He should be sleeping, but he can't seem to quiet his mind long enough to drift off. Darkness surrounds him, but at least she's there. She's safe and sound in their bed, exhausted from the past couple days - days no one should ever have to endure. He's exhausted too, but he can't seem to will his sight to look away from her. The defined lines of her figure sticking out from underneath the covers, how her hair is splayed across her pillow. He doesn't want her to disappear once he closes his eyes.
He was too late again today.
Just like at the cemetery as he rushed toward her; as he fell with her onto the green grass. He held her body as she lost consciousness, looked into her eyes as she closed them while his hands were slowly being stained with her blood. He was the last thing she saw in that moment.
Except not this time.
This time he wasn't given that small privilege of being there with her. This time he found her lifeless body bound to a chair. This time he fell to the ground on his own, his knees smacking into the concrete. This time there were no pleas to the universe not to take her from him as doctors tried to save her, and this time there were no confessions of love. This time, there were just his sobs of "I'm sorry. I'm so sorry" as he rested his forehead against her abdomen while his tears stained her shirt.
In that instant, she was irrevocably torn from him. He wept for the loss of her. The smile he would never see again, the warmth of her skin against his, her laugh that would make him fall in love with her a hundred times over.
And to have that all back again? He's never been so grateful for anything in his entire life. Just hours before, he kneeled in front of her chilled body, and seeing her alive in that hospital bed was indescribable. Consoled only by the rise and fall of her chest; it swept through him with such a ferocity that he shook with it as it attempted to fight off the feeling of utter hopelessness. A loss that he would mourn for the rest of his life.
He's sitting in the dark with the realization that the loss of his wife will always be there, it's just too powerful to be forgotten. Even if it wasn't really her in that warehouse. For him, in those minutes, it was real. It will linger, but diminish with time; become overshadowed by the happiness of a life lived with her by his side. How amazing it is to be given another chance at that. Because this time, he took her home from the hospital. This time he helped her into their bed with his hands soaking up the warmth of the skin at her waist. This time she kissed his neck as her head sank into her pillow; felt like the luckiest man in the world as he waited for her grip on his shirt to lessen when she drifted off to sleep. This time, he could take care of her
He walks over to his side of the bed and lays down. He reaches for her, encompasses her with his embrace and breathes her in. She hums in approval and nuzzles even closer to him.
This time, when he falls asleep beside her, she will be there when he wakes up no matter what his dreams will try and tell him.
A/N: Thank you all for your feedback. I appreciate it more than you know.