke up here, I heard you for a few minutes and everything came back clear as day. When I opened my eyes, you were there, and everything made perfect sense. And you weren't attacking yourself this time, so I was calmer when the memories came." She burrowed in a little closer to my chest and I wrapped my left arm tighter around her shoulder.
"I'm glad I did some good this time." I smiled down when she looked up to scold me.
"Well that's good, but you must let someone know when it's happening. I've seen survivors have extreme reactions to memories. A few even blackout when a memory they aren't prepared for comes to the forefront of their mind. Also, your emotions will shut off when things get too intense, or you're focusing on something and you don't want them to get in the way. Over time, that aspect will be easy to control, but you must work at it."
Bella nodded and about that time, Carlisle came back. "Here you are. This is about 80% blood, so we're getting you there rather quickly, thanks to Alice's ability to see how you'll handle it."
"Do you all feed this often? Because Edward, you haven't left my side in days. If you have to hunt,then I'll be fine until you come back."
Carlisle sat on the coffee table in front of Bella. "No, Bella, we don't feed this often, but we also take in a significant amount of blood when we hunt. With you, we've been giving you a much smaller amount every two hours to help you regain your strength and get used to the higher red blood cell levels. Once you're able to hunt again, you'll begin feeding once every week or two like the rest of us."
Bella smiled and took the cup, drinking it down quickly. When she was finished, Carlisle wanted to run some tests on her strength, so I excused myself to give them a little privacy.
I went down to see if Esme and the others had arrived, but instead was greeted by Tanya and her sisters. Kate and Irina were surprised to see me again, but after I explained what had happened, they welcomed me, and offered me a sympathetic pat on the shoulder before leaving me alone with Tanya.
"The girl you changed, she's the same one you ran from?" Tanya asked, sitting on the couch, motioning for me to sit near her, which I did.
"Bella…yes, the girl I had promised to stay away from."
She giggled, an odd sound that I wasn't used to hearing from her. "Guess I don't have to ask how that worked out for you?"
I shook my head. "I don't know how you do it. How you can be with a human and not bite?I barely touched her and I was sinking my teeth into her."
"Edward, this child is different. Having someone's blood be such a strong pull is so rare that we often don't hesitate in the transgression, but you did my friend-"
"Yeah, for five minutes!"
Tanya placed a hand on my knee. "But you stopped. Edward, from the first time Carlisle brought you here, I desired you, but if you feel real love for her, not just lust, then that's proof enough that this is more than anything I've ever felt. You've searched for a century, and I've been doing the same for far longer, and you've found it. You're protective and self-sacrificing. The change this girl has caused is evident, and I'm proud to call you a friend now more than ever."
I saw the sincerity in her eyes and heard it in her thoughts. Bella is a lucky one to have your love. I wish you both well.
"Thank you, Tanya, for everything."
"Edward?" Bella's voice rang out softly from our room as I stood up.
"I'll see you again; go be with your Bella."
I ran upstairs and entered the room only to hear her voice behind me as the door closed. "How could you?"
I spun around only to catch a right hook to the jaw. I looked at her in disbelief. "Bella, what did I do?"
"She loved you and you discussed private things about us with her." Bella's voice seethed but her volume was even as was her tone.
"Bella, Tanya is family. I've never wanted her like that, and she's known that for decades. But in our case, she's uniquely qualified to sympathize."
"Why, because you've been with her?" The pain was clear on her face. I grabbed her arms, pulling her close.
"No! Never. Bella, I've never been with anyone like that. That night with you was the closest I've ever come. Bella, you're the only one who has ever held my heart. Tanya and her sister…they fill the void not having a mate leaves by being…intimate with humans. I never understood how they could do it, but I also never realized how difficult it was. Even Tanya saw the change you've inspired and she wishes us nothing but happiness. I didn't mean to upset you, but I was just talking to a friend about something she could sympathize with. I'm sorry."
Bella wilted in my arms as I pulled her to me. "I'm sorry too. I heard you two talking about us and I lost it. I can't get a grip on these damn outbursts."
I lifted her into my arms and carried her to bed so that she could rest before her next meal.
