KILLIAN (Two weeks earlier)
Gold may think he controlled his actions, but he did not control or hear his thoughts. And he had one overriding thing that continued to course through his mind and his being.
He needed to save Emma.
He was a dead man walking, as far as he was concerned, one foot off the plank anyways with his heart in the crocodiles hands, but he would be damned if he would go down without knowing that she was safe. Without being sure that he took Rumple down with him.
So he plotted. He shut his brain off to the work he was being forced to do by Rumple, and thought only of a plan to end this properly. He kept his secrets to himself, as anything he said, Rumple might hear. He was good at keeping secrets anyways.
He didn't mind dying if it meant she would be okay. He only wished he had not promised her his survival. He hated hurting her.
He set it up so perfectly that Rumple, for all of his power and control over Killian, did not see it coming.
The curse of broken sight was hitting, effecting all of them around him. Dwarves were fighting each other and the town was descending at a frightening speed into chaos. Likely as a result of it not touching his heart Killian remained unaffected by the curse, just another curse he was able to evade. If Rumple had thought that Killian researching weapons in books was strange when he was watching him, he had not responded, not threatened by Killian who lacked in his opinion any mechanism in which to defeat him. Killian also got up to a dozen other random things, just to throw him off the scent. He even googled (yes, he had learned how quietly) "how to kill Rumplestikin" and "How to live without a heart" just for the hell of it.
He had searched the weapons locker at the Sheriff's station, grabbing a grenade there for some unknown reason, and knowing with his research how to use it. He again grabbed a knife, a sword and gun, chicken wire, dental floss and even yesterday's donut for substance just to further confuse the dark one.
Emma had caught him there, briefly in the station, gathering his miscellaneous things, just before the spell had hit, on her way to search for Anna with Elsa.
He looked at his love and knew the pain of knowing that this accidental meeting was likely the last time he would see her, touch her.
He couldn't bear to tell her that he loved her, only to die on her as well, but selfishly told her anyways with simply the look in his eyes. She caught onto his distress, his panic, his pain but made the error of believing he was just worried about her, about them, about the curse of broken glass, not understanding with his silence, his missing heart, his impending death.
"Killian, we will find a way to defeat her" She said, her arms running up and down his in support. God, how he loved just the simple small touches she was giving him now, the small tokens of her affection. The signs that she cared.
She didn't understand and he kept her in the dark. He could bear to watch her try to stop him. Let her go off with Elsa and be safe.
Since he failed to be soothed by his touch, she continued to press further. Her hand caressed his scruff, her eyes searched him, and she kissed him and he kissed her back, trying to focus on it, the feel the touch, the weight of her half in his arms, pushing away as much as he could the knowledge that he was, kissing the woman he loved goodbye.
"Emma" he begged, his voice sounding hoarse to even his own ears. "If anything happens, to me..."
"Killian shhhh" She tried to silence him with another kiss.
"No, no Emma, stop please" He said, putting his hand up between their bodies and gently trying to push her away. "I need you to listen, seriously to what I am going to say"
"IF anything happens to me, know that it was worth it. I will die a better man, and I have lived long enough to be content with that rather than another 300 years as to what I was" " I will dies better because I let go of the revenge" and found love again, but he kept the last part silent.
"Killian, you are scaring me" Emma said, stroking his face again, and he could tell she was struggling to understand where the urgency of his words was coming from.
"Don't be afraid love, everything will likely be fine" he lied, and hoped she did not catch it " All I want is for you to promise me that you will never give into darkness like I did, you will never embrace revenge." He could bear the knowledge of his death as long as he knew that Emma would survive it, not just live, but really really survive and be able to move on and be happy.
"Don't be afraid to lose, keep moving forward, keep being light, keep loving, yourself, your family and even someday another. Don't shut the world off around you rather then to truly live."
"I promise" she said, and he could tell she said it mostly to appease him.
He prayed she would not feel free to break that promise to him because he was about to break his promise to her to survive, to give into his own inevitable death. But he would save her in the process and he would go out fighting and if she could just keep to love and not hate and he could be content with that. She had family and people that loved and supported her to help her through it.
