I don't own Twilight.
2. Charlie
While driving through Oregon, contemplating the newest set of changes, a wave of panic slowly started to take hold over me. We'd never before followed any parental guidelines.
Up until now, we'd had no curfews, no hygiene or clothing restrictions - not even mandatory family dinners. The liquor cabinet was never locked, and Renee seemed to be fine with her underage teenagers having sex, so long as "protection" was used. Even pot smoking was acceptable. We had no rules whatsoever. Nada. Zilch.
Yeah, we always went to school, but even that decision was entirely ours to make. Renee would not have cared if we suddenly announced our intention to home school ourselves. According to loopy Renee, nothing good was to be gained from public education anyway. Formulaic learning taught and planned by government bureaucrats would only cripple and entrap our free minds – or so she would have us believe. We had enough sense, though, not to follow that path, but technically the option still remained for us to call it a day and just drop out.
I was pretty certain that this was about to change now.
It wasn't like I ever took too many liberties, yet the weird feeling that you get when you don't know what to expect took over as we drove toward our new home. What would Charlie expect?
In California, I went to school and I did my homework. Despite the fact that we switched schools frequently, I always managed to maintain an "A" average and was proud of it. Extracurricular school activities, however, were not my strong suit by any means, even though they looked good on college and scholarship applications. And let's face it - I would need a scholarship to pay for school, but those things were hard to follow through with if you moved as often as we did. In the end, if you joined any clubs or got involved in activities and then left without completing them, you just seemed to leave people with a bad taste in their mouths for unceremoniously dumping stuff on them that they had not signed up for. I never wanted to do that to people - just dump stuff on them like Renee had pretty much always done to us.
Constant change and its consequences were one of those unfortunate side effects of living with Renee, sort of like the hangovers you get when drinking one too many of her martinis. A new apartment, a new boyfriend, a new job with changing hours and a new cult or movement to follow – those were just a few of the things that serendipitously changed. For us, those changes meant a new school, a new apartment in a different area or town, a new daily routine and occasionally a new boyfriend that tried to fill the shoes of our absent father. Rose, Jas and I tried to adjust as best as we could.
As a result, our personal lives were somewhat stunted; Jas had learned to play guitar at age five, but he never got to join a band because we never stuck around one place long enough. Given that Renee was horrible with money, Rose was burdened since the age of twelve with handling our meager finances. I guess my lack of extracurricular activities for college applications really wasn't such a raw deal in comparison.
Nevertheless, I loved my crazy mother, and the freedom and small liberties that living with her allowed for. Jas and I frequently went to parties, concerts or the movies whenever we felt like it. By the time Rose turned sixteen and discovered the power of her vagina, as Jas and I like to joke, she came and went as she chose. No permission required.
For the first time in as long as I could remember, I was not prepared for the kind of change we were facing. What if Charlie went all authoritarian on us? 'My house – my rules!' He was a cop after all. I wasn't sure how I would survive this. Images from last year's Democratic Convention in Chicago started flooding back; Cops beating the crap out of people who looked a lot like us. Those images did nothing to calm my nerves. I tried to stop myself from letting this panic cloud my thinking. The more I was afraid about what was ahead, the more I was tempted to run back to Renee at the first truck stop.
In the end, the irrational feeling of fear was pushed away by reason. What kept me in the car was the fact that staying with Charlie was my one and only realistic shot of finishing high school. I learned from firsthand observation of Renee that going to college was an absolute necessity for any woman's independence. Renee herself never managed to go to college, and her job options had always been limited because of it. No high school degree meant no college, and no college degree equaled shitty jobs with little prospect for betterment. I was sure as shit that I wasn't going to fall into the same trap Renee fell in. Countless men, children and crappy jobs. No way, no how. I was a sometimes stoner, but I had enough sense to see that this was not the road I wanted to head down. I knew, not only would I have to stay in this truck heading up to some podunk town, I'd have to make this Charlie thing work so I could stay there and graduate.