BPOV
I felt so bad about the fight with Edward, especially for hitting him like that, but I still couldn't get control of my emotions and it just exploded out of me. He continued to reassure me that it was nothing and soon I was feeling better as we got closer to whole blood.
It had been three days since my hunting debacle when Carlisle finally gave me my first cup of whole blood. I held it in my hands, staring down at it, but unable to bring it to my lips.
"Bella, is everything alright?" I looked up at Carlisle and grimaced as I turned to Edward.
"I'm sorry, I can't be good like you." I felt Edward shift as his hands claimed my face.
"Bella, no one was harmed, and if you're able then we'll get you on animal blood." His eyes were soft as they melted my fear.
"What if I can't…could you still love me if I was a monster?" The cup of blood was out of my hand as Edward crushed me to his chest.
"We'll find a way, but no matter what, I'll always love you. If you can love me despite everything I've done, how could I begrudge you for a reaction I created?"
I smiled and turned back to Carlisle, taking the cup of blood and finishing it quickly. The difference this blood brought on was significant. I could feel the strength returning and as I told them they both relaxed, glad I had taken it so well. As they sat around planning when to introduce animal blood to me again, a noise alerted us to the fact that the remainder of our family had finally arrived.
Soon the entire Cullen family was in the bedroom, relieved that I was doing so much better than the last time they had seen me, unconscious in Edward's arms.
"Dear, oh you've improved so much." Esme hugged me as everyone else greeted me warmly.
"How are you doing?" Rosalie asked as she sat near me on the floor.
"Great, we were just trying to decide when to switch me to animal blood."
"Already?" Jasper questioned as Alice wrapped her arms around his waist.
"She's done amazing; she's even started getting her memory back."
We sat around for a while talking about our plans, deciding that staying in Denali another week would be best before going to Ireland to stay near another clan Carlisle knew.
We were still sitting there when the rest of the Cullen extended family joined us, all coming to support me as I made another go at their diet of choice. I took an unnecessary breath as Carmen handed me the cup. I took a sip and immediately gagged. It wasn't as bad as my first hunting trip, but I felt sick in that first moment. I sat the glass down and then leaned into Edward as I felt his grip on me tighten. "Maybe it was too soon?" Carlisle mused as I stared at the cup wishing I could just swallow it.
"Wait!" Tanya was gone before I could look up and soon she was back with another cup, kneeling next to me. "Try this one."
I looked at her shrewdly, but couldn't doubt the desire to help that was plain on her face. I lifted the cup to my lips and although I was a little dizzy at first, I was able to drink it, and as I continued the lightheadedness passed and I was able to empty its contents. "Welcome to the ranks of the vegetarian vampires." Tanya smiled at me and I stared at her confused, but it was Edward that responded.
"Tanya, she couldn't drink the animal blood."
She was shaking her head before he was finished speaking. "No she couldn't drink that animal blood, but the blood she drank was animal, not human."
"How?" Carlisle asked as he picked up the cup of unfinished blood and took a sip.
"We didn't know what type would be best, the cup that Carlisle's drinking was moose blood and the cup she drank was bear."
"So she can drink animal blood as long as it's a carnivore?" Jasper asked.
"It appears that way, thank you Tanya for being so thorough." Carlisle spoke as he put down the empty cup.
"I wanted to be prepared, I knew how much was riding on her recovery, and I didn't want her to be upset unnecessarily so we got both, not knowing if it would make a difference."
"Sweet! Bella and I can go wrestle some brown bears before heading off to the Emerald Isle." Emmett punched the air in excitement.
"Thank you Tanya, it really means a lot that you would go to all the effort for me."
"You're Edward's mate and a member of this family; I'd do anything to help you." I hugged Tanya and then looked over at Edward, glad that we had found the answer, but ready for today to be over. He seemed to sense it and smiled at me.
"Okay everyone; today has been a long day for our Bella, so why don't we let her relax."
Alice smirked and headed to the door as Edward muttered, "pain in the ass."
Soon enough, we were alone and lying in our bed, enjoying the feel of the other next to us, and happy to finally have some good news.
So there you have it! Let me know what you thought…the first chapter of this story was one of my highest reviewed and has one of the highest alert numbers of any of my stories, so thank you for all the love…reviews will get you previews and we all know how much you like those! Happy Holidays~