A/N: wrote this off my iPod Touch! It's hard!!! and did only minor edits when put on here. it's hard!

Disclaimer: you know what I own and what I don't. updated this just to get the song on.

Can you help me out?
Can you lend me a hand?
It's safe to say,
That I'm stuck again.

~'Rain', Creed

Seeing

I revved the engine. It stuttered before ripping loose a snarling rumble, sounding like a jungle cat ready for the hunt. Dangerous and fierce. I have such a great car.

The wheels skidded as I ripped out of the garage faster than I should've. I raced through the streets, heading along to Gwen's to pick her up. She'd begged me enough to go out with her that I finally found the heart to give in (that, and I had nothing better to do on a Saturday night with Ben out of town and nothing good to watch on tv).

So we were going to Mr. Smoothy for a few hours to hang out, just the two of us for once. Not like aliens didn't decide to attack almost everyday. It was rare for us not to have some sort of conflict. I kept on thinking something would go wrong. Something had to go wrong. It was too good to be true. Everything for me at that point was too good to be true. Friends. My car. My mom and sister. An actual place to want to call home.

I was only a few blocks away. Gwen's house was only a corner away and I was ready just to sit at a bench and laugh at something stupid with her. Probably Ben. He was always stupid.

A shadow moved. I slammed on the brakes, finding it too good to not be an attack. But it was gone in less than an instant. Just an alley. Just a shadow. No movement. At all. Something was there once, but not anymore. Probably a cat. Stupid cat.

Hitting the gas again, I knew I was just paranoid. Stupid tricks of the mind.

I say 'stupid' a lot, don't I?

But at the next alley, there was another flash of blonde hair streaked with caramel that shone like a beacon out of the darkness, but this time I didn't dare stop. It was just another illusion of mine. I had a vivid imagination once. No reason for it not to kick back up again.

Gwen's house couldn't be close enough. I just wanted to get her so that I wasn't alone anymore. So that if I saw that again, I wouldn't be the only one. I didn't want to be going crazy, but I didn't want to be seeing a real attack either. But the good news was, I was about 90% sure that it wasn't Charmcaster or her alter ego, Caroline. Blonde didn't narrow down the playing field much though. It left… still a whole lot of people.

I finally caught sight of Gwen's house and let out and inward sigh of relief. I wasn't going to be alone forever. I was moving on. I was surviving. I was going to make it without being deemed utterly insane. I had someone close to me again, still there this time.

As usual, I pulled into the driveway and honked the horn, not in the mood to face her parents or her brother if he was home from college again. Not that I didn't like her family. Ben's alright, but her brother isn't the kind of guy I'd get along with real well and I just don't like hanging around her parents much because it's the definition of awkward. Her dad: doesn't like me. Her mom: likes me only a smidgen more than her dad does. And a smidgen is very, very, very, very small.

The front door opened slowly and her fiery red hair caught my sight as the porch lights lit up the entry. She gave a short wave and ran down the sidewalk that led up to the house. A second later, she dropped into the passenger seat next to me, caught her breath, and brushed a few strands of red out of her face before turning to face me with a brave smile. "Hey."

"Let's go," I said, returning a grin and putting the car in reverse. I craned my neck to check behind me and caught sight of that same blonde hair racing through the trees near Gwen's house. I wasn't going to say anything. There was no way she'd seen it. And I hardly believed these fleeting figures myself. With a blink, it was gone and I pressed down the gas, ready to hit up Mr. Smoothy with Gwen.

I was just paranoid. That's how I convinced myself.

But I was so wrong.

"Are you distracted or something?" Gwen asked at the table by Mr. Smoothy. She fingered the cup that sat in front of her, running her nails around the rim.

The metal tabletop was cool beneath my fingertips, which I thrummed against the table with slight annoyance. Maybe I was just seeing things. I had to be. More than once I'd seen another flash of skin or hair or a set of milky brown eyes, but each was gone before I could check the details. I had to check before I took off. "Kinda. Sorry," I replied, my apology sounding weak. I'd taken her out on something kind of like a date, but yet I couldn't keep myself focused on her. Normally, she was my every thought, but lately I'd been having this really bad feeling... Real bad.

Blame it on the paranoia. Yup, that'll work.

"What's wrong?" she asked, reaching out to touch my hand with her soft, smooth skin. Her green eyes were trying to pierce through my mind and I couldn't tell what she wanted to know. A thousand questions bubbled inside her mind, but she knew I had at least some limits.

I didn't want to tell her. I knew the memories would be too painful if I shared them with her. Painful for me anyways. If I explained it, she wouldn't understand. I mean, if I told her she might grasp the simple concept of the life I had before. It wasn't all illegal. It wasn't. And I don't think she'd believe me. That I had kept people close to me. Like family. And closer than that even.

"Kevin," she murmured. "I can help."

She didn't get it. She really didn't. "I don't think you can, Gwen. This one is a little harder to fix than just adding magic."

She gave me a sad smile, closing her hands around mine and I instantly stopped tapping on the tabletop. There were tiny dents where my fingers had repeatedly hit. "But you can always tell me." Gwen was such a comfort to hold close like that. "I'm always here for you, Kevin."

That was the hard part. Just getting Gwen to understand that I'd be fine with some time. She'd be able to cope with that, right? "I know, but this isn't really the sort of thing I need help with."

The darkness behind Gwen shifted and I put in an effort to keep my attention on her this time. Maybe if I was distracted, they would come from the shadows and mistakenly reveal themselves enough so that I knew I wasn't crazy. Once I knew I wasn't crazy, it'd be easy to pursue someone who isn't a figment of my stupid imagination. Stupid, stupid imagination. It picks the dumbest times, doesn't it?

"Are you sure?" Gwen questioned. She traced patterns on the back of my hand, her finger skating across my skin. Had to focus on her. Had to focus on her.

I gave a short nod and a little grin for her. "It's really complicated."

She let out a little sigh. Her red hair fell over one shoulder, highlighting her ivory skin. "I had a feeling you'd say that." Gwen only gave me a soft smile, knowing she needed to get off the topic. She knew me all too well. It made me sad that I couldn't tell her. She'd never understand the way things used to be for me.

Chocolate eyes gazed out of those shadows at me. That melody rang in my head, loud, clear, and painful. So sweet. So slow. So innocent. No one could've deserved what happened. I knew I wasn't the best person, but I didn't even need to see what happened. That memory came back clear.

Before I knew what I was doing, I had bolted up from the table and prepared for a long chase. This was going to be harder than I thought because those eyes were gone in an instant and I kept going.

A/N: okay, my personal charries will b introduced soon.

FUN FACT FOR THIS CHAPTER: in my original version of this, Kevin's real first name was Kingston. I thought that would b soooooo kewl. But not 4 our Kevie… oh well.

Review! Thanks! Bai!

~Sky