I knew Jas' goal was college as well, since he wanted to avoid the draft. I had no idea what Rose's plans were. Perhaps I should have been a little more curious about them before I agreed to follow her suggestion of moving in with Charlie.
By the time we reached the Washington border, the weather definitely changed into the dreary cold rain Renee had often described to us. Jas was asleep next to me and Rose focused solely on the road ahead. Though I convinced myself that staying in the car was the only logical choice I had, I was still anxious about what was ahead and shifted nervously around in my seat.
"Sit still, Bella. You're starting to annoy the shit out of me," Rose snapped out of nowhere. I hadn't realized that my nervous energy was so outwardly apparent. Rose sighed.
"Relax, Bella. I don't think this is going to be all that bad. Sure, the weather will suck and it may take awhile before we get used to the town, but we'll be together. It'll be fine. I spoke to Charlie a couple of times over the last few months, and he seems to be looking forward to this. We're basically all grown up and I think he knows that he can't undo 16 years of Renee's upbringing - if you can call it that. Come on, sis, stop worrying," she said, as she squinted at the road ahead of us.
"Can I ask you something, Rose?" I felt slightly ashamed that my unease was this apparent, and that Rose managed to guess the reasons behind them without much effort. I made a mental note that I had to work on my poker face - this would not do.
"What? Ask away. I need something to keep me awake anyway."
"How did you see this coming? I mean, I expected to keep moving around with Renee to a different towns, but I never thought she'd give us up so easily, you know. It was so out of the blue. She dragged us around with her for so long, constantly telling us that she could never leave us, and now she's given us up without a second thought. How did this happen?" I looked at her with a frown on my face, still not fathoming how and with whom we were going to live now.
"Cut Renee a break, will ya? I don't think this was an easy decision to make for her. I think she's fell in love for the first time in her life. Better late than never I guess. Not that I have any concept or clue of what love is about, but even I could tell that when she met Phil, she seemed happy and at peace. You know she wasn't really in love with Charlie and all the losers afterward. She never had many options after she had us. Yeah, I agree, she dragged us around a lot, but you know that wasn't always her choice. Really, Bells, she had a shitty deal in life, she deserves this. Charlie loved her, I'm sure, but she never felt that way about him."
I felt like a silly child, which was really not a role I was used to playing. Hell, I was responsible enough to keep us all enrolled in school for all these years and cooked most, if not all, of our meals. We all knew Renee, as much as we loved her, was entirely incapable of making sure we were fed, clothed and attending school on a regular basis. As far as I was concerned, love was such an overused and over-emphasized four-letter word that it really didn't count for much. What made this idiot, Phil, so different from the other guys Renee has been dating? Why did love make people change their whole life around and forget about everyone else but that one person they loved?
Eager to change the subject, I asked, "So, do you remember anything about Charlie? Because I have to tell you – I would probably walk right past him, not recognizing him, if I saw him on the street."
"Nah, I don't remember much either. I get a sense from our phone calls, though, that he's a pretty mellow guy. It will be a good thing for us to get to know him. Sometimes I feel like I'm missing part of the puzzle of who I am, and living with him - I think – might give us the opportunity to figure stuff out about ourselves as well." Rose paused, and looked at me before she continued, "You know, I think you have his hair color and his eyes." Renee, Rose and Jas were blond, blue-eyed and pretty. As far as looks go, they were the genetically blessed people. I wasn't ugly, but in comparison to them, I paled, literally. After years under the California sun, the only thing I ever got was a sunburn and some freckles. I was made up of pale white, nearly translucent skin, with mahogany hair and brown eyes. I guess I had my father to thank for that.
"Well, at least I'll be more likely to fit in here, with my pale skin," I proposed. Rose kept on driving, eyes on the road, humming along with the radio, and too soon it was Saturday evening – twilight, to be exact – and we were hitting the town of Forks. Of course it was still raining. I groaned inwardly. Everything was green; ferns, moss, and trees were sprouting up everywhere.
