Growing Up

Chapter Two

The take away menu was pinned comfortably on the pin board in the kitchen. For Smithy this was so much easier than putting them in a drawer because since there was never a permanent woman in his life takeaways seemed to be a regular occurrence. Neither of them said anything as they scanned the menu for a suitable dish, Kerry opted for a mild dish leaving nothing to chance with the baby. After last time she was determined to do everything in her power to make sure her baby was safe, and that included keeping disputes to a minimum. Something she feared would be a problem tonight.

"I'll just have a korma thanks, I don't want to risk have anything too spicy" Kerry said as she laid a suggestive hand on her flat stomach.

Smithy looked down to her stomach and cleared his throat in a blind movement of panic,

"Well I'll just have my usual then" He replied, quickly changing the subject away from that thing that Kerry was touching protectively.

"Let me guess, madras and a Sag Aloo; you never change Smithy." Kerry's desperate attempt to change the mood and prove how well she knew Smithy backfired in her face as soon as he spoke again.

"Actually I have Bhuna now, Kezia has got me into it; you can try some if you want" His constant talk of Kezia hit Kerry with such a force that a lump rose in her throat just as her eyes misted over into a translucent haze.

"No I'm fine thanks; as I said im not having anything spicy. It's not worth the risk." Her tone was bitter in complete contrast to the way she felt inside.

The takeaway was soon ordered and Smithy followed Kerry into his lounge while holding a bottle of beer, the cold temperature of its surface cooling down his hands from the heat he was feeling.

"I've thought a lot about this baby since I last spoke to you Smithy, if you want me to have an abortion im not sure I can. I feel so strange at the moment, im scared I wont deny that but for once I feel like a belong, like I have a purpose and because of that I just couldn't go through with it"

"You know I'd never want to hurt you intentionally don't you but I'm just not sure if im father material Kerry." He knew he shouldn't but deep down he cursed the baby for coming between him and Kerry.

He continued "I still love you though"

"What is that Smithy, some attempt to make me have an abortion so you can get back to having a casual relationship with me?" Kerry was disgusted by his words and in total disbelief that he would say something as shallow as what he was saying.

"Kerry I didn't mean it like that, what I meant to say is that I didn't want you to think I don't care about you. I'd give anything in this world to make me feel excited about this baby but I can't lie to you or myself. If you need any money or anything to buy a cot then I'm happy to give it to you but I just don't think I could be a father to your baby" It pained him more to say this than he first thought, showing his true feelings to Kerry was something of a rare occurrence, so why did they have to be feelings of resentment and bitterness?

Swallowing to clear her throat Kerry got up off of the sofa next to where Smithy had sat she looked him in the eye before proceeding to the door. Smithy quickly followed behind her like a young puppy eagerly following its owner.

Kerry opened the front door and stepped over the lintel on the floor.

"Thank you for offering to give me money, I'm grateful really I am but I can't take it. Its all or nothing Smithy and you choose nothing."

He watched her walk into the lobby and off into the street while all the time his head and heart were crying out to him to go after her but he didn't, he couldn't.

….

Once again the bed was cold as she slipped beneath its cotton sheets he body ached from the stresses and strains of the past few days and she prayed it wasn't having a negative effect on the baby she so lovingly harboured. The journey ahead she knew would be a long and lonely one but she loved this baby more than anything and that was all that mattered.

….

"Come to bed" A voice called in a seductive manner,

"I'm tired its been a long day Kezia" Smithy moaned as he fell into bed, notably a gap between both of their semi naked bodies.

Her arm draped over his warm skin and brushed down him in a tickling fashion.

Smithy couldn't get in the mood to do anything other than sleep; everything reminded him of Kerry from the arm making its way down the sheets to the body next to him.

A sensation pulled him out of his daze when he realised what Kezia was trying to do.

"I told you I'm not in the mood so why did you have to go one step further" He knew his tone sounded like a spoilt school boy as he tugged the sheet from underneath her and stormed into the lounge.

He knew he was being harsh but he was fed up of having to imagine it was Kerry doing those lewd things to him, why couldn't it be?