He kissed her again, deeply, kissed her with the words he did not want to say, telling her he loved her with his body. After they rested their foreheads on each other, both breathing a little heavily from the other's touch, bodies still close and partially entwined with each other. He wondered how his chest could hurt so much with pain when his heart was not even in it.
"I will see you later" she said meaningfully, kissing him lightly and again trying to comfort him with her touch. "Of course love" he replied plastering a fake smile on his face and shutting deep the despair.
And he did see her later, as it all turned out, despite his intentions not to.
He had planned to confront the Snow Queen, had attracted her with his immunity to the spell, as the effects of it rippled through the town.
If Rumple realized in time what he was about to do to stop him, he was either to distracted by the curse himself or too indifferent to care. He hated Killian too much to believe him capable of the sacrifice he was about to make.
He got the hat out in time to see the surprise on the Snow Queen's face before she was sucked into it, her magic powerful enough with the others he had collected at the crocodiles demands to charge the bloody thing. She had appeared in the crowd, brawling now with each other, and if she said anything to him at all first, Killian could not hear it over the loud screams of the townfolk making accusations to each other.
She had not expected such a thing to be out of Gold's hands. She was winning and was not prepared for him to be unaffected and able to defeat her.
As he did this, he saw her there, as well, in the crowd. She was making her way as fast as possible through the crowds, equally unaffected by the yellow ribbon tied on her wrist, Elsa behind her. He winced as he saw various town folk, including friends scream at her, try to attack her, but she brushed them off, making a shield with her magic around herself as she pushed her way towards him. Her eyes widened as she watched him defeat the Snow Queen by being sucked into the hat, her head tilted and trying to determine why he had such a thing, and how he was clear headed enough to attack. Even from the distance he could see the hurt at his secrets and the questions in her eyes.
When the Snow Queen disappeared into the hat, the curse broke, and the crowds turned from rioters to joyful celebration. Emma paused for a second to smile, but looked at Killian and he could see that she saw something in his eyes that made her instantly double her efforts to reach him.
He saw Regina then as well in the crowd, dusting herself off and recovered, and he screamed at her "Regina, I need the strongest barrier you can manage around me and fast" his eyes begging Regina to comply, and he saw Regina look again to the hat, understanding something else big was up, and ignoring Emma's cry "Killian STOP" complied, putting the strongest magical barrier she could around him to separate him and the hat from the rest of the town.
"KILLIAN STOP" Emma cried, reaching and slamming into the barrier, lashing out at it desperately with her magic. She didn't know what he was doing but she could tell it was going to be bad.
Killian saw then Gold himself, making his way through the people from the other direction, frowning at him. But not stopping him. Killian saw Gold light up at the sight of the fully charged hat, and the only explanation Killian had for Gold failing to act against him, was he believed that Killian had requested the barrier to protect him and the hat from Gold. Probably thought he was about to sell Gold out, which was of course what Killian had hoped the dark one would think.
He opened his mouth to say that Gold has his heart, but Gold beat him to it, quietly ordering him to remain silent. He would not crush his heart until he got that hat, so Killian knew he had no threat yet from him. Not with so many witnesses, Belle one of them, appearing from behind him.
Emma turned from the barrier that she could not defeat and ran to where Regina stood demanding she release the barrier and let her in.
Regina, with her strength, looked at Killian who shook his head no. Regina stood strong against Emmas attempt to stop her. Killian counted on her having no difficulty allowing his death for the greater good. A wave of understanding passed between them. Regina realized what he was about to do, and her magic would protect any bystanders. The look in her eyes made it clear she was determined to help him see this out. Not out of malice, but because it would save the rest of them.
Knowing he had only so little time until the Crocodile figured it out he quickly pulled the pin out of the grenade, shoved it into the hat, and then covered it with his body. He had only the briefest seconds left before death overcame him. At least it was at his own hands and not the dark ones.
He didn't look at Gold, even though he was having his revenge finally after all and the old him would have wanted to savor the look on his foes face when he realized what was about to happen to the hat. It wasn't about the revenge, that was just an added bonus. It was about love. He looked at Emma, blew her a kiss goodbye. His last thought was simply of his love for her.
And everything went black as the bomb exploded from underneigh him.