No, none of us fit in here. We were all dusty, dry, glassy-eyed, and dirty as we arrived in front of Charlie's house, exhausted.
It was a regular white house with a veranda. We climbed hesitantly out of the truck, not knowing what to expect from our biological father. Before we could knock on the door, it opened.
There stood Charlie: middle-aged, brown hair, and a handle bar mustache. There was a twinkle in his eye as he noticed us slouching on the stairs of his veranda all wet with our soaking bags lagging behind us. He greeted us, but – thank god – did not attempt to hug us. We all knew that would have just been awkward.
"Hey, guys. I heard the truck. Where did you get it from? Never mind, why don't you get in here first and I'll show you up to your rooms." He motioned for us to come into the house as he scratched his neck nervously.
"Hey, Charlie," Rose greeted him first and we all nodded in his direction, smiling and trying to be friendly. He led us to the second floor of the house and showed us the first room.
"So I thought Rosalie and Isabella – you could have this room – and Jasper could maybe have the room across the hall?" He pointed to one room with two twin beds. Before I could protest, Rose spoke with authority and determination in her voice.
"Charlie, thanks for taking us in. I know we really haven't been in touch and I know it must be strange for you to have to deal with almost grown up kids. At any rate, Jas and Bella," she emphasized the short versions of our names we preferred and winked at us, "Well, Mom kind of never separated them and they always share a room together. I know this may seem strange to you, but to keep this all open and honest while we're here, I'm sure they would appreciate it if we could keep it this way. This will work smoother for us, so just leave them be. Usually whenever there was an extra third bedroom available, I got it. So I'll take the single."
Jasper and I were both staring at our feet and the floorboards beneath them, expecting the first new rule to be drawn up immediately. People who'd visited our home had pointed out to us that our living arrangements were unorthodox past the age of twelve, but we'd never before been forced to live with anyone besides Renee, and it wasn't like it ever mattered to her.
Silence followed Rose's announcement and she started walking towards the smaller room with the single bed as if she'd already predefined the natural order of our living arrangements. I heard Charlie sigh.
"Okay, I guess. You're too old to follow any new rules now." He smiled at us uneasily.
The real reasons why Rose almost always got the single when it was available were still a mystery to him, because I'm sure otherwise he'd have protested. Among the three of us, Rose was the only one that seemed to have any interest in the opposite sex and routinely took the guys home. To Renee's disappointment, Jas and I never brought anybody home. Sure, I'd fooled around with some idiot boys from school and I'm sure Jas had been through some escapades, but neither of us ever cared enough to drag them back to our house. To be honest, after some lousy, wet, sloppy kisses and inexperienced groping, I was quite turned-off by the whole idea of sex. Jas had plenty of girls following him around, but mostly he didn't pay them too much attention.
Either one of us would've loved to snatch up the single bedroom on occasion just to get some privacy, but usually we were too lazy to protest. By now we also had gotten used to sharing a room. Let's face it, if we didn't give Rose what she wanted, she would make our lives hell. There would be a litany of complaints about our sloppiness, and she would go on a cleaning strike. And God knows neither Jas nor I wanted any extra chores. If it kept her happy, it would work for us.
Jas and I started tugging our bags towards our new room and I turned around to face Charlie, suddenly feeling the urge to thank him for not being the uptight small-town, narrow minded cop that I'd envisioned him to be and for going with the flow. Our flow.
"Thank you again, Charlie. I mean I know it's kind of weird and strange, but thanks."
He looked down at me with a smile and then added "Well, do me a favor, kiddo, let's keep these living arrangements within the confines of this household. Otherwise the gossip will never end in this town. I've registered you all with the local high school and I'm sure the gossip mill is already spinning into overdrive."
"No problem." I smiled, and just like that, I knew that at least our living arrangements would work out. With that he turned around and walked back downstairs. I had to hand it to him. Charlie just accepted us for who we were. He didn't hover around, but just left us to our own devices.
To show our gratitude, Rose and I cleaned up the entire house on Sunday while he was out fishing and I cooked dinner for all of us. We even ventured on a trip to the local grocery store where the town's populace promptly stared like we were an exhibit at a museum. I was used to stares when I was with Rose, because she was so damn pretty that every man within a 10-foot radius started drooling (while every woman gave her the glare of envy). But there was something off about the looks we were getting here. It wasn't only Rose's beauty they admired. No, they stared at us because we were different. Slouchy jeans, flower tops, flip-flops in January and unkempt hair were fine in Venice Beach, but were clearly a little out of place in Forks, and inappropriate considering the weather.
Add to that, neither Rose nor I wore a bra and the local yokels practically had their eyeballs popping out of their eye sockets at the sight of us. During Renee's feminist phase three years ago, she joined a "Burn Your Bras"-campaign; consequently Rose and I never owned a bra.
A middle-aged fat woman grabbed the elbow of the guy who must have been her husband and pulled him out of our aisle. The cashier girl was the first and only person who had a smile on her face when she saw us. She can't have been much older than we were. Brown hair like me, glasses, tall and skinny – probably another misfit, I thought.
"Hey," she greeted us as we approached the cash register. "You guys must be Chief Swan's children." Rose and I both nodded, smiling before Rose took the opportunity to introduce us. Clearly word of our arrival had spread. Not a difficult feat in a town of 500 people at best.
"Hi! And yes, we are. I'm Rose, and this is my sister Bella. We'll be starting school tomorrow. What's your name?"
"I'm Angela. I guess I will be seeing you tomorrow at school then."
"Nice meeting you, Angela," Rose said with an angel's smile on her face.
We paid for our groceries and stepped out in the cold rain. Rose shrugged. "See, this isn't that bad. She seemed nice. Now if it would only stop raining." She groaned, looking up at the sky.
"Fat chance, Rose. You know that's not going to happen. And yeah, she may be nice. But what if she is the exception and not the rule?"
"Come on Bella, a more positive attitude please!" She started backing up our behemoth of a truck, when I noticed a guy about our age sprint across the parking lot to the entrance of the grocery store. He was really tall with brown, curly hair and from what I could see an athletic build. Rose followed my eyes, and started smiling.
"Not bad, not bad." She tapped her fingers on the steering wheel.
I couldn't help it – I rolled my eyes. "Oh, please Rose, we all know why you wanted the single room…. Just make sure the moral squad of this town doesn't find out what you are up to. Because trust me, in a town this small rumors will spread and I can't imagine that Charlie would be pleased to hear about your exploits." Rose huffed and drove along the entrance of the store towards the street. Like every heterosexual male on this planet earth, the tall guy stopped and stared when he saw Rose drive by.
Rose probably saw dimples, pretty brown eyes and a nice ass; I saw trouble.
When we arrived back at the house Jas was in the kitchen stringing some chords together on his old guitar. Rose began to do some laundry and I started cooking.
"So how's the town, Bells?" Jas inquired without looking up.
"Town? Really? I'm not even sure I can call it a town. I haven't even seen a movie theater or a record store. You'd probably have to drive to the next bigger town for that. Rose, however, has already discovered her new object of affection. I hope Charlie doesn't get wind of what she is up to, because I swear he will kick us out when he does and you know what's coming then."
"Well, let's hope she keeps it quiet then and that she doesn't dump the dude after a week, because you know in that case he'd be tempted to talk," Jas commented. I silently agreed and started the dinner.
When Charlie arrived home for dinner, saw the clean house and smelled the steak, he was positively beaming. We had to make this work, I thought to myself. Most of my fears passed and all I could think about was that we could stay put for a year and a half without a single move. Jas and I smiled at each other. I knew the smile would fade a little the next day, but for now we were good.
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